Shake up in top 10

Breaking news8888888Week 15 Table
Davor's W Wallace Boys stay top after week 15 and Frank & Beans draw level with Tanus Terriers but are 34 points behind the Croat. Glasgow kiss jump into 4th and have closed the gap considerably on the top 3. Ready's Hannoi Utd climb 3 to 5th and Arsene Knows slip to 6th.

Aston Globetrotters need to find a bit of Martin O'Neill magic so Henry can jump up and down again, they are down to 7th with Loads of Roubles again right in the title race up to 8th. In 9th is previous champ Pk and Mexican Banana Split, a huge jump of 12 places with Lamb to the Slaughter rising an incredible 16 places to 10th which gives the top 10 a different look this week.

Bingo FC are in 11th after an excellent week but Morgan's Machines slip 7 places to 12th. Harry Houdini remains in 13th (no Defoe for Spurs fan Tim), Blue flag up your arse look dangerous in 14th and FFC 4Ever jump 16 places to be in joint 14th.

Godders@mobileemail.vodafone.net are 16th, Pure Irish slip to 17th and To Elland Back to 18th. Bermuda Addicks are sandwiched between two of the week's biggest fallers Student Ninjas and Addicks Goliath's Big Brother, both dropping out of the top 10 to 19th and 21st respectively.

Wenmania are middle for diddle in 29th. Megan and Hannah's Teddy Bears slump 15 places to 50th and Factastic Fancies rise to 52nd a place behind Cesc and the city, who move up 6. Goonersmoan fall to 58th with Brighton Blues 12 points adrift at the bottom.

Defoe and Lennon score 46 pts between them

Breaking news8888888Week 15 scores

If you had Judas Defoe or Aaron Lennon in your side then you were rightly very smug last weekend as the topped the fantasy charts, Defoe alone getting 30 points.

Glenn Francis continued his move up the table with a joint top week 15 score, 60 points for Lamb to the slaughter along with Mark Simmons' Vodka Hooligan. Very close on their heels were Glasgow Kiss and Mexican Banana Split, both scoring 59 points and securing season-bests. James Down's Cesc and the city hit a much needed 56, one more than Sarah's
Factastic Fancies and Ready's Hannoi Utd (there would have been something wrong if Keith did not have both Defoe and Lennon in his line-up).

FFC 4Ever managed a season-best 53, one more than Loads of Roubles and both Steve and John should be proud of their scores because their teams DID NOT include Defoe.

Elsewhere there was a vast improvement from Gunner bag it with 51 and Bingo managed a nice round 50 and table-topped W Wallace Boys scored 48. Other notable efforts were achieved by Blue flag up your arse with 45, One Night in Paris suckered a 40, Frank & Beans 33, Pure Irish had her best score since week 7 (27), Nancy Lollygaggers did similiar with a 24.

Tanus Terriers managed his worst score of the campaign (19), as did Keep the faith (17), Gooner win league (14) and Goliath's Big Brother (11).

And then then came the news of the worst score of all. Alex Boswell's Megan and Hannah's Teddy Bears managing just one point in a week when 33 goals were scored!

Worst Weekly Score - Boswell Bottom

So then Alex Boswell unceremoniously takes over top spot in the season's Worst Weekly Score table after his shocking performance in week 15. Here is the top 10:

1. Alex Boswell. Week 15. 1 point
2. John McGowan. Week 10. 3 points
3. Paul Long. Week 5. 4 points
4. Soozie Syrett. Week 1. 9 points
4. Tim Harris. Week 10. 9 points
6. Mark Wenman. Week 13. 9 points
7. Henry Williams. Week 13, 8 points
8. Dan Martin. Week 5. 10 points
8. Huw Thomas. Week 10. 10 points
10. James Down. Week 1. 11 points
10. James Down. Week 5. 11 points

Week 15 review

Lee Bowyer proved he can still mix it at the top level by getting Birmingham's winning goal over Fulham, a rare Emile Heskey goal gave Villa a late point away at Burnley and Chelsea continued to score for fun as they whooped Wolves 4-0 at the Bridge.

