Monday, November 22, 2004

Now then Zippy, that wasn't very nice was it?


I don't know how many of you remember Rainbow? The Yanks would never had heard of it, people like Dillaway are probably too young and old bastards like Paull & Godders were growing up before the age of television.

For those of you who don't know, Rainbow was a credible children's TV show from the 70's and 80's. This clip was actually broadcast and watched by millions. You may have already seen it but it is amazing that they got away with this. Click here to listen - don't worry about reading the script, just click on the telly screen when it downloads.

I blame my mother for allowing me to watch this and making me into the old perv that I am today.

Team Challenge - Marsh Mellow

The Marsh boys skate to the top of Team Challenge Trophy table at the end of 14 weeks of fierce competition with Aon's Casualty duo of Liz & Mike dropping to 2nd. Aon's Fac and Property teams swap places with the huge AIG contingent in 5th.

At the bottom my boys, Aon Chicago, despite my rather wonderful recent form, remain locked at the foot of the table.

James Bird's arrival at JLT means that the broker joins the competition as Boswell is already there but they start in 9th place. Good luck Birdy by the way.

The best of luck to Lee Day too who joins RSA in January. Lee's departure from Allianz means that they are withdrawn from the competition as the rules state (send a sae for copy) that 2 or more managers must work for the same company.

No holes in Cheesemakers performance

Breaking News 8888 Week 14 scores 8888 Breaking News
Ian Kennett was the surprise winner of week 14's 5 quid after knocking in easily his best score for 11 weeks. Blessed are the cheesemakers tally of 53 moved them up 8 places in the league table to 24th.

Another shocker was luscious Glasgow Kiss hitting their 2nd best effort of the season. Kirstie's 49 points meant she climbed up 7 places to 17th. Can I get a waistcoat has been steadily improving after a terrible start. Jenks' boys scored 41 points and continue their slow climb away from the re-election area. Super Eagles are up 4 spots to 30th after they collected 39, a point more than Robbos on top, West Ham 4 Germany 2 and Flighty Feet.

The weeks lowest score was 11 points courtesy of Carl Dillaway. Up until last week Galacticos FC spent the previous 6 weeks in the top 10, topping out at 5th in week 9. They are now down at 20th after an appalling display last week.

I haven't talked much about Greg Harris this season, which I'm sure pleases Greg greatly but Roffey Rejects hit an all season low in week 14 - it must be the thought of no more fox hunting sessions on a Sunday morning.

Lee Day, who I have just spent 4 days with getting totally wankered and trying to stop Gumbsy molesting young Chicagoan ladies had a dreadful week 14. You got more toes than us, who sat top of the table for 9 of the first 10 weeks, are slipping away badly.

Down at the bottom there was little change although Cheeky Americans moved away from stranded Idiots guide to soccer after an excellent 34 point week.

Tom Finneys splash are out of the bottom 6 for only the 2nd time this season. They smashed 35 points and climb above Californication, The elephant man(ager) and Defoe's Golden XI.

Ginger snap

Breaking News 8888 Week 14 scores 8888 Breaking News
Peter Doyle's Ginger (not so) Athletic inched further away from the chasing pack in week 14. 36 points took him to 491, 8 ahead of Wenners Wannabes who scored 33.

Back Home & Luadjemba stay 3rd & 4th but She fell over are up a place to 5th after scoring 35. With You got more toes and Ready's TBA in reverse the form man Ben Graves hit the top 7 for the first time after West Ham 4 West Germany 2 scored 38 points and the observant Tatters top tips are back in the top 10 after whalloping 43.

Just outside of the top 10 are Lets all beat the Gooners who scored 27, Lamb to the slaughter (28) and Beer Monsters (25).

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Road to Cardiff - Slough spring shock of the round

The magic of the FA Cup is alive and well in Slough after the Rebels knocked out League One Walsall in the 1st Round on Saturday in probably the biggest shock of the round.

Eddie Denton's men looked nervous early on with the Saddlers in control. Player manager and Arsenal legend Paul Merson was running the game from midfield but after seeing off early Walsall pressure Slough took the lead on 24 minutes. IAN HODGES bundled the ball into the back of the net from close range past goalkeeper Mark Paston after a cross from Ryan Spencer.

