My kinda town

I’ve just got back from RIMS in San Diego, which we followed with a 1,000 mile road trip that took us to Palm Springs (desert life for the rich and famous), the Joshua Tree National Park (stunning trees older than anything that surrounds them), Sedona in Arizona (a wild west kind of town known for it’s spirituality and sat amongst the most glorious red rocks), the Grand Canyon (one of the greatest natural wonders of the world), the Hoover Dam (an engineering marvel) and Las Vegas (a marvel of gambling, drinking, eating, boobs and sun).

If you are ever thinking about coming on holiday to the US, then please consider this trip to explore the west. It is an amazing part of the world, and Vegas will certainly fill any shopping or late night desires.

It was a great trip and almost certainly our last break before the move to Bermuda, which before you ask is still date to be determined. At RIMS I had a terrible sense of déjà vu, with everyone that knew me asking when I was moving. Answer, just like it was for those 6 months in London waiting on my visa, was the same: “I don’t bloody know. It depends on the visa.”

The first person I bumped into in San Diego on the Sunday night was James Bird, ex N&R FL manager. James is still at JLT, in case you didn’t know, and it was nice to catch up with him. I also saw Stuart Kilpatrick a couple of times, late of course slumped at a bar, with me next to him!
The weekend before RIMS I had the dubious pleasure of having Paul Kelleher and Lee Day in town, with their other halves. Friday Lee was feeling a bit rough, so fortunately our boy’s lunch was cut short at 5 hours but one of strangest things happened whilst we were at lunch - Brian Rutter’s double showed up (see photo).

We all went out on Saturday night to Gibsons, one of my favourite Chicago restaurants and we ate like kings (see photo of PK), drunk an awful lot of wine and then ended up in the bar. Paul befriended the barman and we mixed it with some cougars (American speak for old Mum’s who were gagging for it) and I eventually fell off my bar stall, so we decided to call it quits.

All this means of course that I am now behind with the N&R at this crucial time with just one league game to go plus the Cup Final, which only includes Pompey. Anyhow I will bring us all up to speed by the weekend, so everyone will be aware of what the deciding Premier League games means to them and if they have a chance to win any prize money, which I have again listed below.

Premiership +

All credit to Chelsea and Avram Grant for talking the title race into the last weekend of the season. The top four is rapidly becoming the top 2. Man U know they have to win at Wigan and then the Premier League is won, anything less, and a win for Chelsea will give the Londoners the title. I would like to see United win it, because they play the game in such style and a Ronaldo goal and a Giggs appearance would keep them on target for a place in the history books.

If however Chelsea did win the title, and then the Champions League, it would be interesting to see how Abramovich deals with such a ‘tardy’ season under the Toad from Toad Hall. Does he still sack him? Move him upstairs? Appoint Dennis Wise as his Director of Football? What?

Everton need just a point at 1 point to claim the UEFA Cup place from Villa but for me all the fun of the fair is at the bottom.

Derby were relegated on August 11th, but Bolton under Megson and Foolham under Hodgson have given themselves a real chance.

Reading have been on a terrible run but all they have to do is show up at Pride Park on Sunday, like everyone else has, and collect their 3 points. I can see Fulham winning at Portsmouth, who have eyes, and bodies on the following week’s FA Cup Final at Wembley.

Birmingham have a dodgy game at home to Blackburn and Bolton are at Chelsea, who of course also need to win. If all four won, then Fulham and Bolton would survive. Whoever loses will probably drop, although Bolton’s goal difference will see them escape.

From a personal point of view, I want Foolham to come down, because they annoy me intensely. Birmingham and Reading will be strong contenders in next season’s Championship, so I’d rather avoid them, so Bolton I would choose as the 3rd team, because financially they will go through the same problems as Charlton.

Prize money reminder

Title Race
Champion - 220 and the famous N&R FL trophy
Runner Up - 150
3rd place - 110
4th place - 85
5th place - 60
6th place - 50
7th place - 30
8th place - 25
9th place - 10
10th place - 10
26th place - 10

The Plate
Winner - 60
2nd place - 40
3rd place - 30
4th place - 25
5th place - 20
6th place - 10
27th place - 10

Others
Best weekly score - 40
Worst weekly score - 40
Premiership week 32 winner - 30 PAUL KELLEHER
Championship week 32 winner - 30 BARRY PLUMMER
40 x Manager of the week - 5 each
Team Challenge winner - Special trophy

*All denominations in GBP

Week 37 reminder

West Ham actually won, oh hang on they beat Derby - doesn't count. Bolton keep scrapping for thei lives as they beat Boro 1-0 at the Riverside. Foolham lost at home to Liverpool, Pennant and Crouch scoring and Tevez got a late goal at to draw at Ewood.

Newcastle beat rivals Sunderland 2-0, and Villa hammered their local rivals to win compete summer bragging rights over City 5-1.

A fine threesome

Breaking News 88888 Manager of week 37
Flighty Feet's lovely pair, er Catherine and Karen were top banana's this week, scoring 50 points along with Chris Wright, both winning their first MoW, even the prize has to be shared. Congrats to all three from AIG.

The next best score was Steve Black with 49, and then Wenners with 46. Title challengers Aaron Barden and Barry Plummer were the next best with 43 and 42 respectively, whilst BMS dude Shay scored 41.

40 points was the best the teams contesting The Plate could do, both reached by Paul Long and Paul Hargis and Dewbs hit 40 too.

Thank Godd

Breaking news 8888 The Plate - week 37 news
Once again The Plate provided most of the action in week 37 with Godders' Premiership - here we come back on top after a 7-day sabatical. NY Eagles, whose franchise owner Barry Paull I am seeing tonight for a pint after work, is still in 3rd just tucked in behind In Tatters. Carnarvon Kickers remain 4th and Pure Irish 5th.

Hargs Hammers gain a place as they look to get in on the action and Chris' Californication also get within grabbing distance of the prizes. Chris incidentially looks like he won't be buying the curries around at AIG this summer for the firs time in a couple of season's, a Mr I France will.

Further down Wizzis Wonders made some futile ground, and the gorgeous Emma and her Wylie Coyotes moved up a spot at the bottom with father to be Tim and his Nipple Antennae's still in the prized penultimate place.

No one takes advantage of Tally's flop

Breaking news 8888 The Title Race - week 37 news
A strange week in the top tier with Tally.Wacker.co.uk slipping up badly but none of the next three managers took advantage. In fact 2nd placed Egg & (Stevie) Bacon scored 3 less points than Tally and the title sure looks like heading to Romford.

2Infinity & beyond and Runningoutofroubles each failed to take advantage scoring 42 and 33 respectively, although they do get into spitting distance of the top two.

Below them in 5th remains Ajax, and in 6th are Boys on tour, hanging in there in Greg's virgin season. Outside of the top 7, Student Uprising climb into a pink spot after a half century of points. Flighty Feet are also chasing down a top 10 finish but the biggest mover was Shay's Obeonekanobenil, up four places.

The bottom 7 remain unaltered with Arsene Knows still in the penultmate place.

My kinda town

I have Paul Kelleher and Lee Day in the Windy City this weekend, and I'll be catching up with them tomorrow. They got here last night and leave Monday. Lee knows the city pretty well, it's the 3rd time he's visited me and he came here as a school kid to play rugby. I also understand he is well known at various chicken joints around the city!

I'm lookin forward to it, although I sprained my ankle last week playing football and am currently hobbling around on crutches - Pk, Lee, beer, crutches - a recipe for disaster I would say....

Week 36 reminder

Man U finished Arsenal's title hopes off with a 2-1 win at OT, this despite a fine performance from the Gunners. Ronaldo did slightly better from the spot than he did against Barcelona. Hargreaves got the winner with a screamer.

Liverpool beat Blackburn (yawn) and Emile Heskey got as last minute equaliser at Stamford Bridge.

Bolton kept up their hopes by beating West Ham 1-0, but don't worry Hammers' fans, you have your 40 points. Villa thrashed Derby 6-0 at No Pride Park. That's 76 goals conceded for The Rams this season - there is no sympathy if you have a Derby player in your team!

Foolham beat Reading to keep Steve Coppell's lot right in the doo-doo. McBride scored, his 3rd of the season.

