AIG

Many of us have worked some long hours this week as we navigate the latest insurance disaster to be thrown at us. As I said to someone yesterday "Whoever said insurance is boring?"

In fact if you'd only entered the insurance industry at the turn of the century, then you'd have already faced 9/11, Hurricane Katrina, Spitzer and now the AIG financial crisis.

Thing is in these times though is to remember the people, just like some of the poor sods who worked for that fat bastard at Independent many years back. There are some great people at AIG, quite a lot of whom form part of the N&R FL and we are proud to have you on here.

Ready is in Thailand this week but from both of us lets hope this all works itself out and that the AIG people and their families come out of it unscathed.

Week 5 reminder

No games in week 4 due to the world cup qualifying campaign.

In week 5 Man U slipped up again losing at Liverpool in Rafa's first victory over their big rivals. Babel got the winner despite an early Tevez goal, assisted by Berbatov. The Cockney Mafia lost to Hull at St James Park, confused by Mike Ashley as the park in London. Marlon King got two. In the game of the zillionaires, Citeh lost convincingly to Chelski 3-1, this despite Robinho's early free kick.

Arsenal scored four more goals, this time at Ewood. Adebayor helped himself to a hat trick. West Ham lost to West Brom whilst Zola sat in the stand being nice to people around him, even Frank Skinner. Foolham beat Bootem 2-1, Defoe scored two as Pompey beat Boro and Wigan and Sunderland drew 1-1. On Sunday Stoke despite playing for throw-ins so Delap could launch 50-yard throws lost at home in quite a game to Everton. Tim Cahill beating the corner flag up for some reason after he got the winner.

And finally relegation favourites Spurs lost again to Aston Villa 2-1 despite Darren Bent's goal.

No moaning from Rutts

Breaking News 88888 The N&R FL League Table
Rutter's Goonersmoan stepped out in front after week 5. A MoW performance put him 16 points clear of 2 Infinity & Beyond, with Hannoi Utd dropping to 6th. Tellywacker's Bukkake Marathon stay in 3rd with Gooner Win League into 4th and Beaver Ruin FC up to 5th.

Below Ready is Glasgow kiss (*subject to points deduction) with Student Ninjas, Sweaty Palms (down 6) and Pot Noodle Miners FC making up the top 10.

With just 5 weeks gone including a blank one, it is rather scary for us mere mortals to see Plummer, Kelleher, Ready & Down all in the top 10 with Ryan's Sizzling Saveloys Bangers, Danny's Arsene Knows and John's Loads of Roubles just outside.

Big climbers were the Lamb to the Slaughter up 17 places and Keep the faith up 18. A big sinker was Danny's Team Chong who fell 16 points.

Early days of course but Mark Simmons' Champions are having an absolute 'mare.

Sooz and Sav - a match made in N&R heaven

Our first ever Nobby & Ready Fantasy marriage has been announced ladies and gentlemen, Cilla Black will be proud. Soozie Syrett and Ryan Saveall got engaged in Rome at the Trevi Fountain (saved on buying dinner of course) and both Keith and I are very happy to have been the catalyst for this meeting of two people of like fantasy minds. Actually it was probably 10 pints of ordinary at the 2007 end of season pissup in The Lamb, and the fact that Soozie had a very low cut top on that night if I remember, but hey we are taking all the plaudits and have already arranged for us to go out and have a hat made each.

Soozie and Sav are both also previous champions of the N&R FL, a match made in N&R heaven then, and certainly a more attractive one than say Peter Godfrey and Peter Doyle, two other past champs.

Congratulations to both Sooz and Sav - we can't wait for the hen night.

Road to Wembley - Jets fail

Oxhey Jets’ hopes of causing another FA Cup shock were emphatically ended by Dulwich Hamlet.

Having scored five in the previous two rounds, the ball was firmly on the other foot in Saturday’s first round qualifying tie as Hamlet ran out 5-1 victors at the Boundary Stadium. The Ryman League One side were firmly in control of the game by the half-hour mark after DARYL PLUMMER had scored on nine minutes and LAURENT HAMICI had added a 29th-minute penalty.

HAMICI added a third two minutes after the restart before JAMIE ARTHUR gave Jets a glimmer of hope by netting on 54 minutes. But any hopes of a turnaround were ended by PLUMMER's second on 70 minutes before HAMICI completeda fine hat-trick in the last minute.

Hamlet were frankly too good for our Jets, and passed the ball around well. So it is goodbye to the Jets a hello to the Hamlet, who play Hendon at home in the 2nd Qualifying Round on September 27th.

Photograph of the week

This debt ridden club are now sponsored by the American tax payer, who just love soccer, apart from the fact that there are never enough points in a game.

Patrick Collins says

Another great writer and Charlton fan incidently. Patrick Collins has spoken sense on the subject of our first love for donkeys years. This is from his most recent outburst in the Mail on Sunday. Click here for full article (courtesy of Rob Munden).

"For the past week has demonstrated that the only people who count are the ones with the deepest pockets. They may know a little, or nothing at all. It doesn't matter. Provided they have the money, they can do as they like, promote whom they choose and dispense with those who displease them, all without check or restraint.

That is the cold reality of English football. It is a ship of fools without a captain, a course or a discernible direction. It has great wealth and no values. It cherishes cheap celebrity and despises its own history. It attracts legions of fellow travellers and alienates those who once loved it most dearly.

He may not appreciate it at the moment but I'd say Kevin Keegan is well out of it."

Photograph of the week

Blimey, something to be proud off. Even Rio looks like he's enjoying himself. Pity only a few hundred could watch it on Setanta though.

The Plan

Top of my head - this is what we are going to do this season.

As you have no doubt already realised we have 55 managers all in one big league - no fun there, unless you are near the top. So after week 12 we are going to split up into world cup like qualifying groups. The number of which and how many in each group will take me a bit longer to work out, but week 12 will be the split and each manager will retain their points.

Later in the season, we will determine when everyone comes back together again, but needless to say, the team with the season's most points will be crowned the N&R FL Champion.

New this season will be the Nobby & Ready Cup. Six rounds plus a Final and we will start that near the end of the year. Each round will take place when there is a full schedule of Premiership matches and each team will be drawn out of a hat and be paired in advance. The manager with the most points that week over his opponent, goes through to the next round. Exciting eh?

10,000 hits

Oh look at that, Nobby & Ready's blog has surpassed 10,000 hits. Not bad since only you saddo's and me look at it. Actually it doesn't even count my visits.

Back in the day Ready and I used to hand deliver newsletters once every couple of weeks. Then we mailed them out, and I actually remember once our office postie jobsworth complaining about me using Aon's postage for them, and then we emailed a word document until four years ago when we found the blog world.

So 10,000 hits equates to about 49 'visits' a week - you're all welcome, keep them coming please.

Straw Poll

These were the results of last week's straw poll.

Do you think ADUG's takeover of Manchester City is good or bad for the game:

Good: 33% (9 votes)
Bad: 67% (18 votes)

These are a selection of the comments suggesting it was good for the game:

"Kenyon and Abramovich are classless chavs and their club behaves accordingly - no grace or style and sulking humourless oafs. Seeing a bagman like Kenyon getting medals on the pitch with the players in the Champs League final was dreadful and compared horribly with Man U and true english hero Bobby Charlton. Its great to see them lose out and look like the second rate bullies they are." Martin Singleton.

"Good, well not actually good but not necessarily bad. It's no different to any other takeover, United and Chelsea are not exactly owned by Unicef and Amnesty International." Huw Thomas.

"Yes for English Football - possibly not good for Manchester where the has historically only been one real team. Message from friend of mine - In Brazil, United are known as Manchester as no one has heard of City. I think Robinho is in for a shock!!" Mark Simmons

"Good - brings best players in the World to England." Rod Munden

"City's propensity for shambles will remain despite the money pouring in - they are bound to buy loads of duffers (remember Malcolm Allison's tremendous waste of money in the 70's?) and they won't ever win anything serious but they will upset many of the also-rans e.g. Liverpool, Arsenal, Tottenham etc who think that they will be the next big thing." Singleton again.

