Saturday, December 31, 2005

Happy New Year

Do I go out and get absolutely wankered or do I do week 18, 19 and 20's N&R FL scores? No, you're right, see you later.

Hope you and yours have a wonderful New Year. Hope to see or speak to you soon.

Happy New Year
Nobby & Ready

Friday, December 30, 2005

My kinda town

I always have trouble getting my Mum a birthday card because they only have 'Mom' cards here. I kind of get used to that because the stupid Yanks can't spell, but what really gets on my goat is Christmas cards.

Could I find a card that said Happy or Merry Christmas on it? Could I diddly. 'Happy Holidays' cards shout. 'Have a wonderful Holiday time' they say inside. Fuck that, holiday to me means a flight, a few beers, some sun and a lie down, not Santa Claus, figgy pudding, holly and the ivy or mince pies.

This country has gotten so ridiculously politically correct that they were even calling the Christmas trees, 'Holiday trees'. What's a fucking Holiday tree. Where do they grow?

Of course the reason American's are afraid to celebrate the real reason of Christmas is that they are frightened to upset minorities, such as Muslims. When the Yanks suddenly started to worry about the welfare of Muslims I never know. "Oops, we musn't pull that Christmas cracker in earshot of that Muslim chap." they say. "But hey we can truly fuck up one of their historic countries for ever, now that's alright, sure...."

Today celebrating Christmas is not just about religion - blimey Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the red-nose reindeer, brussel sprouts, jingle bells were not mentioned in the bible are far as I know, so if people don't want to believe in it, then fine..... get out of the fucking shops and back to work.

And in the meantime America, give us back our Christmas, this PC thing is getting out of hand.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Soozie Quattro

Breaking news 8888 Week 17 scores
I'm a bit behind with the N&R FL, you may have realised, you may have not? However back in the week 17, roughly the first weekend in December (to refresh your memory Charlton lost - oh that doesn't really help does it?), the unthinkable happened.

Suzie Syrett swept to her 4th in 5 weeks MoW award. Another fiver for the lovely young thing from Essex and a charge into a breathtaking 3rd place for Ping Pong Yo-Yo. Suzie scored a massive 78 points - not bad for a week with just one round of games and that is now a masterly 281 points in 5 weeks and a climb of 33 league places. Congrats Sooz.

4 points behind her in week 17 was Ian Kennett. Ian has been in slumber mode all season but dramatically woke up in early December to record a 74 point score - a climb of 11 places for He's not the messiah....

One of the other N&R FL form teams is Californication. Chris is now in 4th after notching 67 points. London Irish scored well too with 63 as did colleague Neil Cryer whose Rochdaletastic who after doing well the week previously moved out of the re-election zone in week 17 after scoring 59.

Other excellent weeks were had by PK's Blue Lagooners (56), Chicago Addick (56), Ken Bates' beard (55) and 2Infinity & beyond (54).

New guard in top 5

Breaking news 8888 Week 17 scores
During the past 2 months the top of the table has had a steady feel to it. Of course Godders and Heppers lead the way but the following group has remained pretty much the same. We did lose Kirsty and Dewberry but names like Wenners, Murray, PK and Plummer have been a regular feature. Until now.

Let me introduce the new guard storming the top of the table and getting ready for a new year's title face-off. Suzie has had a magnificent 5 weeks and is only 3 points behind Heppers in 2nd. Waterman is close behind her in 4th and further down the table look out for Hilary Ryan too who is having a very good first FL season.

2005 - A year in quotes

"I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."
A classic quote from George Best, who sadly died in November.

"The only threats I've had this week have been from the wife for not doing the washing up."
Harry Redknapp on returning to Portsmouth with Southampton.

"Thierry has been absolutely magical and I love the way he plays the game and expresses himself. He is like Merlin the Magician and Dr Who rolled into one."
PFA chief executive Gordon Taylor on the Arsenal striker.

"If people come to your window and talk to your wife every night, you can't accept it without asking what is happening."
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger on the alleged tapping-up of Ashley Cole by Chelsea.