Wacker racing on

Breaking News 88888 Manager of week 36
The Title Race managers showed their quality in week 36 with a dominant performance in the MoW competition. PK picked up the fiver, his fifth of the campaign. His lead now at the summit of the league looks almost unsurmountable.

Johnny Mc is keeping up the pressure though, John hit 62, Baz 57, then Steve Black was up there with 54 and his mate Michael Stout scored a point less to keep up their hopes.

Shay hit 51, Helen 50 and Kennett and Nobs 49. The best Plate manager was Hilary who also mustered 49, two more than next best Martin Lee, his best since February.

AIG-ites Barwick & Higgs scored 48 and their New York correspondent Barry Paull scored 47.

The weeks lowest score was 7, by Megan McLeod.

Uncle Nige

Breaking news 8888 The Plate - week 36 news
A new leader in the Plate, In Tatters go top after week 36 replacing Premiership he we come. NY Eagles and Carnarvon Kickers remain where they are but Pure Irish are up 3 to 5th dumping Last Train to Seaford out of the top 5.

The rest of the table is pretty static, although Lovejoy and Rooney & Ronaldo's Revenge both improved their places.

Black & Stout chase prize money

Breaking news 8888 The Title Race - week 36 news
Well there was a little doubt creeping in but Tally.Wacker.co.uk stormed further ahead in the Title Race in week 36 after 65 point haul and only 5 weeks left. 2 Infinity & Beyond and Runningoutofroubles both kept up the pressure though and it leaves Egg & (Stevie) Bacon looking over his shoulder.

The No-Hopers gain a place in their superb efforts to grab some prize money - just 35 points from the top 10. And What the hell doing likewise up 3 places. Little Red Devils were also a climber.

At the bottom Nobs Jockeys gained two spots, Tora Tora Torres slip to 24th and Arsene Knows stay in the penultimate place.

Having a Brazilian

I love this - ever wondered what your name would be if you were Brazilian and one of their best footballers?

Click on here: http://www.minimalsworld.net/BrazilName/brazilian.shtml

Thieves again target player's homes

Thieves took advantage of the " Battleof Britain" Champions League match Between Liverpool and Arsenal last week burgle two more footballers homes.

The first unfortunate player was Liverpool skipper Steven Gerrard. The crooks got away with countless items of football memorabilia including many of Gerrard’s own medals. Amongst the items currently being hunted by police are:

2 FA Cup winners medals
A FA Youth Cup winners medal
2 League Cup winners medals
A Champions League winners medal
A Uefa Ccup winners medals
2 Super Cup winners medals
2 Charity Shield winners medals

They also took a number of personal awards including player of the year, young player of the year and his much cherished MBE.

The other unfortunate player to be targeted was Arsenal's Cesc Fabregas. Thieves are thought have escaped with a kettle, a toaster and a pair od cufflinks.

Well done Shots

Really pleased for Aldershot tonight. Back in the early 1970's before my Dad finally buckled into taking me to The Valley, a highlight of a weekend staying with some family friends in Camberley was a trip to their local ground, The Recreation in Aldershot to see my first ever football match.

We sat in a rickety old stand in a ground surrounded by trees as high as the floodlights, which cast shadows over the pitch. I am sure the final score was 2-2, and the opposition was either Southport or Stockport, or was it Chesterfield? Or Workington. Ah, never mind but I remember The Rec well. I've never seen Charlton there, although according to Soccerbase we have lost in all four visits, but I did see another game there in later life.

Not helped by a 19-year old fantasist called Spencer Trethewy, who I remember being on Wogan, Aldershot FC went bust in 1992. Trethewy ended up in prison but is now owner and manager of Chertsey Town! A ground swell of local support from fans and honourable businessmen helped recreate the club as Aldershot Town just a few months later. They dropped 5 divisions and started again.

One of those in the thick of the Shots rebirth was an old work mate of mine called Graham Brookland, who I'm glad to see from their website is still working at the club. I used to love talking to him about football because, well he got it didn't he? And he is still living his dream.

Congratulations to everyone involved with Aldershot tonight. There is a 1,000 of them winding their way back from Exeter, back in the football league after 16 years. Enjoy the Scrumpy!

Week 35 reminder

Arsenal and Liverpool cancelled themselves out of the Premier League title in week 35 after a 1-1 draw. Chelsea kept up their hopes beating Man City 2-0 with goals from Kalou and a o.g. by Dunne. Boro nearly unrailed United's ambitions with 2-2 draw at home to Man U in what was one of the best games of the season.

At the bottom Wigan had a massive win at home to Birmingham, Taylor scoring a brace. Newcastle won again at home to a poor Reading. Viduka, Martins and Lil Mickey Owen getting the goals. Sunderland beat Foolham 3-1 at the Cottage.

Super Plums

Breaking News 88888 Manager of week 35
A 3rd MoW for Baz Plummer, 59 points in a reasonably low scoring week, 5 more than Hot Helen and a whole 13 more than Huw Thomas in 3rd.

Next up was Nobby and Stouty this side of the Atlantic both with 44, Pk managed 42 to keep up his title hopes, followed by Ian Kennett with 40.

A host of managers scored 38, which was the best score in The Plate by Paul Long. Shay Reddy and Chris Wright matched him.

Other credit goes to Johnny Mc, Barry Paull, Wizzo, Catherine & Karen and Godders.

Completely discredited was Francey with 2 points, the worst score for 7 weeks and the joint 10th worse of this season.

Plummer's title hopes no toy story!

Breaking news 8888 The Title Race - week 35 news
Barry Plummer is warming up nicely as we approach the business end of the season in the Title Race. 2Infinity & beyond are now 45 points behind Egg & (Stevie) Bacon and 73 behind Tally.Wacker.co.uk, which might just be too much to ask.

Runningoutofroubles slip to 5th and Ajax Treesdown to 6th. Get him Big Dave kept up the pressure and jump to 7th at the expense of Barretts the Bollocks.

Further down Flighty Feet and The No-hopers gained good ground. Helen's Hotties also moved up a couple of places from 22nd to 20th. Arsene Knows stay in the penultimate prize place.

Character reference

I have a mate here (a previous N&R FL manager) who I asked to give me a character reference for my immigration stuff for Bermuda. Fortunately I checked it first before I forwarded it straight on to HR! This is what it said:

"To whom it may concern

I don’t really know Simon, but I know of him through his notoriously violent drug fuelled rampages and all too frequent appearances on local television news.
In his defense I understand that he has brought his pyromania somewhat under control, and has not started a fire in a government building for some six weeks.
His syphilis is no longer contagious, and there is no conclusive DNA evidence linking him to a series of armed robberies in the Chicago area last year.
I would be happy to provide you with the number of his local Police department should you need any further information, and would recommend you do not attempt to approach him.

Yours faithfully,
Nicholas Davies"

Nipples point the way

Breaking news 8888 The Plate - week 35 news
The top 4 remain unaltered in week 35 as we draw towards the end of the season. NY Eagles made up the most ground, closing in on In Tatters in 2nd. In the prize zone for the first time are Hargs Hammers, clearly having a better end to the season than Curbs.

Lamb to the slaughter jumped a spot as did NotmadeinSheffield and Lovejoy's luvvies.

The big, big news this week was not that Tim Feldbruegge was about to become a Dad, more on that another time, but him and Dennis actually moved off the bottom of the table for the first time since WEEK 3! Double congratulations to Nipple Antennae and perhaps a consolation 20 bucks will help buy some diapers (nappies to you).

Premiership +

Haven't done this for a while. The final straight of the Premiership race, and after Chelsea succumbed to a late Emile Heskey goal it looks like it's Man Yoo by a length. Arsenal were desperately unlucky to leave OT with nowt on Sunday after dominating the game for long periods, particulary the first one. But Ronaldo's 38th goal and a cracker from Hargreaves almost certainly gave the Red Devils the title.

In fact United could win the title at Stamford Bridge like they did last year, didn't they? Put that one in your Ruskie pipe and smoke it (outside of the stadium) Roman!

Arsenal have only a Champions League place to play for - another trophyless season for Arsene and Liverpool could still slip up, especially with all the crap that is going on behind the scenes. Wasn't Liverpool and Anfield once the home to conversative uniformity?

Everton have had another great season under Moyes with a small squad and some injuries but will have to settle for a UEFA cup place and then Portsmouth, Blackburn, Villa and Man C battle it out for the last one with Pompey having two opportunities.

