Tony Hepburn proves once and for all that his is a mind full of complete and utter useless information. The blokes who warm up the audience of Soccer AM are on Big Cook Little Cook, Rome is full of porn, Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a geezer and the Telegraph is full of articles. Oh and Tony was born in Dundee, explains a lot. Fruit cake.
Next up Giles Crowley.
Friday, April 29, 2005
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Team Challenge - Even Spitzer can't stop Mark & Pete
He may have his sticky hands all over Marsh but Eliot Spitzer can't stop their runaway pursuit of the N&R Team Challenge trophy for the 2nd year running (and yes I know you didn't get a trophy last year! You will get 2 this year instead).
Other than a disaster or an investigation by the General Gov'nor of Benfleet Eliot Ready then it is unlikely that the boys from Tower Place will be caught.
Still in 2nd are XLRe and into 3rd are AIG who have seen Francey, Barwick / DuToit and Waterman all improve their recent form and much to Chris' delight it looks like he won't be buying the curries this year. Step forward Mr Dewberry. Oh, you never got told that on your interview? Well, you know now!
The Aon Fac geezers (and Kirstie) are 4th and still the Windy City boys bring up the rear, but hey is that another team I see in the distance? Yes, its crappy old JLT and Boswell & Bird. Come on lads, lets get them. They are only a couple of liability poofs anyway!
Other than a disaster or an investigation by the General Gov'nor of Benfleet Eliot Ready then it is unlikely that the boys from Tower Place will be caught.
Still in 2nd are XLRe and into 3rd are AIG who have seen Francey, Barwick / DuToit and Waterman all improve their recent form and much to Chris' delight it looks like he won't be buying the curries this year. Step forward Mr Dewberry. Oh, you never got told that on your interview? Well, you know now!
The Aon Fac geezers (and Kirstie) are 4th and still the Windy City boys bring up the rear, but hey is that another team I see in the distance? Yes, its crappy old JLT and Boswell & Bird. Come on lads, lets get them. They are only a couple of liability poofs anyway!
Dillaway does it his-a-way
Breaking News 8888 Week 37 scores 8888 Breaking News
Carl Dillaway is still in with a big shout of being part of the prize shake up in 4 weeks time. Galacticos FC's first MoW award was won in week 37 after Carl scored a unbeatable 62 points, one more point than You got more toes, who are also in the mix.
The third best manager of the week was also the season's most improved - Tim Feldbruegge. To hit your season best score after 37 weeks is some feat but that is what those Cheeky Americans did. 60 points saw them improve a place to 15th in the Championship.
Then we had two title challengers next up. They may be in different divisions now but Wenners Wannabes and Flighty Feet both done their chances of picking up prize money no harm at all in week 37. Mark closed the gap on West Ham 4 West Germany 2 in the Premiership to just 15 points, while Catherine & Karen extended their lead in the Championship to 32. Are we going to have our first female champions?
Back home have been one of the leagues most consistent performers over the years and another half century plus for Barry keeps him in 4th. A point less than Barry was Mark Simmons whose Lets all beat the Gooners continue their pursuit of a top 7 finish with 52.
But what is happening at West Ham 4 West Germany 2? It does look like in his first season Ben Graves has run out of steam. Leading 6 weeks ago and then being just 9 points behind Ginger (not so) Athletic in week 34 the gap is now 35 and the title looks like it could be heading to Ginger Town.
Another top 10 side Jonny on my shoulder also had a good week hitting 49. And shouts go out to re-election haunted Defoe's golden XI (51) and Goonersmoan (50) for excellent scores as they battle to avoid the drop.
In a high scoring week 37 the lowest score was one of the season's highest, if that makes any sense! Tom Finney's splash, unfortunately knocking around the lower end of the Premiership with not much to play for scored a creditable 23.
To show what a decent scoring week it was, Only one 'f' in Forest were in familiar territory finishing the week with the 2nd lowest score but in fact 26 points was James' best score for over a month!