West Ham blew it at the KC, after being two-up - Franco and Collison scoring, they then found themselves 3-2 down at half-time after a own goal from Cole, Zayatte and then a penalty from Bullard gave City the lead. Da Costa did win the Hammers a point though.

Liverpool and Citeh played out an excellent 2nd half at Anfield as it finished 2-2. Utd easily saw off Everton 3-0 at the OT. Darren Bent put behind him a disappointing England performance to beat Arsenal 1-0 at The Stadium of Light and on the Sunday Blackburn went to the Reebok and won 2-0. Dunn and a Ricketts own goal, Ricado Fuller helped Stoke to 3 valuable points at home to Pompey in Paul Hart's last game.

And finally in the result of the weekend, Spurs put 9 past a woeful Wigan - costing the Wigan players about 200 quid in returning the ticket money to the 67 Wigan fans that travelled to the Lane. Defoe singled handedly made this a great N&R FL week if you have him in your side, by scoring 5. Lennon also scored and had 3 assists. Other scorers were Crouch, Kranjcar, and then an unfortunate o.g. from 'keeper Kirkland, who despite the scoreline actually played a blinder. Scharner got Wigan's goal after clearly handling.

Plenty of you have Defoe and Lennon in your sides, sadly for Paul Long he has Wigan defender Boyce, the only manager to have a Wigan defender in their line-up!

Road to Wembley - Rovers pull the plug on Bath

A great result for our Road to Wembley boys Forest Green Rovers on Saturday beating local rivals Bath City 2-1 away from home in front of 3,325 people at Twerton Park.

Forest Green were drawn against rich kids Notts County in the 3rd Round yesterday. The tie at Meadow Lane will be played on Saturday 2nd January.

Early on Rovers showed why they are laeague above Bath stringing some nice moves together, one producing a deep cross for Tomi Ameobi to hook into the side-netting. David Brown warmed former Forest Green team-mate Ryan Robinson’s gloves with a shot from distance before Ameobi proved his defensive qualities, crucially rising above Gethin Jones from under the crossbar to deny Bath a goal from a corner.

Moments later the visitors were ahead, as JONATHAN SMITH saw his 25-yard shot take a deflection and fly past the wrong-footed Robinson. Mohamed should have levelled against his old employers on 30 minutes, but he somehow blazed over from four yards after excellent work on the left by Hogg.

Hogg was Bath’s brightest light throughout the first half, so it was fitting that he restored parity on 42 minutes when he soared to meet Sekani Simpson’s left-footed cross and powered a header into the far corner.

Then with Bath getting on top bad marking let them down leaving MARK PREECE free to divert Platt’s near-post corner into the net with his forehead. Late home pressure was inevitable, but Forest Green came closest to scoring again when Hodgkiss and Danny Powell were foiled by Robinson.

Forest Green: Burton; Hodgkiss, Preece, O’Cearuill, McDonald; Platt, Smith, Brown, Stonehouse; Ameobi, Joyce (Powell 55)
Subs not used: Henry, Pugh, Else, King, Davies, Pass.
Attendance: 3,325

The Times match report here.

FA Cup 3rd Round Predictions

The draw for the 3rd Round of the FA Cup was made yesterday and soon you will all have a chance of entering Ready's Benfleet Bet, allowing each one of you an opportunity to predict the scores. Then as each round progresses we will build a league table of each round's predictions until we get a winner after the final in May. Watch out for an email soon listing the games and the rules.

Photograph of the week

Jimmy Bullard sat his Hull City team-mates down after he equalised at Man City on Saturday in response to his manager Phil Brown's now infamous reaction to Hull conceding four first-half goals in last season's equivalent fixture at Eastlands.

Bullard stood in the middle of them, and proceeded to wag his finger at them as the Hull players laughed and cheered.

The Queen visit's Bermuda

I've met the Queen, well seen her at close quarters a couple of times in my life (I agree that's not quite the same) but each time I was obviously intrigued and nosey enough to make a small effort to stand and stare. I'm not much of a royalist but I accept them for what they are and soley on the basis that every American I have ever met (if a corgi breaks wind it makes the American news networks) would give their left leg for a royal family I would rather have them than not. Their extended family can take a hike but I am secretly proud of our Queen and grateful for our monarchy and all of it's pagentry and history.