However just 8 minutes later the Midlanders were back on level terms when DARREN WRACK was on hand to head home from close range after Allaway saved Jorge Leitao's drive.

Early in the second-half Walsall dominated possession with Slough giving the ball away far too easily, however out of the blue Slough took the lead when a cross from Alex Haddow fell to GLEN HARRIS. His shot was blocked on the line, but he was on-hand to score from the rebound.

The away side threw men forward in hope of an equaliser, but the Rebels defence superbly marshalled by skipper Steve Daly, Michael Murphy and man-of-the-match James Saulsbury kept Walsall at bay. Walsall's best chance fell to former Wolves centre-back Neil Emblen. The defenders header hit the top of the bar with the ball rebounding to safety. In the final minutes Walsall substitute Julian Bennett was sent-off for not retreating following a free-kick.

With three minutes of nail-biting injury time minutes the Rebels held on to claim a famous victory - cue wild celebrations at Stag Meadow!

Slough team: Allaway, Josias Carbon, Daly, Saulisdury, Murphy, Alex Haddow, Metcalfe, Harris (Steer 90), Wilkinson, Hodges, Spencer (Seedell 62). Subs Not Used: Moller, Matt Miller, Parkin.
Mom: Saulsbury
Attendance: 2,023

After the game Paul Merson feared he could be sacked following the shock result for Walsall who included ex Palace player Simon Osborn and had ex Addick hero Mark Kinsella on the bench.

Whilst Rebels manager Eddie Denton said: "People did not really give us any chance before the game, but I believed we could win as did the players. I've said all week we're a decent side and when we play our football we can cause any team problems."

Slough Town have a wonderful chance of progressing to the 3rd Round after being drawn at home to local rivals Yeading in the 2nd Round. The match will take place on Saturday 4 December at Windsor & Eton FC’s Stag Meadow, kicking off at 3pm.

Graves digging it

Breaking News 8888 Week 13 scores 8888 Breaking News
33rd to 8th in 5 weeks is what you call pretty good form and that's what Ben Graves is in. West Ham 4 West Germany 2 picked up their first ever N&R FL prize in week 13 after collecting the week's best score of 52 points. Liz Keiller continues to mix it with the big boys after hitting her 2nd best score of the season. She fell over jump 5 places to grab 6th place. Luadjemba are also on sparkling form. Johnny Mc scoring 37 points to move into 4th.

Meanwhile at the top of the fantasy tree Peter Doyle is the sole occupier of the top spot in week 13 after Ginger (not so) Athletic outscored Wenners Wannabes by 5 points. Doyley scoring 37 to Mark's 32. Back home remain 3rd after a 32 point week and You got more toes are unmoved at 4th after scoring 26.

In fact I am writing this just a couple of hours before Lee Day and Tony Gumbs arrive in Chicago for what I am expecting will be a quiet and cultured weekend. I have my slippers and pipe at the ready!

Tatters top tips is still showing colleague Barry Plummer the way to go after another fine week. Nigel was the 3rd best scorer with 38 points and are now in 11th. Let's all beat the Gooners are upto 13th after securing 37 points and Sweaty, who alongside Danny Rose is currently having a guided tour of Thailand with my old mucker Ready (more on that another day), climbed to 18th after Rose to be ruined by ladyboys hammered 35 points.

Elsewhere in the top 10, Danny's reposte to Lee, Sweaty will be shagging shemales drop a place to 10th whilst Keith's team TBA dropped to 7th. Galacticos drop out of the top 10 for the first time in 7 weeks - it's probably the thought of having to do the Who, Which & Why?

The biggest loser was Dougal lookalike Rob Beere who fell an astonishing 7 places in a congested top half of the table to 14th after Beer Monsters scored 18.

Rutter in freefall

Breaking News 8888 Week 13 scores 8888 Breaking News
Rutts is in freefall down the N&R FL table. Goonersmoan collected the week's worst score of 13 points and are now in 31st and is the lowest of anyone in his team which will embarrass the proud Gooner no end I am sure. Meg & Hannah's bears only scored slightly better with 15 and slip 4 places. 15 points was also the unlucky number for Happy Hammers who lose 2 places and the wet dream team of Barwick & Du Toit. Flighty feet after a good run of form crash 6 places down the league table.