"During the afternoon it rained only in this stadium - our kitman saw it - they tried everything. There must be a microclimate here."
Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho bemoans Blackburn's pitch-watering tactics after the Blues' hard-fought win at Ewood Park.

"I've walked into restaurants with my wife to the roar of 'Psycho! Psycho!' - they expect me to respond with a two-fisted salute, but I just put my head down in embarrassment and walk past."
Manchester City boss Stuart Pearce is trying to leave his past behind him.

"I really like her family - they are all pretty cool. Let's be fair, it's not bad that they own a pub either!"
Rugby ace Gavin Henson on life with Charlotte Church.

"This one's for Victoria Beckham - we've heard she likes a drink."
Welsh rappers Goldie Lookin Chain dedicate new single Your Missus Is A Nutter to Posh Spice before the Wales-England game in Cardiff.

"I've got to get through a night with Freddie Flintoff before I can think about anything else!"
England captain Michael Vaughan responds to questions about the winter tour.

"I've not been to bed yet. Behind these sunglasses there's a thousand stories."
Freddie Flintoff on the Ashes celebrations.

"A message to the best football supporters in the world. We need a 12th man here. Where are you? Where are you? Let's be having you."
Norwich supremo Delia Smith issues her infamous rallying cry

"My mother told me there would be days like these. She just didn't tell me when and how many."
Sunderland boss Mick McCarthy after his side conceded a 94th-minute equaliser to West Brom when on the verge of their elusive first victory in the Premiership this season.

"He has said he will quit but, listen, I said I loved my wife when I left her this morning. Things change."
Newcastle chairman Freddy Shepherd correctly predicts Alan Shearer will reverse his decision to retire.

"I think I must have run over six black cats since I've been at Wolves."
Wolves boss Glenn Hoddle after his side drew their 10th match in 13 under him.

"It's like eating an elephant. I can do it, but you have to do it bite by bite."
Colin Montgomerie on slowly working his way up the world golf rankings.

"They don't let you smoke or drink in gyms so you know I'm not going to have any fun doing that."
Golfer John Daly insists he has no plans to pump iron.

"I thought it was a bit high - he nearly took my willy off. You would probably expect that from Bob but there you go."
Inverness player Ross Tokely complains about a challenge by Rangers defender Bob Malcolm.

"It is true. Despite the rumours, we have signed Jonah Lomu, not Joanna Lumley!"
Cardiff Blues chief executive Robert Norster on the surprise signing of the All Blacks legend.

"Anybody who is a QPR fan is welcome at Loftus Road. I'd be happy for him to turn up for a kickabout, just so long as he brings that Kate Moss with him - she's absolutely lovely."
QPR boss Ian Holloway invites Rangers fan Pete Doherty and his girlfriend to Loftus Road.

"They would be as well having Roger de Courcey and Nookie Bear for manager because Vladimir Romanov just wants a puppet he can work."
Former Hearts defender Allan Preston on George Burley's shock exit from the club after a reported row with owner Romanov.

"It wasn't a monkey on my back, it was Planet of the Apes!"
Sunderland manager Mick McCarthy is relieved at beating Middlesbrough, earning the Black Cats their first Premiership win since December 2002.

"I'm disappointed now if opposing fans don't call me a wanker. I'm not living up to my standards otherwise."
Sheffield United boss Neil Warnock - whose name is actually an anagram of Colin Wanker!

"It's amazing what you can see through Sven's specs - I must get a pair."

Gary Lineker gives his reaction to Sven-Goran Eriksson's positive thoughts on the tedious England-Holland friendly.

"If Bill Shankly was alive, he'd be turning in his grave."
Harry, a caller to the BBC's 606 phone-in programme, after Liverpool's Cup defeat by Burnley.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Rob Beere disobeying doctors orders!

I don't know how many of you know Rob Beere but when I last worked with him he was under strict orders from the doctor not to do any strenuous activities. This often included insurance but I believe not shagging. Therefore I was concerned to see him recently on video getting up a sweat whilst crooning and dancing to the Euro-disco charts.

See for yourself here.