Derby are gone and have to gain another 5 points to beat Sunderland's lowest ever points tally - unfortunately they only have 4 games left not 4 months! To me Bolton and Fulham have gone, although I was impressed with Foolham's win at Reading on Saturday.

Bolton have had that Charlton look ever since Big Sam left and Little Sam was brought in to change their style. Yep, that worked. And Steve Coppell's Reading, who have the worst goal difference other than the Rams are still in danger but I think Wigan, Birmingham and the Andy Reid inspired Sunderland will be ok. Oh come back fat boy.... please.

Week 34 reminder

Just to remind you what happened and where for this scoring week.

10 man Arsenal fought back from 3 goals down at The Reebok to give them their first win in a while, whilst denting Bolton's survival hopes. A JLloyd Samuel o.g. in the last minute put another nail in Gary Megson's coffin. Do you think JLloyd's parents were dyslexic?

Derby and Fulham played out a 2-2 draw, which relegated Derby with 25 games still to go and all but doomed Fulham. Paul Jewell meanwhile was spotted leaving early as he had to get home early to set his camera up.

United won easily at home to Villa, Rooney scoring twice, and Defoe got two more for Pompey in their home win over Wigan. Andy Reid, probably a big reason why the Addicks won't go up this season continued to set the Stadium of Light alight with a last minute winner at home to Wet Spam.

On the Sunday Chelsea bored everyone to sleep with a 1-0 victory over Middlesbrough, Liverpool beat Everton in the 'calm down, calm down' derby and Newcastle came alive slaughtering the Spuds 4-1 at White Hart Lane.

Ben Dover

Breaking News 88888 Manager of week 34
Ben Graves won his 3rd MoW title in week 34 sweeping to 65 points and closing the gap on the Title Race leader Paul Kelleher, who scored 17 points less.

Mark Wenman showed his intentions with a masterful 64 points, and Ian Kennett popped up with a 59, three more than the lovely Catherine & Karen.

New top 10 manager Rob Munden got 54 alongside Johnny McGowan and Chris Waterman, who excelled for a second straight week. That is two of his top three weekly scores of the season in 14 days. Chris is now in 8th place in The Plate.

Howard Grace did well with 53, Wizzo (I saw Pete Coleman recently and he asked after you Dave) and Tatters both nobbled 52 and Kirsty and Plums weighed in with a 51.

The lowest score of the week was from Alan Oakley with 10.

Premiership - you're having a laugh!

Breaking news 8888 The Plate - week 34 news
The top 6 remained unchanged in the plate still led by fantasy stalwart Godders' Premiership here we come, which if he is referring to Charlton, must make him demented! Just 4 points behind are Nige's In Tatters though and NY Eagles are also in close contact.

Hargs Hammers and London Irish swap places outside of the top 6, but any manager all the way down to mid table still has an excellent chance of winning some prize money.

Down at the bottom Nipple Antennae closed to gap to just 6 points on Herr Oakers.

Graves digs in

Breaking news 8888 The Title Race - week 34 news
Despite a small case of cheating this week being put down to drunkeness, Ben Graves had a storming week 34. Egg & (Stevie) Bacon closed the gap on long time leader Tally.Wacker.co.uk to just 15 points. Runningoutofroubles and Ajax Treesdown are almost 60 points behind - is it a two horse race between the two Aon boys?

2 Infinity & Beyond had a good week and closed the gap on 3rd to just 7 points and remember Plummer is been there before. Inter Thepub climbed a slot to 10th, handing off Student Uprising to 11th on route.

Obafemi & the Femidoms jumped 7 places in a very fine week indeed for Wenners. Flighty Feet also gained some ground as did Little Red Devils.

Conversely Arsene Knows' mimicked Arsenal's real life form and slumped 5 places to the penultimate 26th place.

Leaving Chicago

After four and a half years I will be leaving Chicago and moving once again, this time to the island of Bermuda, otherwise known as the Island of Insurance! Immigration has yet to be approved, so there is a still a chance the British Colony turns us down but all being well we will only be in Chicago for another 5 to 7 weeks, sad as that is to think about.

This has been going on for some time, and although I have been to Bermuda a number of times since I came to the States, I spent two hectic days down there in January to discuss the opportunity presented to me by Aon to lead their property team. Then just last week we spent 5 days on the island with a relocation company representative, realtors, human resources, my new boss and new colleagues. It was an exhausting, eye opening affair.

Last summer my big boss in New York suggested that I might like to live and work in San Francisco. I wasn’t keen, nothing to do with the location because San Francisco is beautiful, but it was too far from the UK. I turned the chance down but it got me thinking about my future and evidently it got my company thinking about it too.

I moved to Chicago at the end of 2003 for a number of reasons, although if someone had told me then that I would still be here over 4 years later, then I wouldn't have had any of it.

This has been a very hard decision, I guess I assumed that back to London would be where I would go next - it is where my son is, my mates are, my brother, my football team, and it is 70 miles from my parents. London however was not where the job opportunity was that offered itself in Bermuda. Career wise, financially and excitingly the next chapter of my life and one half of the dream fantasy football management team will be on an island in the Atlantic Ocean 21 miles long and 2 miles wide.

I'm going to miss Chicago, it truly is a great city and one of America's best kept secrets. Give me Chicago over Los Angeles, New York, Miami, San Francisco and Boston any day of the week. I'm going to miss my home, on which I have spent a lot of money upgrading it to the point it is now the end result of the dream I had when I bought a tatty, uncared for large brick loft in what was an old lamp factory 3 years ago but I've decided to keep it as the Windy City will forever be a home for me.

Bermuda was described to me as a bubble last weekend. At times life is not real, dreamlike one minute and nightmarish in another. It certainly is not for everyone, I would never have gone there in 2003 on my own. It is a place for couples and young families or retirees. I know it will take a huge adjustment but as someone said to me recently - a couple of years down there can't be bad for my career, my stress levels and my sun tan.

One thing I am certainly looking forward to is Bermuda's Britishness. It is one of the British Empire’s best preserved legacies. Discovered in 1503 there is history, beauty and culture everywhere and after more than four amazing years living in America, I can’t wait call football football and not bleeding soccer, watch cricket (two days are declared a national holiday in July to watch the two ends of the island play each other), rugby, go to a real pub, drink tea with hot water and milk and a bit of BBC as well thrown in for good measure.

Quite a few of you have come to visit me here in Chicago, and you have all kept in touch for which I thank you. The N&R FL is my little connection to my old life in the London Market and you certainly find out who your friends are when you do something like I did in 2003. I am sure Messrs Down, Paull, Foulger, Long and the tall Croat Davor all agree with me.

I am looking forward to a visit from Paul Kelleher and Lee Day in a couple of weeks, probably my last visitors to My Kinda' Town. I hope you are not shy and some of you get yourselves down to Bermuda too. The warm English beer is on me!

2007/08 Prize Money announced

Drum roll..... Sepp Blatter has given his go ahead to this year's N&R FL prize money pot, although he did insist that the lady manager's wear their shortest skirts at the end of season drinkie-poos (date and venue to be determined).

So here goes:

Play off Winners
Champion - 220 and the famous N&R FL trophy
Runner Up - 150
3rd place - 110
4th place - 85
5th place - 60
6th place - 50
7th place - 30
8th place - 25
9th place - 10
10th place - 10
26th place - 10

Play-off Losers plate
Winner - 60
2nd place - 40
3rd place - 30
4th place - 25
5th place - 20
6th place - 10
27th place - 10

Others
Best weekly score - 40
Worst weekly score - 40
Premiership week 32 winner - 30 PAUL KELLEHER
Championship week 32 winner - 30 BARRY PLUMMER
40 x Manager of the week - 5 each
Team Challenge winner - Special trophy

63 prizes in all. Any prize money is in GBP and will be exchanged into US$ if won by a manager Stateside (as unlikely as that appears!). Any prizes tied will be shared.

Nobby & Ready's decision is final.

Road to Wembley - Play up Pompey

West Bromwich Albion lasted just a round as our Road To Wembley team. However for long periods of their semi-final game against Premiership Portsmouth, the Baggies played the better football and controlled the game with veteran Kevin Phillips, Zoltan Gera and Roman Bednar all causing Portsmouth's defensive pair of Sol Campbell and Sylvain Distin problems.