There was better news for Mark Dewberry who has witnessed a knat's chuff like Spurs suddenly forget about defending and let in 8 goals in two Premiership games. Cue angst from all of those managers (like me) who signed Yid defenders thinking Santini was the new George Graham.

Mark's Defoe's (sorry, he is a cnut) Golden XI rattled in 34 points in an impressive performance to move out of the re-election zone. The Elephant man(ager) is back in it though despite scoring 27 and Califoirnication and Tom Finney's splash all lose ground. The bottom two remain the same.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Just a thought....

A cautionary tale....

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure because....

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant

Friday, November 12, 2004

Who, which & why?

This season's fantasy questionnaire is entitled Who, which & why? Everyone should be in receipt of a copy, let me know if you need another one.

For those of you who have been around for a while you will know that we do this every season with some very funny results.

I've kept it simple because I know that's how you like it. There are a number of questions followed by a list. Choose one answer and explain why.

I look forward to your replies which will appear weekly.
Nobs

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Wannabe startin' something

Breaking News 8888 Week 12 scores 8888 Breaking News
There's another new manager at the top of the pile after week 12. Mark Wenman hit the week's best score of 39 and joins Peter Doyle at the summit on 418 points, a clear 20 ahead of Barry Paull's Back home who reach their highest position of 3rd after whacking 31.

Wenners Wannabe's have been in the top 7 since mid September and his first prize money was well deserved after consistently hitting good scores since the opening week. Ginger (not so) Athletic's stay at the top of the league continues after they scored 27 points.

Both You got more toes than us and TBA lose ground for the 3rd consecutive week whilst Beer Monster's surge back into 7th place after hitting 26. Ping Pong Yo-Yo stay 6th whilst Galacticos FC and She fell over both lose 2 places.

If I say so myself, Nobby is on the rise (pun intended) after scoring 31 in week 12. Make it a supersize are now 20th.

Brian at a snails pace


Breaking News 8888 Week 12 scores 8888 Breaking News
The beauty of fantasy league football. Brian Dougal last week hit his season best score. 7 days later he manages his and the rest of the league's worst. Brian, deflated after 59,000,000 of his compatriots voted for a blithering idiot (click for game), then went and mustered just 3 frickin' points in week 12 - even Dubya would have scored more than that - jeez!

With Cheeky (and stupid) Americans scoring 21, Idiots guide to soccer are now 37 points adrift at the bottom of the table.

And as for Chris Waterman, you're even worse my old son. Reasonably intelligent, I always thought, Arsenal season ticket holder, father, husband, senior position at AIG and not even related to the Greenberg's! You matched Brian's weekly score of 3 points, how embarrassing. Californication slide back into the bottom 6 as Can I get a waistcoat and The elephant man(ager) profit.

Goonersmoan are also in a real rut (get it?) after scoring 6, that is just 13 points in 2 weeks - compared to colleague Ben Graves' 85 points!

These are now the season's worst weekly scores:

1. Brian Dougal, 3 points, week 12
1. Chris Waterman, 3 points, week 12
3. Mark Dewberry, 4 points, week 10
4. Brian Rutter, 6 points, week 12
5. Brian Rutter, 7 points, week 11
6. Tim Feldbruegge, 8 points, week 6

By the way Dougal, The Magic Roundabout film is released in February 2005 if you want to see yourself on the big screen. Maybe we could arrange a team outing?

There will be prizes for naming the Magic Roundabout characters after fellow fantasy league managers. Email me on simon_newport@ars.aon.com or add comments below.

Ben not in Grave danger at all

Breaking News 8888 Week 12 scores 8888 Breaking News
Ben Graves had another impressive week in the N&R FL. 36 points for West Ham 4 West Germany 2 who have climbed 18 places in 4 weeks as they make their mark in Ben's first season.

Dale Allstars scored well in week 12. Neil hit 32 points and moved up the table 4 places. 32 was also the score of Paul Kelleher. Lupo's Filthy Love climbed 2 spots to 27th. Other manager's who were having a quiet time but sprung to life in week 12 were Alan Oakley, Alex Boswell and the girlie combo of Barwick & Du Toit.