And these were some saying it wasn't good:

"Bad – we will see less and less English qualified players in the Premier League and more overseas mercenaries! We are already seeing the effect of this as England struggle to beat Andorra – pathetic!" Francey

"Definately Bad, soon there will be no Top English Clubs in British Control. Having said that, if it brings in cash to spend on players and success, then I guess supporters will be happy short term. But do we really know these guys long term intentions etc - leave dbt ridden clubs when they move onto some other pet project/hobby." Alex Boswell

"Bad - cos I'm fed up of Premier League primadona nonsense that relates not a jot to the football of yesteryear in the good old days!" Rob Munden

"Bad - cos they didn't buy Leeds when we needed them!!!!!" Rob Munden obviously

"Very Bad. What English Football needs is more Americans. I hear the following are interested: Mark Cuban, George W. - he'll be bored come January and T Boone Pickens." John Littig

Rod Liddle says

I now have the delight to spend my Sunday mornings with The Sunday Times, thanks to an ingenious idea where full copies of international newspapers are digitially printed on a broadsheet format and delivered to your front door wherever you live. It is $10 well spent.

I expect many of you lot are Sunday Sport people, and who can blame you, but me I love the old Sunday Times, particularly writers such as AA Gill, Simon Barnes, Martin Johnson, Giles Smith, Hugh McIlvanney and in particular Rod Liddle.

So for those of you that miss Mr Liddle's cutting comments on the state of today's game, many of which mirror my own, I thought I would start a new series of quotes, linking to Liddle's full article.

"It seems the manager (Alan Curbishley) had a strip torn off him by one of his players in the dressing room following West Ham’s fortuitous victory over Blackburn last week. Curbishley had ventured to suggest that his team had seemed intent, for the second time in three games, on chucking away a two-goal lead. What nerve, what cheek, of a manager to say such a thing! One player shouted at him that the team had “kept you in a job” by their magnanimity in occasionally contriving to win matches. This was the club captain, Lucas Neill, who was well renowned for his consuming arrogance even when he played for Millwall. The same Lucas Neill awarded an outrageous wage packet by Curbishley when he arrived from Blackburn and which he earned by sitting on his arse for three months with a knee injury."

Read full story here.

Photograph of the week

Some Manc happy with life outside 'Middle Eastlands' after it was announced that Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan's oil filthy rich backed Abu Dhabi United Group (ADUG) bought Man City from Thaksin Shinawatra over a latte at a Costa Coffee outlet near Dubai airport.

Week 3 reminder

Ok, here we go. A quick run down of last week's matches. Chelsea were held by the Spudz at home after Darren Bent equalised Belletti's first half opener. On the same day Liverpool drew at Villa Park and noveaux riche Man City were in sparkling form as Shaun Wright Phillips scored twice at Sunderland in a 3-0 win.

Arsenal beat those lovable rogues Newcastle 3-0, Pompey won big at Goodison with Defore scoring twice, despite Crouch trying to nick one of his goals. The goals continued to fly in as Wigan hit 5 at Hull and West Ham beat Blackburn 4-1 with two late goals. Curbs would have been pleas... Oh.

Boro beat Stoke 2-1, who had that useless piece of shit Amdy Faye sent off and in the only goalless game of the week, the Baggies drew 0-0 at Bolton.

Sausage in hand

Breaking News 88888 Week 3 scores
Sweaty Palms and Soozies Succulent Sizzlers engenders all kinds of lurid headlines and stories, so I will try to refrain. However together they enjoyed a good old gang banger (nope, couldn't do it) in week 3, after both managers claimed the season's best score so far of 61, a solitary point more than Tallywacker's Bukkake Marathon. Thank god Paul didn't score 61 as well, is all I can say.

Goonersmoan kept up their great start by scoring 58, as did Hannoi Utd (54) and 2Infinity & Beyond (56). Steve Black's Guinness and eggs also performed cracking in a half century.

The week's lowest score was Mark Simmons' Champions, probably because his team contains 11 players who all happened to be in Monaco at the time!

Ready & Rutts top but Simmo bottom

Breaking News 88888 The N&R FL League Table
Ready's Hannoi Utd join Rutt's Arsenal laden Goonersmoan at the top of the N&R FL. Ready cashed in large in week 3 and moved up from 18th place. Brian made even a bigger leap up from 23rd.

Behind the big two fellas is low and behold the current champ, Pk, and his Tallywacker's Bukkake Marathon. He is joint 4th with Andy Murray look-e-like Lee Baughan. Sweaty Palms had a wonder week, and what odds do other managers give me on Lee finishing bottom?

The three most consistent teams in this embryonic season are Gooner Win League, Glasgow Kiss and Beaver Ruin, and they occupy 5th and 6th. Next up are two other previous winners Ryan Saveall and Barry Plummer. Sizzling Saveloys Bangers and 2Infinity & beyond sandwich Aaron's Torres Rosso.

At the bottom, Dave's Curbishley is s**t are off the bottom - Dave if you want to change your team name to Curbishley is s****d, or Zola is s**t, then just let us know! The big news is that Mark Simmons' Champions currently sit in bottom and 55th place - probably we'd expect the first time that has ever happened.

Road to Wembley - Jet Power

The super Jets brushed Ilford to one side in Saturday's Preliminary Round by knocking in another 5 goals. 93 people saw the home side were quick off the mark and found themselves two goals up within 16 minutes.

The superior movement of Jets' front pairing was too much for Ilford anadvice cost Ilford dear. Lee Grace knocked the ball into the area, Paul Turner won the near post header and the ball fell to TIM O'MARA on the far post who stabbed home the opener. The 2nd came when Tim O’Mara turned provider, breaking the offside trap when running onto a through ball from Paul Turner, then drawing the keeper and defender before squaring for JAMIE ARTHUR to tap into an empty net.

The Essex boys did have some good spells of possession but just after the break Jets made it game over when PAUL TURNER finished off a Lee Grace cross at the back post.

Ilford pulled one back through a THOMAS header. But Oxhey booked their place when Tim O’Mara went clear on the right wing with a through ball from Nathan Roberts and, in a copy cat move to the 2nd goal, drew the Ilford defenders before squaring for JAMIE ARTHUR to put away his second of the game and nail the game.

4-1 up but the best was still to come. Jets took the opportunity for substitutions, and on came club 'Legend' GARY PAGE and his ten minute appearance chance was not going to pass without a goal and, after rounding three defenders, he squeezed home a shot between the ‘keeper and the goalpost to make it a day not to forget.

Ilford scored a consolation goal in stoppage time to make the final score 5-2.

The Jets now host one of my old local teams Dulwich Hamlet in the next round.

Rant over

You know I've always been in the not bothered camp when it comes to Curbishley. Yes he gave me one of the most joyous days of my life, and he did sign a book for me once for my son, trouble was I ended up reading it. There is no doubting his legendary Charlton status and deservedly so, but all that "I am a lifelong West Ham fan praps, praps" got on my wick a bit to be quite honest.

As for Kevin Keegan, as a young 'un I used to run around the back garden pretending to be both Steve Heighway and King Kev (without the perm), he was the dogs' wasn't he? But that was before I was introduced to one Paddy Powell and Killer Hales.

And despite one being from Mars and the other from Venus in football terms, the two men today probably unknowingly locked arms and gave a collective middle finger to the arse holes who now run our football clubs. And bloody hats off to King Kev and Curbs too.

Newcastle United is nothing short of a tragedy, Shakespeare if he was around today would be writing their matchday programme. West Ham of course, dare we forget is more of an academy than a tragedy but a clever anagrammatist would take but a few seconds to create the same sorry thing.

Once upon a time I would've been laughing my head off at the antics these last few days. Citeh fans wearing keffiyeh's and daydreaming of pre-season tours in the Persian Gulf, Geordies demonstrating on steps outside St James' wearing, well a short sleeved 1980's black and white football top, what else would they be wearing? And the happy Hammers puffing their chests out dreaming of World Cup victories and Trevor Brooking headers but not realising that some Icelandic nobody has leveraged their famous club up to the hilt.

But I am not laughing because the game that we all love and grew up on is no longer our game. These megalomaniac's don't care about us or our communities, the managers who we either boo or sing their name depending on the scoreline no longer hold any power in our football clubs and players, who are paid twice the annual average wage in one week, have the cheek to kiss the badge of the team that we love and think that they are one of us. Well fuck them.