This week was Queen Elizabeth II's first visit to this island since 1994 and it was exactly 56 years to the day after her first ever trip here when she made Bermuda her first stop on her 1953 coronation tour. Her Majesty and The Duke of Edinburgh arrived on Tuesday and left for Trinidad & Tobabo on Thursday afternoon, where she was opening the Commonwealth Head's of Government meeting.

There was strange indifference in the media up until a day or so before she arrived but an itinerary finally came out and we decided not to wait and headed to St George's to see if we could spot her just after the royal party arrived on a British Airways chartered flight (no more royal jet of course) on Tuesday afternoon. We met some friends on the way and joined those assembled in King's Square.

The Royal Gazette headline reckoned on a crowd of thousands but if you took away the people that were made to be there such as school kids, brownies, cubs, girl guides, the island's regiment and local dignitaries, then by my reckoning it was definitely more hundreds than thousands but there was plenty of flag waving and smiles.

After the 21-gun salute went off without any warning and tested my daughter's hearing The Queen and Prince Phillip walked into King's Square and stood on a makeshift platform as the Bermudian Regiment played the national anthem. I held my daughter still and watched others fidget. She then shook some hands and swapped pleasantries with the guard of honour and made her way towards Ordnance Island.

Philip disappeared to one of the two Range Rovers (shipped in for the occasion) but Governor Sir Richard Gozney and it appeared the newly smitten Premier Ewart Brown accompanied The Queen towards us where we had taken up our places on the bridge. The crowd was at it's thinnest here and after some rubber-necking suddenly there she was looking slightly distant but very elegant in a fuschia suit and hat. Do you think Philip has ever seen her without a hat?

Anyway I am sure security were only a sharp move away but we could almost touch her as she walked by and after catching my eye, she continued a foot or so and stopped to talk to my mate, who will make sure we never hear the end of it! And then a minute or two later she was gone as the two Range Rovers and a fleet of governmental cars sped off.

In the end the Bermuda's media finally warmed to the historic and significant occasion and rightly so. During their short stay The Queen and The Duke of Edinburgh attended a Thanksgiving service at the Cathedral on Church St, Hamilton. They took an everyday ferry to Dockyard visiting the Maritime Museum and then by car travelled back to Hamilton passing by schools. The Premier had another chance to mention independence to Bermuda's Monarch at a dinner held at the new Tucker's Point Restaurant on Wednesday night before they were driven past more schools on her way to the airport Thursday morning.

Thanksgiving

A happy Thanksgiving to all of you Americans. A nice long 4-day weekend and as my old boss used to say much better than Christmas because it avoids all of the hassle and expense of buying presents. Just food, booze, family and sport.

The first ever Thanksgiving was said to have been celebrated in 1621 by the Pilgrims after their first harvest. The Pilgrims had settled in Plymouth Colony, which is now in Massachusetts on the beautiful slither of land between Cape Cod Bay and Nantucket Sound. As wild turkeys were in plentiful supply, that is what they ate.

The day sporadically became a regular observance throughout Colonial America, but after the American Revolution, it was George Washington who declared the first official national Thanksgiving Day on November 26, 1789.

However even up and until 1940, various states observed different dates and some, particularly in the south didn't recognise it at all. It is now always on the last Thursday of November.

As for 'Turkey Day,' since 1947 the National Turkey Federation has presented the President of the United States with one live turkey and two dressed turkeys. The live turkey was pardoned and lived out the rest of its days on a peaceful farm. In more recent times two turkeys have been pardoned and in 2003 the public were invited to vote for the two turkey's names. This year President Obama had his first opportunity to pardon a turkey, and Courage was duly saved and sent to Disneyland for a life of "peace and tranquility" and free rides.

Va-Va-Vroom

I felt pretty sad for the Irish last night, I mean I'll get over it, I probably already have but it was disgraceful wasn't it? Le Hand of God eh? Just like Zinedine Zidane Le headbutt of God. What a lovely gracious nation those French are, if only those stupid Ancient Greeks could have had the balls to keep walking with those vines tucked down their tunics we could've just crossed the country of the map.