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/numa.php

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Email of the week

Dear N&R

After God knows how many years trying I have won my first ever MOTM! With the winnings it is going to be a very happy Christmas in the Waterman household this year.

Love
Chris Waterman
Blimey, a fiver has changed Chris' families life. I feel humbled. So its coal all round at the Waterman's this year then?

The 'real' World Cup Draw

You will love this if you haven't already seen it.

http://www.worldfootballnetwork.co.uk/news/draw/headlines.htm

Thursday, December 08, 2005

My kinda town

I was recently in New York and hotel rooms were hard to come by. Anyway they always make us top & tail at Aon so it was less of a problem - although the 6ft 3in young female broker in our team couldn't quite get the measure of our expense restrictions.

The reason, I found out later, for the lack of hotel rooms in the Big Apple was the Annual Country & Western awards (the CMA's).

I found this very strange because New York doesn't seem to me to be the home of Country & Western, I thought it was all Rap and RnB, but hey what does an old bloke like me know who still lusts after the Flock of Seagulls.

In fact I find the whole Country & Western thing strange. Who actually listens to that depressive crap, with old blokes with pony tails, tight Levi's and leather boots? Ok, apart from Francey?

Songs tend to be about dead folk, lost loves and riding horses. This is an actual example of a chorus from CMA winners Brooks & Dunn:

Says he was in the war when in the navy
Lost his wife, lost his baby
Broke down and asked him one time
How ya keep from going crazy
He said I'll see my wife and son in just a little while
I asked him what he meant
He looked at me and smiled....

Cheery, eh? Anyway's also fancied myself as a songwriter, so have applied for a transfer to Tennessee and will write a bit of Country & Western in my spare time. This is my first shot:

Get home from work
Found out my dog just died
Tell missus but she got a 21-year old bloke ridin' her hide
So pop down the pub for some cheer
But am told they have ran out of lite beer

What do you think? Not bad eh? How about this as my follow up hit:

Been sacked from the factory for keep being late
Went home to find my wife has had her brains blown out
That really sucked and the mess is a right pain
Too make it worse the Addicks have lost at White Hart Lane

All I need now is the pony tail and the tight leather jeans. Let me find Francey's number see if he can lend me a pair.

Its something in the Water Man

Breaking news 8888 Week 16 scores
Californication who have slowly been putting together a good scoring run rolled into the top 10 in week 16 for the first time of the season. With a MoW award to boot after scoring 56 points, Chris climbed 7 places to 7th and hurdled colleagues Barwick, Higgs and Dewberry plus old AIG'er Barry Plummer. That curry bill is looking even less likely Chris?

Talking of ex-AIG (you would have had it marked down as the school of drinking not insurance wouldn't you?) but Greg Harris had a jolly good fagging week. Roffey's rejects notching 51 points to climb even further away from the bottom of the table. Sir Greg now looks up not down, bit like when he was at school I expect.

Rob Munden of course never worked for AIG, he's never worked for St Paul to be friggin' honest, although he did once get caught.... oh, we won't go there again!

Ken Bates' beard, after re-reaching the top 10 3 weeks ago, are now in 8th after a sterling 48 points for the Leeds supporter in week 16.

Heppers kept up the pressure on Godders at the top of the pile after So he got shot up the harse scored 47. The gap is still as much as 58 points though as I *ucking hate Chelsea scored 46!

Suzie Syrett could not nick a 4th MoW on the spin but she still scored an impressive 46 points and Ping Pong Yo-Yo join Californication as top 10 newly-weds.

Ready's Hannoi Utd had their best week since August and 46 points take him up to 16th from 20th. The floppy haired Francey (I said hair ladies!) is also moving away from the arse-end of the table (I'm sure there's a Brighton joke in there somewhere?). Keep the faith also had there best 7-days since August and jump 4 places to 29th.

Other notable efforts in week 16 were Galacticos FC (44), I hate Gerrard (44), Football Academy (44), London Irish (43) and Christian Dailly Football Genius (43).

Fortune cookies

Breaking news 8888 Week 16 scores
There wasn't much change at the top or the foot of the table in week 16. Neil Cryer's Rochdaletastic did climb 2 places to 6th from bottom after scoring 33 points but with the rest of the AIG boys surging ahead in the distance he does look like he will be buying the Chicken Biriyani's come May.

