Photograph of the week

They say you can only catch swine flu through infected pigs………. I heard Jack Tweed was shitting himself!!!

Black Magic

Breaking News 8888888 Week 36 News
Steve Black, now back in Atlanta after a few years in Chicago will be pleased with his week 36 MoW success. In fact he might celebrate this morning with his daily pint of Guinness and some eggs. A nice round half century for Steve and he moves up 6 places into the prized top 10 spots in the Finals Table.

Ian Kennett's Who you calling big nose as per usual is a making a very late run for some dosh. Ian has moved up 7 places in the past 2 weeks in the Plate and another 38 gave him another push in week 36. The 3rd best score was had by Glenn's Lamb to the slaughter, another known latecomer but he looks like having too much to do in the Plate to make a prize spot.

Dave's Curbishley is shit was next with 37 points, now well away from the bottom of the 2nd tier. 35 for league leader Bollocks to Insurance and The Pohutukawas and one more than the gorgeous Sherons' ready to fac. Four managers notched 31 pts, namely Neil's Gooner Win League, Chris' Student Ninjas, Paul & Christian's Brighton Blues and Alex's Megan & Hannah's Bears.

And 30 was had by Kirsty's Glasgow Kiss, keeping our little haggis in the title race, one more point than your very own Nobby's Bermuda shorts. The lowest score of the week was a partnership of James Down and Francey and Ben, who seem to have lost their way. Both Keep The Faith and Beaver Ruin FC made 7.

When the music stops

Breaking News 8888888 Week 36 Grand Final Update
Exciting eh? Godders' Bollocks to Insurance regain the lead at the top of the table by a solitary point over Gooner win league. Six weeks remain in the race for the title and with Glasgow kiss 38 points, although doable, perhaps the title race will come down to our long time leaders Pete & Neil.

Between these two, one a N&R veteran and one a rookie they have held the lead for 28 of the 36 weeks. The other leaders being Rutts, Ready, Soozie, James Down, Plummer and remarkably Razor Nathan!

In 4th behind Kirsty is Loads of Roubles, John being 60 oints behind Neil in 2nd. And in 5th Boys on tour a whole 71 behind the leading pair.

The battle for the top 10 places is well and truly on however, just 64 points separate Oakers' Towels on the bench in 7th and Shay's The Pohutukawas in 18th.

Coming up Roses

Breaking News 8888888 Losers Plate Week 36 Update
Sizzling Saveloys Bangers still lead the Plate 14 points ahead of new into 2nd place Arsene Knows, up from 4th. Gerrardinho remains in 3rd but Pk's Tallywacker's Bukkake Marathon slip out of the prizes.

Panzos Projectiles and Gooonersmoan swap places and Bingo FC climb 3 places, just 40-odd points behind 3rd. Dynamo Kebab remain in 8th, with Hannoi Utd in 9th and Leigh's Shinawatras Dream in 10th.

With 6 weeks left I hope thoose outside the top 10 still have the desire (or time) because I think those sides all the way down to Ginger Rapids in 18th still have a chance of making the top 3.

Week 36 reminder

Saturday 18 April
The Villians continued their stuttering end to the season with a draw at home to West Ham. Tristan equalising Heskey's firsthalf goal. Kanu got Pompey's vital winner over Bolton, Boro were held by Foolham 0-0, The Potters had a huge win at home to Blackburn, whilst Cisse's goal was massive for Sunderland over struggling Hull.

Sunday 19 April
Mush maligned Darren Bent scored his 17th goal of the season - 11 more than Defore and Keane combined - to help the Spudz to beat Shearer, Shearer's Newcastle 1-0. And in an entertaining game at Eastlands Citeh beat the Baggies 4-2. Robinho getting his first goals in ages. His goals now working out to £300,000,000 per goal.

Tuesday 21 April
However the best was saved for Tuesday as Arsenal and Liverpool played out a terrific 4-4 draw at Anfield. Arshavin putting the Gooners in front, Torres pulling one back just after half-time, Benayoun then putting them in the lead before Arshavin scoring twice in three minutes to make it 3-2. The superb Torres then made it 3-3 before Arshavin looked to have won it on 90 minutes only for the Israeli Benayoun to snatch a draw in the 3rd minute of injury time.

FA Cup Semi Final's
These games take on extra significance at the end of the season for all N&R FL managers. If you have the right players, then these added points can take you above competitors.

In the first game Malouda and Drogba deservedly gave Chelsea a 2-1 win over Arsenal. Walcott scoring for Arse. Then on the Sunday Everton beat Man U on pens. 0-0 after 90 mins. No points for the penalties I'm afraid.