Let them, their debt and their Arabs all poodle off to a European League and play in front of empty seats and empty dreams. Take Sky with them and their badge and arse kissing and the rest of us will do our best to cope without them.

Week 2 reminder

Just in case you were too engulfed in the Olympics, here is a quick run through of last week's Prem programme. Liverpool clawed vistory from defeat after Pogatetz scored Boro's 2nd o.g. of the season and then Stevie G grabbed a winner in the 115th minute. Spurs were forced to go and buy another 4 players this week after a home defeat to Sunderland. Djibril Cisse on loan from Marseille grabbing the winner.

Stoke provided the week's most excitement, that's if you call 60 ft throws excitement, but one hit Sidibe on the back of the head and gave the Potters their first ever Premiership win. WBA are still looking for theirs after a home defeat to Everton. Osman and Yakubu scoring the Toffemen's goals.

Li'l Micky Owen scored for Newcastle giving them a well deserved win over Bolton, Blackburn and Hull played for 1-1 at Ewood. Fulham had the result of the week beating Arsenal comfortably at the Cottage. The 9ft defender Brede Hangeland getting the winner. Man U won at Pompey on Monday night and Chelsea sit top of the fledgling league table after their hard fought 1-0 win at Wigan.

You're just to good to be true

Breaking News 88888 The N&R FL League Table
Gerrardinho top the table after 14 days with 97 points, a full 15 points ahead of Dynamo Kebab in 2nd place. Rumours that bookies are already closing their book on Razor are unfounded. In 3rd spot is Gooner Win League (honestly these yoof's grammar is appalling) equal with Elland (Glad) Back and In Tatters.

A couple of points behind them are Glasgow Kiss (*still subject to a points deduction for lewd behaviour), then comes Brighton Blues. In 8th are Torres Rosso, 9th Philly Feet 2k8 and then a host of teams tie for 10th. Only 21points separate 10th from 40th.

Gerr-ronimo

Breaking News 88888 Week 2 scores
Gerrardinho swept to week 2's MoW with a performance owing much to the man the team is named after. If Stevie G ever left Liverpool I do actually believe they would get relegated. Next up was a bright performance from two lads new to the N&R FL - Wayne and Tom from Ace. Dynamo Kebab shished their way to 48 points the same as Team Chong.

Sizzling Saveloys Bangers mustered 45, Philly Feet 2k8 strolled to 43. Towels on the beach wiped 42, Bollo*ks to Insurance placed 41, Hannoi Utd thaied down 41 also and In Tatters, er tattered a similar scoreline.

Last week's MoW Beaver Ruin was way down the pecking order with a lowly 14. For a full list of scores check the weekly table and scroll down.

Photograph of the week

A new weekly post - this was taken at a recent Welling United game after the away keeper had just let in a howler

The sack race

Nobby had a few buckaroos on David Moyes being the first man to leave his post this season and I got better odds than 8/1. However dear old Curbs (peraps, peraps) is so odds on it just ain't worth it. Here is the list of Premier League managers who the bookies reckon will get the old tin-tac first:

Alan Curbishley 7/5
Kevin Keegan 13/2
Mark Hughes 7/1
Rafael Benitez 7/1
David Moyes 8/1
Harry Redknapp 10/1
Roy Hodgson 12/1
Gary Megson 13/1
Paul Ince 13/1
Juande Ramos 25/1
Arsene Wenger 25/1
Roy Keane 25/1
Tony Mowbray 30/1
Phil Brown 33/1
Gareth Southgate 33/1
Steve Bruce 33/1
Luiz Felipe Scolari 37/1
Tony Pulis 42/1
Sir Alex Ferguson 80/1
Martin O'Neill 120/1

Odds from Betfair

Proud

Awesome wasn't it? To watch those young men and women stand on the podium with pride dripping out of them whilst singing the national anthem. It further makes the countries Premiership football players look even more like the attention seeking mercenaries they are. And despite football being the best team sport in the world, I often now look at footballers as individuals whereas our athletes in Beijing have reinvented the word 'team'.

Being British has always been about coming second, or being brave losers, or purring over how great the Aussies are at sports (ooh, they didn't like it up 'em), but not at this moment in history. We are right to be proud of our Olympians, who have only reached the pinnacle of their young lives by dedicating most of it to their sports, often for little reward of recognition.

And for those men and women sat in tiny offices around the UK begging and borrowing for more financial commitment, well they deserve medals as well. The Lottery has helped fund the GB team to the tune of £264m and when the Premier League gets £1.7 billion from Sky and Setanta, don't tell me that isn't money well spent.

The 2012 Olympics is still underfunded to the tune of about £100m, let's hope some private investors can be stirred away from the boredom of the Premiership to the excitment of Team GB.

Nice Beaver

Breaking News 88888 Week 1 scores
James Down was recently seen in Atlanta by one of my spotters, and the heat and the baseball season ha clearly not got to his fantasy prowess after his fluffy team called Beaver Ruin kicked the season off with the week's top score and therefor claimed the fiver award, roughly translated to 10 bucks in toy money.

James was 9 points better off than the 2nd best effort from Rutt's Goonersmoan. From experience don't expect to see Brian's team that high again this season! In 3rd was newbie and fellow Gooner, either that or he is making an early run for arse licker of the year, Neil Reynolds with 46, then 3 teams tied on 41. They were Huw's Pot Noodle Miners, the Long's Brighton Blues and Razor's Gerrardinho.

Danny's Arsene Knows start in 7th place and 3 teams follow each on 38 - Glasgow Kiss (subject to potential points reduction), Shay's The Pohutuka and Paul Hargis' Real Ale Madrid.

Soemwhat surprisingly Simmons, Stout and Black feature in the bottom 4. Champions, Guinness & eggs and No-hopers each mustered just 13, but less surprisingly is bottom team Who are you calling Big Nose, managed by Ian Kennett.

Week 1 reminder

I do this just to remind myself really what happened last week in the Prem. Frankly it bores the bejesus out of me so I summarise it in a few paragraphs.

Midtable Man U held on for a valuable draw at home to the mighty Geordies. Arsenal swept aside WBA 1-0 and Liverpool grabbed a late winner at the Stadium of Light thanks to 'Liverpool's Number Nine.'

Agbonlahor gave Villa's fans a dream start by scoring three in their win over Mark Hughes' City 4-2, whilst Paul Ince won his first Prem match as manager of Blackburn. Ooijer getting the winner in the 94th minute.

West Ham rushed into a lead at home to Wigan, then lost scorer Dean Ashton and held on to beat Wigan 2-1. Stoke lost (probably not for the last time) at Bolton but Hull won, and I felt strangely pleased for those Humber inbreds.

One day Spurs will break into the top 4, but not one day soon as they lost on the opening day to boring Boro, even bleedin' Mido scored and Chelsea lead the table after they thrashed Pompey at the Rouble Bridge.

Road to Wembley - Oxhey Jets

Based in the Watford suburb of South Oxhey, The Jets were established in 1972 and play at Boundary Stadium. Last season the pitch was so bad, they risked forfeiting games, so the club dug deep and relaid a beautiful new pitch as told here.

Oxhey Jets took on local rivals Hertford 5-0 in front of 58 people at the Boundary - almost a goal for every 10 people watching - how nice.

Jets opened the scoring after only 8 minutes when TIM O'MARA hammered home from close range, PAUL TURNER headed home number two after 24 minutes and Jets were in their own personal danger zone. Twice in the last two games Jets have thrown away a two goal lead.

Jets were in no mood for a tight half hour and this time went for the throat from kick off. With just five minutes of the second half played TIM O'MARA added his second and within a minute of the restart the Hertford defence was split wide open as a ball from Wayne Gladdy tore them open and JAMIE ARTHUR slotted and Jets looked safe.

Hertford pushed for some respectability and keeper Kevin Paul was kept on his toes, but it was Jets who had the last word, when TIM O'MARA rounded the keeper to complete a super hat-trick from a tight angle. Jets were thrilled at the result against their much fancied fellow Spartan rivals.

