Thank You

And that ladies and gents, boys and girls is it. Thank you for taking part in the 12th Nobby and Ready Fantasy Football League. Thanks to those of you that have been there since the beginning - a lot has changed. An equally big thank you to those that we have picked up along the way.

I suppose with my imminent move to Bermuda (my visa has arrived, that little incident with a cleaner at the telex machine seems to have vanished from my records), the N&R FL will change again. But it will certainly be back in August, the fixtures for the new season came out today, so it seems like a good day to wrap this thing up. Below you can read to your hearts content, the winners, the losers, the also rans, some other crap, maybe a laugh or two, and I also reprinted some old My Kinda Towns and I enjoyed reading through those. Any suggestions for some Bermuda posts? My Kinda Shorts perhaps? I will think of something.

In the meantime a huge thank you all - as I have said before the FL is one of my little ways of keeping in touch with the London market and in the future a way to keep in touch with certain friends in Chicago. Work sometimes gets in the way, but I love writing this stuff, so I'll just keep on typing away until no one wants to play!

It's also a nice way for me to keep in touch with Ready. I think it's a shame that some of you have never met him, because he is one of the funniest people I know.

Anyway before I get all dewy eyed, as is customarily Keith and I will host a summer end of season piss up, when we will dish out some prize money and a couple of trophies and sip a few gin and tonics. I haven't a firm date yet but I'm hoping for early August in the city. We will confirm shortly.

Take care and enjoy the summer.

How the money was won

This how the money was won last season. Ready and I will automatically take £25 or $50 from any prize money for next season's entry unless you advise us otherwise.

The Title
Champion - 220 and the famous N&R FL trophy PAUL KELLEHER
Runner Up - 150 BEN GRAVES
3rd place - 110 JOHN McGOWAN
4th place - 85 BARRY PLUMMER
5th place - 60 AARON BARDEN
6th place - 50 CHRIS WRIGHT
7th place - 30 GREG FOULGER
8th place - 25 MARK SIMMONS
9th place - 10 ROB MUNDEN
10th place - 10 HUW THOMAS
26th place - 10 DANNY ROSE

The Plate
Winner - 60 PETER GODFREY
2nd place - 40 BARRY PAULL
3rd place - 30 NIGEL TATLOCK
4th place - 25 HILARY RYAN
5th place - 20 HOWARD GRACE
6th place - 10 LEE DAY
27th place - 10 TIM FELDBRUEGGE

Others
Best weekly score - 40 PAUL KELLEHER
Worst weekly score - 40 DAVE WISDOM
Premiership week 32 winner - 30 PAUL KELLEHER
Championship week 32 winner - 30 BARRY PLUMMER
Team Challenge winner - Special trophy BMS
40 x Manager of the week - 5 each, 2.50 for a shared week - as listed below:
Kelleher 5 wins, Plummer 4 and 1 shared, Barden 4, Munden 4, Graves 3, Byatt 2, Simmons 2, Boswell 2, McGowan 1 win and 1 shared, Foulger 1 win and 1 shared, Wenners 1, McLeod 1, Nathan 1, Stout 1, Paull 1, Barrett 1, Barwick / Higgs 1, Read 1, Wright 1 and Thomas 1 shared.

*All denominations in GBP
** Nobby and Ready will retain GBP 25 or USD 50 for next season's entry fee unless you state otherwise

Manager of the weeks

This weekly prize is always a good indicator of how consistent teams are during the season. Early on Alex Boswell won twice in 7 weeks but never won again. Aaron Barden won the MoW twice in two weeks in September, an unusual feat we thought until Rob Munden did again in weeks 12 and 13. In fact he also won it in week 18. The record held by Soozie though will probably stand for a long time. In a 6 week spell the young lovely won the MoW 5 times. Amazing.

Pk won the award 5 times, but so did Barry Plummer in effect, although he had to share the final week with John McGowan. Aaron Barden collected four MoW's as did Munden with Ben Graves grabbing three and overall 20 different managers won the prize - a nice way to win a fiver or $10 if you live this side of the Atlantic - congratulations to both Foulger, Megan and Michael.

The Hall of Fame

A new champion for the 10th consecutive year - this is no boring Premier League you know? Paul, who first came to N&R FL prominance when he resuced Alan Waters from relegation in 2004, can now count himself amongst the N&R legends.

This is the list of champions, with Paul proudly the newest edition etched onto a famous list that goes back until 1996.