Carl Dillaway is still in with a big shout of being part of the prize shake up in 4 weeks time. Galacticos FC's first MoW award was won in week 37 after Carl scored a unbeatable 62 points, one more point than You got more toes, who are also in the mix.
The third best manager of the week was also the season's most improved - Tim Feldbruegge. To hit your season best score after 37 weeks is some feat but that is what those Cheeky Americans did. 60 points saw them improve a place to 15th in the Championship.
Then we had two title challengers next up. They may be in different divisions now but Wenners Wannabes and Flighty Feet both done their chances of picking up prize money no harm at all in week 37. Mark closed the gap on West Ham 4 West Germany 2 in the Premiership to just 15 points, while Catherine & Karen extended their lead in the Championship to 32. Are we going to have our first female champions?
Back home have been one of the leagues most consistent performers over the years and another half century plus for Barry keeps him in 4th. A point less than Barry was Mark Simmons whose Lets all beat the Gooners continue their pursuit of a top 7 finish with 52.
But what is happening at West Ham 4 West Germany 2? It does look like in his first season Ben Graves has run out of steam. Leading 6 weeks ago and then being just 9 points behind Ginger (not so) Athletic in week 34 the gap is now 35 and the title looks like it could be heading to Ginger Town.
Another top 10 side Jonny on my shoulder also had a good week hitting 49. And shouts go out to re-election haunted Defoe's golden XI (51) and Goonersmoan (50) for excellent scores as they battle to avoid the drop.
In a high scoring week 37 the lowest score was one of the season's highest, if that makes any sense! Tom Finney's splash, unfortunately knocking around the lower end of the Premiership with not much to play for scored a creditable 23.
To show what a decent scoring week it was, Only one 'f' in Forest were in familiar territory finishing the week with the 2nd lowest score but in fact 26 points was James' best score for over a month!
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Just a thought....
I'm sorry I didn't get to see many of you last week when I was back. It was pretty hectic although I did manage to get out with my old team on Friday which was a laugh. I don't know what Gumbsy will do when they knock The Gun down. He's as much a part of the furniture in there as the old birds upstairs.
I will start thinking about a summer evening's prize-giving, although it would help if I had all the poxy entry money - you know who you are! Ready will soon be on the hunt. Sorry, but it has come to this!
One person I did spot was Greg Harris, he didn't see me. Who was the lovely looking bird in tow Greg?
Finally good luck to Mark Wenman who has started a new job at BMS and congratulations to Alan Oakley for once again running the London Marathon without spilling a drop of his pint.
Nobs
I will start thinking about a summer evening's prize-giving, although it would help if I had all the poxy entry money - you know who you are! Ready will soon be on the hunt. Sorry, but it has come to this!
One person I did spot was Greg Harris, he didn't see me. Who was the lovely looking bird in tow Greg?
Finally good luck to Mark Wenman who has started a new job at BMS and congratulations to Alan Oakley for once again running the London Marathon without spilling a drop of his pint.
Nobs
My kinda town
Smart casual, now there's something the American's actually invented. Bastards. Don't you hate smart casual? Suit. Easy. Jeans, t-shirt, pair of trainers. Piece of piss. Pulling shirt, pair of strides and shiny shoes. Yep, no probs. Black tie. Ok, we'll need to let the sidey bits out on the trousers but hey thats what they're for, right? Smart casual. What the fuck does that mean?
For some blokes of course, they just pull out their smoking jacket and suede Gucci's. Not me, smart casual always caused me a headache.
Our office in Chicago is completely smart or business casual, so accordingly I've had to purchase a whole new wardrobe since I've been here, which is not difficult actually because in most mens shops all you can buy is chino's, button down plain shirts and tan brogues.
What is really hard is not looking like the next guy because its a uniform. A Ralph Lauren shirt with button down collar, chest pocket, pair of beige dockers and a pair Hanig brogues. Walk down the street, get on the train and every bloke looks identical with their big cell phones and side partings. And of course a vest, or under-shirt, don't get me started on vests. I 'm thinking of borrowing one of Francey's string ensembles and starting a trend back here!