In the next round Oxhey Jets will play ay home to Ilford on August 30th. If you live local, why don't you get down to the Boundary?

What's in a name

54 entries, two tba's and not a lot of inspiration to be honest among this season's N&R team names.

A lot kept to their old favourites such as Californication, Goonersmoan, Hannoi Utd, Arsene Knows, Boys on tour, 2Infinity & beyond, Nancy Lollygaggers, Keep the faith and one or two others.

There was a sausage theme in both Ryan's and Soozie's name. Ready has seen the photos and told me it's more chipolata than polish. Guinness, eggs, pies, kebabs, lamb and pot noodles are all listed and Arsenal are mentioned no less than 4 times, which is not something we're encouraging. Mark Simmons will tell us that he names his side after his team too!

Cyril Smith I believe gets a first ever N&R airing. I do like a Hot Pink Center (sic), who doesn't? Dangleberry Rovers appeals, more so than Beaver Ruin (a place in Atlanta apparently). Barry Paull celebrates his move to Paris with a re-branded, as does Nobby.

I had to Google Pohutukawas, Pot Noodle Miners, Who you calling Big Nose and Tallywacker's Bukkake Marathon (blocked by work not surprisingly, so don't even try!).

Simple but clever was Real Ale Madrid, St Mirnoff FC, Dynamo Kebab and Bent it like Bentley. but two of my favourites are Bingo FC, named after Simon Ward lookalike (see picture) and Sheron's ready to fac. Oh yes she is.

Welcome to the 13th N&R FL

New, old, young and well ancient. You are all welcome to this year's Nobby & Ready's fantasy football extravaganza. This is where you will find all of the week's football hot topics. I as always, work permitting, will update every day or so and of course once a week the latest news from around the N&R FL will also circulate on here. Please feel free to comment or at least email Ready and I at the following addresses:

keith.read@layton-blackham.co.uk
simon_newport@agl.aon.com

This league to you newbies is all about interaction, known in the old days I believe as piss-taking. I work in Bermuda, Ready used to live in Thailand and still spends a lot of time there and without the N&R FL, which began in the mid-90's, we wouldn't have any friends left in London, or be nearly as rich!

We have 6 new managers and a couple who have come back to us - welcome. Some of you have been here since the beginning. We also have a few extra birds this time out, have no fear you will find Ready and I very fair on the sexism front.

The weekly scores come from the Daily Telegraph and come out around each Wednesday. I email the table out and link you back here for intellectual reporting of the week's events. If, for some reason your company block this, then let me know.

The very best of luck to each and one of you.
Nobby & Ready

Photograph of the week

2007-08 N&R FL Champion Pk, being handed the coveted winners trophy by Michael Douglas at the end of season dinner and dance.

What, how and why

I will send out another copy of the rules with week 1's scores but the following is the transfer rule.

You get 12 transfers to make during the season, no restriction on how many players from each Premiership team. Just stick to the GBP 50 million limit and either a 4-4-2 or 4-3-3 formation plus a 'keeper. The deadline is Tuesday at 5pm. Email me to make a change at:

simon_newport@agl.aon.com

I will email back with confirmation.

The links on the right hand side are there to help you and / or pass away the insurance day. The first one of course is my blog about life in Bermuda. Below that are numerous websites that should help you with transfers. Whose injured, whose good, whose rubbish, news of any transfer activity, odds and which games are coming up live on the television. No excuses.

The next section will give you all the latest news from a number of websites, even from those clubs like mine who are insignificent! Plus the FIFA website keeps you up to date of the 2010 world cup qualifying.

Then there is a selection of websites that I like, take a look there is some good reading. And finally the Road to Wembley started last Saturday with the Extra Preliminary Round. For the newbies we pick a team from this round and follow them throughout the 16 rounds of the most famous cup competition in the world. If our boys lose, we then inherit the winners in the next round and so on.

After previous years plumping for teams such as Cadbury, Newport Pagnell, Romford, Odd Down and most famously Dunston Federation Brewery, who were our most successful first pick, this season I have plumped for Oxhey Jets, who are based in Herts. Some of you may know them. They are in the Spartan South East Midlands Premier League in the 5th rung of the football league pyramid. They won on Saturday and we'll be back with more on them shortly.

Steve McLaren

Not sure if anyone saw this, but it confirms Steve McClaren is a complete prize pr**k. Click here

Letters

Dear Nobby & Ready

Before I announce my team for the FFL 2008-209 season I would like to make a formal complaint to the N&R FFLC (Nobby and Ready Fantasy Football League Chairman) about the conduct of one of my fellow manager's.

On the evening of Tuesday 5th August I kindly allowed Miss K Baillie (Manager of Glasgow Kiss FC) to look after my coveted FFL winners trophy so that she could feel what it was like to be a winner. Unfortunately Miss Baillie was not a very gracious loser and when it was returned to me it was not in the same condition as when I lent it to Miss Baillie.

It appears that the footballer atop my trophy now has a very painful looking broken ankle and he is finding it difficult to stand straight without sellotape being wrapped around his leg (I am currently out of superglue).

I am disgusted at the behaviour of my peer and urge The N&R FFL to take strong action against Miss Baillie and any other Manager's who think that they can behave in this way.

Sincerely
Paul Kelleher
Nobby & Ready will consider a points reduction at the next extraordinary meeting Pk. Luton got docked 30 points for past demeanours such as banning away fans, having a plastic pitch, and not having their seats bolted to the stand properly when Millwall came to visit. Therefore we will judge Kirsty on that basis.

Thank You

And that ladies and gents, boys and girls is it. Thank you for taking part in the 12th Nobby and Ready Fantasy Football League. Thanks to those of you that have been there since the beginning - a lot has changed. An equally big thank you to those that we have picked up along the way.

I suppose with my imminent move to Bermuda (my visa has arrived, that little incident with a cleaner at the telex machine seems to have vanished from my records), the N&R FL will change again. But it will certainly be back in August, the fixtures for the new season came out today, so it seems like a good day to wrap this thing up. Below you can read to your hearts content, the winners, the losers, the also rans, some other crap, maybe a laugh or two, and I also reprinted some old My Kinda Towns and I enjoyed reading through those. Any suggestions for some Bermuda posts? My Kinda Shorts perhaps? I will think of something.

In the meantime a huge thank you all - as I have said before the FL is one of my little ways of keeping in touch with the London market and in the future a way to keep in touch with certain friends in Chicago. Work sometimes gets in the way, but I love writing this stuff, so I'll just keep on typing away until no one wants to play!

It's also a nice way for me to keep in touch with Ready. I think it's a shame that some of you have never met him, because he is one of the funniest people I know.

Anyway before I get all dewy eyed, as is customarily Keith and I will host a summer end of season piss up, when we will dish out some prize money and a couple of trophies and sip a few gin and tonics. I haven't a firm date yet but I'm hoping for early August in the city. We will confirm shortly.

Take care and enjoy the summer.

How the money was won

This how the money was won last season. Ready and I will automatically take £25 or $50 from any prize money for next season's entry unless you advise us otherwise.

The Title
Champion - 220 and the famous N&R FL trophy PAUL KELLEHER
Runner Up - 150 BEN GRAVES
3rd place - 110 JOHN McGOWAN
4th place - 85 BARRY PLUMMER
5th place - 60 AARON BARDEN
6th place - 50 CHRIS WRIGHT
7th place - 30 GREG FOULGER
8th place - 25 MARK SIMMONS
9th place - 10 ROB MUNDEN
10th place - 10 HUW THOMAS
26th place - 10 DANNY ROSE

The Plate
Winner - 60 PETER GODFREY
2nd place - 40 BARRY PAULL
3rd place - 30 NIGEL TATLOCK
4th place - 25 HILARY RYAN
5th place - 20 HOWARD GRACE
6th place - 10 LEE DAY
27th place - 10 TIM FELDBRUEGGE

Others
Best weekly score - 40 PAUL KELLEHER
Worst weekly score - 40 DAVE WISDOM
Premiership week 32 winner - 30 PAUL KELLEHER
Championship week 32 winner - 30 BARRY PLUMMER
Team Challenge winner - Special trophy BMS
40 x Manager of the week - 5 each, 2.50 for a shared week - as listed below:
Kelleher 5 wins, Plummer 4 and 1 shared, Barden 4, Munden 4, Graves 3, Byatt 2, Simmons 2, Boswell 2, McGowan 1 win and 1 shared, Foulger 1 win and 1 shared, Wenners 1, McLeod 1, Nathan 1, Stout 1, Paull 1, Barrett 1, Barwick / Higgs 1, Read 1, Wright 1 and Thomas 1 shared.