I am sure FIFA are very happy that they got the French and Portuguese teams to South Africa. The Argentinians, who were probably the worst of the qualified teams, also got there because FIFA make it almost impossible not to qualify from South America and in fact I don't now why Suriname don't switch from the CONCACAF to the South American qualifiers, get old Jimmy Floyd out of retirement and they'd have a great chance.

Anyway Thierry Henry, what a shame. One of a very small list of footballers never to grace an Addicks shirt that I'd pay very good money to watch. A sublime footballer, and a gentleman to boot. I bet Henry's name must have been mud around the Irish Pubs of Holloway and Islington last night, but I am guessing Arsene Wenger never saw it.

If Robbie Keane did it, if Wayne Rooney did it, if Clive Mendonca did it at Wembley in 1998, would the outcry be the same? Doesn't matter does it because it didn't happen. Time for FIFA to preach what that spout and bring some proper fair play to the beautiful game before it loses all credibility. Let's start with an official behind the goal like they ironically have in the Europa League, or whatever it's called. If an official can be paid to ask managers to keep in their technical box, check that substitutes studs are tight and hold a board up to announce injury time, then we at least deserve a sexually frustrated bloke in black behind the goal to mock.

No week 14

Due to the world cup play-off's (more on that next week), African and Asian Nations qualifiers and ridiculous money spinning injury prone international friendlies in far flung places.

Team Challenge Trophy - Aon win! Again!

After sweeping up at the Business Insurance awards, if you look closer you can find the best Bermudian Property broker over 40 called Nobby award went to none other than me! Aon has also swept everyone else aside to be first and third in the N&R Team Challenge Trophy table. Aon's foreign experts lead by 23 points with Rutts' Aon Benfield in 3rd place sandwiching those government busy bodies AIG into 2nd place. Aon Benfield climbed from 6th during the last 5 weeks.

In 4th down from 3rd is Ready and Sav's Bluefin looking like they need some blue tablets not bluefin's to keep up their challenge. In 5th is QBE, also down a place with 6th up a couple of places are last year's champs Willis.

Down a couple to 7th is Lloyds (it says here) Allstars. Kilpo certainly bringing down the skill-sets there. In 8th off the bottom are RSA with the pride of last place now belonging to Mono and Neville at Tokio.

The scores are upto week 13 and the league table is sent out with the week 13 scores.

Road to Wembley - Fetch Rovers

After being held to a draw at home Forest Green Rovers went to fellow Conference Mansfield Town (managed by David Holdsworth) and came away with a great victory last night at Field Mill.

CONAL PLATT curled a 20-yard free-kick into the top corner to give Rovers a deserved lead just before half time but with 20 minutes to go the Stags were level, Kyle Perry heading Gary Silk's cross into the bottom corner.

Then with Mansfield pinning Rovers into their own box as they desperately held on for extra time, the visitors broke away and CONAL PLATT scored his second converting Sean Rigg's cross.

Forest Green now face a West Country non-League derby at Bath City in round two.

FGR Team: Burton, Preece, O'Cearuill, Hodgkiss, McDonald, Stonehouse, Smith, Powell, Rigg,

Brown, Platt.
Subs: Pass, Pugh, Jon Else, Davies, Henry, Palmer, Ameobi

Attendance: 2,496

Week 13 review

Wednesday
An unusual at this stage of the season midweek Premier League game between the clash of the claret and blues with the happy Hammers beating the Villians 2-1 for a vital 3 points. Young Hines getting the winner in injury time.

Saturday
Goals, goals, goals on Saturday. Wolves were stuffed by the free-scoring Arsenal 4-1. Fabregas, Arshavin and a o.g. each from Zubar and Craddock. Fanny himself did redeem himself by getting Wanderers goal. Man City and Burnley played out an exciting 3-3 draw in front of loads of northern monkeys at the COMS. O'Hara put desparate Pompey in front at Ewood Park but then Rovers rolled in three (two for Roberts and one for Nelson) to win comfortably. Villa hammered Bolton 5-1 with goals from Young, Agbonlahor, Carew (will he get one or two), Milner and Cuellar. Finally Spuds beat Spuds old boys 2-0.