League Champions
2007/08 Tally.Wacker.co.uk - Paul Kelleher
2006/07 Savchenko Spurs - Ryan Saveall
2005/06 Ping Pong Yo-Yo - Suzie Syrett
2004/05 Ginger (not so) Athletic - Peter Doyle
2003/04 Chang Noi's Ham Yai - Keith Read
2002/03 2Infinity & Beyond - Barry Plummer
2001/02 Read 'em & weep - Keith Read
2000/01 Brighton Revenge - Jonathan Poole
1999/00 Cowboys Ride Again - Brett Davey
1998/99 Millennium Buggers - Richard Taylor
1997/98 Flo's Champs - Godfrey, Rose
1996/97 Flo's Army - Godfrey, Rose

In the Team event, BMS became the 4th broker to win the title as Wenners and Shay fought of the American challenge of Chicago's Allianz office. Allianz's London office were winners in 2003. Congratulations to the boys from BMS.

Team Challenge Winners
2007/08 BMS - Wenman, Reddy
2006/07 Layton Blackham - Read, Saveall, Thomas
2005/06 AIG - Waterman, France, Dewberry, Barwick, Higgs, Ryan.
2004/05 Marsh - Simmons, Doyle
2003/04 Marsh - Simmons, Doyle
2002/03 Allianz - Jenkins, Day
2001/02 Avon - Godfrey, Rose
2000/01 HSBC - Waters, Murrell, Ready

Tally Wacked

Breaking news 8888 The Title Race - week 41 news
So Paul Kelleher becomes the newest name of the list of champions. A list that includes Peter Godfrey, Danny Rose (both twice), Barry Plummer, Bob Paisley, Keith Read (twice), Sir Alex Ferguson, Richard Taylor, Jonathan Poole, Brett Davey, Brian Clough, Peter Doyle, Sooozie Syrett and Ryan Saveall.

Tally.Wacker.co.uk made sure of victory with some final transfers and he stormed to 27 points to ensure the engraved sparkling trophy that I have at home and will ship to Bermuda, so I can bring it back to the UK for the end of season dinner and dance, will be presented to him.

In 2nd was Egg & (Stevie) Bacon, who chased Paul all of the way. 3rd was Johnny Mc's Runningoutofroubles FC, who had a great season, with previous winners 2Infinity & Beyond in 4th, just 2 points behind.

5th finished Ajax Treesdown ahead of the best newcomer Greg Foulger and his Boys on tour. Coming from behing again nipped into 8th place on the final day, after an excellent last week meaning that Into Thepub and Get him Big Dave were left with 9th and 10th respectively.

A big shout to Obafemi & the Femidoms, where Mark masterfully changed his team late and surged into 11th place but just short of the prize money.

The Title Race penultimate prize money went to Arsene Knows and Megan & Hannah's Bears came last, although there were actually 24 teams with less points than Alex, so no shame there.

'Ello, Godfrey is back

Breaking news 8888 The Plate - week 41 news
Godders finally reclaimed some glory in the final week when his Premiership here we come team won the N&R Plate title hanging onto first place comfortably and beating his old mate Barry and NY Eagles into 2nd.

In 3rd was In Tatters and Hilary's Pure Irish who jumped over Carnarvon Kickers on the final day thanks to Pompey's Distin's clean sheet. And Lee Day's Last train to Seaford held on to 5th by a point, this despite not scoring in the final week, but neither did closest challengers Hargs Hammers, Rochdale at Lloyds and Californication.

The penultimate Plate pruze went to Tim and Frank's Nipple Antennae leaving Alan Oakley's Herr Oakers as the 2007-08 worst N&R FL team!

My kinda town rewind

October 29 2004
This is basically an average day on the news channel here in the Land of the Free:

"Welcome to today's news program. These are the local headlines. Someone got shot, a house got burnt down and there's more corruption in our City. The National news headlines are we have no flu vaccines so we are going to panic, the 2008 Presidential Election campaign starts next Wednesday, I-raq, I-raq and I-raq, Famous film star bares top of her breast at awards night - it's disgusting and I-raq. Also apparently someone was killed in Afghanistan - wherever and whoever they are?

In Sport, shock, horror as American champion athlete tests positive for taking drugs, Cubs lose, Bears lose, Bulls lose, Blackhawks would have lost but the players are on strike.Today's weather will start in the 80's, turning colder by lunchtime with 10 inches of snow by dinner time (which of course is pretty much all day!).

And finally, the World news. Oh, there is no World news today, although according to sources close to the royal family, i.e. Fergie, Prince William farted this morning when he awoke.