Oaker's Better than 2nd managed 31 points and clamber 2 places to 31st, a place above Alex's Meg & Hannah's bears who scored 28. Flighty Feet are stepping up the pace after a fine week. Catherine & Karen danced their way to 30 points and the top half of the table.

Road to Cardiff - Slough Town review


Slough, commonly known as Sluff are our new champions on the Road to Cardiff. Now apart from Tracey Ullman and Industrial Estates Slough has not given us much else has it? But Slough have had a football team since 1890.

The club was officially founded in 1890 after the amalgamation of the Swifts, Slough Albion and the Young Mens' Friendly Society, who between them forged a new club, Slough FC. Slough joined with Erith and Belvedere, Tottenham (for whom it hasn't got much better), Old St. Stephens, Polytechnic, Windsor and Eton, and Upton Park to play regular league football for the first time two seasons later in the Southern Alliance. See, now you know.

Here is some more interesting stuff on The Rebels:
  • The club was forced into receivership in 1991 but were rescued by ex Millwall chairman Alan Thorne.
  • They have had more recent problems after their expulsion from the Conference in 1998 due to not having enough seats in their ground.
  • Palace legend Dave Kemp and Spurs legend Graham Roberts have both been managers at Slough.
  • They played Walton & Hersham in the FA Amateur Cup final at Wembley Stadium in front of 41,000 spectators in 1973.
  • They currently play at Stag Meadow, the home of Windsor and Eton until the lease problems of their home Wexham Park are sorted out.
  • Recent times have seen Slough reach the FA Cup first round on two occasions, narrowly losing both times against Macclesfield, on penalties after forcing a replay, and North West Counties League Harrogate Railway, going down 2-1 at Wexham Park.
  • They now play in the Ryman Premier League.
  • Team colours are Amber & Black.
  • Manager is Eddie Denton
  • Team captain and defender is Steve Daly.
  • Watch out for Ian Hodges who is their most prolific striker.

For more information click onto the excellent fan site Rebels on Line.

Where the big game on Saturday against Paul Merson's Walsall will take place. Look out for the game on BBC Match of the Day. Come on The Rebels.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Road to Cardiff - Salisbury unlucky to go out

A bumper crowd of 1,195 saw Slough Town secure a place in the FA Cup 1st Round with a hard fought 3-2 victory against Salisbury City. This means we have another team to follow in this season's Road to Cardiff.

On Saturday Slough Town will host Paul Merson's League One side Walsall. Slough, nicknamed The Rebels are currently 15th in the Ryman Premier League, a point ahead of Salisbury City. This is how Slough saw off City:

With only two minutes on the clock a free kick was harshly awarded for a foul on Darron Wilkinson 20 yards from goal and ALEX HADDOW curled an exquisite left foot shot around the wall and into the bottom corner to silence the large travelling Salisbury support.

Their silence didn’t last long however as they were back on level terms within three minutes. A cross was curled into Slough's area, ROBERT MATTHEWS climbed higher than the retreating defenders to plant a firm header down and into the net past Jake Whincup.

Slough were lucky to remain in front after a series of goalmouth scrambles with Whincup struggling to command his area amongst the tall Salisbury forwards so it was against the run of play when Town regained the lead after 16 minutes. A corner on the left was played towards the penalty spot with pinpoint accuracy by Glen Harris and was met by IAN HODGES to power the ball past Kevin Sawyer with a bullet header.

Salisbury were fired up at the start of the second half although Slough fans would have been disappointed at the way their team sat back and invited the visitors on the offense and it was no real shock when City equalised.

A long throw into the Rebels’ penalty area was flicked on and the ball struck Wilkinson high on the upper arm. Despite Slough protests that it was ball to hand rather than the other way round the spot kick was awarded and ADAM WALLACE stroked the ball to Whincup’s left as he went the other way.

The visitors had been in the ascendancy for long periods before their equaliser although it was the home side that responded better to the Salisbury goal, mounting a greater number of attacks than at any point during the second half.

