The Real Thing - Happy Hammers

I watched the game today and was pleased for the Hammers and their fans. Sorry Martin, I have feeling Preston will be stronger for the experience next season. Did you go?

Alan Pardew was quoted as saying that he will spend the summer "signing players." It will be interesting to see how much money he is given by the much maligned Hammers board.

Apart from a header that was cleared off the line by Shaun Newton, West Ham always looked the more dangerous and after 2 years the incredibly under pressure Alan Pardew has led the Irons back to the big time. Happy Hammers indeed (probably not work friendly!).

Sheffield Wednesday are also back in the big time after defeating plucky Hartlepool 4-2 in extra time. The Owls fans have had 10 years of misery, they were one of the leading lights in the early days of the Premiership - 3 cup finals and once finishing 3rd. They had 41,000 fans in Cardiff and Paul Sturrock put a smile on their faces.

And Sarfend made it a great Cardiff weekend for Essex as they made it to League One by beating Lincoln 2-0 on Saturday. Congratulations to the Shrimpers.

My kinda town

Chicago has had the cross of St George draped over it this weekend with fans from home and ex-pats from all around the US descending on the windy city. Despite its size you don't often hear English accents around Downtown but even this afternoon wandering down Michigan Avenue English voices and football kits of all denominations joined the tourists peering up at the skyscrapers.

On Saturday Soldier Field became home-field as the Americans call it for the afternoon as English fans made themselves seen and heard.The obligatory flags hung from every corner apart from one side of the pitch where ESPN had them removed before the start of the game. The locals hugely disappointed by last years awful Man U v Bayern Munich friendly this time saw what a football game was all about, with English fans making up the majority in the impressive stadium.

Both national anthems were sung with gusto, and pleasingly there was not one boo of the 'Star Spangled Banner'. English fans were in fine voice giving fine renditions of songs like: "Are you Scotland in disguise?"

The Chicagoans looked confused and shocked by the amount of English supporters in the stadium but they also played their part in what was a good natured party atmosphere. It was a thoroughly enjoyable day with the added bonus in the 76th minute of seeing the introduction of Luke Young for his debut in an England shirt.

As for the game itself, Kieran Richardson had a dream debut scoring from a free kick in 4 minutes and again just before half-time finishing off a sweeping move. Disappointingly the hard playing surface ended his game early as it did for Sol Campbell, who looked very rusty in his first game back after injury.

I thought Carrick and Jenas were both disappointing but Joe Cole was a livewire throughout until he was replaced by Defoe. With Alan Smith often playing deep Andy Johnson was often left up front chasing shadows and didn't get a chance to take a tumble in the box to earn himself a penalty!

Calamity James was once again a disaster zone, he flapped at a free kick in the first half from America's most well known player Landon Donovan and even with the late consolation he made a hash of Fulham's Chicago born Bocanegra's effort knocking it into Dempsey's path to score. That lost me a bet that did!

I've not seen England play live for years and it was good to feel that sense of belonging again as I'm sure many of the other ex-pats did too. I have even today been thinking about a trip to Germany next year.

For a further review of the game see my story on the official Charlton site here.

Lock up your daughters the English are coming!

While Luke Young trained with his fellow England squad members in the shadow of the Sears Tower (once the tallest building in the world) the Chicago Tribune today wrote an hilarious article giving warning to what to expect from the 5,000 travelling English fans expected to descend on the city this weekend.

Entitled How to embrace your inner hooligan, this is how we are perceived:

1. THE WARDROBE
All the people running around with red crosses on their clothing Saturday at Soldier Field are not necessarily medics. The flag of St. George, England's national emblem since 1277, resembles the symbol for the international organization that cares for the sick and the emblem of choice for English fans afflicted with the football bug. The red crosses come out in full force whenever the national team plays - on flags, shirts, coats, backpacks, skin - "It's a flag-waving experience," said Rob Maul, a sports reporter for the London Times.

The shirt of choice figures to be the red England road jersey, just one piece of clothing in what will look like an Umbro warehouse. The typical fan's costume? "A team jersey, with sneakers and jeans and probably a good number of people with their faces painted," predicted David Asquith, president of Umbro USA. "Soccer's very tribal in England."

2. THE SONGS
If watching soccer indeed compares to a religious experience for many English fans, you might say the event comes complete with hymns sung throughout the match. After a traditional opening rendition of "God Save The Queen," the impromptu concert in the stands that lasts throughout the game might take several different directions.

It can turn patriotic: "England till I die, I'm England till I die, I know I am, I'm sure I am, I'm England till I die," is an old stand-by. It can wax poetic, "Oh England the fans, the fans are calling, from the Yorkshire Dales to old London Town, red, white and blue, the colors we keep flying, oh, England, England, we love you so." Or it can simply go for ribald laughs, specific for players on the national team. In a city that brought the world "The Super Bowl Shuffle," the complaints should be few.

3. THE INTENSITY
No Americans should be startled by boos that could follow the "Star Spangled Banner," Saturday any more than they should be by cheers after a goal. "That's just the way it is," Maul said. "Nothing personal. They're just passionate."

That is to say that fans at English football matches are such that an athlete such as Ron Artest (Basketball player banned after wading into the crowd to fight them!) might not be suspended for going into the stands during a game as much as pitied. As a writer once put it in the Daily Telegraph, "If manners maketh the man, many English football fans would remain locked in permanent puberty."

Conditions have improved, however, in the 20 years since visiting Liverpool fans attacked fans of the Italian team Juventus in Belgium, causing a wall to collapse and killing 39.

And since 1989 when hooligans (that will please Liverpool fans!) rioted at a game in Sheffield and left 96 dead. Still, most descriptions of a typical English football fan sounds like a rabid (Chicago) Bears fan on steroids.