Elsewhere though there was a lot of jokeying for positions. With 6 games in the next 3 weeks it is an important time of the season for teams as they look to make their moves. Outside of the top 5 and bottom 5 only 6 teams stayed in the same place after the week 16 scores.

Lets look at teams with differing fortunes. I have picked 12 teams out of the 46 with very different current fortunes. 6 are on there way up and 6 Santa has decided have been bad and are on their way down. These are the 6 teams are on their way up:

Californication
Ping Pong Yo-Yo
London Irish
Hannoi Utd
Roffey's Rejects
Keep the faith

And these 6 are on their way down and in freefall.

Davids v Goliath
Chicago Addick
Magic Roundabout
Dark 'n Stormy
Chicken eaters
White wine & water

We are closely approaching the half-way point of the season when I will do a blow-by-blow account of each team's performance so far and expectations for the final half of the season. Watch this sapce.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Gazza sacked by Kettering

Paul Gascoigne has been sacked by Kettering because of his drinking. The modern day George Best was in charge of the non-league for just 39 days. Gazza was manager of Kettering we followed them in the N&R Road to Wembley.

Gazza fired a broadside on his way out of the door saying "The chairman wants to sack me but I said I will never walk away from Kettering Town. I will fight all the way. I am now looking to buy the football club"

Meanwhile Kettering's new owner Imraan Ladak said "If you are a recovering alcoholic there is no reason to drink but Paul thinks it is OK. He feels I should have done more - but I have had conversations with him he can't remember because he was drunk."

Don't you get the feeling that in 15 years time we will be watching highlights of Gazza's sublime skill, while he lies dying in a West London hospital? Very sad.

World Cup Countdown


England have been seeded for Friday's draw in Leipzig. The other 7 nations seeded are:

Brazil
Germany
Spain
Mexico
France
Argentina
Italy

England were seeded number 2, which is ridiculous. The US missed out by 1 point to Italy but you can't help but think that the FIFA ranking co-efficent is a bit dodgy. The Czech Republic go into the European 'pot' even though they are ranked 2nd in the most recent FIFA world rankings.

The draw on Friday will involve 4 pots as follows:

POT ONE
Germany (hosts); Brazil (holders); Argentina; England; France; Italy; Mexico; Spain
POT TWO
Australia; Angola; Ghana; Ivory Coast; Togo; Tunisia; Ecuador; Paraguay
POT THREE
Croatia; Czech Republic; Netherlands; Poland; Portugal; Sweden; Switzerland; Ukraine
POT FOUR
Iran; Japan; Saudi Arabia; South Korea; Costa Rica; Trinidad & Tobago; US
SPECIAL POT
Serbia & Montenegro

This is how it will work:

The eight seeded teams will be drawn into eight different groups. Germany have already been allocated Group A and Brazil Group F.

Eight unseeded European sides will be drawn into the eight different groups.

The lowest-ranked European side Serbia and Montenegro will be allocated to one of the groups containing either Brazil, Argentina or Mexico to ensure there is no more than two European sides in any group.

A pot of the five African countries, Australia and the two remaining South American sides drawn into eight different groups.

A pot containing the four Asian countries, the USA, Costa Rica and Trinidad drawn into seven different groups.

Monday, December 05, 2005

My kinda town


Just about says it all really.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

FA Cup 3rd Round draw

This is the draw for the 3rd Round of the world's most famous cup competition:

West Bromwich Albion v Reading
Fulham v Leyton Orient
Brighton v Coventry
Wolves v Plymouth
Port Vale or Bristol Rovers v Doncaster
Sheffield Wednesday v Charlton
Torquay v Birmingham
Manchester City v Scunthorpe
Newcastle United v Mansfield
Luton Town v Liverpool
Preston v Crewe
Stoke v Tamworth
Derby v Burnley
outhampton v Milton Keynes Dons
Blackburn v QPR
Arsenal v Cardiff
Stockport v Oldham or Brentford
Norwich v West Ham
Ipswich v Portsmouth
Wigan v Leeds
Sunderland v Woking or Northwich Victoria
Chelsea v Huddersfield
Cheltenham Town or Oxford United v Chester City
Leicester v Tottenham
Watford v Bolton
Sheffield United v Colchester United
Nuneaton Borough or Histon v Middlesbrough
Hull City v Aston Villa
Barnsley or Bradford v Walsall
Burton Albion or Burscough v Manchester United
Crystal Palace v Stevenage Borough or Northampton Town
Millwall v Everton

