N&R 2010 Celebrity Death Pool Draw

The draw has been made so please see below for your selection. If you don't know who your celebrity is, then I have linked them to their Wikipedia page. Good luck if that is the right phrase and a prize to winner of the first person on the list that crokes it in 2010. By the way I have replaced Farrah Fawcett and Yasser Arafat as they are already dead (thanks Dewbs).

1 Aretha Franklin - Steve Black
2 Larry King - Alex Boswell
3 Britney Spears - Neil Cryer
4 Steven Tyler - Peter Doyle
5 Elizabeth Taylor - Greg Foulger
6 Brigitte Bardot Ian France
7 Amy Winehouse - Glenn Francis
8 Zsa Zsa Gabor - Peter Godfrey
9 Ronnie Biggs - Ian Kennett
10 Mickey Rourke - Leigh Langton
11 Lindsay Lohan - Paul Long
12 David Hasselhoff - John McGowan
13 Katie Holmes - Ian Monahan
14 Pete Doherty - Rob Munden
15 Kirk Douglas - Richard Nathan
16 Fidel Castro - Simon Newport
17 Steve Jobs - Alan Oakley
18 Courtney Love - Barry Paull
19 Osama bin Laden - Barry Plummer
20 Joan Rivers - Keith Read
21 Tiger Woods - Danny Rose
22 Prince Phillip - Brian Rutter
23 Queen Elizabeth II - Stuart Kilpatrick
24 George Bush Snr - Mark Simmons
25 Pope Benedict XV1 - Martin Singleton
26 Rolf Harris - Michael Stout
27 William Shatner - Jason Syrett
28 Eric Sykes - Nigel Tatlock
29 Vanessa Feltz - Chris Waterman
30 Norman Wisdom - Mark Wenman
31 Kerry Katona - Nveille White
32 Robbie Williams - Kirsty Baillie
33 Paul Gascoigne - Aaraon Bardon
34 Bobby Charlton - Lee Baughan
35 Jimmy Carter - Alex Byatt
36 Margaret Thatcher - Mark Dewberry
37 Naomi Campbell - James Down
38 Bruce Forsyth - Ben Graves
39 Joan Collins - Tim Feldbruegge/Dennis Malloy
40 Terry Wogan - Scott Morgan
41 David Letterman - Dan Martin
42 Silvio Berlusconi - Paul Kelleher
43 Sir Alex Ferguson - Lee Horne
44 Barbara Walters - Rob Saxon
45 Hugh Heffner - Megan McLeod
46 Patricia Routledge - Tim Harris
47 Billy Graham - Henry Williams
48 Doris Day - Neil Reynolds
49 Vera Lynn - Hilary Flynn
50 Ozzie Osbourne - Soozie Syrett
51 Mikhail Gorbachev - Ryan Saveall
52 Sepp Blatter - Huw Thomas
53 Jimmy Hill - Sarah Sheron
54 Maradona - Simon Ward
55 Pele - James Ashworth
56 Rod Blagojevich - Davor Duvancic
57 Keith Richards - Ben Guarino
58 Brigitte Nielsen - Steve Merchant
59 Janice Dickinson - Chris Wright

Season's Greetings

May Keith and I take this opportunity to wish all of our managers and their families and associated mistresses all the very best for a happy Christmas and a healthy and prosperous New Year.

Nobby & Ready

Unhealthy insurance industry

Blimey how much do they pay these wankers who survey people and then based on a few responses they then decree to the world what we already know. Guess what? Working in insurance is unhealty? Yes, I know we could have told them that but the BBC posted a survey yesterday of the top 10 most unhealty jobs and they were:

Chef
Farmer
Electrician
Insurance worker
Builder
Banker
Call centre worker
Truck driver
Engineer
Travel agent

How can a chef be unhealthy when you have access to some of the best natural products available? A farmer? Give me a break sitting on a combine harvester all fucking day. An electrician? Climbing on a stool and changing a lightbulb or two? Builder. What wolf-whistling to anything with tits and drinking pints of milk whilst sat on the side of the street. Oh yeh, very unhealthy.

A banker. Don't make me laugh. Have you seen their bonuses? A call centre worker? Living in New Delhi with all the curries you can eat. We can only dream of such an existence. Truck Driver noshing on Yorkies all day may be a bit unhealthy but compared to what we have to do?