4. THE PRE-GAME FARE
Somebody calling himself "BigSoccer," from Camden, England, on an English national team message board offered this food for thought on the American sporting tradition of tailgating. "Why the [expletive] does anyone have to pay [for parking] for the privilege of sitting around a car park with a bunch of fat Yank weirdoes in beards listening to country music and shouting things like "Woooooo-hooooooo!!!!!!"

In England, most soccer stadiums sit too close to housing areas to have large parking lots, so they come up with an alternative to tailgating. "It's called a pub," Chicago Fire CEO/President John Guppy said.

5. THE KNOWLEDGE
Boos cascaded Soldier Field last July after Manchester United and Bayern Munich battled to a 0-0 tie. Of course they did. "In England, a draw is just as fascinating as a victory but Americans don't know anything about the game. They think, 'What's the point in having a draw?'" Maul said.

English fans understand nuances often lost on American spectators, much the way a hit-and-run will excite a baseball purist but bore a Brit. Some English fans Saturday might rise to cheer soccer subtleties such as a heavy tackle or taking a corner kick while the Americans around them will look on, seeing a different game. "You always hear the bad thing about soccer is no scoring," Guppy said. "Well, a 3-2 game in soccer is like a 21-14 game in the NFL."

Guppy compared the extended buildup to scoring a goal to a "long courtship before you're married."

Congratulations Liverpool

Kings of Europe once again....

My kinda town

One of things I miss living here is a good newspaper. I was very partial to a good rag. The Times for a grown up read, you know check my share portfolio, catch up on the obituaries etc. The Sun for the tits, Dear Deidre, the sports section and stories like this. The News of the World to find out which footballer was shagging which soap star, The Sunday Sport for taking to the loo for a sit down, The Mail, well that was for wiping you arse on but never mind and of course the Telegraph for the fantasy league scores.

We have a right to be proud of our National newspapers. They are varied, equlitarian, unrestricted and not ruled by censorship, compared to the American media.

There is no choice here. Chicago only has 2 newspapers. There is the New York Times, LA Times, Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, the rest are unbelievable pap. The USA Today looks like it was hurriedly put together 5 minutes before the paper boy turned up.

I never buy a newspaper here. I might read the Chicago Tribune in Starbucks but that is it. World news section.... ah, there is no world news today. Back to us then. Absolute drivel and politically correct tosh.

And this is how seriously they take their duty to their readership. Sunday's newspaper comes out on Saturday. Yes, they produce both Saturday's and Sunday's paper on Saturday. Let's just hope that there is no major news on a Sunday then eh? And what really pissed me off was there was no Sunday horse racing results in the paper. Now that is a trick they could be missing out on. Print them and I might buy a copy!

Entry fee plea

One week to go. I plan to pop back to London during the summer months and will host an end of season fantasy dinner dance, i.e 8 pints and a curry, at which I will dish out the prizes. However please note I am still owed quite a lot of money and it is very boring chasing what I consider mates for £25 or less. I will email (again) those responsible. Below is the list of prizes available but none will paid out until I receive the bulk of the entry money.

The Premiership
Ultimate N&R FL Premiership Champion - £200 + prestigious trophy
Runner Up - £140
3rd place - £120
4th place - £100
5th place - £75
6th place - £50
7th place - £25
8th pink place - £10
9th pink place - £10
10th pink place - £10
46th place - £25

The Championship
Winner - £60
Runner Up - £30
3rd place - £20
4th place - £10
Best weekly score - £25
Worst weekly score - £25
Ready's Bangkok Bet - £25 WON BY SUZIE SYRETT
Manager of the Week - £5 x 41
Team Challenge - Trophy
(All £ prizes can be in $ equilavent)

After disappointment of Cup some cheer for Mark

Breaking News 8888 Week 40 scores 8888 Breaking News
Mark Simmons will be cheered a little that his Lets all beat the Gooners won the MoW title in week 40. This was on the back of the fiver he won last week. Mark hit 54 points and is just 6 points shy of Back home.

Beer Monsters whacked their best score since week 3 and propels Rob Beere into the top 4 of the Championship for the first time since the split.

The big news as you have read was Galacticos pushing themselves into 6th place. Carl scored 51, one more than Nobby’s Make it a supersize.

My partner in crime Ready got stuck with the week’s lowest score. Hannoi Utd ended with a season low of 11.

So week 40 was the last week of the Premiership fixtures. The FA Cup final points given to Man U and Arsenal players will be the season’s last and will be announced soon.

It can't go Ginger tits, can it?

Breaking News 8888 Week 40 - The Premiership
Unless it all goes completely tits in the last week of the FL season then Peter Doyle will be a new name on the N&R FL trophy. Pete’s Ginger (not so) Athletic FC collected a further 36 points to take his total to 1,483 – 44 ahead of 2nd place Wenners Wannabes.

Wenners scored 24 in week 40, 3rd placed West Ham 4 West Germany 2 19 and 4th place Back Home 33. Mind you these three sides could all end up in different places when the music stops next week.

The in-form team are Mark Simmons’ Lets all beat the Gooners. 7th 3 weeks ago Mark is now only 6 points behind Barry Paull in 4th.

The newest occupant of a top 7 slot is Carl Dillaway’s Galacticos FC. 52 points in week 40 helped Carl jump 3 places to 6th and meant that Jonny on my shoulder slipped to 7th and previous champion 2Infinity & beyond drops out of the major prizes altogether.

You got more toes than us also flip back a place in the penultimate week and the final pink zone prize seems between Tatters top tips and Lamb to the slaughter.