Thank you and God bless America."

December 14 2004
Chicago taxi drivers are the worst in the world. Admittedly I have not been in a taxi in every country in the world but I have spent a few quid on taxi's in my time.Now I know I have been used to London cabs and one of my best mates is a black cab driver so I am biased but you can hail a cab and ask them to go to the smallest shittiest lane in the middle of West London and the cab driver will say, " Ok guv, jump in" and they will take you there. Simple as that. Ok, you might get a life story as well but the fact is they know where they are going.

Chicago cabbies do not have a fuckin Scoobies. One, they don't speak English. Not even American! Two, they ask you how to get to where you want to go. Three, they spend the whole time talking on their cell phones in a language you have never heard off. Four, the cars are shit heaps. Five, they drive like lunatics and are constantly pressing their horn and shouting abuse at other cars. Six, they normally get lost and ask you if you know where it is you want to go, "No, let me explain Mr Cab driver. I am an Insurance broker, you are a cabbie. You fucking tell me!" And Seven, they then want and expect a bloody tip.The other day I had a raging row with a cabbie because he clearly didn't know where he was going. He took me miles out of my way and then started moaning that the roads were new. Well if you call 1871 - when the grid system was put into place after the Great Chicago Fire - new then I suppose you're right you useless twat.

March 7th, 2006
Have you ever seen the average American eat? Who teaches these people to eat their food? It's not that they eat with their mouths open, or it dribbles down their chin or that they eat a lot, that goes without saying. But it's the way they hold their knife and fork. I couldn't copy what they do if I tried.

I don't know about you, but my charm school in Catford only taught me one way - fork in the left hand held between thumb and middle finger with the forefinger exerting pressure, and the knife in the right hand the same way. Picture on the right.

Here in the US the knife doesn't actually gets used much at all as people sweep, stab or rip at their food with a fork but when they do use both implements it is incredible.

Firstly there seems no hard or fast rule about which hand you put each utensil in. Secondly they just seem to stab their food with the fork - you have to see it to believe it, words do not do it justice, and then they just saw at it with the knife. Please don't try this at home only the ambidextrous will manage it and it could cause accidents.

Next time you are in an American steak house, promise me you'll have a look.

Now, you all know how sad I am, but I just entered "how to hold a knife and fork" into Google and I found a site called Mind your manners and it tells of kids taking etiquette lessons in Salt Lake City, where of course polygamy is quite acceptable, so maybe this is not a good example!!

However, the picture on the left here is entitled: "Kara Komarnitsky of Draper works to cut her chicken using the proper technique."

Now, perhaps its me? But if I ate my chicken like that as a kid, I would have got a slap around the back of the head.

But this is what I look at when I peer around the table in a posh restaurant. Tongues out and everything, honest!

Shit, I've just realised, they must look at me, the token dainty bloke in the corner, holding my knife and fork like the Queen and think I'm a weirdo.

A look at the managers - part 4

Another new boy Paul Hargis also impressed last season. From the sizeable Aon stable, Paul had a fine season and only missed out on some Plate prize money in the last fortnight, eventually falling just one point short of a tenner. Old timer Danny Rose got himself into the elite but then flapped around at the bottom of the table but ended up collecting the Title Race's penultimate ten quid. It was another disappointing N&R FL season from Dan, who last won some decent prize money in the 2004.

Northern monkey Martin Singleton, a Preston nut, drinker and occasional underwriter also failed to impress and a case of muchas about nothingas. It was good to see Mongo back amongst us this season, however a slow start, became slower and then he stopped sometime after Easter.

Dom Barrett either getting married this summer, having a nipper or coming out of the closet.... I can't remember because I was a little tipsy when someone told me. Anyhow Dom did himself proud this season as the normal struggler spent the whole of the first 32 weeks near the top of the Div 2 table. A move to the Title Race didin't shirk him as he contested the first month in the top 10 but he couldn't keep his push going and Dom ended up finishing 12th. He did pick up a MoW award though in week 30.

Cryer Squire moved jbs at least 3 times during the past season. Him and his missus must have more pensions than Scottish Widow. Neil had a laboured start but similiar to a night on the lash, he got stronger and more prominant as the season wore on but the Rochdale Cowboy missed out on any prize money.