Sunday
Gosling got the winner for Everton at West Ham, FT 2-1 and the longest name in football Vennegoor of Hesselink helped Hull to a vital win over Stoke. Also Wigan and Fulham drezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Monday
Liverpool moved a point away from the drop zone after they came back to draw with Birmingham 2-2 after N'gog did a triple salco in the box. Cheat! Cheat! Cheat!

RIP Robert Enke

More than 45,000 fans, friends and team mates paid their last respects to Germany's national goalkeeper Robert Enke at Hanover 96's stadium. Enke killed himself last Tuesday by throwing himself under a train on what was a sad day for anyone who watches or plays football.

The death of Germany's number one goalkeeper with next year's world cup just 7 months away emphasised how awful the illness of depression is and the fact that the lives of famous and well paid footballers is often not rosy.

Perhaps next time we or the media slag of a player, we should remember they are human beings just like you and I.

Read Enke's Telegraph obituary here.

A new table topper

Breaking news8888888Week 13 Table
A new leader then after 13 weeks, N&R FL's 3rd of the season. Davor's W Wallace Boys have been settled nicely into 3rd for since early October but the Croat surged to top place after a MoW performance last week. Previous leader Tanus Terriers drops to 2nd 5 points behind the new leader. Frank & Beans after a poor week fall to 3rd. 26 points behind are Arsene Knows in 4th with Morgan's Machines up two spots to 5th.

6th drop Aston Globetrotters after a disastrous week and a point behind is Kirsty's Glasgow Kiss. Hannoi Utd are 8th but after a super run Ian's Goliath's Big Brother skip up badly in week 13 and are now 9th with Student Ninjas and Loads of Roubles joint 10th. John McGowan back in the top 10 after a 4 week hiatus. Behind them just 18 little points split Keep the faith in 11th to Dewb's Toothless Hoggett in 28th. It's tighter than a gnats chuff.

I want to focus this week on the bottom feeders. At the very foot of the table in a holy embarrassing 59th place finds Paul & Christian Long and their Brighton Blues. Paul's Seagulls recently sacked their manager and he might be considering the same if only he could sack himself. The Long's have dallied in the bottom 3 nearly the whole season and have hit rock bottom for the 6th time in 13 weeks. The sexual Factastic Fancies have appeared to made the penultimate place it's boudoir after 4 weeks in 58th place. A prize exists for this feat, although it's not easy to win.

Last week's bottom placed Cesc and the city had a much better week and are now 3rd of the bottom, Martin's Turtles Breath have also been a season-long resident in the drop zone and Goonersmoan appear to have been a life-long resident in N&R bottom feeding land!

It's a slight surprise to see Jason Syrett's Gunner bag it down there, not so much the lovely Megan's Nancy Lollygaggers mind, then above that comes four newbies.

James' Jimmy 5 Bellies, Rob's Real Sociable Lad, Stuart's Killer Kilpo and Neville's
Not a chance have each struggled, although Rob was actually 2nd after the first week. More luck than judgement shall we say?

48th and 47th are auld enemies Doyley and Sweaty. Viking Ginger and That's not you back in old territory although lest we forget that Pete actually won this thing in 2004/5.

Glory Wallace Boys

Breaking news8888888Week 13 score
To help celebrate Bosnia's fighting performance in Russia Davor's W Wallace Boys grabbed their 2nd MoW award of the season helping him take the top spot for the first time. Davor finished a whole 10 points ahead of next best and previously bottom-placed Cesc and the city, James' best score since he scored 39 in week 6. One night in Paris moved up 5 places after a 38. Chris' Californication and Pk's Mexican Banana Split both scored 34 and 33 was better from egg chasing is best.

32 was the score of choice for In Tatters, Old Bodeanians, Lovejoy Luvvies and St George's Rovers much improving all of their positions. Rochdale Allstars climbed 4 places on the back of a 31, Loads of Roubles, Blue flag up your arse and Torres Rosso each hit a 29 and N&R stalwarts Turtles Breath and Vodka Hooligan both notched a nifty 28.