Beere, Beere, we want more Beere

Breaking News 8888 - Week 40 - The Championship
Flighty Feet added another excellent 36 points to their total in week 40 and have run away with the Championship title in the girls first ever N&R FL season. In fact if the league stayed intact then Catherine & Karen would have been above 8 teams currently enjoying life in the Premiership.

The excitement maybe over at the top but the places below are a real hive of industry. Can I get a waistcoat become the latest team to occupy 2nd place – the 5th change in 6 weeks. Jenks scored 39 points in week 40 and moved from 4th.

New in 3rd is Beer Monsters. Where the fuck did they come from? 7th last week, Rob hit a timely 53 points to leap 4 managers to sit in 3rd with just one week to play.

This all meant that Rose was ruined by a ladyboy are hanging in there in 4th. After 6 weeks in the Championship prize places Lee will be gutted to miss out.

Danny’s Geeza’s stay 5th but Hannah & Megs Bears drop incredibly 5 places to 7th - Alex’s lowest place for 11 weeks.

She fell over seem out of it after scoring not a too shabby 24. Liz is now 8th.

But just 12 points separate 2nd from 8th and proves that the split into two leagues is a lot more exciting than it would have been in teams were battling for the 24th to 32nd place!

The split has caught the imagination and I’m pleased about that.

Watch out for me, Make it a supersize. As the fantasy veterans amongst you will know, Nobby & Ready normally award themselves an additional 100 points in the last week, just because we can! I’m up to my highest position of the season with just a week to go.

And finally, Tony Murray, 6th in the 1st week finally slipped into the re-election zone after months of Hammers like coke teetering on the edge. This meant that Goonersmoan may have escaped the dreaded drop after larruping 34 points. First time Rutts has been out of the bottom 6 since early January.

Remember this is all fantasy so don’t lose any sleep over it. Goodnight

Tartan desk

Blimey, some excitement north ofthe border today.

Celtic had to beat Motherwell to be sure of the title with Rangers winning their match against Hibs. They were leading 1-0 thanks to a Chris Sutton goal but with the huge contingent of Celtic supporters geting uneasy Terry Butcher's side staged an astonishing late rally, with McDonald equalising in the 88th-minute to put Rangers back in the driving seat.

Australian-born striker McDonald, who is a Celtic supporter, then devastated the travelling Bhoys fans by grabbing a second in injury time.

Rangers, who had to wait until the 59th minute to break down Hibernian's stiff defence courtesy of Novo's first league goal since 2 March, held on for victory and had to wait for the full-time whistle to go at Fir Park to confirm the title.

News of Celtic's defeat sparked scenes of jubilation at Easter Road as Rangers rejoiced in recapturing the title in the most dramatic of circumstances

Hibs still finished 3rd, which will please an Edinburgh mate of mine I watched the FA Cup final with yesterday.

Dundee were relegated on Saturday and will be replaced by Div 1 Champs Falkirk.

Road to Cardiff - United Robbed

For the 2nd year running N&R's team were beaten in the FA Cup final and quite frankly it was as one-sided as last year. Man Utd had 20 shots at goal compared to Arsenal's 5 and they had 11 more corners. However it was the often slated Jens Lehmann who was the hero saving Paul Scholes penalty in the shoot out to give the Gunners the Cup.

United controlled the entire match with Arsenal employing Dennis Bergkamp solely up front and their normal perfect passing game was non-existent.

Rio Ferdinand had the ball in the net after 21 minutes after Jens Lehmann blocked Rooney's drive with his legs, but the goal was ruled out for offside. Rooney then brought a fine save from Lehmann when he turned a stinging drive over the top after good work by Van Nistelrooy.

United dominated the early stages of the second half, with only a desperate tackle from Kolo Toure stopping Rooney before Ronaldo fired narrowly off target from 20 yards.

Wenger made a change after 64 minutes, replacing Bergkamp with Ljungberg.

Rooney came closest to breaking the deadlock with an audacious attempt to beat Lehmann at his near post, but the Arsenal keeper recovered and got a slight touch on to the upright. Van Nistelrooy was then inches away from connecting with Ronaldo's cross as United continued to dominate.

Keane had a glorious chance to win the Cup for United with five minutes left when Lehmann misjudged Ronaldo's corner, but Vieira provided a crucial block. Seconds later Ljungberg miraculously cleared Van Nistelrooy's header off the line and up on to the bar as Arsenal hung on desperately.

Giggs came on for Fletcher at the start of the extra time - but it was Arsenal who finally posed their first serious threat seven minutes after the re-start.

Mikael Silvestre was harshly penalised for fouling substitute Robin van Persie, and the Dutch youngster forced a fine diving save out of Carroll from the free-kick.

Lehmann rescued Arsenal again when he blocked Scholes on the the turn, before Van Nistelrooy missed United's best chance, heading wide of an open goal from six yards.

As the game entered the dying seconds, Reyes was sent off for fouling Ronaldo having earlier been booked.

Then it was penalties and it is always sad to see a final decided on them.

Jens Lehmann made the crucial save from Paul Scholes as the destination of the trophy was decided on penalties for the first time in its history in what will be the last final at the Millennium Stadium.

Van Nistelrooy, Cristiano Ronaldo, Rooney and Roy Keane were on the mark for United in the shoot-out, but Arsenal's spot-kicks were flawless.

Lauren, Ljungberg, Robin van Persie and Ashley Cole were on target before captain Vieira stepped forward to score.

Team: Carroll, Brown, Ferdinand, Silvestre, O'Shea (Fortune 77), Fletcher (Giggs 91), Keane, Scholes, Ronaldo, van Nistelrooy, Rooney.
Subs Not Used: Howard, Gary Neville, Smith.
Attendance: 71,876
MoM: Wayne Rooney

Its not that bad. They have good pies at Gresty Rd.