Helen Peters is hot. I have seen the graffiti in the Lloyds bog. Another Aon runner and rider, it was a pleasure to have Helen in the N&R FL and she deservedly won promotion into the Title Race at week 32. However her inexperience showed and she ended up finishing 23rd, but it was a very tasty first season for the Hottie. Martin Lee on the other hand is not hot, but he is a thoroughly nice bloke but maybe the wrong man to lead Endurance's fantasy charge. However he is certainly the most sensible but sensibility never won anything, just ask Jane Austen. Martin's boys ended their first joint effort in 52nd place.

Steve Black takes this English soccerball game the most seriously out of all the American players. He understands the offside rule, he makes good transfers, he knows that Gary Lineker has retired and that Landon Donovan is a c*nt. Steve had a superb campaign. Early doors it was tough, he was in the bottom two until October, but then it was all one way. He made promotion, just, but then after that he kept moving up the table, and alongside Michael Stout, they nearly won the Team Challenge. Steve ended up in 15th and a better start would most definitely won his some wonga.

As for Stouty, his season was strangely similar, hmmmmm.... no, he actually started a lot better, hit the top 5 after Christmas and comfortably made promotion in 6th. In the Title Race he just didn't make enough changes to his line up, correction - he didn't make any changes to his line and therefore a 14th place finish was a miracle and without knowing it back in August, Michael probably picked the best starting 11 players. The prize for that? Fcuk all....

Another manager who made no changes, in fact I don't even think he picked his own team. Howard Grace, a modern day market legend. Comes to work at 11am, goes home at 9pm, and has a 6 hour lunch in-between. More of a cyclist than a football fan, but a 20-spot is not a bad days work.

I hope that I have not missed anyone, thank you for taking part. The pleasure is all mine and Ready's.

My kinda town rewind

Apr 27 2004
Two recent things that have come to my attention about American’s and America this week:

1. They drink out of straws. This may not seem very remarkable, but I think it is right to say and correct me if I am wrong, but us Brits normally get out of the habit of using straws when we are kids and the parents amongst you will agree that this is something you teach your kids somewhere in between, using a knife and fork and asking to leave the table. But grown up Yanks drink out of straws a lot and in fact all of the time without exception, well maybe except for beer, wine and coffee!

2. There is no such thing as a Gin & Tonic or Vodka & Lemonade or Rum & Coke in this country. It has never ceased to amaze me watching American’s order a drink at a bar or a meal or even a sandwich. Here are some examples:

“Get me a Stolichnaya Citron with Indian Tonic, dash of lime, served on the rocks with two slices of fresh orange and a blue cheese stuffed olive.”

“I will have hickory smoked ham, vine tomatoes, Boston lettuce, a little swiss cheese, red onion, capers, garlic mayo, no butter, ground pepper and a little salt on toasted Rye bread cut into quarters please, oh and easy on the mayo, I’m on a diet.”

“I will take the Caesar chicken salad, without the lettuce and chicken, no croutons and no anchovies on mine, just steak, lard, potatoes, fries, more lard and a burger on the side. Oh aren’t I healthy?”

Fat fcuks!

I took a few of the boys and girls out for a sausage, mash & beans on Friday followed by a few pints of Boddington’s (no spotted dick, that was later!) to celebrate St Georges Day. They seemed to like it. I think they are getting used to me, I have been here 6 months at the end of this week – very scary.

May 13 2004
A couple of recent observations walking the streets of the Chicago:

1. Correct me if I’m wrong. Do we Brits wear vests? I know Francey does, but does anyone under 65 wear a vest at home? Suzie might, gotta keep those puppies warm, I appreciate that. But all the Yanks do and I have picked them up on it and they tell me its to stop them sweating. Get some fcuking Right Guard dude!

Now this is an obvious one, but it’s starting to really nark me. Everything is either the best, the biggest, the longest, or the oldest in the world. Not in the town, or in the city, or in America or even North America, the world. How do they know that? Now, I am a reasonably well travelled bloke and I know that Chuck Slowinski’s electrical store is not the biggest in the world, or that Bernie’s pizza’s are definitely not the best in the world. It is just that according to American’s – America is the world! And don’t even get me started on the poxy World Series.

A look at the managers - part 3

Tim Feldbruegge has had an interesting time recently. He and his lovely missus got pregnant and unlike his fantasy football prowess, it seems in the box, so to speak, Tim is quite the prolific striker because Mrs F is having triplets! According to the father it was a natural process, i.e. 7 pints and a burrito and no extra time was required. Tim's life of course will never be the same again, although he has promised me that him and his buddy Frank will try harder next year. After a very barren couple of years though Tim did win the penultimate prize finishing 54th and collects $20.