I remember one day Nigel Smith wore a shirt with a chest pocket to work and Matt Grimwade threatened to send him home or he'll rip it off! Old Grimmers would have a field day here.
The only time I wear a suit is if I have a client meeting when I know the client will be in a suit, and that totally depends on that person, where they are from (New Yorkers like to dress up, whilst people on the west coast dress like they are going to the shops, for example) and what kind of industry they might work in.
I have actually worn a suit quite a lot recently and I have come to realise I quite miss it. Andy Brooks (who worked in New York for the RSA) told me that he wore his chalk-stripe suit everyday without fail even when it was really hot. I think Baxter was the same.
Smart casual does have its advantages in the summer when you can just wear a polo shirt and in the winter when you can whack a fleece over your 4 jumpers, sorry sweaters!
I must admit that over time I have become accustomed to the business casual look, I have tried a few different looks but have generally tried to avoid the good old American appearance. And at least if I do find myself wearing a pair of chino's (I owe one pair) and a blue shirt (one as well) I will put my St George's cuff links on and you can't buy them here because no one has a fucking clue what they are let alone own a pair!
For some blokes of course, they just pull out their smoking jacket and suede Gucci's. Not me, smart casual always caused me a headache.
Our office in Chicago is completely smart or business casual, so accordingly I've had to purchase a whole new wardrobe since I've been here, which is not difficult actually because in most mens shops all you can buy is chino's, button down plain shirts and tan brogues.
What is really hard is not looking like the next guy because its a uniform. A Ralph Lauren shirt with button down collar, chest pocket, pair of beige dockers and a pair Hanig brogues. Walk down the street, get on the train and every bloke looks identical with their big cell phones and side partings. And of course a vest, or under-shirt, don't get me started on vests. I 'm thinking of borrowing one of Francey's string ensembles and starting a trend back here!
I remember one day Nigel Smith wore a shirt with a chest pocket to work and Matt Grimwade threatened to send him home or he'll rip it off! Old Grimmers would have a field day here.
The only time I wear a suit is if I have a client meeting when I know the client will be in a suit, and that totally depends on that person, where they are from (New Yorkers like to dress up, whilst people on the west coast dress like they are going to the shops, for example) and what kind of industry they might work in.
I have actually worn a suit quite a lot recently and I have come to realise I quite miss it. Andy Brooks (who worked in New York for the RSA) told me that he wore his chalk-stripe suit everyday without fail even when it was really hot. I think Baxter was the same.
Smart casual does have its advantages in the summer when you can just wear a polo shirt and in the winter when you can whack a fleece over your 4 jumpers, sorry sweaters!
I must admit that over time I have become accustomed to the business casual look, I have tried a few different looks but have generally tried to avoid the good old American appearance. And at least if I do find myself wearing a pair of chino's (I owe one pair) and a blue shirt (one as well) I will put my St George's cuff links on and you can't buy them here because no one has a fucking clue what they are let alone own a pair!
24 things that make a bloke feel like a real man
1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.
2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.
3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.
4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.
5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction = man.
6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.
7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".
9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness,sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grrrrr, what does it look like.
10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".
11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.
12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch that Becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE.... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are p*ssed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.
14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.
16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?>
17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.
18, TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.
19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red Lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."
20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".
23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "a Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?"
24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says that's right, I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized dump
2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.
3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.
4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.
5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction = man.
6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.
7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".
9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness,sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grrrrr, what does it look like.
10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".
11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.
12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch that Becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE.... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are p*ssed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.
14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.
16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?>
17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.
18, TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.
19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red Lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."
20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".
23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "a Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?"
24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says that's right, I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized dump
Saturday, April 23, 2005
We're all goin' on a European Tour
I will be trying to sneak away from the office on Wednesday to catch the all-English European Champions League Semi-Final between Chelsea and Liverpool. The 1st leg is at Stamford Bridge with the return at Anfield the following week.