As both sides pushed for a winner although it was the home side that finally settled the tie with a goal two minutes before the end of normal time. Carbon collected the ball again just outside the six-yard box, almost sitting on it as he tried to fend off challenges. Managing to get the ball out from under his feet, he found DARRON WILKINSON with a clever back heel and the left foot shot from the veteran midfielder spun into the net via the despairing outstretched hand of Kevin Sawyer.

In 5 minutes of added time Salisbury bombarded the Slough goal but The Rebel's hung on for a famous victory, made all the more sweeter when Walsall were drawn out of the hat to play them.

Man of the match : Alex Haddow
Attendance: 1,195

An open letter from the Home Office to the people of America

Re: Colonising the United States

An open letter from the Home Office to the people of America.

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a suitable President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation
of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealth's and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part.

Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh.

You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is
an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as
"Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g.
Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast British actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast British actors to play British characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy
American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not
involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).

We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".

You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2th will be a new national holiday, but only in Britain. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager". The substances formerly known
as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From December 1st Britain will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. Britain will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, British petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your cooperation.

Monday, November 08, 2004

Premiership Plus

With almost a third of the season gone already (scary eh?) it's about time N&R gave some thought to the Premiership season so far.

Arsenal, after looking like they were going to run away with the title undeafeated, suddenly lost. A piece of pizza and a bowl of Heinz minestrone was thrown and they haven't won since, drawing to what would have once been the easy fodder of Southampton & Crystal Palarse. Meanwhile the Chel$ea dream chugs on. Top of their Champions League group and now 2 points clear at the top of the Prem. Is this going to be the first time in 10 years that someone other than Arse & Man U win the title (Bondy will get his wish)?

Behind the top 2 are not Man Utd, Liverpool or Newcastle but Rooney less Everton, Bolton, Middlesbrough and Aston Villa. All four have had wonderful starts.

Everton are all about hard work, conceding just 11 goals. Bolton are brimming with confidence and look like they can beat anyone on their day, Boro's 'free' transfer signings of Viduka, Hasselbaink and Boudewijn Zenden are all doing the business and maybe after spending about a zillion pounds on wages Boro can join the elite? I did say maybe.

As for Villa, David O'Leary is proving he is a good manager, I thought he did a good job at Leeds too but his record was tarnished by all the financial doings.

Newcastle have lost their last two matches and the honeymoon period is now over for Graeme Souness and it will be interesting to see how they respond this week with Chelsea in the Carling Cup on Wednesday and United in the League on Sunday.

Liverpool are just too inconsistent. At times, expecially offensively they look like the old Liverpool, then they go and lose at home to Birmingham who had won just one game all season. Even sick note scored!

United have massive fire power - Van Nis, Rooney, Saha, Smith, Forlan (okay I'm joking about Forlan) but this is a team in transition and maybe Europe or the Cups is their best chance of glory but the squad is so young that the United dynasty is only resting and will be back.

Pompey, the Addicks, Fulham on the back of two great results and Man City sit around midtable followed by Tottenham - who I must admit thought would be top of the table by now because they are so good!

Birmingham, despite splashing big money in the summer, have had a poor start to the campaign but had a real confidence boost after their first win at Anfield in 25 years on Saturday. Palarse are now 4 games unbeaten (3 in the league) and if they can keep Andy Johnson through the 4 weeks of January then they have a great chance of staying up.

There has been plenty of talk about Charlton & Curbishley among Addicks fans but the Curbs out minority need look no further than the bottom four places in the table. Three of the sides West Brom, Southampton & Blackburn have all sacked or lost their managers this season and although it is too early to tell if Bryan Robson (the expected new manager of the Baggies....well he did such a great job at Bradford didn't he?) will move WBA up the table, it certainly is food for thought for over expectant fans and chairman alike. Watch out Spurs, the omens are not good!

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

My kinda town

Well the day has finally arrived, election day. It seems like the whole time I have been in the States everyone has been banging on about it. God knows what I am going to watch on television tomorrow night? I guess I could always tune into the new series of The Swan.