Whoops, where did she come from?

Premiership plus - bounce-back-ability?

It was the most exciting relegation battle in the top flight for 20+ years with 4 teams all fighting to stay in the Premiership. During Sunday afternoon all four teams at one time over the 90 minutes were safe "if the scores continue as they are." Famous commentators words and for Palace, Norwich and Southampton famous last words.

The Saints were leading Utd, Norwich just had to draw at 'nothing to play for' Fulham and Palace were 8 minutes away from salvation.

Football is a cruel world, nowhere else than at the Valley where 23,000 Addicks mocked the stripey Nigels. The home fans at the Cottage were altogether nicer to the 7,000 travelling canaries despite their humiliating 6-0 thrashing. Sir Alex Ferguson had some nice words to say about his friend Harry Redknapp but relegation is hard.

Not only does the calendar no longer have trips to Old Trafford, Highbury and St James, they are replaced with trips to Gresty Road, Kenilworth Road and the run-down and rather naughty Ninian Park.

There are many clubs who, following relegation, talk about coming straight back up. But in reality only 3 teams have done this in the last 7 seasons - Leicester (2nd), Charlton and Man City (both champions). The other relegated teams have not been so lucky.

Sunderland have been a success story in that when they went down they were in a real mess but thanks to good management they have bounced back at the 2nd attempt. West Brom also went back at the 2nd attempt.

Dowie, Worthington and Redknapp are all good managers who can bring success, but that's if they stay, can work within very different budgets and are supported by a sensible chairman. Lowe? Jordan? I don't think so.

But otherwise it's a tale of woe. Leicester, Wolves and Leeds all had very poor seasons in their first Championship campaigns. West Ham, Derby, Barnsley, Sheffield Utd and specifically Ipswich have all had heartache in the play-off's.

Coventy (30+ years in the top flight before they were relegated. nb Southampton), Watford and QPR's memories of the Premiership are very distant.

For Bradford, Wimbledon, sorry MK Franchise, Sheff Wed, Barnsley, Oldham, Swindon and poor ex European Cup winners Nottm Forest the glory days are long forgotten.

My kinda town

I get sent all kind of crap email at work. New lawnmowers, breast enlargement, singles clubs, mortgage offers, loans. All worthless crap. Why do people persist with sending this dross? Who opens an email and is offered a new inkjet printer and thinks "Just what I need" and buys the fucker?

We have a process here that we send all spam emails to a junk mail box where they are supposed to then be able to stop future content from the sender. I obviously am very cynical about this and think the people that work in this department all have plastic tits, cheap mortgages and a new lawnmower.

Anyway today I got sent a bit of a corker. Now if you are at work PLEASE do not click on the link. It may be the end of a flourishing career. Even you Sweaty!

This is what it I received today:

"38 Individuals are live on Webcams in our site right now. All within 10.5 miles of your home.
Here are the 3 nearest you:

1) Toni Tv - Blonde, D-cup, slim & sexy, studies at home
2) Student in 23 - Brunnette, 5'11/slim, loves to "webcam it" then personally visit afterwards.
3) Maureen live - Brunette, slim, loves webcam show-offs, likes daily companions. Single.

To see these 3 and the rest of the women/men in your area:
http://www.regusers.org/adc/fhcba/index.html "

How about that? There is a Maureen around the corner from my office. She's not up to much but I will find out if she has a webcam on her computer.

Road to Cardiff - The final Utd v Arse

Our final and 8th team in the 2004 / 05 N&R's Road to Cardiff will be Malcolm Glazer's Manchestershire United States. Ok, no more jokes about the richest, sorry in the most debt, club in the world because on Saturday we will all be supporting them. Alright, not you Ginger Rabbit, Soozie, Lupo, Danny, Rob, Chris & Rutts (Jeez, we have too many Arse's in this league) but the rest of us!

At 9am in Gingers Ale House on Ashland and Grace I will be having my plate of pancakes with syrup and a pint of Guinness and will watch what I hope will be the best final we have seen for years. It has all the potential and has to better than the walkover we had last May.

The team news ahead of Saturday is that the Gunners will be missing talisman Thierry Henry but Edu is expected to play his last game for Arsenal. Freddie Ljungberg has declared himself fit and Arsene Wenger has said Jose Reyes (his last game too?) will definitely start the game - probably up front alongside either Dennis Bergkamp or Robin van Persie.

United will be without Gabriel Heinze and Gary Neville is very doubtful but will be hoping for more goals from the rejuvenated Ruud van Nistelrooy.

The Glazer take-over adds more spice of course to what will already be a fiery encounter and I wonder if we will see any of the demonstrations planned.

The best of luck to both sets of fans in the N&R FL. Here's hoping for a great final.

The Road to Cardiff:

Final Man Utd v Arsenal
At Millennium Stadium

SF Newcastle 4, Man Utd 1
Scorer: Amoebi
Attendence: 69,280 (at Millennium Stadium)

QF Newcastle 1, Tottenham 0
Scorer: Kluivert
Attendance: 51,307

5th R Newcastle 1, Chelsea 0
Scorer: Kluivert
Attendance: 45,740

4th R Newcastle 3, Coventry 1
Scorers: Shearer, Amoebi, Babayaro
Attendance: 44,044

3rd R Yeading 0, Newcastle 2S
corers: Bowyer, Amoebi
Attendance: 10,824 (Held at Loftus Road)

2nd R Slough Town 1, Yeading 3
Scorer: Harris
Attendance: 2,418

1st R Slough Town 2, Walsall 1
Scorers: Hodges, Harris
Attendance: 2,023

4th QR Slough Town 3, Salisbury City 2
Scorers: Matthews, Wallace
Attendance: 1,195

3rd QR Weston-Super-Mare 1, Salisbury City 3
Scorers: Davis (2), Matthews
Attendance: 543

2nd QR Replay Frome Town 0, Salisbury City 3
Attendance: 665

2nd QR Salisbury City 1, Frome Town 1
Scorer: SalterA
ttendance: 636

1st QR Replay Backwell United 1, Frome Town 3
Scorer: Bloomfield
Attendance: 90 (played at Clevedon Town FC)

1st QR Frome Town 2, Backwell United 2
Scorers: Hewitt, Bryne
Attendance: 191

Prelim Round Backwell United 2, Bridgewater Town 1
Attendance: 83

Extra Prelim Round Backwell United 3, Odd Down 2
Scorers: Quoi, Tilley
Attendance: 26

Who is Tony Christie?