I like anyone who really supports a team dislike every other side, I might not mind a couple, but generally I don't care for anyone else but when it comes to Europe I have always had a sense of pride about other English teams doing well. It was Liverpool, Forest and Villa way back and of course Man U more recently. Good luck to both sides.
They will face in the final either PSV and AC Milan, who looked very impressive against Inter over two legs (well it didn't quite make two legs did it?), are the bookies favourites.
Milan are at home in the 1st leg with the final in Istanbul on May 25th.
In the UEFA Cup Newcastle made their bow after leading Sporting Lisbon. There are now 4 teams left in the competition which appears to have been going on for ever. In fact it started in July and the team that wins the competition could have played as many as 17 games by the time they lift the trophy!
The Quarter Final line up is as follows:
Parma (Italy) v CSKA Moscow (Russia)
Sporting (Portugal) v AZ (Netherlands)
Sporting are favourites to lift the trophy on their homeland May 18th.
I like anyone who really supports a team dislike every other side, I might not mind a couple, but generally I don't care for anyone else but when it comes to Europe I have always had a sense of pride about other English teams doing well. It was Liverpool, Forest and Villa way back and of course Man U more recently. Good luck to both sides.
They will face in the final either PSV and AC Milan, who looked very impressive against Inter over two legs (well it didn't quite make two legs did it?), are the bookies favourites.
Milan are at home in the 1st leg with the final in Istanbul on May 25th.
In the UEFA Cup Newcastle made their bow after leading Sporting Lisbon. There are now 4 teams left in the competition which appears to have been going on for ever. In fact it started in July and the team that wins the competition could have played as many as 17 games by the time they lift the trophy!
The Quarter Final line up is as follows:
Parma (Italy) v CSKA Moscow (Russia)
Sporting (Portugal) v AZ (Netherlands)
Sporting are favourites to lift the trophy on their homeland May 18th.
The Real Thing
Sunderland proved the worth of a good manager and faith in him when times are hard. When they were relegated 2 years ago they went down a very sorry state. But after a very consistent season and a real push after a run of 8 consecutive wins they secured promotion this weekend with a home win over Leicester after Ipswich were held by Leeds.
With 2 games to go Wigan look favourites but have tough games left against play-off challengers Preston and Reading. Ipswich 2 points behind with a worse goal difference play equally tough games against relegation threatened Crewe and Brighton.
Preston, Derby, Reading, West Ham and Sheffield United will contest the remaining 3 play-off places.
At the bottom Rotherham are down and Forest hang by a thread. 7 teams are seperated by 3 points above those two in an exciting battle. My tip were Cardiff but they had a massive result today beating Reading at Ninian Park. Watch out for Crewe who have not won since they sold Dean Ashton 19 games ago.
Luton have been crowned League One Champions and Mike Newell chosen in a fan poll two seasons ago has done a marvellous job at Kenilworth Road as they deservedly head back to the Championship. Hull City will taste 2nd tier football for the first time in almost 30 years after already securing 2nd place. With crowds of 20,000+ look for their play-off challenge next season in the Championship.
Tranmere Rovers are assured of a play-off place but Hartlepool, Sheffield Wednesday, Bournemouth, Bristol City, Doncaster and Huddersfield compete for the other three.
At the bottom of League One Stockport said farewell a long while back and Peterborough joined them today despite winning at Bournemouth. Club owner Barry Fry who will now give up management said last week: "I have made some bad decisions and played the wrong players and the wrong tactics this season - but I am going soon."
Wrexham who suffered a 10 point deduction for going into administration have 4 games in 2 weeks to stay in the division. MK Dons with Danny Wilson now at the helm have had a tough end to the season and Franchise FC look like slipping another division after leaving South London last year.
Torquay and Oldham are the only 2 other sides that can be caught.