An engineer. Oh yes in front of a drawing board. I suppose a compass and a ruler could be dangerous if inserted in the wrong place and a travel agent answering the phone and spending all day on Orbitz. Whoopee doo.

Insurance workers, now this is the most unhealthiest industry there is and don't we know it. Let me give you an example of my day:

Arrive home 1am. Drop a glass on the floor, cut toe, Missus nearly kills me.
Wake up at 3am to crying baby and dreaming about screwing an underwriter. Not literally.
Wake at 6am to worst hangover in the world. Think I'm having a heart attack.
7.15am. Get ferry to work, feel sea-sick.
7.30am. Greasy sausage sandwich, and burn tongue on sausage and then feel sick.
9am. Meeting with my boss, who verbally abuses me for not getting him home last night
11am. Ex missus gives me an ear bashing.
12.30am. Realise I have a bruise on my arm and remember falling over. Bloody hurts.
1pm. Meet a Charlton mate for a pizza and together we get depressed.
1.15pm. There is a fly on my pepperoni pizza. Might contact malaria or something.
2pm. Conference call and have to listen to miserable client chewing my ear off.
2.30pm. Get a phone call and told I smoked two cigars last night. Not good.
3pm. Still hungry and eat 14 Bendicks mint chocolates. My guts are doing sommersaults
3.30pm. Told I have to go food shopping tonight by the missus. Will have to fight the locals over the last turkey.
4pm. Realise I have my contact lenses in the wrong way and that is why I have been crying since this morning.
4.15pm. Another frantic call and realise just that my 31st December renewal is just as important as this blog. Feeling the pressue, may have to work tomorrow.
5pm. My arm is now hurting as it is twisted so far up my back by colleague who insists we go for a beer after work.
6pm. Nearly get run over by a moped as I run to get the ferry home.

Beans means top

Breaking news8888888Week 18 Table
Back on top after 7 weeks are Frank & Beans by two points with W Wallace boys and Tanus Terriers tied for 2nd place. Glasgow kiss and Aston Globetrotters swap places and Hannoi Utd and Steve's FFC 4 Ever are level on 536 pts in 6th.

In 8th is Lamb to the slaughter, 9th Godders@mobileemail.vodafone.net (in the top 10 for the first time this season) and Loads of Roubles fall to 10th.

Just behind this group Morgan Machines (513), Arsene Knows (508), Harry Houdini (507), Keep the Faith (504), Vodka Hooligan (503) and Paris Eagles (498). Closer together than the flaps on Lee Baughan's wallet.

At the bottom, we have Goonersmoan adrift. Then Nancy Lollygaggers in 57th, Adelaide Taffs falling quicker than Aon's share price since Huw joined and just above them are Rochdale Allstars.

Pure Irish lie in the midtable position next to sex pests Boys on Tour.

Eggs boil over

Breaking news8888888Week 18 scores
Guinness and eggs, a marvellous hangover cure if you are looking for one this Christmas, picked up the 18th MoW prize with a skillful 46, Steve's best score since week 2. FFC 4Ever emulated Roy Hodgson the miracle worker by nurturing a 43, a 39 for my little Glaswegian Christmas cracker and 36 from Pete's
Godders@mobileemail.vodafone.net, who continue their move back up the table and Sarah's Factastic Fancies march on with an impressive 36 as well, a point more than Boys on tour.

Francey surprised even himself as Keep the faith scored a 31 and Gunner bag it did good again with 28. Other notable scores were Brighton Blues (24), W Wallace Boys (20), Bermuda Addicks (18), 2 Infinity & Beyond (14), Blue flag up your arse (5) and the week's lowest Paris Eagles with trois.

Ready's Benfleet Bet

Deadline is January 1st - don't forget and don't wait until New Years Day because you will be hungover and good for nothing.

Click here for information.

Week 18 review

Saturday
Birmingham's Lee Bowyer, now he's a good little fantasy player, scored again in the home win over WHU. Bolton actually set the pulses racing in a 3-3 draw with Man Ci(snip, N&R are banned from talking about Man City). Bobby Z got another for Foolham in the 1-1 draw at Turf Moor. Hull and Blackburn drew 0-zzzzzzzzzz and Stoke and Wigan 2-2.