Whoever you are, thank-you....

Sha-la-la la-la-la-la-la! *clap* *clap!*
Sha-la-la la-la-la-la-la! *clap* *clap!*
Sha-la-la la-la-la-la-la! *clap* *clap!*

We've gone and sent the Palace down!

How unFORTUNE-not!

Who, which, why? - Simon Bond

Now you would never guess that old Bondy is a bit of a Northerner would you? For our American friends that is anyone who lives north of Watford.

In his Who, which, why? questionnaire he talks of beatings, bollox, bloody foreigners, burgers and shaven haven's. All birds, in my experience (1) from Sheffield are and Bondy re-emphasises my point!

Bondy's Who, which, why? is attached to the week 39 score email.

Wannabe startin' something

Breaking News 8888 Week 39 - The Premiership
With Michael Jackson in court, it was left to Mark Wenman to moonwalk into 2nd place despite only scoring 18 points in week 39. However it was more than enough with Wenners Wannabes scoring 13 points more than Ben Graves' West Ham 4 West Germany 2 and the chase for the N&R title will go right to the end as Ginger (not so) Athletic's lead is now only 32 points with 2 weeks' scores to go.

Barry Paull, who had a very sad weekend (what was it now? Oh yes, they ran out of pork scratchings in The Elephant!) stays in 4th. Back home (indeed!) scoring only 9 in week 39.

Lets all beat the Gooners are probably too far back in 5th, despite their MOW winning score of 32 points. Jonny on my shoulder are 2 points behind in 6th and 2Infinity & beyond stay in 7th. Now Barry Plummer is pissed off at the moment judging by the text I got from him on Sunday. I wonder why that could be? Oh yes, maybe that naughty Tatters stole the last paper clip out of the stationary cupboard!

Very close on Barry's tail is Lee Day. You got more toes hit 19 in week 39 and in 9th Galacticos FC are also in with a shout of a top 7 spot.

The 10th and final pink zone place will probably be between Tatters top tips, Lamb to the slaughter - who drop out of the top 10 for the first time in 5 weeks - and Keep the faith. Francey of course is very happy this week (what was it now? Oh yes, they got a new delivery of his hair gel in Boots!).

A slight outside bet for a top 10 place was Ian Kennett's Blessed are the cheesemakers but a poor week has seen him drop out of contention down in 15th.

Here come the bears

Breaking News 8888 - Week 39 - The Championship
In my reckoning any 3 from 8 could still grab the places behind Flighty Feet in the Championship prize money stakes. As they say at the bookmakers we have closed the book on Flighty Feet. Catherine and Karen have an unassailable lead, 58 points ahead of now 2nd Meg & Hannah's bears.

Boswell scored well in a low week 39. 25 points lifts them above Rose was ruined by a ladyboy and Danny's Geeza's.

New into the top 4 are Can I get a waistcoat who have marched slowly but surely up the table. Jenks' 24 points continues an excellent end of the season that could once again see him win some prize money.

Elsewhere Make it a supersize improved a place to 8th as did Herecomethewildebeests too.

At the bottom The Elephant man(ager) further created a gap between themselves and the bottom 6 as they climbed to 16th. Defoe's golden XI are still deep in the mire but not as bad as Hammers like coke who now share the last re-election zone with Goonersmoan. Can the Rutts get himself out of it with 2 weeks to go?

Only one 'f' in Forest stay in the penultimate place with a little cushion either side of them.

Simmons hits the Mark

Breaking News 8888 Week 39 scores 8888 Breaking News
Mark Simmons won his first prize money after 39 weeks of trying. Lets all beat the Gooners scored 32 points, which gave him the MoW award. Perhaps more importantly it moved him above Jonny on my shoulder into 5th place.

Named after that Coco-Cola Championship manager Iain Dowie The elephant man(ager) cheered their manager Giles Crowley up after a tough weekend (what was it now? Oh yes, they had ran out of bombay potatoes in his local curry house!) and they scored the next best score in week 39. 31 points saw Giles climb two places in our own Championship league table.

Other teams worth a shout in week 39 were Galacticos FC (25 points), Meg & Hannah's bears (25), Tatters top tips (24), Can I get a waistcoat (24) and Make it a supersize (24).

Alan Waters' Happy Hammers came of worst in week 39 scoring a paltry 4 points and remain in re-election trouble.

Letters

An open letter from Malcolm Glazer to Man Utd fans everywhere:

"Dear Soccer fans,

As you all know, i've been looking to buy the United's of Manchester for a little while now. I've also heard that some of you may not be too happy about me using, sorry, buying the club in order to reach new heights and also, that I may not be a fan.

Well fear not, as i'm writing this personal letter to let you know that i'm a genuine fan of you blue devils.I began rooting for the United's back in 1992 when our little Malcolm JR was practising those Soccer home runs out in the yard. I loved the way you turned defence into offence, and the way that Bobby Shearer used to top half it into the goal bag. Oh man, that play was hot. My son tells me that you even out-zoned your City rivals Southampton in the 4th quarter of the FA World series.