League two (Div 4 really) has the most exciting finish with anyone of 6 sides still in with a shout of winning the title let alone going up. Play-off hopefuls go as far down as Rochdale in 10th. The big game is on Saturday when Southend entertain Yeovil at Roots Hall. Go on you Sarfend!
Poor old Cambridge have said goodbye to league football after 35 years. The fans weren't happy staging a sit down protest after the deciding home draw against Rochdale. It's all a long way off from John Beck's route one football with Dion Dublin and Steve Claridge up front. That team were a game away from being founder members of the Premiership losing in the play-offs.
The usual financial turmoil exists and the U's recently sold their ground to fix a cash-flow problem, but are having difficulty enforcing a claimed buy-back deal. To raise money the club plans a summer concert at the Abbey Stadium with Lemar, Girls Aloud, Lulu and Tony Christie all set to play!
Kidderminster need a couple of cricket scores to maintain their 11 year league status. They have a 21 goal worst goal difference than Rushden & Diamonds. They start with Grimsby at home on Saturday.
Barnet have won the Conference and they will be joined by the winner of the play-offs. Barnet will go up but have been told by the Football League to replace their famous slope within 3 years. Work will mean changing the face of Underhill, judged unsuitable for redevelopment because of its protected Green Belt status.
Ex League clubs Hereford and Carlisle will be joined by Stevenage and Aldershot in the play-offs which start on May 2nd. Personally I would to see The Shots make it. The first game I ever saw was at The Rec and I used to work with a bloke who was instrumental in their re-birth in 1992.
With 2 games to go Wigan look favourites but have tough games left against play-off challengers Preston and Reading. Ipswich 2 points behind with a worse goal difference play equally tough games against relegation threatened Crewe and Brighton.
Preston, Derby, Reading, West Ham and Sheffield United will contest the remaining 3 play-off places.
At the bottom Rotherham are down and Forest hang by a thread. 7 teams are seperated by 3 points above those two in an exciting battle. My tip were Cardiff but they had a massive result today beating Reading at Ninian Park. Watch out for Crewe who have not won since they sold Dean Ashton 19 games ago.
Luton have been crowned League One Champions and Mike Newell chosen in a fan poll two seasons ago has done a marvellous job at Kenilworth Road as they deservedly head back to the Championship. Hull City will taste 2nd tier football for the first time in almost 30 years after already securing 2nd place. With crowds of 20,000+ look for their play-off challenge next season in the Championship.
Tranmere Rovers are assured of a play-off place but Hartlepool, Sheffield Wednesday, Bournemouth, Bristol City, Doncaster and Huddersfield compete for the other three.
At the bottom of League One Stockport said farewell a long while back and Peterborough joined them today despite winning at Bournemouth. Club owner Barry Fry who will now give up management said last week: "I have made some bad decisions and played the wrong players and the wrong tactics this season - but I am going soon."
Wrexham who suffered a 10 point deduction for going into administration have 4 games in 2 weeks to stay in the division. MK Dons with Danny Wilson now at the helm have had a tough end to the season and Franchise FC look like slipping another division after leaving South London last year.
Torquay and Oldham are the only 2 other sides that can be caught.
League two (Div 4 really) has the most exciting finish with anyone of 6 sides still in with a shout of winning the title let alone going up. Play-off hopefuls go as far down as Rochdale in 10th. The big game is on Saturday when Southend entertain Yeovil at Roots Hall. Go on you Sarfend!
Poor old Cambridge have said goodbye to league football after 35 years. The fans weren't happy staging a sit down protest after the deciding home draw against Rochdale. It's all a long way off from John Beck's route one football with Dion Dublin and Steve Claridge up front. That team were a game away from being founder members of the Premiership losing in the play-offs.
The usual financial turmoil exists and the U's recently sold their ground to fix a cash-flow problem, but are having difficulty enforcing a claimed buy-back deal. To raise money the club plans a summer concert at the Abbey Stadium with Lemar, Girls Aloud, Lulu and Tony Christie all set to play!