Darren Bent scored in Sunderland's 1-1 draw with Pompey. Kaboul getting the 93rd minute equaliser and then got sent off for taking his shirt off. Doyke scored the vital Wolves winner at the Lane, Chelsea and Everton played out an exciting 3-3 draw at the Bridge and Man U lost again, this time to Villa.

Sunday
Arshavin got the winner at Arsenal sent Liverpool deep into the relegation mire at Anfield.

Tuesday
Birmingham won again, 2-1 at home to Rovers. Lee, Klasnic and Cahill all scored in Bolton's 3-1 stuffing of WHU. Villa won at Sunderland and United did win against a Wolves boy scout XI.

Oldies v Young Uns

This will make you stand up and notice. At week 21 we will split the league in half and have two separate competitions running until week 33.

The Oldies is anyone who Keith and I reckon are basically old bastards and have been around a while and the Young Un's are all those flirty young pups still able to go out every night or at least be able to survive the Christmas hangovers.

At week 33, the top 13 in each grouping will qualify for the N&R Champions League, with the remainder going into the N&R Europa League. Prize money will be available for the top 12 in the CL and the top 4 in the EL plus two penultimate prizes.

Any issues with which group you are in, then please put any complaints in writing to:

Age Concern
FREEPOST
Ashburton
Devon
TQ13 7ZZ
United Kingdom

2010 N&R Fantasy Cup

Following on from last year's successful N&R Cup competition. There will be another chance to pit your wits (sic) against each other this season. One v One and the best weekly score will see you through to the next round. A glitzy prize will greet the winner just like it did last year for Neil Reynolds.

The 1st Round of the N&R Cup will be over the FA Cup 3rd Round weekend - remember FA Cup points count towards your totals.

The first round will contain 54 managers with 5 getting byes into Round 2. Rounds 3, 4 and the Semi-Finals will be played out before the Final towards the end of the season. All Rounds will take place when there is a full weekend Premiership programme. The manager with the most points in each tie progresses and in the event of a draw, a replay will decide the winner. Got it?

The draw will be made at N&R HQ as long as I can find some dried up old pro to pull names out of the hat. Godders - when can you get a flight?

Lambing season

Breaking news8888888Week 17 Table
Davor's W Wallace Boys hang on to the top spot after a thoroughly crap week 17. 3 points is the gap to Tanus Terriers with Frank & Beans just a point back in 3rd - come on admit it, it's blood rip-roaring exciting?

In 4th up a spot is Henry's Aston Globetrotters (never been higher than 3rd Has Henry), and in 5th also up a place is Glasgow Kiss (and I bet she has been this past week). 6th up a place and in Thailand and probably.... well you see where this is going, is Keith's Hannoi Utd and in 7th and the in form manager is Glenn's Lamb to the slaughter.

Loads of Roubles fall to 8th with Arsene Knows in 9th and Harry Houdini a four-place climber to 10th. Just outside the top 10 are Paris Eagles, Morgan's Machines, FFC 4Ever, Godders@mobileemail.vodafone.net and Vodka Hooligan all within spitting distance.

At the bottom remain Goonersmoan but Turtles Breath jump 7 places so Brighton Blues now occupy the Penultimate Place.

Vodka Sprite!

Breaking news8888888Week 17 scores
Mark Simmons' Vodka Hooligan picked up his 2nd MoW award in three with another 60 point haul. Gunner bag it schlepped in with their 2nd best of the season, a 56 for Jase, and Torres Rosso hidden away in midtable had a fine week with a 55. Harry Houdini kep up the pressure with a 54 as did our Paris correspondent whose Eagles flew in with a 51.

49 for Savlyuchenko Spurs, the improving Lamb to the Slaughter and Turtles Breath (Martin's biggest weekly score since 1996). 48 for Godders@mobileemail.vodafone.net (which is fully working if you have any jobs going) and Pete's old mucker Arsene Knows. The Toothless Hogget moved in with a tasty 47, one more than Ben's Special Ones and two more than Factastic Fancies, who starting to climb the table.

