Who are ya? Brian Dougal

I continue my look at the life and times of this season’s fantasy managers, introducing the diverse and dysfunctional characters to you all. Of course if I don’t know much about someone, I simply make it up!

Brian was born in the dairy state of Wisconsin to parents who, on the face of it actually seem quite normal, despite growing up in the sweetcorn state of Iowa before bettering themselves and moving to Wisconsin. Wait a minute, I must have got that wrong.

Brian was both tall and hairy at an early age and at 4 was in the Under 16 high school basketball team. During his childhood he liked nothing better than playing hoops with the fellow kids in his street, whom rather strangely were also tall and hairy!

After leaving the local high school he was sent packing to Green Bay (see what I did there?) to university. It was a small college of a few hundred hardy souls, who could cope with negative all year round temperatures and this is where Dougs found he had a natural talent for French. On the back of learning to say a few words in the language of love, he left these shores for a period of time studying in France with a couple Green Bay female companions, whom to this day he denies he had any French connections with.

He stayed with a local family, but had to return back to the US after nearly getting caught with their teenage daughter to whom he was supposedly teaching the finer aspects of a gridiron huddle.

After getting his degrees in French and the art of drinking beer that tastes like piss water, Brian realised like most of us that insurance was the only job where you can drink for a living, although it wasn’t until Nobby joined that he realised that it is possible to drink in the companies time and allow them to pay for it.

After many years shagging every tall girl in the market - being 6’ 6” has its advantages (I am told) with birds. One of course is that you can see down their tops and secondly a tall doris narrows down her options when she enters a bar – he has settled down with the lovely Rose, to whom one day he may get round to marrying but in the mean time he keeps himself busy at weekends washing our bosses car and mowing his lawn.

Catchphrase: I think it, but you just damn well say it.