Kidderminster need a couple of cricket scores to maintain their 11 year league status. They have a 21 goal worst goal difference than Rushden & Diamonds. They start with Grimsby at home on Saturday.
Barnet have won the Conference and they will be joined by the winner of the play-offs. Barnet will go up but have been told by the Football League to replace their famous slope within 3 years. Work will mean changing the face of Underhill, judged unsuitable for redevelopment because of its protected Green Belt status.
Ex League clubs Hereford and Carlisle will be joined by Stevenage and Aldershot in the play-offs which start on May 2nd. Personally I would to see The Shots make it. The first game I ever saw was at The Rec and I used to work with a bloke who was instrumental in their re-birth in 1992.
Whoa, I'm back
Contain your excitement but the N&R FL is back! I've had my own little mid-season break which involved a combination of a holiday in Mexico (very nice too), a business trip to London (was good, sorry I only saw a few of you) and then getting back to work and being (not surprisingly) fcuking busy, compounded by a day out sick (dodgy burger) and two nights out with Stuart Kilpatrick (bastard hangovers!). Anyway back to business. There are 5 weeks remaining of the season and I am 3 weeks behind with the scores so lets get on with it....
We will start with week 34 and end up with the latest positions of week 36. No skipping ahead to the bottom now!
We will start with week 34 and end up with the latest positions of week 36. No skipping ahead to the bottom now!
Friday, April 22, 2005
Danny no geeza bird
Breaking News 8888 Week 34 scores 8888 Breaking News
Danny Matthews earnt his first prize money of the season cracking in a weekly score of 59, 1 more than Sweaty's Rose was ruined by a lady boy. Danny's Geeza's were real men in week 34 and clambered upto 3rd in The Championship.
Herecomethewildebeests continued a nice little run of form scoring 53. Then came the a host of Premiership prize money contenders in the form of Back home (50), Ginger (not so) Athletic (49), Wenners Wannabes (49), Keep the faith (49) and West Ham 4 West Germany 2 (46).
Neil Cryer put down his pint of stella to also hit a tidy score of 47 points and the Dale Allstar jumped a place to 16th.
Danny Matthews earnt his first prize money of the season cracking in a weekly score of 59, 1 more than Sweaty's Rose was ruined by a lady boy. Danny's Geeza's were real men in week 34 and clambered upto 3rd in The Championship.
Herecomethewildebeests continued a nice little run of form scoring 53. Then came the a host of Premiership prize money contenders in the form of Back home (50), Ginger (not so) Athletic (49), Wenners Wannabes (49), Keep the faith (49) and West Ham 4 West Germany 2 (46).
Neil Cryer put down his pint of stella to also hit a tidy score of 47 points and the Dale Allstar jumped a place to 16th.
Status Quo at top
Breaking News 8888 Week 34 - The Premiership
The top 8 sides remained in their positions after week 34's scores. Ginger (not so) Athletic continued to keep his ginger nose out in front in what is becoming an enthralling finish to the season, unlike the real thing where Roman's billions are walking it.
Barry Paull's Back home closed the gap on Wenners Wannabe's to 10 points in the battle for 3rd and Keep the faith moved into 9th replacing Galacticos. Lamb to the slaughter are knocking on the door after a fine score of 46.
The top 8 sides remained in their positions after week 34's scores. Ginger (not so) Athletic continued to keep his ginger nose out in front in what is becoming an enthralling finish to the season, unlike the real thing where Roman's billions are walking it.
Barry Paull's Back home closed the gap on Wenners Wannabe's to 10 points in the battle for 3rd and Keep the faith moved into 9th replacing Galacticos. Lamb to the slaughter are knocking on the door after a fine score of 46.
There's only one 'r' in relegation
Breaking News 8888 - Week 34 - The Championship
James Bird and Nottm Forest have one thing in common and that is they are both staring relegation in the face. By the time you read this Forest may already be down to, lets face it the 3rd Division, which to me and my generation of non-Forest fans is a real shame. Sheffield Wednesday, Forest and Leeds' tales of woe are a real wake up call for Premiership sides.