Other noteworthy scores were Bermuda Addicks 26, Goonersmoan 23, a season low of 22 for Tanus Terriers, 21 for Nancy Lollygaggers, sadly Megan's best for 5 weeks, 18 was a season low for Guinness & eggs as was 16 for Godders@mobileemail.vodafone.net. Pure Irish had another toughie with just 14, Frank & Beans managed a poor 13 points, the super in form Goliath's Big Brother flopped to a 12 and last up somewhat suprisingly was Henry's Aston Globetrotters with 8. This being the 3rd overall worst score of the season.

Photograph of the week

The biggest FA Cup shock of the 1st Round? Yep, you guessed it. Bunch of arse.

Road to Wembley - Forest chopped down

Fellow Conference outfit Mansfield Town left it late but earned a replay against our boys Forest Green Rovers in the FA Cup 1st Round on Saturday. Sean Rigg set up defender JARED HODGKISS to put Rovers ahead from close range shortly before the half-hour mark. Then with the hat calling Paul Stonehouse, Conal Platt and Joe O'Cearuill all spurned chances to double the home side's advantage after the break.

Heatache happened four minutes from time for Rovers as Mansfield substitute Ryan Williams found Scott Garner who headed in home the equaliser four minutes from time.

Forest Green: Burton, Preece, O'Cearuill, Hodgkiss, McDonald, Stonehouse, Smith, Rigg,
Brown, Platt, Ameobi (Davies 77).
Subs not used: Pass, Pugh, Jon Else, Powell, King, Palmer
Attendance: 1,149

Forest Green manager Dave Hockaday said "We should have won that game. A mistake at the end has cost us." The Replay is next Tuesday with the winners drawn away at Conference South Bath City.

Goliath wins on points

Breaking news8888888Week 12 Table
I like it, a new leader again as Tanus Terriers takes back the mantle from Frank & Beans in week 12. Bosnian Davor and his W Wallace boys are still nicely placed in 3rd. 4th are Aston Globetrotters. Henry has been in the top 10 since week 2 and are showing a lot of consistency and 5th are Arsene Knows, who are on the up.

On the weekend after David Haye beat Nikolai Valuev, jumping 7 places to 6th are Goliath's Big Brother. Flip me Kennett, are you feeling alright? Morgan's Machines jump a place to 7th, with Glasgow kiss in 8th. 9th are Hannoi Utd up three spots and looking dangerous, especially as Keith makes up the rules. And in 10th are another new top 10 entry in the form of Student Ninjas. Well I'm getting excited anyway!

As Pure Irish, Wenmania, Keep the Faith, Harry Houdini and Loads of Roubles start to work out what they need to do to prevent a slide of Real Social Lad and Savlyuchenko Spurs proportions, I want to look down the league table and find some players who are on their game and could well challenge if they keep their nerve and their team's in check.

To Elland Back have a good leader with lot's of experience. If Rob can avoid the window cleaner then he has a chance. No one has played more fantasy football league than Pete's walking billboard of a team name Godders@mobileemail.vodafone.net. Keith and I would love to see Godders up there challenging again and over the last 6 weeks he has played well. Barry's Paris Eagles and my Bermuda Addicks suffer from getting a newspaper a day late but take enough interest (I have no choice) to mount a challenge. Unknown quantity FFC 4 Ever have had some good weeks and show promise, Neil's Gooner Win League will only get better as the season progresses and we have to think that both Baz's 2 Infinity & Beyond and Pk's Mexican Banana Split will be there or thereabouts when it comes to prize giving.

An outside shout or two? Ben's Special Ones have to prove last year's rescue of Francey's team wasn't a one-off, Guinness & Eggs have been disappointing so far as have Soozie-Sooz Sizzlers, St George's Rovers, Boys on Tour, Vodka Hooligan and Gunner Bag it.

There is a long way to go. Alan Waters was bottom at Christmas once, and finished 3rd. As Francey says keep the faith.

Bears necessity

Breaking news8888888Week 12 score
Blimey the last time Megan and Hannah's Teddy Bears won a weekly award for Alex Boswell, his daughters were in nappies. So a long overdue win for the Rangers fan and 50 points propels him a much needed 10 places up the table. Just a point from sharing that award was Chris Wright, certainly one of our more in form managers with Student Ninjas now in 10th. Likewise To Elland Back. 48 for Rob, inspired by his Leeds' boys making light work of League One this season. Gooner win League finally showed some of last season's form with a 48, Neil's best score since week 3.