Our boys Stevenage or Northampton will play at Selhurst Park against Palarse. God, that means that the N&R FL will have to follow Palace if they get through. It was Millwall the other season and I hated that.

The big draw is Man U away at either Nigel Clough's Burton or the lowest ranked club in the draw Burscough.

My boys could play the Sheffield blind school and still lose the way we are playing at the moment.

Pantomine season on the South Coast

The pantomine season has started in earnest down on the South-Coast. It's a ridiculous and farcial affair starring the following:



Sir Clive Woodward as Widow Twanky in Aladdin
Harry Redknapp as Dick Whittington
Milan Mandaric as Pinocchio
Alain Perrin as Buttons in Cinderella
Rupert Lowe as Scrooge in a Christmas Carol
Jim Smith as Friar Tuck in Robin Wood
Joe Jordan as Bodjit the odd job man in Mother Goose
Graham LeSaux as Fairy Beansprout the Good Fairy in Jack and the Beanstalk
Dennis Wise as Dopey in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

Stevenage Boro did you know?

I was perusing a Stevenage Borough fan website, like you do, and I noticed that their first team coach was no other than ex-Newcastle, Sunderland and Bordeaux goalie Lionel Perez.

A huge favourite at Boro' but a broken leg has all but finished his career. Manager Graham Westley then appointed him to the coaching staff in the summer.

On Saturday during the game against Northampton Perez allegedly poked his Northampton counterpart Dave Watson in the eyes! He is French remember!

Northampton manager Colin Calderwood told BBC's Match of the Day: "I just managed to see what's happened. There's obviously been an altercation and there's going to be an FA investigation at the very, very least." Watch this space.

Road to Wembley - Stevenage grab replay

Match of The Day gave some airtime to our boys Stevenage on Saturday. They held League 2 outfit Northampton at home 2-2. The replay is on December 13th.

Rising starlet GEORGE BOYD gave Boro an early lead. He received a short corner from Dannie Bulman just inside the box, turned exquisitely and sent a curling shot with his right boot into the far corner to give the home side a perfect start.

Boro tried to keep up the high tempo, with Michael Brough unlucky not to get a shot in from close range, and Boyd seeing a shot from distance go just wide after a defence-splitting pass from Bulman. At the other end, Alan Julian needed quick reflexes to deny ex-Addick Scott McGleish inside the area, before the ‘keeper had to watch the striker’s header drop just wide of the post.

The 2nd half was all Northampton as they pushed forward for an equaliser. A corner from David Hunt was met by the head of David Rowson and Julian was ready once again to thwart the Cobblers, diving to his left to palm the ball behind. When Andy Kirk found himself in acres of space inside the box but sent a woeful shot over the bar, it seemed as though it was going to be Boro’s day.

However, after Nurse had claims for a penalty turned down, Northampton grabbed an equaliser. Defender PEDJ BOJIC ran with the ball to the edge of the box and let fly with his right boot, the ball nestling inside the right corner of the net.

Then with 8 minutes left Barry Laker bundled Kirk over in the box and McGLEISH converted the penalty with ease, sending Julian the wrong way. As a scuffle broke out in the dugouts(!) Boro kicked-off and made it 2-2 instantly. Michael Warner’s searching pass picked out ANTHONY ELDING's run and he lifted it over the onrushing Harper and into the empty net to earn his side a deserved draw.