As for your current team, that Rude guy is awesome!!!! I see a profitable future at the United, with the young talent of Cristiano Rooney (man, that guy can dance!) and Peter Shilton giving us hope in defeating the evil Russian tyranny which assaults the freedom of our beloved Soccer.

With the marketing potential of those Neville brothers and that Pearce dude leading the team, we can all look to acheiving our beliefs of a better future. Especially when I add Alexei Lalas and Cobi Jones to the starting 15.

Now to you, the fans. I've been to see the United's play once before, and the respect you pay your team in silently admiring the play out on the pitch was overwhelming. Because of this, i've just purchased a new £45 million mansion in the Manchester to be close to you guys. And more good news is i'm planning to add an extra 10,000 seats through corporate boxes so more genuine blue devils can experience the play.

What's with the prawn sandwiches I had to eat when I was there? Well, rest assured, it'll be super size prawn baguettes when I take charge.

I can't wait to come over to the Manchester isles, as I love the country, especially the beaches and the hot chicks.I hope you can all see my vision of this future, with new shirt sponsors (Dunkin Donuts) and new team name (The Manchester Gloom) i'm sure things are looking bright.

Further good news for you guys is that i've just agreed a partnership deal with McDonalds, who will help in promoting the Manchester brand. This will involve re-naming the stadium to 'McTrafford' as well as an exciting launch of Manchester Gloom plastic fan toys in every happy meal.Cristiano Rooney will be the face of this campaign and during this, he will be marketed globally as Roonald McDonald.

Take care dudes.
MG."

The real thing

Almost 20,000 people watched Wigan join Sunderland with the big boys on Sunday. Latics chairman Dave Whelan says he may have to "look at spending £10m to £25m" to keep the club in the top flight. That will be a darn sight more than Mick McCarthy will spend.

That leaves Ipswich to the play-off's (again) with West Ham their opponents. Preston who hammered Derby on Sunday meet again. All four have reason's to back them. Ipswich are by far the most accomplished team, yet we know it is not about that. I would not back against the Hammers. They could easily turn it on for 3 games but can Pardew get the best out of them? Preston are unfancied but were the form team until the last couple of games. I go for Derby at 9/4. They won 12 games away from home and that will hold them in good stead and no one knows the play-off's like George Burley.

Brighton and Crewe did magnificently well to survive another season in the Championship. Brighton's win at Rotherham was the catalyst and Crewe who had relegation written all over them went and beat Coventry to send Gillingham and their chairman back down to where they belong.

In League One Brentford will play Sheffield Wednesday in the battle of the long ball while Tranmere and Hartlepool are two of the best footballing sides in the division. There will be huge support for Wednesday in their efforts to get back on the road to success but Tranmere start as favourites but Mad Dog Martin Allens' Bees at 3/1 are my tip.

Allen is being linked with the vacant Millwall job and was quoted as saying: "My only focus is on Brentford. Predictably because of the success I've had this season my name has been thrown into the ring by the papers, the same way it has been done with the Watford and Portsmouth jobs. I don't know where people come up with these ideas. I was even linked with the job at Real Madrid a few months ago!"

Franchise FC's crucial win at home to play-off favourites Tranmere meant that Danny Wilson's side get another chance to play in League One next season. Torquay were the team that suffered as Oldham won on the last day too. Torquay under Leroy Rosenoir drop after just one season in League One.

In the 4th, come on it is the 4th really, Southend had the heartache of missing out on automatic promotion after failing to win at Grimsby on the last day. The 3rd place team tend to trip up in the play-off's but I fancy them at 9/4.

An old favourite of the N&R FL are Macclesfield and they are really tough to beat. They take on Lincoln who make it three years in the play-offs on the trot. The Shrimpers take on in form Northampton.

Cambridge and Kidderminster will be replaced by Paul Fairclough's Barnet and either Stevenage or Carlisle who meet at Stoke's Brittania Stadium on Saturday night.

Further down the pyramid, a few things have taken my eye. My parents local team Eastbourne Borough play Altrincham on Sunday in the final of the Conference North / South play-off.

Grays Athletic and old league club Southport are already there. I note pre-season favourites Hornchurch (who I actually saw this season) ended up 17th after their financial problems and a 10 point administration deduction. James Bird's Weston-Super-Mare finished 11th.

South London boys Fisher Atletic won the Southern East division to win promotion to the Southern Premier League.

Remember Yeading? Well, they pissed the Isthmian Premier League. They will appear in next season's Conference South. We followed Slough too and they finished 13th. In Division 1, a lot of people follow the fortunes of AFC Wimbledon and they continued their move up the divisions. 3,000 regulary watched the Dons at Kingsmeadow as they stormed to the Isthmian Division 1 title.

Road to Cardiff boys Salisbury City finished 12th in the Isthmian Premier whilst in the Western Premier League Odd Down finished 13th whilst Backwell Utd ended 9th. Our other Road to Cardiff team Frome finished 3rd.

And finally after winning Div 2 last year the Albany Northern League Div 1 champions were our old favourites Dunston Federation Brewery.

Just a thought....

Me, 8 Yanks and an Aussie have tickets for the Memorial weekend friendly match at Soldier Field between USA and England.

The locals were desperate to see a full England team after Man U and Bayern Munich played out a drab 0-0 draw last summer in Chicago. United's team was made up of youngsters and it was a complete disgrace that Sir Alex didn't embrace 60,000 excited Americans willing to learn about the beautiful game.

So it has been a real disappointment to me as I watch players drop out of Sven-Goran Eriksson's squad. 12 players have now pulled out of the game at Soldier Field including the big pulls such as Owen, Beckham, Gerrard, Lampard, Ferdinand and Rooney.