34-year old Phillips, who has scored goals for fun his whole career found plenty of space dropping deep and tested Pompey early on with a long-range shot just over the bar before a neat lay-off that ended with Zoltan Gera causing problems for a fumbling David James with a low shot.

Portsmouth were all at sea going forward, with Baros wasteful and Kanu barely contributing as Redknapp looking increasingly agitated on the sidelines.

But Pompey came out better second-half goal and 54th minute goal from Pompey's very own veteran KANU was enough to send Portsmouth through to their first FA Cup final in 69 years.
Ex-West Brom striker Kanu side-footed an easy chance to see off the Baggies after Dean Kiely had denied Milan Baros and Zoltan Gera had failed to clear. The replay did show that Baros looked to have handled in the build-up to the goal.

Later Baros missed a simple chance to seal the win and they were almost made to pay but Robert Koren's shot hit the bar and Ishmael Miller fired wide late on.

"You know what these officials are like, they tend to bottle it a little bit in these big games. I'm gutted, I don't think we deserved to lose. We can hold our heads up high, Portsmouth have been very lucky." - Kevin Phillips

West Brom: Kiely, Hoefkens, Albrechtsen, Clement, Robinson, Morrison (Brunt 60), Koren, Gera (Kim 75), Greening, Bednar (Miller 60), Phillips.

Subs Not Used: Danek, Pele.

Attendance: 83,584

Portsmouth will play Welsh sheep shaggers Cardiff in the FA Cup Final on May 17th at Wembley stadium.

Road to Wembley - West Brom Boing Boing

Who would have thought it? West Brom, Barnsley, Cardiff and Pompey in the final four. Fergie's bemoaning the fact that the cup's been devalued because the semi's are at Wembley, sorry I thought he did that when he put out Man U's 3rd XI a couple of years back?

Why not let them have their day in the sun - even the Welsh sheepshaggers (no offence Huw!). Albion look the favourites to me - Pompey without Defoe are up for the taking I reckon. Kevin Phillips, aged 49 has already scored 22 goals this season and I'm lumping money on him and Simon in The National to give me a nice win double this weekend. Oh go on then, throw in Barnsley as well.

Boing, Boing....

What it all means

So we have split the divisions. Sepp Blatter and FIFA are currently deciding on the proposed prize money split. The majority of the wonga will go to the sides in the Title Race but a fair amount of cash will be put aside for what we call The Plate competition.

The best 26 teams will now chase the big money and the coveted trophy, hand engraved by Thai lady boys that Ready knows. There will also be some other prizes for silly things such as best weekly score, worst weekly score, penultimate places, biggest tits, worst underwriter - that kind of thing - Martin Singleton will start favourite for both of the last two prizes.

There are fully 8 weeks left and plenty of points to play - hopefully splitting the league will mean almost every team still has something to play for and cash to be won. The Manager of the week will continue and the final placings will go to decide how teams line up next season.

Any questions call Sondhi Boonyaratkalin and ask for the engraving department.

Week 33 reminder

Darren Bent scored again - I told you lot you should have put him in your teams. This was at home to Pompey. Youngster O'Hara got one too. Bikey scored twice for Reading in their crucial win over Birmingham. Newcastle got their first win under Keegan, 2-0 against Fulham, oh that probably doesn't even count.

Ashton equalised Yakubu's goal at Goodison Park and Michael Chopra got a vital winner at Villa Park.

On Soooper Sunday, Arsenal lost to Chelsea after a magical substitution by Avram Grant. Drogba scoring twice after Arsenal looked home and dry. In Manchester United wiped Liverpool away 3-0 and it now looks like a three-horse race. Who am I kidding - it's only one isn't it?

Kelleher leads title race

Breaking news 8888 The Title Race - week 33 news
200 points separate the top 10 teams in the race to the title. Anyone who finishes in the top 10 will win a cash prize but between 10th and 1st there is a difference of £210.

Tally.Wacker.co.uk leads the way, 32 points ahead of Egg & (Stevie) Bacon. Ajax Treesdown and Runningoutofroubles make up the top 4, but they are now joined in 5th by ex-champion and serious contender 2 Infinity & Beyond.

Boys on tour are nicely placed in 6th with Barretts the Bollocks in 6th, all coming up from the Championship. Coming from behing again are 7th but again the 2nd tier provide us with two more teams Get him Big Dave and Student Uprising.

Outside of the top 10 there are 4 teams led by Inter Thepub all chasing the leading pack and hoping to get their hands on some prize money.

At the bottom are Megan & Hannah's Bears, 18 points behind Nobs Jockeys, currently occupying the penultimate prized place. Hannoi Utd sit above Nobby.

Pete's sake

Breaking news 8888 The Plate - week 33 news
So the final phase of the season kicked off with 27 managers contesting the plate and £195 of prize money. Old fantasy stalwart Pete Godfrey's Premiership - here we come (I don't think so Godders!) lead after week 33 scores, just 14 points ahead of In Tatters. Next come NY Eagles, who along with Nigel and Pete must be favourites.

It's nice to see some new faces up amongst the top teams. Howard Grace's Carnarvon Kickers and Last train to Seaford are not far behind, then Rochdale at Lloyds followed by a good outside bets, London Irish and Hargs Hammers.

Less than 100 points separates another experienced fantasy manager Chris Waterman and his and Californication. Lamb to the slaughter and another previous champion Red Bull Ginger follow them.

In the prized penultimate place currently is Herr Oakers nicely sandwiched between Nipple Antennae and Nancy Lollygaggers.

A+ for Aaron

Breaking News 88888 Manager of week 33
Aaron Barden swooped his 3rd MoW award in week 33 with 84 points. Another fiver in his coffers then. The next best score was by the forgooten Croatian Davor Duvancic, with 79 - his best of the season and. Mark Dewberry equalled that total. Ready got 78, Sweaty 77, Godders and James Down 72 and Razor 71.

Other mentions must go to Nobby, Mark Simmons and Glenn Francis.

Best weekly score - top 10

It's been a while, so lets see whose winning - remember there is a prize for the best weekly score:

1. Paul Kelleher, week 22, 112 points
2. Michael Stout, week 22, 100 points
3. Mark Simmons, week 22, 99 points
4. John McGowan, week 26, 98 points
5= Danny Rose, week 26, 97 points
5= Rob Munden, week 26, 97 points
7. Simon Newport, week 26, 96 points
8. Barry Plummer, week 21, 95 points
9= Helen Peters, week 22, 94 points
9= Soozie Syrett, week 26, 94 points

The end of season play-off's

This is it ladies and gentlemen. Week 32, over 7 months since we started this old tosh. It was decided as per our previous announcement that this season we will venture into play-off territory.

Ready, I and a number of very expensive prostitutes (Eliott was busy) met to discuss the plan for the rest of the season and we voted on moving the 27 highest scoring teams into the Winners Play-off pot. The Div 2 promoted teams would have got a place amongst the elite and the Div 1 relegated sides would have been jettisoned whatever.

The point cut-off for a place in the top tier was 1,070 and just like magic both Nobby and Ready made it. We don't make the rules you know. Oh hang on we do, don't we?

Each manager will keep their points total thus far and a cash prize (tba) will be awarded to the interim winners of Div 1 and Div 2.

From next week, all teams on 1,070 and above will contest the Play-off Championship title, and those below that figure will play for the losers plate. Plenty of money will be shared around the leagues - which we will announce shortly.

Any complaints please address to E.Spitzer at the New York unemployment office. You can mention that the blonde was very good.

Week 32 reminder

A big scoring week with a number of managers nabbing their season bests. It was also important as it decided who would reach the play-off's and who would be left contesting the losers plate.

Week 32 was the week that West Ham actually scored and got out of their own half more than 5 times. Also amazingly Curbs, completely out of character brought on a young Freddie Sears as sub who then scored the winner. The youngest player Curbs ever gave his debut at Charlton was 25.

John Terry got the winner at Sunderland before haranguing the referee into giving him two goals and not just one. Jermain Defoe scored for Pompey again in their win over on the slide Aston Villa.

Ronaldo scored his 100th goal of the season at Derby as Man Utd surprised the football world by only winning 1-0. Arsenal failed to win again at home to Boro, Aliadiere scoring on his old ground.

Fulham and Wigan both had crucial wins McBride and Heskey getting the winners at home to Everton and Bolton respectively, whilst Birmingham and the Geordies played out a draw under the Monday floodlights at St Andrews.