Boro' Team: A Julian; M Warner, R Quinn, B Laker, D Perpetuini; D Bulman, M Brough, O Berquez, J Gregory (Sub: A Elding, 58mins); J Nurse, G Boyd.
Subs not used: J Goodliffe, D Williams, S Gore, S Weatherstone.
Att: 3,937
MoM: George Boyd

Thursday, December 01, 2005

George Best - A life in quotes

"So George, where did it all go wrong?"
The hotel bellboy who delivered champagne to Best's room and found him entertaining a scantily-clad Miss World on a bed covered with his winnings from the casino.

"I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."
George Best provides some dark humour about his addiction.

"I think I've found you a genius."
The telegram sent to Manchester United by talent scout Bob Bishop, who discovered a 15-year-old Best playing for Cregagh Boys' Club.

"I once said Gazza's IQ was less than his shirt number" and he asked me: "What's an IQ?"
Best on Paul Gascoigne.

"I'd give all the Champagne I've ever drunk to be playing alongside him in a big European match at Old Trafford."
The other Old Trafford legend Eric Cantona on Best.

"In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life."
George Best - top man.

"I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."
Not even sure that was true!

"I was in for 10 hours and had 40 pints - beating my previous record by 20 minutes."
Best on the blood transfusion after his liver transplant.

"He's not George Best, but then again, no-one is."
Commentator Clive Tyldesley.

"The closest I got to him was when we shook hands at the end of the game."
Northampton player Roy Fairfax, who had been marking Best when he scored six goals in an 8-2 FA Cup win for Man Utd in 1970.

"Shellito was taken off suffering from twisted blood!"
United team-mate Pat Crerand after Best had given Chelsea full-back Ken Shellito a torrid time.
"He's been very, very lucky, an average player who came into the game when it was short of personalities."
Best on Kevin Keegan

"He cannot kick with his left foot, he cannot head a ball, he cannot tackle and he doesn't score many goals. Apart from that he's alright."
Best on David Beckham

"I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."
A George Best classic.

"If I was born ugly, you'd have never heard of Pele"
People talk about Pele, Maradona, Cryuff and Eusebio but remember Best 'retired' at 26!

"I used to go missing a lot...Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World..."
Another classic line

"George was not only a fantastic player, to me he was also a fantastic bloke"
Pat Jennings

"I like screwing, simple as that."
Best to Terry Wogan live on TV.

A historical hat-trick for Suzie

Breaking news 8888 Week 15 scores
I don't believe in 10 years of N&R FL this has ever been done before but Suzie Syrett in week 14 won her third consecutive MoW award. Ping-Pong accomplished 55 points to take another fiver of me and moves up to a lofty 11th in the standings. Suzie, known for her big personalties, has now hit 157 points in 3 weeks and has climbed 24 places in the process. Well done luv.

The weeks 2nd best score was had by another in-form manager. Greg Harris, who has gone from geek to greek love god, smashed 48 points and his rise is still in the ascendency (no, not down there but in the league table!). Roffey Rejects are up to 29th after spending the first 8 weeks in the re-election zone. Well done sir.

When talking of love-gods, you wouldn't normally associate the words Lee and Baughan together, not unless it involved Martha Stewart. However old Sweats is picking up a bit of fantasy footie form. After being around the top 10 for the first 2 months PK's Blue Lagooners hit a slide but the boy is back after a solid 47 points in week 14.

47 points was also Danny's Geeza's score and he too is on a bit of a roll (a curled up one for lunch alongside 8 pints). up 3 places for Dan. London Irish too did well in week 14. 46 pts for Irish lass, Hilary.

Nigel Tatlock after an excellent season last year has had a fookin disaster this one. However things are looking up for Nige. 45 points - Tatters top tip's highest score of the season - has given him a thrust of energy plus he has just made a ton of transfers. Watch out.

Doyley, last years champ, is slowly putting his season together after a dreadful start. 44 for Rapid Ginger - their best score since August - and a climb to 35th. Chicken eaters is also on the bounce. 44 for Lee and his best knock since August too.

The worse score of the week was 17 from Aon's Dickie Norman. Looks like the sun (or is it the rum?) is getting to him again down in Bermuda after a marvellous run that took Dark 'n Stormy to 14th a few weeks ago. Back to 22nd after week 14.