The team including a bean pole, a Judas and the Palace penalty getter will still carry some quality but it the real stars won't be here.

The full squad is as follows:Green (Norwich), Carson (Liverpool), James (Manchester City) Campbell (Arsenal), Upson (Birmingham), Brown (Manchester United), G Neville (Manchester United), A Cole (Arsenal), P Neville (Manchester United), Johnson (Chelsea), Jenas (Newcastle), Downing (Middlesbrough), Beckham (Real Madrid), Carrick (Tottenham), J Cole (Chelsea), Hargreaves (Bayern Munich) Wright-Phillips (Manchester City), Smith (Manchester United), Owen (Real Madrid), Crouch (Southampton), A Johnson (Crystal Palace), Defoe (Tottenham).

The American 'roster' is due to be announced next week.

Who, which, why? - Giles Crowley

Nervous looking Palace fan Giles Crowley is in the hot seat this week. Giles tells us that if he got married again he would have curry for breakfast, lunch and dinner (just like any other day then really). His wife to be would have to be a brunette which rules out his current bird and also he admires Bobby Moore's tackle. Quite.

This week's Who, which, why? is attached to the latest score email.

My kinda town

Someone explain to me iced tea. What is that turgid stuff all about. It ain't clever, it ain't PG.

Why would anyone want to drink cold tea? Hot tea as proper tea is called here is surely the only way to enjoy a cuppa.

I watch people order the stuff here, squeeze a slice of lemon into it and then pour about 3 sachets of sweetener in. Iced puke looks more appetising. If you need something to sweeten a nice brew, dunk a chocolate digestive in. Right or wrong?

And now Starbucks are at it. Cold coffee, sorry iced coffee. How about that for $4, eh?

Oh how things have changed. It used to 5 pints of Stella at lunch and now its a nice refreshing glass of cold tea!

In the news - Lampard needs major surgery after dive

The soccer world was shocked today after learning that Chelsea hero Frank Lampard will need to miss England's tour to America because of major surgery to the foot that he nearly lost in what was a disgusting attack on the midfield genius by Charlton's Jonathan Fortune on Saturday.

Fortune was lucky not to be sent off and banned for life for the lunge at the honest Lampard 10 feet outside of the penalty area which was so bad that it ended up with Lampard being sent flying into the air landing (conveniently) inside the penalty box.

In fact the foul was so intentional and planned that it appeared that Fortune cleverly never even touched the superb Lampard.

Re-constructive surgery begins after the season but experts say the brilliant Lampard will make a full recovery.

Meanwhile Alan Curbishley will take a close look at the video and try to implement Lampard's wonderful footwork into the Addicks training sessions as they look to 'earn' their first penalty of the season!

Swing when you're winning

Breaking News 8888 Week 38 scores 8888 Breaking News
Paul Kelleher is a well known and respected Swinger in the local community but he hasn't had much too swing about during the N&R fantasy season. Over Christmas he picked up a fiver for the MoW and he has done the same over the May Day bank holiday too. Filthy Love may have left it too late for a surge into the top 10 but the extra fiver will add to the money he saves on entrance fees at his local, ahem, nightspot!

The Herecomethewildebeests manager is also fond of a bit of swinging. In a recent Who, which, why? Tony Hepburn announced that he would like to bed Pamela Anderson and Mrs Heppers at the same time. Nice thought, but I'm sure they would rather you not be there Tony. Despite this playing on his mind however Heppers has made a nice little run away from any potential re-election trouble, picking up another 50 points in week 38 and moving into 13th place in the Championship.

Watch out the Chicago boys are coming! Nobby, Dougs and Tim amassed 130 points between them in week 38. A little too late perhaps but it shows that the Yanks are getting hold of this football thing. In the Championship Make it a supersize stay 9th, Cheeky Americans climb further away from re-election to 14th and Idiots guide move out of the penultimate prize place - more on that below.

Other teams who had good May Day scoring weeks were Galacticos FC (46) and Rose was ruined by a ladyboy (38).

The weeks lowest total was 17 and belonged to Pete Godfrey's Pull your finger out molly.

4-horse race?

Breaking News 8888 Week 38 - The Premiership
Is it possible that the long-time 2-horse race might now involve Mark Wenman and Barry Paull?

In week 38 both leader Ginger (not so) Athletic and 2nd placed West Ham 4 West Germany 2 had very poor weeks. Pete Doyle scoring 24 and Ben Graves 26 while the 3rd and 4th placed sides closed the gap.

Wenners Wannabes who hit 35 are now just 6 points behind 2nd and Back home are 26, but still do-able points, further back in 4th after their 36-point week.

3 weeks to go. Last weekend, the final round of games this Sunday and the FA Cup Final and N&R think it is still all to play for.

Lets all beat the Gooners jumped a place to 6th, knocking 2Infinity & beyond back to 7th in week 38. The rest of the top 10 stayed as was although both Tatters top tips and Keep the faith are close behind.

Blessed are the cheesemakers, Ping-Pong Yo Yo and Luadjembamaccorone are still in touching distance of a pink zone final finish.

Flighty feet running away with it

Breaking News 8888 - Week 38 - The Championship
Flighty Feet in their first ever season look like they are going to pick up the £60 prize for winning the Championship title. With 3 weeks left Catherine and Karen are 56 points ahead of Lee Baughan in 2nd place.

Lee's Rose was ruined by a ladyboy hurdled both Danny Geeza's and Meg & Hannah's bears in week 38 and the race for the 2nd, 3rd and 4th place could go down as far as 9th.

Last week She fell over dropped back further to 6th but watch out for perennial prize winner Simon Jenkins who moved into 5th, Can I get a waistcoat were 11th at the split.