*All denominations in GBP
** Nobby and Ready will retain GBP 25 or USD 50 for next season's entry fee unless you state otherwise

Manager of the weeks

This weekly prize is always a good indicator of how consistent teams are during the season. Early on Alex Boswell won twice in 7 weeks but never won again. Aaron Barden won the MoW twice in two weeks in September, an unusual feat we thought until Rob Munden did again in weeks 12 and 13. In fact he also won it in week 18. The record held by Soozie though will probably stand for a long time. In a 6 week spell the young lovely won the MoW 5 times. Amazing.

Pk won the award 5 times, but so did Barry Plummer in effect, although he had to share the final week with John McGowan. Aaron Barden collected four MoW's as did Munden with Ben Graves grabbing three and overall 20 different managers won the prize - a nice way to win a fiver or $10 if you live this side of the Atlantic - congratulations to both Foulger, Megan and Michael.

The Hall of Fame

A new champion for the 10th consecutive year - this is no boring Premier League you know? Paul, who first came to N&R FL prominance when he resuced Alan Waters from relegation in 2004, can now count himself amongst the N&R legends.

This is the list of champions, with Paul proudly the newest edition etched onto a famous list that goes back until 1996.

League Champions
2007/08 Tally.Wacker.co.uk - Paul Kelleher
2006/07 Savchenko Spurs - Ryan Saveall
2005/06 Ping Pong Yo-Yo - Suzie Syrett
2004/05 Ginger (not so) Athletic - Peter Doyle
2003/04 Chang Noi's Ham Yai - Keith Read
2002/03 2Infinity & Beyond - Barry Plummer
2001/02 Read 'em & weep - Keith Read
2000/01 Brighton Revenge - Jonathan Poole
1999/00 Cowboys Ride Again - Brett Davey
1998/99 Millennium Buggers - Richard Taylor
1997/98 Flo's Champs - Godfrey, Rose
1996/97 Flo's Army - Godfrey, Rose

In the Team event, BMS became the 4th broker to win the title as Wenners and Shay fought of the American challenge of Chicago's Allianz office. Allianz's London office were winners in 2003. Congratulations to the boys from BMS.

Team Challenge Winners
2007/08 BMS - Wenman, Reddy
2006/07 Layton Blackham - Read, Saveall, Thomas
2005/06 AIG - Waterman, France, Dewberry, Barwick, Higgs, Ryan.
2004/05 Marsh - Simmons, Doyle
2003/04 Marsh - Simmons, Doyle
2002/03 Allianz - Jenkins, Day
2001/02 Avon - Godfrey, Rose
2000/01 HSBC - Waters, Murrell, Ready

Tally Wacked

Breaking news 8888 The Title Race - week 41 news
So Paul Kelleher becomes the newest name of the list of champions. A list that includes Peter Godfrey, Danny Rose (both twice), Barry Plummer, Bob Paisley, Keith Read (twice), Sir Alex Ferguson, Richard Taylor, Jonathan Poole, Brett Davey, Brian Clough, Peter Doyle, Sooozie Syrett and Ryan Saveall.

Tally.Wacker.co.uk made sure of victory with some final transfers and he stormed to 27 points to ensure the engraved sparkling trophy that I have at home and will ship to Bermuda, so I can bring it back to the UK for the end of season dinner and dance, will be presented to him.

In 2nd was Egg & (Stevie) Bacon, who chased Paul all of the way. 3rd was Johnny Mc's Runningoutofroubles FC, who had a great season, with previous winners 2Infinity & Beyond in 4th, just 2 points behind.

5th finished Ajax Treesdown ahead of the best newcomer Greg Foulger and his Boys on tour. Coming from behing again nipped into 8th place on the final day, after an excellent last week meaning that Into Thepub and Get him Big Dave were left with 9th and 10th respectively.

A big shout to Obafemi & the Femidoms, where Mark masterfully changed his team late and surged into 11th place but just short of the prize money.

The Title Race penultimate prize money went to Arsene Knows and Megan & Hannah's Bears came last, although there were actually 24 teams with less points than Alex, so no shame there.

'Ello, Godfrey is back

Breaking news 8888 The Plate - week 41 news
Godders finally reclaimed some glory in the final week when his Premiership here we come team won the N&R Plate title hanging onto first place comfortably and beating his old mate Barry and NY Eagles into 2nd.

In 3rd was In Tatters and Hilary's Pure Irish who jumped over Carnarvon Kickers on the final day thanks to Pompey's Distin's clean sheet. And Lee Day's Last train to Seaford held on to 5th by a point, this despite not scoring in the final week, but neither did closest challengers Hargs Hammers, Rochdale at Lloyds and Californication.

The penultimate Plate pruze went to Tim and Frank's Nipple Antennae leaving Alan Oakley's Herr Oakers as the 2007-08 worst N&R FL team!

My kinda town rewind

October 29 2004
This is basically an average day on the news channel here in the Land of the Free:

"Welcome to today's news program. These are the local headlines. Someone got shot, a house got burnt down and there's more corruption in our City. The National news headlines are we have no flu vaccines so we are going to panic, the 2008 Presidential Election campaign starts next Wednesday, I-raq, I-raq and I-raq, Famous film star bares top of her breast at awards night - it's disgusting and I-raq. Also apparently someone was killed in Afghanistan - wherever and whoever they are?

In Sport, shock, horror as American champion athlete tests positive for taking drugs, Cubs lose, Bears lose, Bulls lose, Blackhawks would have lost but the players are on strike.Today's weather will start in the 80's, turning colder by lunchtime with 10 inches of snow by dinner time (which of course is pretty much all day!).

And finally, the World news. Oh, there is no World news today, although according to sources close to the royal family, i.e. Fergie, Prince William farted this morning when he awoke.

Thank you and God bless America."

December 14 2004
Chicago taxi drivers are the worst in the world. Admittedly I have not been in a taxi in every country in the world but I have spent a few quid on taxi's in my time.Now I know I have been used to London cabs and one of my best mates is a black cab driver so I am biased but you can hail a cab and ask them to go to the smallest shittiest lane in the middle of West London and the cab driver will say, " Ok guv, jump in" and they will take you there. Simple as that. Ok, you might get a life story as well but the fact is they know where they are going.

Chicago cabbies do not have a fuckin Scoobies. One, they don't speak English. Not even American! Two, they ask you how to get to where you want to go. Three, they spend the whole time talking on their cell phones in a language you have never heard off. Four, the cars are shit heaps. Five, they drive like lunatics and are constantly pressing their horn and shouting abuse at other cars. Six, they normally get lost and ask you if you know where it is you want to go, "No, let me explain Mr Cab driver. I am an Insurance broker, you are a cabbie. You fucking tell me!" And Seven, they then want and expect a bloody tip.The other day I had a raging row with a cabbie because he clearly didn't know where he was going. He took me miles out of my way and then started moaning that the roads were new. Well if you call 1871 - when the grid system was put into place after the Great Chicago Fire - new then I suppose you're right you useless twat.

March 7th, 2006
Have you ever seen the average American eat? Who teaches these people to eat their food? It's not that they eat with their mouths open, or it dribbles down their chin or that they eat a lot, that goes without saying. But it's the way they hold their knife and fork. I couldn't copy what they do if I tried.

I don't know about you, but my charm school in Catford only taught me one way - fork in the left hand held between thumb and middle finger with the forefinger exerting pressure, and the knife in the right hand the same way. Picture on the right.

Here in the US the knife doesn't actually gets used much at all as people sweep, stab or rip at their food with a fork but when they do use both implements it is incredible.

Firstly there seems no hard or fast rule about which hand you put each utensil in. Secondly they just seem to stab their food with the fork - you have to see it to believe it, words do not do it justice, and then they just saw at it with the knife. Please don't try this at home only the ambidextrous will manage it and it could cause accidents.