One place above Tim was Megan McLeod, just 24 points herslef from collecting 20 bucks. Megan never got her fantasy team going though this season but did win MoW in week 11.

The 2002-03 champion Barry Plummer had a superb campaign. Starting in The Championship after his poor showing last season, he took the 2nd tier title winning 30 notes. Baz's season actually started very slowly, he was in 54th place after the first week but by the middle of October he had made his way to 7th in The Championship.

Barry hung around up until after Christmas when in January he started to get on Greg Foulger's tail. Greg had been leading for almost the entire campaign but in the last week before the switch Barry showed all of his fantasy experience and overtook Greg in the final week to win The Championship by 9 points. Then in the Title Race he made 3rd before settling on a 4th final place and a 60 quid prize.

It was Greg Foulger's first ever N&R season and in that time he has worked in London and Miami and is soon to move to Mexico. However the ex-par lifestyle did not impact on his fantasy play at all after unfortunately losing The Championship prize in the last week, he then adapted well to top level play and finished a very worthy 7th.

Nobby struggled again, especially up until the early part of this year, when some transfers got him promotion to the Title Race, and then I embarked on trying to climb the league, which I did pretty well ending up in 18th. Perhaps the sea air will bring me better luck next season. Alex Boswell has been around the fantasy block and he started this season well and scraped into the Title Race but a lack of transfer activity limited his success and he finished 27th.

Lee Day, the man who strips to do a number 2, sorry to those of you eating! Lee spent the whole campaign in the 2nd tier but gave it his all during those last few weeks and ended up with a tenner for finishing 6th in The Plate. Lee who has been out to see me more than anyone else will hopefully have added Bermuda to his 2009 plans. I still find it hard to believe that Doyley actually won the N&R FL title, it must have been such a flippin fluke. It was back in 2004-05 but this season's Ginger representatives Red Bull never made any real impression hanging around the bottom half of the 2nd tier until the switch and then, things did improve for him to finish 13th in The Plate and 40th overall.

Apart from week 1, Chris Wright spent the next 31 weeks in the top 5 of the 2nd tier before moving deservedly so into the Title Race in week 33. There he worked his transfers well and showed some real ability to push himself into the top 10, winning MoW in week 39 and ending in 6th for a excellent first season. Sweaty is a perennial struggler but he had one of his best season's on record dallying with the top in the 2nd tier, he was actually in 6th in February. Lee got himself into the Title Race but came up against some very strong opposition finishing 20th, a great improvement on last season's 51st.

I met Emma Wylie last summer late one night in a sweaty city bar. Well I was actually the one sweating to be honest. The lovely Highland lass gleefully signed up for the unknown and found the going hard, which was not to be unexpected bearing in mind she didn't know the rules and Kirsty was her fantasy tutor. I hope I can convince her to try again next season when I see her at the end of season drinks.

The best weekly score - PK strikes again

PK added another title to his list when he won the N&R FL Best weekly score 40 quid. In week 22 two manager's broke the 100-point barrier, Paul hit a huge 112 points, but perhaps more surprising was Michael Stout's 100, although this was at start of a remarkable upturn in form for the man from Allianz.

It was no surprise to see other big prize winners Mark Simmons and John McGowan in the top 4, although at 5th Danny Rose showed a glimpse of won him a couple of trophies in the very early days of N&R FL. Whereas Nobby, the only manager to appear in both the best and worst lists, showed some of his inconsistencies.

This is the final top 10
1. Paul Kelleher, week 22, 112 points
2. Michael Stout, week 22, 100 points
3. Mark Simmons, week 22, 99 points
4. John McGowan, week 26, 98 points
5= Danny Rose, week 26, 97 points
5= Rob Munden, week 26, 97 points
7. Simon Newport, week 26, 96 points
8. Barry Plummer, week 21, 95 points
9= Helen Peters, week 22, 94 points
9= Soozie Syrett, week 26, 94 points

Worst weekly score - Pearls of Wisdom

Damn and blast, Dave was worse than me, so he collects 40 notes for being, well shite. -3 points in week 28, which wasn't one of the lower scoring weeks although the top 10 does carry a few week 28 nightmares, particularly Rutts and Tim who managed zero points the same 7 days.

Nobby got his effort in week 21, which was quite an achievement as everyone else bar Alex Byatt scored double fugures.

There can't be many competitions in the world that award being rubbish but the N&R FL does, and it is a good excuse to role out my boobie prize picture too.