Karen, Catherine & Suzie bob-bob-bobbing along

Breaking news 8888 Week 15 scores
All the big scores were by teams outside of the top 10 in week 14. Barry Plummer gaining the best score amongst the challengers, 2Infinity & beyond acheiving the best score of 42.

Below the pink-zone watch out for the combo of Higgs and Barwick who had another good week (42 pts) and are now in 11th. Flighty Feet are a lesson to all of us - they were 41st 7 weeks ago. Ping Pong Yo Yo share 11th with them and both Magic Roundabout and Chicago Addick gain ground on Lamb to the slaughter and Californication who drop back.

At the top I *ucking hate Chelsea are 59 points clear of So he got shot up the harse who are jockeying for 2nd with Wenners Utd. Football Academy stay 4th with Paul Kelleher's Rushden & Doggers in 5th.

The other week I got a text from Paul explaining to me, or more like agreeing with me that American birds are thick. He had met a couple on a trip to Switzerland to see us beat the Argies.

Now what I am keen to know is did you find out that they are also very good at the old 'head-bobbing' thing? Apparently it goes back to their childhoods and the traditional Halloween game of plucking apples out of buckets of water (see left). PK, pray tell....

George Best RIP


For all of those football fans out there. Click onto the below video link (work friendly) to see an absolute genuis at work.

Football legend.

Suzie sticks chest out and marches on

Breaking news 8888 Week 13 scores
Wow, she did it again. The 2nd MoW in row - You go girl! Catherine and Karen did the very same thing for Flighty Feet in weeks 7 and 8 and now Suze has done the double. The fcuking birds are taking over!

50 points for Ping-Pong Yo Yo and she’s now into 18th. Hang on, Hilary Ryan had the next best score with 44. Equalities FL this is, none of your chauvinistic bollocks you get in other leagues. London Irish continue to bounce (steady lads) around in mid-table. Ben Graves, a bit of a bird, by all accounts (sorry John, couldn’t keep it quiet) also hit 44 and sends one of last year’s prize winners back on the straight and narrow - 23rd to be exact for Christian Dailly football genius (sic).

Alex Baxter – bit of an old woman, no sorry a lot of an old woman charged in with 43 points. Repka is innocent up 5 to 29th. Don’t worry Alex I know perfectly well where Dom is and where the fault lie for last season’s piss-poor performance!

Meg & Hannah’s (girl theme again) were next up scoring 43. Danny’s geeza’s (this is where it ends of course) walloped 42 the same as colleague again Glenn Francis. Lamb to the slaughter are now knocking on the top 10 door.

And if that wasn’t enough, Sweaty only went and had a good week too. 28 pints, 5 curries and 2 bathrooms decorated for the Sweatster plus 41 FL points for his PK’s blue lagooners.
And to tie this whole charade up nicely the big girls blouse Francey managed to rise to the occasion and slip in a healthy 39 points. A jump of 3 places for gay pride’s motto Keep the faith.

Change of the guard

Breaking news 8888 Week 13 scores
The top 3 of I *ucking hate Chelsea, Wenners Utd and So he got shot up the harse have been battling away at the top of the table for quite a while now and Rushden & Doggers, Sodding window cleaners, Glasgow kiss, Davids v Goliath and 2Infinity & beyond have been on their tails.

However the group below them has subtly changed.

Hannoi Utd, Chicago Addick, Magic Roundabout and White wine & water’s challenges have all fallen away in the last few weeks but up has stepped Ken Bates’ beard, Lamb to the slaughter, Dark ‘n Stormy, Flighty Feet, Ping Pong Yo Yo, Danny’s geeza’s and London Irish.

All of these teams have made crucial climbs up the table as we enter the busy December period.

Remember your transfers. Don’t be afraid to use them.

Bird flying south for winter

Breaking news 8888 Week 13 scores
Second last again sunk 6 places to 35th in week 13 whilst Nzogbiapongolledezee and White wine & water also need to look over their shoulders after poor performances in week 13.

In the bottom 6 Sweaty plays the banjo (think that should read wallpaper scraper) slip back into the drop zone for the first time since week 8. RIP Viera go above Danny.