Next time you are in an American steak house, promise me you'll have a look.

Now, you all know how sad I am, but I just entered "how to hold a knife and fork" into Google and I found a site called Mind your manners and it tells of kids taking etiquette lessons in Salt Lake City, where of course polygamy is quite acceptable, so maybe this is not a good example!!

However, the picture on the left here is entitled: "Kara Komarnitsky of Draper works to cut her chicken using the proper technique."

Now, perhaps its me? But if I ate my chicken like that as a kid, I would have got a slap around the back of the head.

But this is what I look at when I peer around the table in a posh restaurant. Tongues out and everything, honest!

Shit, I've just realised, they must look at me, the token dainty bloke in the corner, holding my knife and fork like the Queen and think I'm a weirdo.

A look at the managers - part 4

Another new boy Paul Hargis also impressed last season. From the sizeable Aon stable, Paul had a fine season and only missed out on some Plate prize money in the last fortnight, eventually falling just one point short of a tenner. Old timer Danny Rose got himself into the elite but then flapped around at the bottom of the table but ended up collecting the Title Race's penultimate ten quid. It was another disappointing N&R FL season from Dan, who last won some decent prize money in the 2004.

Northern monkey Martin Singleton, a Preston nut, drinker and occasional underwriter also failed to impress and a case of muchas about nothingas. It was good to see Mongo back amongst us this season, however a slow start, became slower and then he stopped sometime after Easter.

Dom Barrett either getting married this summer, having a nipper or coming out of the closet.... I can't remember because I was a little tipsy when someone told me. Anyhow Dom did himself proud this season as the normal struggler spent the whole of the first 32 weeks near the top of the Div 2 table. A move to the Title Race didin't shirk him as he contested the first month in the top 10 but he couldn't keep his push going and Dom ended up finishing 12th. He did pick up a MoW award though in week 30.

Cryer Squire moved jbs at least 3 times during the past season. Him and his missus must have more pensions than Scottish Widow. Neil had a laboured start but similiar to a night on the lash, he got stronger and more prominant as the season wore on but the Rochdale Cowboy missed out on any prize money.

Helen Peters is hot. I have seen the graffiti in the Lloyds bog. Another Aon runner and rider, it was a pleasure to have Helen in the N&R FL and she deservedly won promotion into the Title Race at week 32. However her inexperience showed and she ended up finishing 23rd, but it was a very tasty first season for the Hottie. Martin Lee on the other hand is not hot, but he is a thoroughly nice bloke but maybe the wrong man to lead Endurance's fantasy charge. However he is certainly the most sensible but sensibility never won anything, just ask Jane Austen. Martin's boys ended their first joint effort in 52nd place.

Steve Black takes this English soccerball game the most seriously out of all the American players. He understands the offside rule, he makes good transfers, he knows that Gary Lineker has retired and that Landon Donovan is a c*nt. Steve had a superb campaign. Early doors it was tough, he was in the bottom two until October, but then it was all one way. He made promotion, just, but then after that he kept moving up the table, and alongside Michael Stout, they nearly won the Team Challenge. Steve ended up in 15th and a better start would most definitely won his some wonga.

As for Stouty, his season was strangely similar, hmmmmm.... no, he actually started a lot better, hit the top 5 after Christmas and comfortably made promotion in 6th. In the Title Race he just didn't make enough changes to his line up, correction - he didn't make any changes to his line and therefore a 14th place finish was a miracle and without knowing it back in August, Michael probably picked the best starting 11 players. The prize for that? Fcuk all....

Another manager who made no changes, in fact I don't even think he picked his own team. Howard Grace, a modern day market legend. Comes to work at 11am, goes home at 9pm, and has a 6 hour lunch in-between. More of a cyclist than a football fan, but a 20-spot is not a bad days work.

I hope that I have not missed anyone, thank you for taking part. The pleasure is all mine and Ready's.

My kinda town rewind

Apr 27 2004
Two recent things that have come to my attention about American’s and America this week:

1. They drink out of straws. This may not seem very remarkable, but I think it is right to say and correct me if I am wrong, but us Brits normally get out of the habit of using straws when we are kids and the parents amongst you will agree that this is something you teach your kids somewhere in between, using a knife and fork and asking to leave the table. But grown up Yanks drink out of straws a lot and in fact all of the time without exception, well maybe except for beer, wine and coffee!

2. There is no such thing as a Gin & Tonic or Vodka & Lemonade or Rum & Coke in this country. It has never ceased to amaze me watching American’s order a drink at a bar or a meal or even a sandwich. Here are some examples:

“Get me a Stolichnaya Citron with Indian Tonic, dash of lime, served on the rocks with two slices of fresh orange and a blue cheese stuffed olive.”

“I will have hickory smoked ham, vine tomatoes, Boston lettuce, a little swiss cheese, red onion, capers, garlic mayo, no butter, ground pepper and a little salt on toasted Rye bread cut into quarters please, oh and easy on the mayo, I’m on a diet.”

“I will take the Caesar chicken salad, without the lettuce and chicken, no croutons and no anchovies on mine, just steak, lard, potatoes, fries, more lard and a burger on the side. Oh aren’t I healthy?”

Fat fcuks!

I took a few of the boys and girls out for a sausage, mash & beans on Friday followed by a few pints of Boddington’s (no spotted dick, that was later!) to celebrate St Georges Day. They seemed to like it. I think they are getting used to me, I have been here 6 months at the end of this week – very scary.

May 13 2004
A couple of recent observations walking the streets of the Chicago:

1. Correct me if I’m wrong. Do we Brits wear vests? I know Francey does, but does anyone under 65 wear a vest at home? Suzie might, gotta keep those puppies warm, I appreciate that. But all the Yanks do and I have picked them up on it and they tell me its to stop them sweating. Get some fcuking Right Guard dude!

Now this is an obvious one, but it’s starting to really nark me. Everything is either the best, the biggest, the longest, or the oldest in the world. Not in the town, or in the city, or in America or even North America, the world. How do they know that? Now, I am a reasonably well travelled bloke and I know that Chuck Slowinski’s electrical store is not the biggest in the world, or that Bernie’s pizza’s are definitely not the best in the world. It is just that according to American’s – America is the world! And don’t even get me started on the poxy World Series.

A look at the managers - part 3

Tim Feldbruegge has had an interesting time recently. He and his lovely missus got pregnant and unlike his fantasy football prowess, it seems in the box, so to speak, Tim is quite the prolific striker because Mrs F is having triplets! According to the father it was a natural process, i.e. 7 pints and a burrito and no extra time was required. Tim's life of course will never be the same again, although he has promised me that him and his buddy Frank will try harder next year. After a very barren couple of years though Tim did win the penultimate prize finishing 54th and collects $20.

One place above Tim was Megan McLeod, just 24 points herslef from collecting 20 bucks. Megan never got her fantasy team going though this season but did win MoW in week 11.

The 2002-03 champion Barry Plummer had a superb campaign. Starting in The Championship after his poor showing last season, he took the 2nd tier title winning 30 notes. Baz's season actually started very slowly, he was in 54th place after the first week but by the middle of October he had made his way to 7th in The Championship.

Barry hung around up until after Christmas when in January he started to get on Greg Foulger's tail. Greg had been leading for almost the entire campaign but in the last week before the switch Barry showed all of his fantasy experience and overtook Greg in the final week to win The Championship by 9 points. Then in the Title Race he made 3rd before settling on a 4th final place and a 60 quid prize.

It was Greg Foulger's first ever N&R season and in that time he has worked in London and Miami and is soon to move to Mexico. However the ex-par lifestyle did not impact on his fantasy play at all after unfortunately losing The Championship prize in the last week, he then adapted well to top level play and finished a very worthy 7th.

Nobby struggled again, especially up until the early part of this year, when some transfers got him promotion to the Title Race, and then I embarked on trying to climb the league, which I did pretty well ending up in 18th. Perhaps the sea air will bring me better luck next season. Alex Boswell has been around the fantasy block and he started this season well and scraped into the Title Race but a lack of transfer activity limited his success and he finished 27th.