The polls opened on the East Coast at 6am (5 hours behind the UK) and the last booth will close in Alaska tonight at around 6am GMT. Analysts predict the biggest turnout for 40 years, approximately 1.25m people which is 75% of the total illegible to vote and I am told the queues at polling stations are huge. In fact returning from getting my lunch a moment ago I had this ridiculous conversation with a guy who recognised me from the hour long line at Irving Park this morning. He asked me how long I waited and what time I got there and we talked about how amazing it all was.

Of course it wasn't me, I can't vote I'm just a poor British bloke who thinks they are all mad but hey I didn't have the heart to tell him.

Monday, November 01, 2004

Can Pete go like a rabbit?


Breaking News 8888 Week 11 scores 8888 Breaking News
Week 11 witnessed the season's 3rd table topper when Pete Doyle's Ginger (not so) Athletic stormed into 1st place above You got more toes than us after scoring 46 points. Old Ginger Rabbit used to be re-election fodder up until a couple of season's ago and was unlucky last year not to win a prize after being in and around the top ten for long periods of the season so it will be interesting to see if he has got the stamina (of a rabbit, perhaps) to stick around.

After Doyley's climb of 3 places, Wenners Wannabe's & TBA all slip a spot whilst Back Home had another good one scoring 41 points. Barry has been very consistent this season scoring around the 30-40 mark most weeks and is now in season high of 5th.

Luadjemba drop another 2 places to 8th after managing just 24 and Glenn Francis' Lamb to the slaughter are finding it tough at the minute, 25 points meant another drop of 2 places to 12th. Glenn was 6th a month ago.

Gains for She fell over, back in the top 10 after scoring 36, Beer Monsters who move up 3 places after hitting 37 and Lets all beat the gooners (well you got your wish Mark) who have started to make an impact on this season's competition for the first time. 13th now, a climb of 16 places in 5 weeks for the Cockney (well Croydon) Red.

Supersize me up

Breaking News 8888 Week 11 scores 8888 Breaking News
Hehe, this is what it is all about. Watch out you lot at the top Nobby's season has started. Make it a supersize top scored in week 11 after rattling in 50 points and moved into a title threatening 25th place, 78 points behind the leader Ginger (not so) Athletic. Now all I need to do is avoid picking anymore Charlton tossers and the title is insight.

Another manager we have heard very little about is new boy Ben Graves. Ben works in Global Risks for young Mr Rutter and has had a inconspicuous start to the season. However in week 11 Ben's West Ham 4 Germany 2 (can't believe you Hammers boys still bang on about this) hit 49 big ones and sauntered 8 places into the top half of the table.

The rather sexy duo of Barrett & Baxter were also having a quiet time in the lower reaches of the table but 46 points moved Woody's Warriors further away from the drop zone.

The sweatmeister also did well last week, Rose to be ruined by a ladyboy whacked 41 points and climbed 4 places. Two other sides also gained some ground. Bondy's Someone other than Arse or Man U scored 40 and Moulsters' Molesters scored 39 and are now in 16th and 29th respectively.

After last weeks appalling score of 4 points, Mark Dewberry deserves some credit for bouncing back in week 11 with 37 points with the same team which just shows the nature of the game. Defoe's golden XI improve one place.

And bugger me sideways Brian Dougal's Idiots guide collected far and away their best score of the season, knocking in 37 points to close the gap on countryman Tim Feldbruegge to 19 points. Tim's Cheeky Americans scored 29.

Plummer reaches all time low

Breaking News 8888 Week 11 scores 8888 Breaking News
Brian Rutter is heading for a re-election battle unless he arrests Goonersmoan slide down the table. In the top 10 5 weeks ago, Rutts is now down to 19th after scoring week 11's lowest score of 7 points - the 2nd worst of the season. Another suprise is the dreadful start by 2Infinity & beyond. For the 4th time in 9 scoring week's Barry scored under 25 points and they sink 8 places to 31st and without looking at the record books that is probably his lowest ever position.

John Tiernan may need to get his head out from under Dipak's skirt because he is also heading in the wrong direction. A season low of 18 points in week 11 saw Super Eagles drop 7 to 37th.

Meanwhile in the bottom 6, Can I get a waistcoat moved above the drop zone for the first time since the first week of the season and Tom Finney's splash were back in the mire after leaving it for 7 whole days.