This is the final top 10
1. Dave Wisdom, week 28, -3 points
2. Simon Newport, week 21, -1 points
3= Tim Feldbruegge, week 28, 0 points
3= Alan Oakley, week 29, 0 points
3= Martin Singleton, week 29, 0 points
3= Brian Rutter, week 28, 0 points
7= Peter Doyle, week 28, 1 point
7= Steve Black, week 28, 1 point
7= Alex Byatt, week 29, 1 points
10= Rob Beere, week 28, 2 points
10= Ian France, week 35, 2 points

Baz and John chime in

Breaking News 88888 Manager of week 41
The final Manager of the Week was obviously going to be a manager that already had or picked Portsmouth players as they were the only team who were going to score you any points. The surprise to me was that so many managers made transfers in that last week, and two of those shared the final MoW fiver with a very impressive 28 points.

John McGowan and Barry Plummer's skill both meant they won a share of the final fiver and their foresight also claimed a big chunk of the overall prize money. Eventual champ PK, did likewise and scored 27 points, with Mark Simmons claiming 22.

It was interesting to see that most of the managers who did best in week 41 all won prize money. Barry Paull scored 19 and Godders 13 to add to the names above but big credit to those that gave it a real go - Wenners (18), Kennett (18) and Helen Peters (12) - all deserved better, but they will probably be kicking themselves because if they had been a bit more active in the transfer market during the rest of the season, they too would have claimed some glory.

A look at the managers - part 2

Alex Byatt looks like Lovejoy. No not that twat that used to be on Sky, the handsome devil who flogs antiques. That is where the fame ends unfortunately. Alex has become somewhat of an also ran in the N&R FL since he joined a couple of years back, however he does have the habit of peaking at odd weeks and twice this season he won MoW fivers. Ben Graves we think is the current most consistently successful N&R FL manager, after me and Ready of course. Ben's first season saw him finish 3rd, then 8th, followed by a 10th and this season 2nd. Excellent play from the youngster plus a couple of MoW awards. Will he go the whole hog next season?

AIG have found an excellent young prospect in Aaron Bardon. I mean he crap at underwriting by all accounts, but he does know his fantasy football! Last year in his first appearance he came a fine 12th and this year ended up 5th, the highest placed AIG player. He spent all but 2 weeks in the top 7 and had a long time at No.1 only beaten by eventual champ PK.

Ah, the mirthful PK. The latest name to appear on a long list of illustrious N&R champions. Paul first came to prominance in 2004 when after Alan Waters employed him, one of Paul's first tasks was to save his new bosses fantasy team from relegation. Waters basically fired himself and Paul took over the reigns of Happy Hammers and saw them to safety.

The next few seasons out on his own PK turned in an 8th, a 17th and then in 05-06 he was runner up to Sooozie. Then last time out he slumped a little to 11th, but boozy lunches with Rutts and Francis did probably not help him after his move from Willis.

This season early on he was always on the fringe of the title battle but it wasn't really until November that he picked up the pace. Then in the 2nd week of January he took over the top spot from Ben Graves, who only took it off Bardon the week before and PK never looked back. He held back transfers well and come around about mid-April it was easy all the way.

He also won 5 MoW awards, including that week in January, when he blew away the competition with a 112-point week. Congratulations Paul, the trophy is being engraved by Ready's personal silversmith.

Rob Munden first became a regular N&R manager in 2000 and has had quite a bit of success, although he is more widely known for announcing to the world (well about 30 other managers) that he was once caught w@nking by a window cleaner at his Mum's house. This season Rob ran a good race, flirting with the prize money for the bulk of the camapaign, and eventually finishing a worthy 9th after a surge during the last few weeks. Consistency was the key for the dirty Leeds fan, and Rob also won 4 MoW prizes.

Davor is still gloating over Croatia's win over England. If he wasn't such a nice chap (and 6ft 10), then I would have shoved McLaren's umbrella up his Dubrovnik when we all watched the final qualifying game, especially when his Dad called and the pub was so silent you could hear them laughing in Croatian. Anyway, as I said he's a nice bloke (for a Croatian) but after a reasonable first season, this one he was poor and he really made no impact finishing 19th in the plate.

James Down is currently sweating it out down in Atlanta for Aspen after moving at the beginning of the year. This I'd imagine upset his N&R FL form (it did mine) and relegation to The Plate ended with James flapping around the bottom half of the table with 5 transfers left.