Disaster for Greg as Baz grabs prize

Breaking news 8888 Division 2 - week 32 news
Well, well after 20 weeks of Greg's Boys on Tour sitting proudly on top of Div 2 they get pipped by in the lasst seven days by 2Infinity & beyond for the winners prize. Greg - sorry mate, go out and get yourself some Miami vice, Baz - congratulations son, real Championship form.

Of course both Greg and Barry now go on and do battle for the big prize qualifying comfortably for the play-off's. They will be joined at least by the promoted sides - Barretts the Bollocks, Get him Big Dave, Student Uprising, The No-Hopers, What the Hell and PLG is a Fud.

As explained elsewhere other Div 2 teams will also join the elite with 1,070 points being the cut-off point.

Tally hangs on despite egg scramble

Breaking news 8888 Division 1 - week 32 news
Despite a stirring week from Egg & (Stevie) Bacon reducing Tally.Wacker.co.uk's lead to 35 points - the slimmest since early January, it was Paul who will take the prize for 'winning' Div 1 as we enter the N&R end of season play-off's.

Ben is very well positioned in 2nd though and the next 5 teams all remain unchanged after week 32.

The biggest climber in week 32 was Tora Tora Torres, up two places, giving Richard still a good chance of making some prize money.

Relegation didn't change much either with Lamb to the Slaughter dropping down, despite a recent resurgence. Glenn's side will join Rooney & Ronaldo's Revenge, Space Badgers, Glasgow Kiss, Keep the faith, Dinamo Ilegalna Imigrant, Brighton Blues and Herr Oakers in the second tier.

Egg on the boil

Breaking News 88888 Manager of week 32
Ben Graves capped a fine week with a season's best 89 points, easily the best of the week. Another fiver will be added to Ben's total for the season.

The next best was Richard Nathan, only moaning about the league play-off's last week but reminding himself that he is still not out of contention with a excellent 78, to a season's best.

Barry Paull did enough to escape relegation with a 73, but Glenn Francis didn't avoid the drop despite having easily his best week of the season. In Div 2 we had Barry Plummer of course driving home a 70, 12 more than the 2nd best in that divsion, Emma Wylie. A best weekly score for Emma - you go girl....

Back in Div 1 plaudits to Kirstie and Aaron, a joint 69. Hmm, let us chew on that for a minute and finally Martin Singleton took the week's worse score of just 10.

Client No.9

If You - Martin Singleton

Amazingly short on mentioning Martin's first love of food, pies does get one mention though, Preston nut Martin Singleton this week talks about Flashman, fat birds and what a lucky bugger than Ronaldo bloke is, but not as lucky as Penelope Cruz's brother apparently!

If You
Name: Martin Singleton
Nickname: Barney Rubble
I Support: Preston North End
Birthplace: Preston

1) If you weren’t in insurance, what would you do for a living?
If I had my time again I would be a journalist. I love writing sh!te and nonsense and suspect I would be quite good at the Sun.

2) If you could be someone else for the day, who would you be?
I’d be Phil Taylor on the day of the London Insurance darts league singles competition but I’d probably still get bladdered and throw a load of old toss.

3) If you could be a fly on the wall anywhere, where would it be?
At the moment you would love to be in Newcastle board room. What a shambles the looney in charge is making up there. Allardyce is a good manager who would have done well eventually and they have replaced him with hopelessly optimistic Keegan (another looney) and that hateful little sh!t Wise. A good laugh for everyone else though.

4) If you could have those x-ray eyes that could see through clothing, who would you look at first?
Probably Penelope Cruz who is the fittest woman on’t telly at the moment. And she snogs another woman in her brothers video. Fantastic and that Spanish accent too.

5) If you could be any footballer past or present, who would it be?
Must be Christiano Ronaldo – look at money and women that guy will have over his life. It will put Beckham to shame by the time he’s 30. The lucky lucky b@stard.

6) If you could change the team you support, who would you change it to?
Celtic – nosiest ground I have ever been on and the best laugh in the pubs before and after the game but you need a translator to understand many of the songs………...especially the ones about killing all the Brits………………

7) If you worked at airport security, who would you like to search knowing that you can be as obnoxious as you like?
Ashley Cole – I hate that arrogant w@nker……………….and then his misses afterwards (ex-misses by the time this goes out.)

8) If you were the Prime Minister or President, what would be the first thing you did?
Nationalise the railways and buses and make them work properly for us and not the fat greedy useless scum that run these companies now. (U can tell I have been delayed a tad in the cold this week!)

9) If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing you bought?
A stretch of the Tay or Spey for a spot of fishing, a massive f#ck off cruiser somewhere nice like Bermuda, and my own wee nature reserve somewhere like the whole of Norfolk.

10) If you could invent anything, what would it be?
The transporter off Star trek. Not for anything trivial like inter-galactic exploration obviously but wouldn’t it be brill to instantly be off to Dublin for a pub crawl and then instantly home again! Or back up North in a second for proper pies! The advantages are endless eh.

11) If you could have starred in a movie, which one would it be?
“Apocalypse Now” is my fave film so I would have to be Martin Sheen in that.

12) If you could have been at any football game, which one would it have been?
World Cup final 1966 – will we ever see England in a world cup final again?? In my lifetime?

13) If you could make one of your dreams real, which one would it be?
Being a rogue trader for Societe Generale and not getting caught and then putting all the billions cash into PNE to dominate Europe…………………………
or perhaps even avoid relegation to league 1.

14) If you could live the life of any person in history, who would it be?
Brigadier-General Sir Harry Paget Flashman VC KCB KCIE (5th May 1822 – 1915)

Although a fictional character the following sums up my thoughts nicely:

“Humor in the Flashman papers generally runs to Drinking Gambling and Whoring with a healthy mix of derogatory and disparaging remarks aimed at betters and those in authority”

Nuff said.

15) If you were born again, would you want to come back as the opposite sex?
Wouldn’t bother me, there’s plenty of fat birds out drinking pints these days so I wouldn’t feel out of place in the East India. Wouldn’t fancy being groped by the fat b@stard blokes (like me) that go in there though.

Road to Wembley - Boing Boing Baggies

Our Gashead boys finally succumbed on Sunday after a fine attacking dsiplay from West Brom put pay to Bristol Rovers 5-1. Ishmael Miller's hat-trick helped West Brom become our new Road to Wembley team and book their place in the FA Cup semi-finals at Wembley to Portsmouth.

JAMES MORRISON put the Baggies ahead after Steve Phillips could only parry Roman Bednar's toe-poke and then ISHMAEL MILLER made it 2-0 with a fierce finish.

DANNY COLES met Craig Disley's flick to reduce the deficit and give the Pirates a real chance at half-time. However Craig Hinton's error let MILLER in to make it 3-1.

Robert Koren set up goal machine KEVIN PHILLIPS to add a fourth and MILLER'S precise finish completed the rout.

Bristol Rovers: Phillips, Lescott, Hinton, Coles, Jacobson, Pipe (Walker 72), Campbell, Disley, Lines (Haldane 55), Lambert, Williams (Igoe 81).
Subs Not Used: Mike Green, Anthony.
Att: 12,011

More on this season's amazing FA Cup and West Brom soon.

Week 31 reminder

Week 31, the week of vote of confidences. Kevin Keegan, Avram Grant and Alan Curbishley all got the dreaded nod of approval from up high, whilst do-gooder Eliot Spitzer just got a very nice dash of karma. What a cnut.

The week was also remembered for bringing the FA Cup back to us, the real fans. Even Blues supporters have to admit that Barnsley deserved their victory, and Cardiff probably had their easiest game of the season up at the Riverside.

In the other only game involving Premier League teams, Fergie was left ranting after Muntari's penalty gave Pompey their first win at Old Trafford in 50 years.

In League action Reading continued their fight against relegation beating Man City 2-0, Liverpool beat Newcastle only 3-0 but Curbs' Hammers were good to form losing 4-0 again, this time to Spurs, for whom even Darren Bent scored!

Andrew Johnson got Everton's winner at the Stadium of Light on Sunday and Arsenal failed to beat Wigan.

Women, antiques and footie

Breaking News 88888 Manager of week 31
"Women and antiques are the only reason for living." That is what Lovejoy used to say, well how about fantasy league? A second fiver for Alex Byatt in week 31 and a season's best 81 points saw him move out of the relegation places.