Other things to note was that Roffey Rejects good week saw them move further away from the bottom 6. Chicken eaters, Rapid Ginger and Dark Whorses all slip nearer.

My kinda town

I’ve been fucking busy at work recently, the market here is much harder after the 400 hurricanes that the US has had this year.

There has been a ton of charity shows on television recently rightly raising money for their own people to rebuild homes in Louisiana and other coastal states. But what absolutely amazes me is that they are building these new family houses out of timber.

Now I know I’m a boring old insurance professional (ok, the professional bit is a lie) but you would of thought that once bitten twice shy. From what I saw on the news, timber framed homes in Louisiana and Florida blew away in 140mph winds so do they not learn anything? And if I remember from my Lloyds test, timber framed homes have a more than what is considered normal chance of burning down.

I don’t understand it, just like I don’t understand why if for some reason you own a mobile home (bit like your caravan PK), why do the owners park these mobile homes in the middle of fucking nowhere. They settle in wide open plains or near coastal towns and then are left to scratch their heads when the slightest bit of wind blows the fuckers away. Mobile homes in my mind are just that so why don’t they move them to a place where they are less likely to suffer tornadoes and hurricanes?

Suzie pings up the table

Breaking news 8888 Week 12 scores
Suzie has been as quiet as a mouse (well as quiet as a big lunged mouse can be!) so far this season, but for no longer. A massive climb of 17 places in week 12 for Ping-Pong Yo-Yo 2 as Suzie swept up the table 17 places to 22nd spot after a MoW winning 52 points.

The only thing big about Greg Harris is his trust fund, but the pigeon-chested lad from the country slapped down a big score himself in week 12 of the N&R FL. 47 points for Roffey Rejects and they away from the re-election zone.

3 places were gained by Lamb to the slaughter after a good week for Glenn, who scored 46 points, one more than Carl Dillaway whose Galacticos side move back up the league after a stutter in form.

Tony Murray is one of in-form managers at the present. Another cracking week for Football Academy take them to a season’s high of 5th. Californication’s form will please Chris Waterman whose chances of buying this year’s end of season ruby are looking remote. 43 for Chris and a move into 11th spot.

Francey, still living off of the Gay Boys victory at Ron Noades’ pension fund also scored well in week 12. 42 for Keep the faith and jump of 5 places.

And watch out for Dickie Norman. Absolute toilet at the beginning of the season but now sandwiched between Dougs and Nobs in 14th. 42 for Dark ‘n Stormy.

The week’s worst score was by Goonersmoan (7 pts). Christ, will we ever get a smile out of Rutts? The Chicken eater wasn’t much better mind.

Bloody Day-light murder

Breaking news 8888 Week 12 scores
Down at the bottom feeding end of the table, which obviously includes the ultimate bottom-feeder Brian Rutter, there was little movement. Both Rochdaletastic and RIP Viera improved their lot but further up there was bad news for Zurich boys Oakers and Giles as their teams Dark Whorses and We Stand United both slipped down the scale but nowhere near as bad as Hammer Lee Day who fell, sorry careered 12 places to 36th.

Amazingly Lee was in 23rd two weeks ago and has spent 8 weeks out of 12 so far n the top 7! What the fcuk is going on son? Bit of a nightmare let me suggest.

Chicken Eaters have scored just 23 points in 14 days, and his slump down the table has proven how tight the league is. So my message is, if you are down at the bottom don’t give up – except you Tim, and if you are near the top, take note and avoid chicken!

Hepburn & Wenman have Godders in their sights

Breaking news 8888 Week 12 scores
A poor week from league leaders I *ucking hate Chelsea (20 pts) meant that both Wenners United (44) and So he got shot up the harse (40 pts) closed the gap at the top. Wenners and Heppers swap places in the Championship chase.

Rushden & Doggers stay in 4th whilst Football Academy are into 5th. The other big news in the top 10 was the reverse of Glasgow kiss into 9th, just 25 points for our haggis nibbling lassie. Rob Munden’s Ken Bates’ beard are backing the top 10 after scoring 39.