Other noticable scores were Aston Globetrotters 41, Tanus Terriers 38, Brighton Blues 35, Frank & Beans 32 and W Wallace Boys with a season's low of 19.

Week 17's lowest and worst effort was by Gianfrancophiles who are showing as much pluck as West Ham. 5 for Ben.

Week 17 review

Sorry got a little behind myself. Week 17 included Arsenal's walk in the park over Stoke. Arshavin and Ramsey scoring. Villa's walk in the park over Hull. Dunne, Milner and Carew scoring. Pompey's walk in the park over Burnley. ex-Addick Hreidarsson and Dindane scoring. Man U's walk in the Upton Park with Scholes, a Gibson fireball, Valencia and Rooney each getting one and Fulham's walk in the cottage over Sunderland. Bobby Zamora finding the net.

The big win was Man City's over Chelski which kept Mark Hughes in a job for a further week, Adebayor scoring in both goals and then Tevez getting the winner. Brum won 3-2 at Wigan to keep up their fine vein of form and then Woves beat Bolton with someone called Milijas getting the Wanderers all important 2nd.

Blackburn and Liverpool drew 0-0 and Everton and Spurs played a cracking 2nd half and drew 2-2 at, well the Park.

Photograph of the week 2

You are better off without them son. Find yourself a decent boss.

Photograph of the week 1

Yes girls.... bastard, but at least he's normal eh?

Ready's Benfleet Bet

Hopefully you have all seen the email. We have had a fair few entries but keep them coming. Below is the list of games plus the very important rules - Read carefully.

The games are played on January 2nd 2010. Therefore the deadline is Friday January 1st and the competition will run all the way to the final. A prize of £20 or $30 to the winner. The reigning champion is Francey

FA Cup third round draw
Accrington Stanley v Gillingham
Aston Villa v Blackburn Rovers
Blackpool v Ipswich Town
Bolton Wanderers v Lincoln City
Brentford v Doncaster Rovers
Bristol City v Cardiff City
Chelsea v Watford
Everton v Carlisle United
Fulham v Swindon Town
Huddersfield Town v West Bromwich Albion
Leicester City v Swansea City
Manchester United v Leeds United
Middlesbrough v Manchester City
MK Dons v Burnley
Notts County v Forest Green Rovers
Nottingham Forest v Birmingham City
Plymouth Argyle v Newcastle United
Portsmouth v Coventry City
Preston North End v Colchester United
Reading v Liverpool
Scunthorpe United v Barnsley
Sheffield United v QPR
Sheffield Wednesday v Crystal Palace
Southampton v Luton Town
Millwall v Derby County
Torquay v Brighton
Stoke City v York City
Sunderland v Barrow
Tottenham v Peterborough United
Tranmere Rovers v Wolves
West Ham United v Arsenal
Wigan Athletic v Hull City

Scoring Points
1 point home win
2 points away win
3 points draw
3 points correct score
1 additional point per goal in a game where the score has been correctly predicted and there are 5 goals or more during the game.

The rules
No more than 11 draws allowed
No more than 6 identical scores, i.e. 2-1, 1-1 etc. Please note that 1-2 counts as a different score to 2-1
10 points deducted for each breach of rule

Ready's decision is final.

Rant over

I know it is a long way off and also unlikely that England will be selected to host the 2018 world cup but did you see the list of stadiums proposed by the FA to be used? See list.

Fucking Milton Keynes? I've accepted that MK are here to stay, but I think the powers that be have got it spectacularly wrong in associating themselves with the Asda Stadium (they paid for it). There is still a hell of a lot of ill-feeling towards MK and what happened to Wimbledon across England. The bid is supposed to unite people behind it, instead it will split opinion. It proves that the FA have no idea of how real football fans feel.

Better to play in a city that is famous for it's football, than a city more famous for it's concrete cows is what I say. Agreed?

N&R Celebrity Death Watch 2010

A new competition to start the new year. A prize (yet to be decided) will be awarded to the winner.

At N&R FL HQ when I get 10 minutes I will draw randomly out of a coffee cup a name of a famous personality (listed below) and a N&R FL manager. The first celeb to die of any cause in 2010 on the list will win the associated N&R manager a prize. Yes morbid I know but a little bit of fun.