Lee Day, the man who strips to do a number 2, sorry to those of you eating! Lee spent the whole campaign in the 2nd tier but gave it his all during those last few weeks and ended up with a tenner for finishing 6th in The Plate. Lee who has been out to see me more than anyone else will hopefully have added Bermuda to his 2009 plans. I still find it hard to believe that Doyley actually won the N&R FL title, it must have been such a flippin fluke. It was back in 2004-05 but this season's Ginger representatives Red Bull never made any real impression hanging around the bottom half of the 2nd tier until the switch and then, things did improve for him to finish 13th in The Plate and 40th overall.

Apart from week 1, Chris Wright spent the next 31 weeks in the top 5 of the 2nd tier before moving deservedly so into the Title Race in week 33. There he worked his transfers well and showed some real ability to push himself into the top 10, winning MoW in week 39 and ending in 6th for a excellent first season. Sweaty is a perennial struggler but he had one of his best season's on record dallying with the top in the 2nd tier, he was actually in 6th in February. Lee got himself into the Title Race but came up against some very strong opposition finishing 20th, a great improvement on last season's 51st.

I met Emma Wylie last summer late one night in a sweaty city bar. Well I was actually the one sweating to be honest. The lovely Highland lass gleefully signed up for the unknown and found the going hard, which was not to be unexpected bearing in mind she didn't know the rules and Kirsty was her fantasy tutor. I hope I can convince her to try again next season when I see her at the end of season drinks.

The best weekly score - PK strikes again

PK added another title to his list when he won the N&R FL Best weekly score 40 quid. In week 22 two manager's broke the 100-point barrier, Paul hit a huge 112 points, but perhaps more surprising was Michael Stout's 100, although this was at start of a remarkable upturn in form for the man from Allianz.

It was no surprise to see other big prize winners Mark Simmons and John McGowan in the top 4, although at 5th Danny Rose showed a glimpse of won him a couple of trophies in the very early days of N&R FL. Whereas Nobby, the only manager to appear in both the best and worst lists, showed some of his inconsistencies.

This is the final top 10
1. Paul Kelleher, week 22, 112 points
2. Michael Stout, week 22, 100 points
3. Mark Simmons, week 22, 99 points
4. John McGowan, week 26, 98 points
5= Danny Rose, week 26, 97 points
5= Rob Munden, week 26, 97 points
7. Simon Newport, week 26, 96 points
8. Barry Plummer, week 21, 95 points
9= Helen Peters, week 22, 94 points
9= Soozie Syrett, week 26, 94 points

Worst weekly score - Pearls of Wisdom

Damn and blast, Dave was worse than me, so he collects 40 notes for being, well shite. -3 points in week 28, which wasn't one of the lower scoring weeks although the top 10 does carry a few week 28 nightmares, particularly Rutts and Tim who managed zero points the same 7 days.

Nobby got his effort in week 21, which was quite an achievement as everyone else bar Alex Byatt scored double fugures.

There can't be many competitions in the world that award being rubbish but the N&R FL does, and it is a good excuse to role out my boobie prize picture too.

This is the final top 10
1. Dave Wisdom, week 28, -3 points
2. Simon Newport, week 21, -1 points
3= Tim Feldbruegge, week 28, 0 points
3= Alan Oakley, week 29, 0 points
3= Martin Singleton, week 29, 0 points
3= Brian Rutter, week 28, 0 points
7= Peter Doyle, week 28, 1 point
7= Steve Black, week 28, 1 point
7= Alex Byatt, week 29, 1 points
10= Rob Beere, week 28, 2 points
10= Ian France, week 35, 2 points

Baz and John chime in

Breaking News 88888 Manager of week 41
The final Manager of the Week was obviously going to be a manager that already had or picked Portsmouth players as they were the only team who were going to score you any points. The surprise to me was that so many managers made transfers in that last week, and two of those shared the final MoW fiver with a very impressive 28 points.

John McGowan and Barry Plummer's skill both meant they won a share of the final fiver and their foresight also claimed a big chunk of the overall prize money. Eventual champ PK, did likewise and scored 27 points, with Mark Simmons claiming 22.

It was interesting to see that most of the managers who did best in week 41 all won prize money. Barry Paull scored 19 and Godders 13 to add to the names above but big credit to those that gave it a real go - Wenners (18), Kennett (18) and Helen Peters (12) - all deserved better, but they will probably be kicking themselves because if they had been a bit more active in the transfer market during the rest of the season, they too would have claimed some glory.

A look at the managers - part 2

Alex Byatt looks like Lovejoy. No not that twat that used to be on Sky, the handsome devil who flogs antiques. That is where the fame ends unfortunately. Alex has become somewhat of an also ran in the N&R FL since he joined a couple of years back, however he does have the habit of peaking at odd weeks and twice this season he won MoW fivers. Ben Graves we think is the current most consistently successful N&R FL manager, after me and Ready of course. Ben's first season saw him finish 3rd, then 8th, followed by a 10th and this season 2nd. Excellent play from the youngster plus a couple of MoW awards. Will he go the whole hog next season?

AIG have found an excellent young prospect in Aaron Bardon. I mean he crap at underwriting by all accounts, but he does know his fantasy football! Last year in his first appearance he came a fine 12th and this year ended up 5th, the highest placed AIG player. He spent all but 2 weeks in the top 7 and had a long time at No.1 only beaten by eventual champ PK.

Ah, the mirthful PK. The latest name to appear on a long list of illustrious N&R champions. Paul first came to prominance in 2004 when after Alan Waters employed him, one of Paul's first tasks was to save his new bosses fantasy team from relegation. Waters basically fired himself and Paul took over the reigns of Happy Hammers and saw them to safety.

The next few seasons out on his own PK turned in an 8th, a 17th and then in 05-06 he was runner up to Sooozie. Then last time out he slumped a little to 11th, but boozy lunches with Rutts and Francis did probably not help him after his move from Willis.

This season early on he was always on the fringe of the title battle but it wasn't really until November that he picked up the pace. Then in the 2nd week of January he took over the top spot from Ben Graves, who only took it off Bardon the week before and PK never looked back. He held back transfers well and come around about mid-April it was easy all the way.

He also won 5 MoW awards, including that week in January, when he blew away the competition with a 112-point week. Congratulations Paul, the trophy is being engraved by Ready's personal silversmith.

Rob Munden first became a regular N&R manager in 2000 and has had quite a bit of success, although he is more widely known for announcing to the world (well about 30 other managers) that he was once caught w@nking by a window cleaner at his Mum's house. This season Rob ran a good race, flirting with the prize money for the bulk of the camapaign, and eventually finishing a worthy 9th after a surge during the last few weeks. Consistency was the key for the dirty Leeds fan, and Rob also won 4 MoW prizes.

Davor is still gloating over Croatia's win over England. If he wasn't such a nice chap (and 6ft 10), then I would have shoved McLaren's umbrella up his Dubrovnik when we all watched the final qualifying game, especially when his Dad called and the pub was so silent you could hear them laughing in Croatian. Anyway, as I said he's a nice bloke (for a Croatian) but after a reasonable first season, this one he was poor and he really made no impact finishing 19th in the plate.

James Down is currently sweating it out down in Atlanta for Aspen after moving at the beginning of the year. This I'd imagine upset his N&R FL form (it did mine) and relegation to The Plate ended with James flapping around the bottom half of the table with 5 transfers left.

Hilary Ryan was impressive last season, and started this season in Div 1. She ended up slipping into The Plate but performed very well particularly when it mattered in the last 6 weeks to take 4th place, got her 25 quid back and did the Irish proud.

Rutts has no call to feel as proud. A consistent struggler over the years he started slow and ended up in The Plate, where he just sank towards the bottom, a far cry of the man who finished 3rd in 2004 in one of the closest title races we have ever had. Rob Beere was another who did not rise to the occassion, although I believe he did once but that is another story. A feeble finish for Rob in 20th of The Plate.

Our fantasy sheep shagger Huw Thomas had a very good season. 93 points the Welshman struck in week 23, and at that point Huw had the 4th best score in the whole competition. He made the Title Race and hung in despite rumours of him being infatuated by Ness from Gavin and Stacey. But come week 35 Thomas the tank engine was full steam ahead and he had a fine last few weeks to make the earnings board.