Hilary Ryan was impressive last season, and started this season in Div 1. She ended up slipping into The Plate but performed very well particularly when it mattered in the last 6 weeks to take 4th place, got her 25 quid back and did the Irish proud.

Rutts has no call to feel as proud. A consistent struggler over the years he started slow and ended up in The Plate, where he just sank towards the bottom, a far cry of the man who finished 3rd in 2004 in one of the closest title races we have ever had. Rob Beere was another who did not rise to the occassion, although I believe he did once but that is another story. A feeble finish for Rob in 20th of The Plate.

Our fantasy sheep shagger Huw Thomas had a very good season. 93 points the Welshman struck in week 23, and at that point Huw had the 4th best score in the whole competition. He made the Title Race and hung in despite rumours of him being infatuated by Ness from Gavin and Stacey. But come week 35 Thomas the tank engine was full steam ahead and he had a fine last few weeks to make the earnings board.

Wizzo, what an earth happened in week 28 mate? -3 points. You should be ashamed of yourself, particularly after you snatched the 25 nicker for worst weekly score away from Nobby! Dave actually finished the season in quite decent form finishing in 11th place of The Plate. Chris Waterman, another perennial N&R FL man. With 3 top 10 finishes in the early part of this decade, last season and this has seen a return to relegation form for the AIG'er. Chris actually started the season pretty well but fell down the table like Barry Paull at the Christmas party.

Part 3 to follow.

My kinda town rewind

To celebrate my imminent departure from the United States of America, I decided to look back at some of my old 'My Kinda town' posts and repeat them. Here are a couple to start with from my first few months in Chicago:

Dec 17 2003
Everyone is so nice to each other here it is sometimes nauseating. Many meetings end with loads of idea’s being floated that most people seem to think are complete bo11ocks. But no one will say it for the sake of upsetting someone’s feelings. In London in my experience in a close working team, it was more than except able to say “I think that is bo11ocks!”. Here in PC world you have to consider everything before tactfully suggesting that we tweak (a lot so it is unrecognizable) a previous idea to form something slightly better. That’s a win, win, win.

I have trained one of the lads in the office to call me a fcuking cnut once a day, because I so miss the ‘c’ word. It was common language in my office but is never used here because it is considered the ultimate insult. I mean you can call someone a mother fcuker, and that is fine!

It’s a bit like a women’s breast being blurred out on TV at 11pm at night, but watching someone having their brains blown out on afternoon TV is quite acceptable.

I have to admit some of the idiosyncrasies in this fine country I love. I was in Starbucks the weekend when a large fat lady in front of me asked the bloke server how many calories there were in the carrot cake. He looked at his co-worker (loving that expression too) and they both looked at the woman and said they didn’t know. “I need to know” she said and was told by the staff that it might be on Starbucks website. The large lady considered this for a while, whilst I looked at her incredible girth. “Ok, I’ll take just one she said.” Only in America eh?

Jan 2 2004
Time to update you on the things that annoy me most about Americans and America:

1. They bastardize the English language. I am forever seeing signs and names of places called things like Ezee Lay, Finger Lickin Good, bizzybees, Supa Shine. Kwik Pix and Hot Tix. And everything is abbreviated. This reminds me that some young fat (they are all fat) kid rocked up to me the other week and thought it “kind of neat that I spoke English!”

2. Words are spelt wrong, look – color, traveling, favorite and marvelous and bank check - all changed by my Microsoft spell check! Thank you Mr Gates.

3. They eat, sleep, breathe and eat and eat and eat food. That is what America is good at, oh that and being paranoid.

4. I watched the basketball the other night on TV and the Bulls after being way ahead lost in the dying seconds of the game to a very dubious decision. At the final whistle the Bulls fans were singing and dancing and happy, yes happy. Can you imagine that happening at a football league ground? If the yanks took out their violence on sports officials and opposing fans then maybe less people would get shot walking down the street!

5. It is fcuking cold.

If You - Rob Munden

Rob Munden better known as twatw to those that know him is next up on our If You page. Rob has done about 5 of these N&R questionnaires over the years, and as you would expect from someone ginger, he does have a very gsoh. Of course on his MySpace page he does omit to mention that he is ginger and a dirty Leeds fan, but who can blame him.

Here Rob rants a little, well a lot about the state of the British welfare system, the credit crunch and bread crumbs - and you thought this was a blog about football!

Rob also tells us that his wife is a very lucky lady (she sure was last time Ready and I were round there) and how a night with Cheryl Tweedy will drive you to suicide!