Celebrity Death Watch
1 Aretha Franklin
2 Larry King
3 Britney Spears
4 Steven Tyler
5 Elizabeth Taylor
6 Brigitte Bardot
7 Amy Winehouse
8 Zsa Zsa Gabor
9 Farrah Fawcett
10 Mickey Rourke
11 Lindsay Lohan
12 David Hasselhoff
13 Katie Holmes
14 Pete Doherty
15 Kirk Douglas
16 Fidel Castro
17 Steve Jobs
18 Courtney Love
19 Osama bin Laden
20 Joan Rivers
21 Tiger Woods
22 Prince Phillip
23 Queen Elizabeth II
24 George Bush Snr
25 Usian Bolt
26 Rolf Harris
27 William Shatner
28 Eric Sykes
29 Vanessa Feltz
30 Norman Wisdom
31 Kerry Katona
32 Robbie Williams
33 Paul Gascoigne
34 Bobby Charlton
35 Jimmy Carter
36 Margaret Thatcher
37 Naomi Campbell
38 Bruce Forsyth
39 Joan Collins
40 Terry Wogan
41 David Letterman
42 Silvio Berlusconi
43 SirAlexFerguson
44 Barbara Walters
45 Hugh Heffner
46 Patricia Routledge
47 Yasser Arafat
48 Doris Day
49 Vera Lynn
50 Ozzie Osbourne
51 Mikhail Gorbachev
52 Robert Downey, Jr
53 Jimmy Hill
54 Maradona
55 Pele
56 Rod Blagojevich
57 Keith Richards
58 Brigitte Nielson
59 Janice Dickinson

The draw to be announced shortly.

Movers and Shakers

Simon Ward has changed jobs after almost 10 years at QBE. He replaces Chris Ray at Gerling and will be a senior property underwriter undercutting the rest of the market (it says here). Good luck to Bingo who starts in February.

Photograph of the week

"Well Becks, Tiger was this big. Show me what you got." The saucy Charlize Theron with David Beckham at the World Cup draw last week.

Week 16 review

Villa and Spurs shared the spoils at Villa Park one each, as did Foolham and Bolton at the Cottage and Citeh and 'Ull at Eastlands. Rodallega brought back some pride to Wigan after he got the winner at home to Sunderland. A Rooney hat-trick sunk Pompey at Fratton Park. Giggs and Boateng were the other scorers.

Whilst Blackburn and Stoke were goalless, the Happy Hammers and Burnley scored 8 at Upton Park in one for the strikers, if not the defenders. Collison, Stanislas, Cole, Franco and Jimenez scoring for West Ham and Fletcher (2) and Eagles for the Clarets.

On the Sunday Lee Bowyer's early goal for Brum was enough in the derby day at Wolves. Yobo and Kuyt reigned in the the Scouse derby for Liverpool and in north London the west Londoners came out on top with Drogba (2) and an o.g. from Vermaelen doing the business for Chelsea.

Steve Craven top 10

Breaking news8888888Week 16 Table
W Wallace Boys stay top for the 3rd week, their lead now down to 17 with Frank & Beans 2nd and Tanus Terriers 3rd. Loads of Roubles climb to 4th, from 8th with Aston Globetrotters back up to 5th. Glasgow kiss drop to 6th and Hannoi Utd to 7th.

There is a little gap to Lamb to the slaughter in 8th, who move up from 10th with Morgan's Machines back in the top 10 and after an absence of 8 weeks so is FFC 4Ever.

Out of the top 10 are Arsene Knows and Mexican Banana Split. Up to 13th is Godders@mobileemail.vodafone.net with Harry Houidini in 14th alongside Paris Eagles. Keep the faith was a big jumper to 17th as was Toothless Hogget to 19th. Bingo FC fell a dramatic 11 places to show how tight it is in the top half and unfortunately Pure Irish needs to shift her gear stick out of reverse. Hills has gone from 5th to 22nd in 5 weeks.

Same can be said of Ian's Goliath's Big Brother, who have slmped from 8th to 23rd in just 3 weeks! Watch out for Vodka Hooligan, up another 5 to 23rd, Student Ninja's are yet another side though in a terrible run of form. 9th to 25th in 3 weeks for Chris. A 11 place drop for Bermuda Addicks are a season-low in week 16, but a 12-place gain for Real Sociable Lad.