Danny Rose was next up with 74, Shay Reddy knocked in 72 and Aaron Barden 70. Lee Baughan and Ian France had a 69. Ooh, I have just come over a bit sick....

Then the beautiful Helen Peters and Soozie Syrett alongside the bountiful Alex Boswell each scored 66, three more than Oakers and 4 more than Martin Lee.

Tim Feldbruegge, currently in Barcelona I believe and Megan McLeod were the week's losers with 15.

Allianz boys provide spark

Breaking news 8888 Division 2 - week 31 news
A not so sparkling week from Boys on tour but they still sit proudly atop of Div 2 28 points ahead of 2 Infinity & Beyond. The next three teams stay unchanged but Get him Big Dave made up the most ground.

The No-Hopers return to 5th after a month and team mate What the hell fall back in a scintillating battle.

Nobs Jockeys climb a place to 12th and Rochdale at Lloyds also move up one. At the bottom the Nancy Lollygaggers take back ownership of the prized penultimate place after a 7 week hiatus.

PK's to lose

Breaking news 8888 Division 1 - week 31 news
A poor week from Egg & (Stevie) Bacon gave Tally.Wacker.co.uk further breathing space in their race for the title.

PK is now 80 points ahead and it seems to me that it is the Aon Re's boys to lose. Runningoutofroubles FC stay in 3rd, whilst Ajax Treesdown move into their highest position since mid-January.

Coming from behing again drop to 5th and Inter Thepub and Soozie's Sausages stay in 6th and 7th.

Lower down Obeonekanobenil jump two places after a cracking week and Sleepless Nights also gain some ground.

The star in Div 1 last week though was Lovejoy, who bounded out of relegation trouble with a season high, fiver winning 81 points. Lamb to the Slaughter fall back in trouble.

Hypocrit

Yawn, yawn, stretch, stretch, scratch, scratch.

Ooh, what should I do today? What little industry that I know nothing about can I attempt to really screw, make those bastards pay for having the audacity to make money for their shareholders, boost employees pensions, work hard for their clients and make their staff happy.

Oh how about those nasty insurance brokers. They have too much money and they have too much of a good time. I mean it's alright if I buy 200 condoms down at Costco and get a discount for bulk buying but those insurance bores, they are steering and leveraging all over the bloody place. They're crooks.

Right, that's it I'm going after those losers, just after I checked my share portfolio and my inheritance and then, oh hang on what day is it? Tuesday? Oh hang on Tuesday night is Ashley. Oh those insurance crooks can wait, I'm off to get laid. Why not? There's nothing wrong with that is there?

Team Challenge - RSA lead but only just

Its been 14 weeks since we dipped into the world of the N&R Team Challenge Trophy.

Greg Foulger is driving the mighty RSA along at the top of the table. Lee is doing his best to keep his end up and they lead Chicago's Allianz office by just 10 points. Steve and Michael have both been on fire recently and no US based team has ever done as well as this.

Ready, Huw and Ryan from Layton Blackham are also in close contact, although I know Ready is trying to get his team to practice the no sex rule before a game.

Ready's right hand gets a rest, so does Huw's sheep but unfortunately no such rule exists at the Nobuhubank!

BMS lie in 4th and are very much in the race. The huge team of AIG professionals (it says here) is in 5th. The previous champions are being led by Aaron but are being badly let down by Waterman and Francey.

In 6th place is Aspen. James is now Stateside but remains part of the team, but it is Plummer and Barrett that are the current stars.

Behind Aspen comes Lockton with Alex kingpin. In 8th is Lloyds of London, cor old Edward would be turning in his coffee shop grave!

Up two places was Aon Re. This is surely a tale of two sides of the desk. PK, Johnny Mc, Ben Graves and Helen the Hottie are having blinding seasons but the others with Alex the biggest offenders are having 'mares.

Ian leads Willis' feeble charge in 10th, with the Ex-Pats behind them. Nobby of course being the only saving light (cough, splutter) and finally bringing up the rear is Aon's US team led by John Littig.

The N&R end of season play - offs

The following items were discussed and passed at the annual Nobby & Ready FL meeting:

1) Next season we will have more blondes in the league
2) Nobby and Ready will be given a 100 point start
3) Anyone Scottish will start with minus 100 points
4) Prize money to be paid in Thai Baht
5) Anyone selecting Tim Cahill in their team will be forced to sail on the next convict ship to Australia with his lovely brother
6) Photos have to be included with the entry form, except from Sweaty, Francey, Lee Day and Ginger Rabbit
7) Ready and Nobby will not have to buy a beer at the end of season drink up
8) The entry fee will be $5,000, about £25.50 and if not paid within 30 days teams will be docked points.
9) Females can pay in kind
10) The Nobby and Ready 2007/8 play offs begin in week 33.

Regarding 10 (perhaps the most important, other than no.1) the promoted 8 teams will automatically go up to Div 1, the 8 relegated teams will automatically go down to Div 2.

The best 19 teams over the two divisions will join the promoted teams to compete for the Div 1 title - basically 2 months to find the ultimate N&R FL CHAMPION.

The relegated teams plus the worst 20 others will compete for the Div 2 play-offs.

Prize money will be distributed over both divisons, but the bulk of it will be in Div 1. The leaders of Div 1 and Div 2 at the end of week 32 will both win a cash prize.

The final prize monies will be announced shortly.

Meeting was adjourned when Ready passed out.

Week 30 reminder

Chelsea whalloped West Sham 4-0, a score they are getting used too. Lampard got sent off rightly so, but deemed wrong by the suits at the Premier League. The Geordie boys were crying int their brown ale again Saturday night after very late Matt Derbyshire strike gave Rovers a 1-0 win at the church of St James'.

Man U stuffed Championship heading Fulham 3-0 with a bench that included Rooney, Ronaldo and Anderson - is it worth 17 other teams even competing?

Forsell's hat-trick pissed on Spurs chips at St Andrews. Everton and Liverpool both won on Sunday. Tim Cahill saluting his vicious guilty brother after he scored for the Toffees. You can take the boy out of Bermondsey but....

Dom-ino effect

Breaking News 88888 Manager of week 30
Dom Barrett scooped his first MoW win in week 32. Just 41 points was enough, four more than Chris Waterman and five over Mark Simmons.

It was another low scoring week affecting the two Divisions little. The league is all set for the big power play coming up and is even balanced with some interesting players hitting some good form such as Dom, Danny, Nobby, Plummer and Emma in Div 2 and in Div 1 Razor, Kennett, Simmons, Ready, Paull and Glenn.

Other managers that deserve a mention in dispatches after week 32 were PK, Razor, Dewbs, Ready, Barry Paull, Foulger, Rose, Nobster, Meghan and Tim Feldbruegge.

King Francis

Breaking news 8888 Division 1 - week 30 news
Paul's Tally.Wacker.co.uk (he insists on me always calling his team by its full name you know) keep on running at the top of Div 1. The closest 6 teams behind him continue the chase, with Coming from behing again making the most ground with the best score in the top tier in week 30.

In mid table Hannoi Utd moved up a place and behind them NY Eagles continued their recent improvement in form.

The headline news however was that Lamb to the slaughter stepped out of the relegation battle for the first time this season. Great plaudits to Glenn, can he stay there until the play-offs?

Big balls

Breaking news 8888 Division 2 - week 30 news
Barrett's the Bollocks kept the pressure up on the top two in week 30. I of course have never seen Dominic's bollocks but I once asked a rather attractive young Scandavian girl about them and she told me they were in nice and in perspective to the rest of his body.

Anyway moving swiftly on, Boys on tour increased their lead over 2Infinity & beyond at the top of the tree. Student Uprising making th emost ground in the top 8.

In the whole division only Arsene Knows changed place at all, moving into joint 9th, 9 points off the promotion race.

The Plan

I'm up to date for the minute but I just wanted to say that shortly we will enter the end of season Nobby & Ready FL play-off's.

The promoted teams will all enter Div 1, replacing the relegated teams. Then the other 12 Div 1 places will be taken up by the 12 teams with the best score at the cut-off point (to be announced).

The relegated 8 teams plus the other 20 useless lot will all compete in Div 2 for various prizes.