The big news at the bottom of the pile was that Only one 'f' in Forest dropped below Idiots guide to soccer after Brian's surprisingly high score of 45 points lifted him to 22nd. This means that James, who also won it last year, now sits in the penultimate place with 3 weeks to go.

Now the reason we give a prize for finishing 2nd from bottom is because it is bloody hard to do. But if James Bird stays where he is, then amazingly it will be his 2nd consecutive penultimate placing! Here are the previous winners of the 'award':

2003 / 04 James Bird
2002 / 03 Gary Peart
2001 / 04 Lee Baughan
2000 / 01 Mark Simmons
1999 / 00 Tony Hepburn
1998 / 99 Alan Oakley
No award given in 1996 / 97 and 1997 / 98.

We're all goin' on a European Tour

What a turn up for the books. Dermot Walsh will be pleased. Liverpool, who I saw at the Valley in February and were awesome, but who have shown very little spark in the Premiership are through to the final of the Champions League.

It was like the old days on the kop and the performance was a throw back to the old European days when the Reds would battle for draws away and sweep to victory at home.

Jose Mourinho was grace-less in defeat. "The linesman scored the goal." and "the best side lost" he said.

It was good for football I think that Chelsea did not sweep all and sundry aside to win both the Premiership and the Champions League. Dodgy Russian money can't buy you everything although, to be fair, old Roman does seem to be at every game I see on the box. Good luck to the Blues though, as Oakers will tell you they have waited a long time for this and they have had a truly remarkable season.

Liverpool will play AC Milan who beat PSV on away goals tonight in another tense affair. Massimo Ambrosini's injury time goal being the decider. UEFA in their wisdom have chosen the friendly confines of Istanbul for the final, god knows what those fans have done to deserve a final of this quality. The game takes place on May 25th.

My kinda town

I have a reasonably open mind as those that know me will attest. And I am all for equal opportunities and the like - at the end of the day I really don't care if we employ blondes or brunette's as long as collars match cuffs. I am rather particular in that regard.

So, I was pleased to see that Aon in the US had announced new National Business Networking Groups. Chance for me to further my career and raise my profile I thought. So, I opened the link to see which one of these new groups a Brit living and working in Aon Chicago could join. This was the choice:

1) African American
2) Asian /Pacific Islander
3) Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender
4) Latino
5) People with Disabilities
6) Women

I re-read it a couple of times and to be quite honest I don't think I qualify. How shit is that? What about a group for hetrosexual white blokes from Britain. Should I complain, or will I get the tin-tac?

I tell you what though, I think I will go to the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender meeting just to see who is there because there are people who work in this building who just really aren't the full ticket, if you know what I mean?

Chelsea's 50 years of hurt

I you haven't seen this, then here are two great articles on the BBC Sport website comparing the 1955 and the 2005 Chelsea Championship winning teams.

Bridging the 50-year title divide

Guide to the 1955 team

Premiership Plus

So Romans billions have finally done it. After 50 years of hurt the Blues won the Premiership title at Bolton on Saturday. Just one defeat and 13 goals conceded show that they have been by far and away the best team in the country this season and manager Jose Mourinho is collecting all the plaudits after making some astute if rather expensive buys such as Petr Cech and Alberto Ricardo Carvalho although I question whether Drogba is worth 24m?

More importantly Mourinho has added structure, consistency and team work to what was already a star-studded squad and he has improved players like Joe Cole, John Terry and Frank Lampard who any West Ham fan will tell you is light years away from the player he was a couple of season's back!

Congratulations to those long suffering fans, not the Jonny come lately's mind.

Looks like Arse will get 2nd and Man U 3rd, who sauntered to victory at the Valley on Sunday. Charlton's most recent end of season collapse has been the most painful to witness. We have hardly set the league alight this season even though we have barely been out of the top 10. We have bored people senseless with our 4-5-1 formation and Curbs does look like he has completely run out of ideas. Time for a change? The players yes, the manager most definitely not.

Liverpool getting to the final of the Champions League continues the headache over who will be given the 4th qualification place. Everton have more than proved their worth over the course of the season. Moyes used the Rooney money well (at least that what he got given) and 4 points from 3 games will see them finish 4th. Arsenal will play a major role in the outcome as they play both the Scouse teams.

But should Liverpool get automatic qualification if they win the Champions League title? And at the expense of Everton? UEFA have made it clear that if that's what the Premiership want then it's their decision. They must have been gutted that the Reds beat Chelsea! Why can't they just chuck them in the qualifiers with the winners and runners up from Latvia, San Marino and Northern Ireland et al? Surely it will mean only another summer preliminary, and no tiny clubs going to not want to play a lucrative tie against the Champions are they?

FIFA of course are making World Cup winners Brazil re-qualify for Germany 2006 and I guess that is a given but I believe competiton winners should automatically qualify for the next competition.

The most exciting race in the Premiership is down at the bottom. Four teams are left fighting, the 3 promoted and Southampton.

West Brom have the hardest run in and despite Bryan Robson really turning it around at the Hawthorns I think they will need results to go their way. The massive game on Saturday is at Smellhurst when Redknapp's Southampton play Palace. The Saints, like WBA, still have to play Man U (who they have a good record against as does Harry) and it is still in their hands.

Palace then come to the theatre of broken dreams on the last day of the season. I would not put a single cent on Charlton helping out Norwich, West Brom or Southampton though, even though in an hour and a half Curbs and the boys could completely wipe away 10 weeks of disappointment by sending Palace down.

Norwich because of their goal difference have to beat Birmingham on Saturday and they then play at Craven Cottage on the last day. Two winnable games but they are leaking goals like crazy at the minute.

It will go down to the wire.