At the bottom, Goonersmoan become the strongest manager 13 points behind Turtles Breath and 14 behind the improving Brighton Blues. Adelaide Taffs slip to 55th.

Big Mac

Breaking news8888888Week 16 scores
John McGowan's Loads of Roubles kept up their challenge top scoring in week 16 with 60 points, five more than Savluychenko Spurs (Ryan's best score for 14 weeks) and the same as Aston Globetrotters, who bounced back well after a tough couple of weeks.

There was a 54 for Real Sociable Lad, Rob's best also for 14 weeks, Frank & Beans came good with 51, then Paris Eagles improved their hopes with a 46 and Tanus Terriers will be pleased with a similiar scoreline.

44 was the score of choice for Gooner win league and St George's Rovers whilst FFC 4Ever burst into the top 10 with 41 and he was equalled by Keep the faith and One night in Paris.

Seagull Paul Long will be much more pleased with his Brighton Blues 40, and after last week's MoW performance Lamb to the slaughter kept up the good work with 39.

Other notable scoring was done by Morgan's Machines and Nancy Lollygaggers (both 37), Killer Kilpo with a fine 36, Factastic Fancies with 34, Megan & Hannah's Teddy Bears with a much better performance after last week's embarrassing 1 - Alex notched a 34. Hannoi Utd managed a 33, The No-hopers 30, Gianfrancophiles 27, Pure Irish continued their fall with just 27, Arsene Knows had a season-worst 9 as did Bermuda Addicks with 17.

The week's worst fell to Bingo FC who slumped to just 7.

World Cup fever

Well the World Cup draw was pretty kind wasn't it and I'm bloody glad we're not stuck in Groups D or G. England have surprisingly never played Algeria, but we may well see both Madjid Bougherra and Hameur Bouazza line up against us in Polokwane. Algeria are rated at 500/1 and Slovenia at 175/1 so we have to be pleased with that and personally I am pretty thrilled to see the USA in our group, which has already allowed me some friendly banter across the water here.

Group's D and G are twin groups of death, D being particularly nightmarish and Group G already has me marking my calendar for 'working from home' days. Remember our 2nd Round match opponent will come out of Group D. Group A looks the easiest on paper, which is convenient for the hosts. One of South Africa, Mexico, Uruguay and France will represent a quarter final clash against England if we can get there.

Italy are notoriously slow starters but Group F looks a banker for them. Spain may come unstuck against Chile and Honduras in Group H and the Swiss who strolled through qualification will be quietly confident. South Korea could well cause Maradona another case of tourettes in Group B but Holland look like they have a nice path into the last 8.

I reckon all of the African Nations have a chance of 2nd Round qualification although it's two best sides Ivory Coast and Ghana would be legitimate winners if they can come through their 1st Round groups.

I thought usually the groups, and in particular the seeded teams are based around one or two locations to avoid the need to travel great distances but in South Africa it looks like the games in each group are spread all over. The BBC calculates that England have to travel over 1,300 miles from their starting point at Rustenburg (a beautiful platinum mining centre 1,850 metres above sea level high up in the countries north-west corner by the way) to their 2nd and 3rd group games.

Anyway, that has certainly wet the whistle, the excitement built quite nicely sat at my desk this afternoon and I can't way until June 11th.

Group's dates, times and venues here.

What's in a team's name

No.4: Mark Simmons' Vodka Hooligan
For those of you that don't know Mark, he is our very own walking talking lottery machine that churns out the numbers every Wednesday and basically without him, we wouldn't have a bloody tough time surviving without any scores!

Anyway, Mark spends his life darting between Suburban Surrey, The Ship and Poland, which is where he was the week before the season was about to start. Trouble is whilst he should have been inputting all of the teams into his huge computer system and then texting me to say it was all done, he decided instead to get horribly drunk on Polish water and then proceeded to cause a mini riot in a backstreet bar in Warsaw. He was last seen being dragged out of the bar by the local Policja singing God Save The Queen whilst clutching his laptop and hanging on to his glasses. Vodka Hooligan indeed!

John Hartson and Mark Halsey

Much better news on the John Hartson front if you hadn't seen it. Link. Also the brave story of referee Mark Halsey here.