The top money will however remain in Div 1 to find the ultimate N&R FL 2007/08 Champion. Prize money will be announced shortly but the leader of Div 1 and Div 2 at the cut-off date will also be selected for a cash prize.

Understood?

Annoucement

This is old news but congratulations to Neil Cryer for finally leaving his comfy chair and taking a hot underwriting seat again back in the market.

Back in January Neil became the Head of Property Lines at new Lloyds Syndicate Sagicorp. All the best mate.

If anyone has any other news or gossip plus stories of shagging or puking or both at last Friday's 150 then I would be glad to hear it.

Nobs

Week 29 reminder

West Ham won the London derby with a late Solano goal at Craven Cottage - my Fulham are shit aren't they?

McFadden got a late, very late penalty for Birmingham at home to Arsenal. That was the game with THAT tackle on Da Silva. If you have Martin Taylor in your team, according to Mr Wenger, he should never play again, so you best sell him!

Tor, Tor, Torres grabbed a fine hat-trick at home to Middlesbro. Defoe scored again as Pompey beat Sunderland at home and Wigan beat Derby, but then again so could my son's 5-a-side team.

McCarthy scored twice for Blackburn in their not so one-sided 4-1 win over Bolton and Reading lost again to Villa. Harewood and Ashley Young getting the goals.

And of course Man Utd slaughtered a revitalised Newcastle under the fine leadership of Kevin Keegan 5-1. How long before he claims stress, goes back to his circus, which allows that clown Dennis Wise to take over?

Just Plumm

Breaking News 88888 Manager of week 29
85 points from Bazza Plummer meant that he wins his second MoW fiver. Previous champions have a knack of never winnin again, Pete Godfrey and Danny Rose aside in those halycon early days but Barry is looking menacing in 3rd place of the Div 2 race.

The next best player was quite a long way back, but it was in-form Steve Black. Neil Cryer was next, long time we seen some decent action from the Squire. Then low and behold it was Nobby with 62 points.

The best that the so called elite in Div 1 had to offer was a 59 from Aaron Barden, a 56 from Razor Nathan and 53 from Ian Kennett.

We had two teams that joined the Big Fat Zero club in week 29 - Martin Singleton and Alan Oakley.

Sooper Soozie

Breaking news 8888 Division 1 - week 29 news
The top four are pretty spread out but we are looking for someone to leave the pack and challenge Tally.Wacker.co.uk. The big news in week 29 was the rise of Soozie's Sausages to 7th. Near the bottom after 6 weeks, our Sooz has slowly made her way up the Div 1 table to challenge the big boys.

All girl team Flighty Feet drop to 8th but are still in with a shout as are Little Red Devils who had another good week.

The bottom 8 remain the same.

Dom and Baz battle it out

Breaking news 8888 Division 2 - week 29 news
While Boys On Tour stay clear at the top, 2Infinity & beyond and fellow midget Barretts the Bollocks are having a right ding dong battle for 2nd place. It belongs to Barry this week with Get him Big Dave dropping to 4th. 51 points separate those three teams.

Behind these it is all to play for with Helen's Hotties, Arsene Knows and Megan & Hannah's Bears all knocking on the door.

Carnarvon Kickers dropped to 15th but Nobs Jockey climb to 13th, probably my highest place of a dismal season. Last train to Seaford was another upwards mover.

Week 28 reminder

It was FA Cup 5th Round week which might explain the general low scoring, particularly with a lot of Premier League clubs already out.

In the big game Man U stuffed Arsenal 4-0 with goals from Nani, Rooney and Fletcher twice. Eboue was sent off for the Gunners. Liverpool remember lost at home to Championship Barnsley. Chelsea beat Huddersfield with Lampard scoring in each half.

Middlesbro drew 0-0 at Bramall Lane and Pompey won at Preston thanks to a last minute own goal.

Paull the other one

Breaking News 88888 Manager of week 28
From worst to best in 7 days for Barry Paull, collecting the 28th MoW award with a miserable 38 points. Barry is hovering at the wrong end of the table and frankly we expect more from this N&R FL vet, perhaps this will be the encouragement his side needs.

But hang on hold the haggis and blow your bagpipes, sultry Emma Wylie got the next best score, the highest in Div 2 with 36.

Other managers deserving a nod of congratulations in week 28 were Barry Plummer, Richard Nathan, my old mucker Ready and low and behold another lovely Sweaty, no not Lee, but Kirstie B.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Breaking news 8888 Division 1 - week 28 news
Excuse me while I take a nap but fook all is happening in the Div 1 title race. Okay Tally.Wacker.co.uk is running away with it, and Egg & (Stevie) Bacon are nicely settle in 2nd but one would have to go down to 15th place to see the only movement in the table after week 28's games. In Tatters jumping over Pure Irish.

In the relegation battle it is Keep the faith and Lamb to the Slaughter's turn to try to save face.

You Pranker

Breaking news 8888 Division 2 - week 28 news
2 Infinity & Beyond moved back into 3rd after a short reign by Dominic's The Bollocks (pun intended). PLG is a Fud move back up to 6th and it was good to see Helen's Hotties' back in the top 8, level with What the hell. Nobs Jockey's continue their slow move into the top half - these things can't be rushed of course.

And the big news at the bottom of Div 2 is that Wise Prankers take back the penultimate spot after a 4 week sabatical.

Week 27 reminder

In week 27 John Carew amazingly not only scored but got 3 as Villa hammered Keegan's Newcastle, Oh that explains it....

Spurs beat Derby comfortably at Pride Park 3-0, Keano scoring twice. Sunderland beat Wigan 2-0, Everton kept up their European chase with a home win over struggling Reading 1-0 and in the big games Sunday Man City beat United for the first time in a few years 2-1. Benjani and Vassell getting the goals while Chelsea and Liverpool did their title hope no good at all by playing out a bore scoreless draw at Stamford Bridge.

Taking the Michael

Breaking News 88888 Manager of week 27
A low scoring week after the rainful of points the week before. Michael Stout picked up his first MoW fiver, about $400 (not really Michael) with a lowly 42 points. Next up was Rutter again and runaway leader Kelleher with 40.

Also deserving of a mention was Alex Byatt and Pete Doyle. The lowest score was by Barry Paull, still sulking after Palarse's defeat at The Valley the week before!

Tally - ho

Breaking news 8888 Division 1 - week 27 news
The top 4 remain unchanged in week 27 but Tally.Wacker.co.uk are now 58 points clear at the top of the tree, will lt be a first ever title for PK, who I'll be sharing a pint with here in Chicago in about 7 weeks.

Inter ThePub and Ajax Treesdown swap positions but otherwise all the way down to 19th there were no positional changes.

In the relegation space Lovejoy's Luvvies moved up 3 places after a good week.

King Dom

Breaking news 8888 Division 2 - week 27 news
Barrett's the Bollocks reached their highest place after week 27 climbing into 3rd place above 2Infinity & beyond. Boys on Tour stay top and Get him Big Dave 2nd.

The No Hopers are now 6th after a MoW performance. Lower down Carnavon Kickers moved up a place as did Nobs Jockeys.

Week 26 reminder

As I'm so far behind with this, I thought we would all need a little reminder of what happened in week 26.

Spurs and Man U drew 1-1 with Tevez equalising in the last minute. This match had 10 bookings, 7 from United. Jermain Defoe scored on his debut for Pompey at home to Chelsea in a game that also finished 1-1. Adebayor scored twice as they beat Man City in Manchester.

Middlesbro scored a late equaliser at St James Park preventing Sir Kevin Keegan getting his first victory.

And finally Charlton beat Crystal Palarse 2-0 at The Valley!

Return of the Mc

Breaking News 88888 Manager of week 26
Huge scoring week 26. 13 managers scored 90 points or more with John McGowan picking up a deserved for MoW award. John hit 98 points, one more than Rob Munden and Danny Rose.

Remarkably Nobby waited half a year to have a decent week, 96 for me. 94 for Suzie and a fantastic 93 for Rutts and Godders.

Three teams each from Div 2 scored 92 points. They were Lee Baughan, Steve Black and Huw Thomas, all 3 on a rich vein of form.

And then Ian Kennett and league leader Paul Kelleher smacked 91, whilst Div 2 leader Greg Foulger added 90 to his already great total.

Martin Lee and his Endurance crowd had the worst week with 30.