N&R Cup 2nd Rd Replay

42 places separate Greg Foulger from Paul Hargis in the N&R FL pyramid yet this didn't stop Paul pulling off a big shock in the replay beating Greg to move into the 3rd Round where he will play Kirsty Baillie.

N&R 2nd Round Replay Result:
Paul Hargis 28 - 19 Greg Foulger

Plumm picker

Breaking News 8888888 Week 35 News

Barry Plummer picked up his first MoW award of the season as 2Infinity & Beyond blasted to a 46-point score and a place nearer the top of the Grand Final League Table. In 2nd during week 35 was Nobby's Bermuda Shorts, with 43. I am hoping a couple of little transfers move be back into the big time.

Next was Curbishley is s**t with 41, we have between us girls been disappointed in Wizzo's comeback season. It started badly and never improved but it was a good week from Dave nonetheless. Also with 41 was Elland (Glad) Back, and on 40 Chicago's best Hot Pink Center.

Soozies and her Succulent Sizzlers, due to move into her dream house shortly scored a 39, just think her and Sav can sit in bed working out their week's scores. Ah, bless.

38 for new table-topper Gooner win league, 37 from title challengers Loads of Roubles FC and Ian's Who are you calling Big Nose. 35 from both Torres Rosso and Team GB and 'just' 33 from Godders' Bollocks to Insurance, enough for him to lose the top spot after 12 weeks at the helm.

Bangers open 10 point margin

Breaking News 8888888 Losers Plate Week 35 Update
Top 3 'erberts remain the same. But Pk's Tallywacker's Bukkake Marathon slip to 10 points behind Ryan's Sizzling Saveloys Bangers. Gerrardinho, Arsene Knows and Goonersmoan all still with a great chance.

Further down the table Mark's World Champions continue to look like anything but, they are now in 21st place. The No-Hopers remain in the prized Penultimate Place.

Neil league leader

Breaking News 8888888 Week 35 Grand Final Update

Neil Reynolds back on top after 12 weeks. Gooner win league move 3 points ahead of Pete's Bollocks to Insurance and with Glasgow Kiss just 34 points away in 3rd and Loads of Roubles and Boys on tour still in the hunt we think we are in for an exciting final 7 weeks of the season.

McGowan and Foulger swapped places and Barry's week winning 2Infinity & beyond moved above Towels on the bench into 6th.

Soozie's succulent sizzlers remain in 8th but Hot Pink Center move into 9th with Gunners Bandits slip to 10th.

Outside the top 10 Torres Rosso, Elland (Glad) Back, Student Ninjas, In Tatters, Brighton Blues, Bent it like Bentley, Guinnes & eggs, The Pohutukawas and Nobby's Bermuda shorts are all tightly packed together and anyone of these players could make a run for the top 10. Less than 40 points split 10th from 19th.

With a little bit more to do are Preston Pie Munchers and Sheron's ready to fac.

Clement Freud RIP

Writer, broadcaster, politician, gambler, television panelist, father, serviceman and chef. But I remember him as the grumpy bloke on the dog food adverts!

Clement Freud died last week aged 84, grandson of psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud and the brother of artist Lucian Freud and His five children include PR executive Matthew Freud and TV presenter Emma Freud. He is survived by his wife of 59 years, the actor Jill Freud. RIP. Obituary here.

Photograph of the week

Despite only starting 12 games this season out of Man Utd's 148, no one will begrudge Giggs the PFA Player of the Year award. The trophy voted on by other players. Giggs is the most decorated player in English football history. Giggsy has won 10 top division English league title medals. Giggs was the first player in history to win two consecutive PFA Young Player of the Year awards (1992 and 1993) and is the only player to have played and scored in every single season of the Premier League since its inception, also holding the league's record for most all time goal assists.



He has 2 Champions League winners medals, 4 FA Cup winners medals, 3 League Cup winners medals, he has win 1 UEFA Super Cup, 1 Intercontinental Cup and 1 FIFA Club World Cup plus 7 Charity Shields of whatever they call them now plus 64 caps, not bad for someone who never played in a friendly or an away game that he needed his passport for!



Despite all that he is still best known for that wonder goal against Arsenal in the FA Cup Semi Final. The slalom through the Arsenal defence before unleashing an unstoppable shot into the roof of David Seaman’s goal. But not the goal, the celebration afterwards.

Week 35 reminder

Saturday 11th April
Chelsea got a real fright at home to Bolton, cruisng a 4-0 lead with goals by Drogba (2), Lampard and Ballack then fell apart as Wanderers came storming back. The Blues held on though. Meanwhile Liverpool easily beat Blackburn 4-0, Rafa thought it was easy anyhow. Man U won at Sunderland with Macheda again getting the winner.