That nose bleed keeps coming for Ian, as Goliath's Big Brother notched another beauty with 45 in week 12. 44 points for our very own Clough and Taylor. Pete's Godders@mobileemail.vodafone.net and Danny's Arsene Knows rekindled their old love affair in both scoring 44. Both are nowin challenging positions.

Midtablers Californication maanged a 42, a point more than a Load of Roubles and two more than a much improved Soozie-Sooz Sizzlers. 39 for 4th placed Villian Aston Globetrotters, and 38 from Lamb to the Slaughter, Bingo FC and title chaser Tanus Terriers.

Other scores worth noting was Glasgow Kiss 33, Morgan's Machines 32, Goonersmoan 32, Viking Ginger 32, Frank & Beans 29, One night in Paris 28, Old Bodeanians 25, Jimmy 5 Bellies 21 and St George's Rovers 18.

The week's worst effort? Real Sociable Lad with 12. Rob who was in week 5, now finds himself in 46th place!

Photograph of the week

Phew, could have been mine! But fortunately this little bundle of joy had the name Rooney on it in the maternity ward.

Week 12 review

In the early north London derby Spurs continued their move to midtable as Arsenal beat them 3-0 at the Emirates. Van Persie two and Fabregas scoring. Chelsea beat Bolton in a serious case of deja vu. Alexander scored two as Burnley put another squeeze in Hull's Phil Brown's permatan bottle. Everton and Villa shared the spoils at Goodison with the highest scrabble score in the N&R listing Bilyaletdinov getting the home goal.

Berbatov and Rooney left it late for Man U at home to Blackburn. Dindane who is just a Z away from being brilliant scored a hat-trick as Pompey have suddenly found the net. They beat Wigan, who I was just praising the other week. I'll take it back, they are shite. Must be.

Wolves fought back to get a valuable draw at Stoke. Fanny Craddock cooking up a brace. And my favourite other fat bloke called Reidy, Andy scored a cracking free-kick as the Black Cats came back to draw with the unlucky Hammers.

Finally, not forgetting Liverpool, now almost stranded at the bottom of the table after getting thrashed by Fulham 3-1. Fuck me even Zamora scored. Biiiig minus points for Degen and Carragher too for getting sent off.

What's in a team's name

No.3: Mark Dewberry's Toothless Hogget
I was only talking to Mrs Dewberry the other night on the phone (it was late), and she was telling me what a flipping alchy her old man is. I agreed, every time I go into The Lamb Mark is there. He was there today, someone told me.

In fact his team name is dedicated to his 2nd, sorry 1st home and I reckon he must have been wankered when he thought of it. This is Mark's thinking behind this season's moniker:

Wikipedia tells us that there are 3 type of sheep meat. One being Lamb — a young sheep under 12 months of age which does not have any permanent incisor teeth in wear. The next is a Mutton — a female (ewe) or castrated male (wether) sheep having more than two permanent incisors in wear and a popular dish down the back of Brick Lane and the third is a Hogget — a young male sheep or maiden ewe having no more than two permanent incisors in wear.

So Mark, clearly obsessing about baby ewes (didn't know he was Welsh) decides on the last train home again that a Toothless Hogget is a Lamb, and so is the place he spends most of his afternoons, so it's obvious innit? I'll call my team the Toothless Hogget! Simples.

Engagement

Apologies but this is long overdue and I am sure old news in and around the whore houses of Barking but Paul Kelleher a few months back on holiday, just after he got caught slipping back in the hotel room window before day-break proposed to his lovely girlfriend Gemma in Turkey. She (clearly on severe over the counter medication and three bottles of Blue Curacao) said YES.

Great news and good luck to Gemma on calming Pk down, once the scourge of cougars and Milfs all over the boroughs of Newham, Barking and Dagenham and Havering. Gemma mind you does have this awful habit of spilling very expensive red wine on very expensive shirts and trousers. They are clearly a match made in heaven.

Seriously a long overdue congratulations from Nobby & Ready.