If You
Name: Rob Munden
Nickname: Bert to some (as in Ro-bert) – though one or two on the mailing list might have other names for me – most ending in tw at I’d imagine!
I Support: Leeds Utd
Birthplace: Royal Cheam, Surrey

1) If you weren’t in insurance, what would you do for a living?
A model I’d imagine

2) If you could be someone else for the day, who would you be?
My wife – she’s a very, very, lucky lady

3) If you could be a fly on the wall anywhere, where would it be?
Somewhere where the old disabled flies go so I could have a few quid on myself in the proverbial 2 flies crawling up a wall betting scenario and probably make a nice little earner

4) If you could have those x-ray eyes that could see through clothing, who would you look at first?
The bloke who sold me this ski-mask with no eye holes so I could get my money back

5) If you could be any footballer past or present, who would it be?
Ashley Cole – so I could commit suicide and do us all a favour – only after enjoying Cheryl’s company for a night or two of course!!!

6) If you could change the team you support, who would you change it to?
Manchester United or Chelsea. Only kidding – I may look like a tw*t but looks can be deceiving you know!! I have no desire to support any other side so can’t really comment – other than Sutton United of course – the local side (who are nearly as shi*te as Leeds!)

7) If you worked at airport security, who would you like to search knowing that you can be as obnoxious as you like?
See answer to question 5

8) If you were the Prime Minister or President, what would be the first thing you did?
It is not rocket science to me to say that if you are unemployed and claiming welfare benefits that if you turn down the opportunity to work you shouldn’t get any benefits. It is also not rocket science to say if you are unemployed and are getting welfare benefits that you should help out with some community work until you are back in employment. It is also not rocket science to stop people coming into our country solely to use our hospital facilities free of charge and then
Bugg ering off back home when they’re done. It is also not rocket science to not pay Polish workers child allowance when their children live in fuc king Warsaw. It is also not rocket science to stop sending our soldiers into battle with no equipment and vehicles made of balsa wood….I could go on!!!!!

Oh yeah one other thing – I’d stop the media exaggerating the credit crunch and actually creating it by telling us all that it’s happening when if it wasn’t for this we’d probably not notice anything and therefore almost by definition it wouldn’t actually be happening!!!! Get it??

9) If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing you bought?
Another Lottery ticket – it’s clearly my lucky week!

10) If you could invent anything, what would it be?
A machine that would stop crumbs falling on the floor of the kitchen when I’m cutting bread (to which incidentally I am addicted – especially with peanut butter and coleslaw – trust me it’s fantastic – try it!) and consequently would stop the missus going absolutely ballistic. It doesn’t matter how hard I try and how many plates, breadboards, dust sheets, tarpaulins or whatever that I use – there are always crumbs on the floor!!

11) If you could have starred in a movie, which one would it be?
I would have said Baywatch but I tend to burn within 20 minutes of being in the sun and consequently would be laughed at somewhat. So it would have to be one of the 2 greatest films of all time – namely Pulp Fiction (I’d be John Travolta’s character) or Love, Honour and Obey (with Ray Winston) – brilliant – watch it if you haven’t seen it

12) If you could have been at any football game, which one would it have been?
Now I’m guessing here most would say that the 1966 World Cup Final is top of the list but for me it is something different. When I was 10 in 1977 I was due to play in the inter house cup final at my junior school. However the day before I fell over in the playground ripping my trousers and unfortunately my knee. Alas – whilst not in the realms of an Eduardo injury (though by the screaming my mum made at the sight of the rip in the trousers you’d have thought it was!) I couldn’t make the final. The team won. The crowd (about 14 according to the gate receipts from Cheam park) went wild and gave much adulation. I, dejected and without aforementioned adulation trudged back to school. Trod in sh it on the way back to school. Terrible day. Didn’t play in the game of my life. Hole in the trousers. Bolloc king from mum. No adulation. Sh it on my shoes. How bad can it get. I was at the game – but in essence I wasn’t. I wish I had been.

13) If you could make one of your dreams real, which one would it be?
The one that resulted in world peace and the end to poverty everywhere. Nah, only kidding – the one where Leeds win the Premiership and then go on to Champions League glory. Far better!!

14) If you could live the life of any person in history, who would it be?
Shania Twain’s husband (yes I know her singing’s c rap but I don’t want her for her singing!!!!)

15) If you were born again, would you want to come back as the opposite sex?
As a Manchester United supporter? I don’t think so!! Seriously would I want to spend the rest of my life being unable to read a map or park a car – hmmm, let me think now....