Arsenal beat Wigan 4-1, Tottenham beat the Happy Hammers in the local derby at the Lane, Pavlyuchenko scoring the important goal.

At the other end of the table, Newcastle got a late important equaliser at the Brittania. Pompey and WBA shared the spoils 2-2, in the huge game at the Roverside Boro beat Hull, who lost again.

Sunday 12th April
Villa and Everton drew 3-3 in a thriller and Foolham put another nail in Sparkie's coffin at Eastlands they beat City 3-1.

N&R Cup 3rd Round draw

Yet again I am in the office, when I should still be in bed, so bollocks to it I'm going to make the N&R Cup 3rd Round draw now. Here goes:

N&R Cup 3rd Round Draw:
Danny Rose v Barry Plummer
Danny Matthews v Chris Wright
Kirsty Baillie v Greg Foulger or Paul Hargis
Ian Kennett v Aaron Barden
Mark Wenman v Rob Munden
Alex Byatt v Neil Reynolds
Simon Ward v Tim Feldbruegge & Frank Malloy
Leigh Langton v Ben Graves

Some interesting draws there. In an all Aon derby Neil Reynolds takes on Alex Byatt. If Greg Foulger can overcome Paul Hargis in a replay we will have the tantalising prospect of a top of the table clash between Greg and Kirsty Baillie.

In two ties we have a somewhat clash of the titans, four of the more experienced N&R FL members come up against each other. Danny Rose will take on high flyer Barry Plummer and Mark Wenman hosts Rob Munden.

All ties will take place over week 37, i.e. this weekend's matches.

N&R Cup 2nd Round Results

Week 35 was the 2nd Round of the N&R Cup. Looking at the below ties, there was easy victories for Kennett, Rose, Langton, Plummer, Munden, Reynolds, Feldbruegge/Malloy, Graves and Wright.

But a couple of match-ups went very close, none other than the draw between Foulger and Hargis. If Greg can shake of his swine flu, then the replay will be next week (week 36).

In other close games, Wenners beat Mongo 35-30, Chong squeezed past the joint efforts of Harrington & Hillier. In a lesson for joint managers Byatt beat both Francey & Guarino and Wardy beat Rutts.

In another tight encounter Kirsty saw off Jason Syrett by the odd point in 59. Here are the full results:

Ian Kennett 37 - 21 James Down
Mark Wenman 35 - 30 Ian Monohan
Richard Nathan 28 - 35 Aaron Barden
Danny Rose 31 - 21 Keith Read
Leigh Langton 29 - 11 Colin Panzetta
Ryan Saveall 28 - 46 Barry Plummer
Rob Munden 41 - 16 Steve Black
Danny Matthews 23 - 20 Wayne Harrington / Tom Hillier
Alex Byatt 26 - 22 Ian France / Ben Guarino
Neil Reynolds 38 - 26 Shay Reddy
Pam Ross 25 - 40 Tim Felbruegge / Frank Malloy
Jason Syrett 29 - 30 Kirsty Baillie
Greg Foulger 17 - 17 Paul Hargis (Replay in week 36)
Ben Graves 32 - 21 Peter Doyle
Chris Wright 32 - 14 Alan Oakley
Simon Ward 23 - 19 Brian Rutter

All the teams in red will go into the hat for the 3rd Round, which will be played over week 37.

Week 35 delay

Due to circumstances outside of our control week 35's results will be delayed for a short while. Please come back soon.

Week 34 reminder

No week 33 scores due to the international break, so a well earnt rest. This is a quick run down of what happened last weekend:

Saturday
Arsenal comfortably beat Man City, who have won just once on the road this season. Adebayor getting both goals. Ooer Ooijer scored a late goal to fell Spurs at Ewood after Palacios was sent off. Middlesbrough are looking at the trapdoor after they gto hammered at Bolton 4-1. Benayoun scored Liverpool's regular injury time goal away at Foolham.

At the KC 'Ull and Pompey played out a miserable 0-0 draw, Beattie and Fuller scored very important goals for Stoke at WBA. And West Ham won easily over Sunderland 2-0 with Tomkins and Stanislas getting the goals.

Then at the Shearer homecoming Chelsea ruined it all by beating the Toon 2-0, Fat Frank and Malouda getting the 2nd half goals.

Sunday
United won it late at home to Villa in a thrilling encounter. 12-year old Italian Macheda scoring an absolute peach after Ronaldo had equalised in the 80th minute.

Jo twice, big haired Fellaini and Osman each scored in Everton's catwalk at home to Wigan and oh look at that top 6. What a shocker!

Gooner just 2 pts behind Godders

Breaking News 8888888 Week 34 Grand Final Update
The top 4 are again unchanged but look closer. Gooner win league are just 2 points behind B*llocks to insurance and Glasgow kiss and Boys on tour are all in spitting distance.