Wizzo, what an earth happened in week 28 mate? -3 points. You should be ashamed of yourself, particularly after you snatched the 25 nicker for worst weekly score away from Nobby! Dave actually finished the season in quite decent form finishing in 11th place of The Plate. Chris Waterman, another perennial N&R FL man. With 3 top 10 finishes in the early part of this decade, last season and this has seen a return to relegation form for the AIG'er. Chris actually started the season pretty well but fell down the table like Barry Paull at the Christmas party.

Part 3 to follow.

My kinda town rewind

To celebrate my imminent departure from the United States of America, I decided to look back at some of my old 'My Kinda town' posts and repeat them. Here are a couple to start with from my first few months in Chicago:

Dec 17 2003
Everyone is so nice to each other here it is sometimes nauseating. Many meetings end with loads of idea’s being floated that most people seem to think are complete bo11ocks. But no one will say it for the sake of upsetting someone’s feelings. In London in my experience in a close working team, it was more than except able to say “I think that is bo11ocks!”. Here in PC world you have to consider everything before tactfully suggesting that we tweak (a lot so it is unrecognizable) a previous idea to form something slightly better. That’s a win, win, win.

I have trained one of the lads in the office to call me a fcuking cnut once a day, because I so miss the ‘c’ word. It was common language in my office but is never used here because it is considered the ultimate insult. I mean you can call someone a mother fcuker, and that is fine!

It’s a bit like a women’s breast being blurred out on TV at 11pm at night, but watching someone having their brains blown out on afternoon TV is quite acceptable.

I have to admit some of the idiosyncrasies in this fine country I love. I was in Starbucks the weekend when a large fat lady in front of me asked the bloke server how many calories there were in the carrot cake. He looked at his co-worker (loving that expression too) and they both looked at the woman and said they didn’t know. “I need to know” she said and was told by the staff that it might be on Starbucks website. The large lady considered this for a while, whilst I looked at her incredible girth. “Ok, I’ll take just one she said.” Only in America eh?

Jan 2 2004
Time to update you on the things that annoy me most about Americans and America:

1. They bastardize the English language. I am forever seeing signs and names of places called things like Ezee Lay, Finger Lickin Good, bizzybees, Supa Shine. Kwik Pix and Hot Tix. And everything is abbreviated. This reminds me that some young fat (they are all fat) kid rocked up to me the other week and thought it “kind of neat that I spoke English!”

2. Words are spelt wrong, look – color, traveling, favorite and marvelous and bank check - all changed by my Microsoft spell check! Thank you Mr Gates.

3. They eat, sleep, breathe and eat and eat and eat food. That is what America is good at, oh that and being paranoid.

4. I watched the basketball the other night on TV and the Bulls after being way ahead lost in the dying seconds of the game to a very dubious decision. At the final whistle the Bulls fans were singing and dancing and happy, yes happy. Can you imagine that happening at a football league ground? If the yanks took out their violence on sports officials and opposing fans then maybe less people would get shot walking down the street!

5. It is fcuking cold.

If You - Rob Munden

Rob Munden better known as twatw to those that know him is next up on our If You page. Rob has done about 5 of these N&R questionnaires over the years, and as you would expect from someone ginger, he does have a very gsoh. Of course on his MySpace page he does omit to mention that he is ginger and a dirty Leeds fan, but who can blame him.

Here Rob rants a little, well a lot about the state of the British welfare system, the credit crunch and bread crumbs - and you thought this was a blog about football!

Rob also tells us that his wife is a very lucky lady (she sure was last time Ready and I were round there) and how a night with Cheryl Tweedy will drive you to suicide!

If You
Name: Rob Munden
Nickname: Bert to some (as in Ro-bert) – though one or two on the mailing list might have other names for me – most ending in tw at I’d imagine!
I Support: Leeds Utd
Birthplace: Royal Cheam, Surrey

1) If you weren’t in insurance, what would you do for a living?
A model I’d imagine

2) If you could be someone else for the day, who would you be?
My wife – she’s a very, very, lucky lady

3) If you could be a fly on the wall anywhere, where would it be?
Somewhere where the old disabled flies go so I could have a few quid on myself in the proverbial 2 flies crawling up a wall betting scenario and probably make a nice little earner

4) If you could have those x-ray eyes that could see through clothing, who would you look at first?
The bloke who sold me this ski-mask with no eye holes so I could get my money back

5) If you could be any footballer past or present, who would it be?
Ashley Cole – so I could commit suicide and do us all a favour – only after enjoying Cheryl’s company for a night or two of course!!!

6) If you could change the team you support, who would you change it to?
Manchester United or Chelsea. Only kidding – I may look like a tw*t but looks can be deceiving you know!! I have no desire to support any other side so can’t really comment – other than Sutton United of course – the local side (who are nearly as shi*te as Leeds!)

7) If you worked at airport security, who would you like to search knowing that you can be as obnoxious as you like?
See answer to question 5

8) If you were the Prime Minister or President, what would be the first thing you did?
It is not rocket science to me to say that if you are unemployed and claiming welfare benefits that if you turn down the opportunity to work you shouldn’t get any benefits. It is also not rocket science to say if you are unemployed and are getting welfare benefits that you should help out with some community work until you are back in employment. It is also not rocket science to stop people coming into our country solely to use our hospital facilities free of charge and then
Bugg ering off back home when they’re done. It is also not rocket science to not pay Polish workers child allowance when their children live in fuc king Warsaw. It is also not rocket science to stop sending our soldiers into battle with no equipment and vehicles made of balsa wood….I could go on!!!!!

Oh yeah one other thing – I’d stop the media exaggerating the credit crunch and actually creating it by telling us all that it’s happening when if it wasn’t for this we’d probably not notice anything and therefore almost by definition it wouldn’t actually be happening!!!! Get it??

9) If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing you bought?
Another Lottery ticket – it’s clearly my lucky week!

10) If you could invent anything, what would it be?
A machine that would stop crumbs falling on the floor of the kitchen when I’m cutting bread (to which incidentally I am addicted – especially with peanut butter and coleslaw – trust me it’s fantastic – try it!) and consequently would stop the missus going absolutely ballistic. It doesn’t matter how hard I try and how many plates, breadboards, dust sheets, tarpaulins or whatever that I use – there are always crumbs on the floor!!

11) If you could have starred in a movie, which one would it be?
I would have said Baywatch but I tend to burn within 20 minutes of being in the sun and consequently would be laughed at somewhat. So it would have to be one of the 2 greatest films of all time – namely Pulp Fiction (I’d be John Travolta’s character) or Love, Honour and Obey (with Ray Winston) – brilliant – watch it if you haven’t seen it

12) If you could have been at any football game, which one would it have been?
Now I’m guessing here most would say that the 1966 World Cup Final is top of the list but for me it is something different. When I was 10 in 1977 I was due to play in the inter house cup final at my junior school. However the day before I fell over in the playground ripping my trousers and unfortunately my knee. Alas – whilst not in the realms of an Eduardo injury (though by the screaming my mum made at the sight of the rip in the trousers you’d have thought it was!) I couldn’t make the final. The team won. The crowd (about 14 according to the gate receipts from Cheam park) went wild and gave much adulation. I, dejected and without aforementioned adulation trudged back to school. Trod in sh it on the way back to school. Terrible day. Didn’t play in the game of my life. Hole in the trousers. Bolloc king from mum. No adulation. Sh it on my shoes. How bad can it get. I was at the game – but in essence I wasn’t. I wish I had been.

13) If you could make one of your dreams real, which one would it be?
The one that resulted in world peace and the end to poverty everywhere. Nah, only kidding – the one where Leeds win the Premiership and then go on to Champions League glory. Far better!!

14) If you could live the life of any person in history, who would it be?
Shania Twain’s husband (yes I know her singing’s c rap but I don’t want her for her singing!!!!)

15) If you were born again, would you want to come back as the opposite sex?
As a Manchester United supporter? I don’t think so!! Seriously would I want to spend the rest of my life being unable to read a map or park a car – hmmm, let me think now....