Steve hellbent on promotion

Breaking news 8888 Division 2 - week 26 news
Get him Big Dave moved to within striking distance of Boys on Tour in week 26. 2Infinity & beyond dropped a spot. In 6th now is PLG is a Fud and new in the promotion race is Steve Black's What the Hell, knocking Helen's Hotties out of the top 8 for the first time since October.

At the arse end of the business Nancy Lollygaggers swapped place with the Wise Prankers.

Sizzling Soozie

Breaking news 8888 Division 1 - week 26 news
Not much change at the top after week 26. Tally.Wacker.co.uk increased their lead at the top after their 2nd best score of the season. The next four sides remain unaltered but Inter Thepub overtake Flighty Feet for 6th.

Down below them Soozies Sausages leapt over Ryan's Oldham Tightly - phoar! Ian Kennett's Little Red Devils also made some good ground.

At the bottom Space Badgers improved their chances of avoiding relegation as did Lamb to the Slaughter and Brighton Blues.

Links

I was playing with the template on here the other day and whoops I lost all the links on the right hand side. Bloody pain in the hole - I will have to spend some time finding them and putting them back up.

If any of you need that stuff, then let me know.

My kinda town

Contrary to popular belief I am still alive. Many thanks to surprisingly many of you that checked in on my health and wellbeing, it is nice to be loved even though I haven't seen a lot of you for some time or in fact some of you I have never met. It is appreciated.

I will be briefly back in England next week but only at The Valley and in Eastbourne I'm afraid. I will plan a proper stay towards the end of the season when we will all go out and 'ave it.' Also by then I expect to have some news of a career change too.

The last four weeks has been bloody busy with work, I have done tons of travelling - London, Bermuda, Iowa, Cleveland, Detroit, Canada, Florida (twice), Charleston and Bahamas (the last two purely pleasure mind) - and with Chicago suffering it's 6th largest snowfall in history, then as you can imagine I have spent far too many hours stuck at airports.

I should be able to concentrate on the world's best fantasy league now, but we are a few weeks behind. So thanks for your patience and remember keep the If You's coming.

If You - Megan McLeod

Brave Megan was first up with the If You questionnaire, thanks to lady from Mt Vernon, the home of the oldest theatre in the United States, don't you know?

Megan a closet gladiator who has some crazy dreams, and by the way have you any photographs of Jessica? More from Megan here:

If You
Name: Megan McLeod
Nickname: Megan
I Support: Man U
Birthplace: Mount Vernon Ohio, USA, Planet Earth

1) If you weren’t in insurance, what would you do for a living?
Sell my artwork.

2) If you could be someone else for the day, who would you be?
Either Crush or Fury (all new season of American Gladiators has begun. Mondays 8, 7 central).

3) If you could be a fly on the wall anywhere, where would it be?
A black wall. I’d want to be camouflaged. People hate flies.

4) If you could have those x-ray eyes that could see through clothing, who would you look at first?
If I couldn’t turn it off, I’d probably end up seeing my co-worker Jessica first since she’s the only person visible from my desk . If I have a choice… I’d go with Barack Obama. For political reasons.

5) If you could be any footballer past or present, who would it be?
Ronaldo’s foot skills would be pretty fun.

6) If you could change the team you support, who would you change it to?
I could and wouldn’t.

7) If you worked at airport security, who would you like to search knowing that you can be as obnoxious as you like?
George W. Bush. I would be very obnoxious. The obnoxiousest, as he might say.

8) If you were the Prime Minister or President, what would be the first thing you did?
Put on a suit.

9) If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing you bought?
Am I still president? Probably a nicer suit.

10) If you could invent anything, what would it be?
Instantaneous Transporter. Goodbye commute. Hello Hawaii.

11) If you could have starred in a movie, which one would it be?
Dead Alive. I’m all about attacking zombies with a lawnmower.

12) If you could have been at any football game, which one would it have been?
One in which nobody was killed or injured.

13) If you could make one of your dreams real, which one would it be?
Not the one where I was chased by aliens, robots and the government. I had that one earlier this month. I do like the flying dreams, though.

14) If you could live the life of any person in history, who would it be?
Mileva Marić. She was married to Einstein. I mean, come on.

15) If you were born again, would you want to come back as the opposite sex?
Only if I could remember my past life and compare the two. If not, then I’d like to remain female. No offense, lads.

We wuz Robbed

Breaking News 88888 Manager of week 25
in a low scoring week Rob Munden collected his 3rd MoW fiver with 52 points. Just pipped for the cash was Huw Thomas by a point and Mark Simmons by two.

Other good scoring weeks were had by John McGowan, Soozie, Barry Plummer and Chris Wright.

Last but not least was Emma Wylie with 6.

Back Inter the race

Breaking news 8888 Division 1 - week 25 news
A quiet week in 25. Not much change at the top of Div 1 back in week 25. Pk's Tally.Wacker.co.uk still lead with Egg & (Stevie) Bacon in 2nd. Inter Thepub moved back into 7th, replacing OldhamTightly.

Soozie's Sausages rolled into 9th and at the bottom Rooney & Ronaldo's Revenge escaped the relegation zone for 7 days anyway.

No sweat

Breaking news 8888 Division 2 - week 25 news
The top 6 remained unchanged in week 25 but it was PLG is a Fud that made the headlines skipping into the promotion race. Sweaty has been on quite a run and fully deserves his moment of glory. Can he push on?

Megan & Hannah's Bears, top after week 1 and in the top 8 all season fell out of the race after a week low of 10 points. What the hell moved up to 9th.

Meanwhile at the (rather attractive) rump end of the table we now have Emma's Wylie Coyote's in the penultimate place, taking over from Megan's Nancy Lollygaggers.

Put the rates up

"People from across large parts of England have reported an earth tremor. The BBC has received calls from people in Staffordshire, Warwickshire, Leicestershire, Manchester, Berkshire and the West Midlands about a earthquake."

More from the BBC.

Rant over

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were young. Sharing a bed, black and white televison, jumpers for goalposts blah, blah, blah....

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm an old geezer, I am getting more like my old man everyday, the hairy ears included. Kids today have it fucking easy don't they?

1. When I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves or look at one of those crappy encyclopedia books that Auntie Nellie used to buy for my birthday.

2. There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter....with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the postbox and it would take a week to get there, maybe two.

3. There were no MP3's or Ipods. If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and the end.

4. We didn't have fancy stuff like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

5. And we didn't have fancy Caller ID on the phone. When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mum, your paperboy boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a bird you last saw whilst you crept out of her bedroom window last night, you just didn't know. You had to pick it up and take your chances!

6. We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari With games like Space Invaders and Asteroids, You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like life.

7. When you went to the cinema, there were no fancy spancy seats on different levels, all the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!

8. And there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait all week for cartoons!

9. And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove or go build a fire in the park.

10. And finally, yoof. When we were on the phone with our friends or a bird and our parents walked-in, we were stuck to the wall with a cord, a 2 foot cord that ran to the phone - not the phone base, the actual phone - so we had our parents listen to it all, whilst our Dads tapped their imaginary watches on their wrists.

Pah, kids of today.

The Brits

No excuse for me being away from Britain too long but was last night's Brit's Awards a repeat of an old one? Take That, Kylie and Paul McCartney. Really? What happened to that up and coming band Dire Straits or REO Speedwagon for best International Band? And how about Alison Moyet for best Female Artist? Oh and surely the Spice Girls should have won something, oh that's next year is it....

The Busby Babes

3.04PM, FEBRUARY 6 1958
Services marking the 50th anniversary of the Munich air disaster were held today in England and Germany to remember the 23 people, including eight Manchester United players, who died in the crash. The services were timed to coincide with the exact anniversary of the tragedy - 3.04pm on February 6 1958.

Eight Manchester United players - part of the team known as the Busby Babes - died after a refuelling stop in Germany on the way back from a win in a European tie against Red Star Belgrade. The players who died as a result of the crash were Geoff Bent, Roger Byrne, Eddie Colman, Duncan Edwards, Mark Jones, David Pegg, Tommy Taylor and Liam Whelan.

On Sunday, there will be another minute's silence prior to United's home Premier League game against Manchester City. United players will wear a 1950s-style kit, free from sponsorship and numbered one to 11, while City will also wear a special strip. Lets hope that people offer their respects not their ignorance.

Japan Binocular Football

Just like watching Charlton.