In 5th now are Loads of Roubles with Towels on the bench slipping to 6th. 2Infinity & beyond remain in 7th and Soozie moves upto 8th. Gunners Bandits and Hot Pink Center stick in 9th and 10th.

Below the leaders In Tatters move up 7 places and Student Ninjas 3. Preston Pie Munchers remain bottom with 8 weeks left.

Bang on

Breaking News 8888888 Losers Plate Week 34 Update

The top two, the mouthful of Tallywacker's Bukkake Marathon and the tasty Sizzling Saveloys Bangers, who interchange again at the top for the 3rd week. Ryan leads Pk now by a single point. Into 3rd go Gerrardinho, a climb from 4th. Last week's 3rd team Arsene Knows fall to 6th.

Remaining in 4th are Panzo Projectiles celebrating his 1,000th point of the season, with 5th Goonersmoan nicely climbing the table.

Not far behind are Hannoi Utd and Dynamo Kebab with a little gap to Bingo FC and then Pot Noodle. Pure Irish, Shinawatras Dream, Keep The Faith, Beaver Ruin FC and all the way down to 15th and Lovejoy's Lovelies are all still well in contention.

In the Penultimate spot remain the No Hopers, with Rochdale's finest Cyril Smith last.

Top Tat

Breaking News 8888888 Week 34 News
Nigel's In Tatters won their first weekly season prize in week 34 after the FL resumed following the international break.

Nigel won with a score of 56, one more than Goonersmoan, who continue their move up the Losers Plate table and three more than Loads of Roubles.

Lovejoy hit 47 and then followed Soozie's succulent sausages with 45 and Pam's St Mirnoff with a 44. Pot Noodle and Lamb to the slaughter were next up on 42 with Gerrardinho and Keep the faith on 41. Pure Irish and Brighton Blues both scored 40.

The week's lowest score was 8 pts from Californication.

Photograph of the week

Luton beat Scunthorpe 3-2 in the Johnstones Paint Pot in one of the most exciting games to grace the new Wembley. More than 40,000 Hatters fans filling one half of Wembley had been able to muster themselves into the shape of two fingers, like the couple of Glasgow Rangers twats then doubtless the symbolism would have been directed squarely at the dignitaries in the Royal Box and not in a nice way.

But instead, they unfurled flags of St George announcing "Thanks 4 Sweet FA" and booed every time mention was made of the watching Lord Mawhinney, the League chairman. "They [the fans] were fantastic and their protests were in a fitting manner," said Luton manager Mick Harford.

N&R Cup 2nd Round draw

Here we go, the draw for the 2nd Round of the N&R Cup as chosen by two well known insurance execs down at the wine bar. Ties will take place this weekend, week 35.

N&R 2nd Round:
Ian Kennett v James Down
Mark Wenman v Ian Monohan
Richard Nathan v Aaron Barden
Danny Rose v Keith Read
Leigh Langton v Colin Panzetta
Ryan Saveall v Barry Plummer
Rob Munden v Steve Black
Danny Matthews v Wayne Harrington / Tom Hillier
Alex Byatt v Ian France / Ben Guarino
Neil Reynolds v Shay Reddy
Pam Ross v Tim Felbruegge / Frank Malloy
Jason Syrett v Kirsty Baillie
Greg Foulger v Paul Hargis
Ben Graves v Peter Doyle
Chris Wright v Alan Oakley
Simon Ward v Brian Rutter

Some intriguing ties, the game of the round should be Jason v Kirsty however Rose v Ready, Saveall v Plummer and Wardy v Rutter all look too close to call.

Simply, whoever gets the most points in week 35 wins the tie and progresses to the last 16.

April Fool

The best and biggest April Fool of them all. Alan Shearer is to leave his comfy sofa on the BBC to help rescue Newcastle United from relegation from the Premier League with the help of.... Iain Dowie!

Yep Dowie is finally moving north after all but the rumour that Gary Lineker is to sign on an emergency loan has yet to be confirmed.

Out of the blue this morning Newcastle's favourite son has announced he will finally go back home but probably not at a time most expected. Every Newcastle manager since Shearer retired from playing in 2006 has worked under the gauntlet that one day Shearer would be given the key to the manager's office and they would be turfed out. What now for Joe Kinnear and Chris Hughton I wonder?

Newcastle's run in is difficult and credit is due to Shearer for taking on their plight, but appointing Iain Dowie as your assistant? It's hardly an audacious start. Of course Geordies everywhere have their shirts off and are singing in the streets at the announcement, I just hope for their sakes this really isn't an April Fool. As for the rest of the country the Toon soap opera once again becomes more interesting than Coronation St.