James Bird can't blame the collapse of ITV digital or falling attendences or piss-poor mismanagement. Frankly his Only one 'f' in Forest are just piss-poor. A regular re-election candidate, James hit the week's lowest and the season's 5th worst weekly score in W34 of just 2 points.
This meant that both Goonersmoan (Rutts, sorry I didn't get out for a beer with you last week, was good to see you though) and Happy Hammers benefited from this and climb a place each in the table.
The top two stay the same. Flighty Feet increased their lead over Meg & Hannah's Bears by 3 points to 15.
Meanwhile the battle for the 3rd and 4th place prize money is hotting up with the realisation that previous mid-table sides can now win some cash. I have had a flurry of transfers from managers who would normally just be sitting around mid-table and calling it quits.
Danny's Geeza's as you have already read won MoW in week 34 and move into 3rd, She fell over slip to 4th (likewise Lizzy, sorry we didn't get time for a glass last week) but there was real movement behind them.
Rose to be ruined by a ladyboy catapults Sweaty into 5th whilst Beer Monsters, Pull your finger molly and Moulsters Molesters all lost ground. Coming up on the rails is Chris Waterman though whose Californication busted 35 points.
James Bird and Nottm Forest have one thing in common and that is they are both staring relegation in the face. By the time you read this Forest may already be down to, lets face it the 3rd Division, which to me and my generation of non-Forest fans is a real shame. Sheffield Wednesday, Forest and Leeds' tales of woe are a real wake up call for Premiership sides.
James Bird can't blame the collapse of ITV digital or falling attendences or piss-poor mismanagement. Frankly his Only one 'f' in Forest are just piss-poor. A regular re-election candidate, James hit the week's lowest and the season's 5th worst weekly score in W34 of just 2 points.
This meant that both Goonersmoan (Rutts, sorry I didn't get out for a beer with you last week, was good to see you though) and Happy Hammers benefited from this and climb a place each in the table.
The top two stay the same. Flighty Feet increased their lead over Meg & Hannah's Bears by 3 points to 15.
Meanwhile the battle for the 3rd and 4th place prize money is hotting up with the realisation that previous mid-table sides can now win some cash. I have had a flurry of transfers from managers who would normally just be sitting around mid-table and calling it quits.
Danny's Geeza's as you have already read won MoW in week 34 and move into 3rd, She fell over slip to 4th (likewise Lizzy, sorry we didn't get time for a glass last week) but there was real movement behind them.
Rose to be ruined by a ladyboy catapults Sweaty into 5th whilst Beer Monsters, Pull your finger molly and Moulsters Molesters all lost ground. Coming up on the rails is Chris Waterman though whose Californication busted 35 points.
The twins share the weekly pot
Breaking News 8888 Week 35 scores 8888 Breaking News
In a low scoring week the Fac r/i twins of Rutts and Francis shared the MoW award with 37 points each helping both sides out at seperate ends of the table.
Lamb to the slaughter wheedled their way into 9th spot hot on the heels of You got more toes, while Goonersmoan jumped another place in their efforts to avoid re-election for the first time.
Rutts old time pal Muddy also scored well in week 35. Happy Hammers like Goonersmoan are battling to get their way out of re-election and Muddy's 33 points helped them to 19th, 7 points from safety.
Lets all beat the Gooners also did themselves no harm scoring 35 points and moving to their highest point in 5 weeks.
If James Bird thought week 34's 2 points were bad then week 35 was twice as bad as Only one 'f' in Forest mustered just 1 point - the season's 4th worst (3 managers have scored 0 points - Nobby, Godders & Crowley). Amazingly after scoring 3 points in 2 weeks Birdy remains in 22nd place in the Championship.
In a low scoring week the Fac r/i twins of Rutts and Francis shared the MoW award with 37 points each helping both sides out at seperate ends of the table.
Lamb to the slaughter wheedled their way into 9th spot hot on the heels of You got more toes, while Goonersmoan jumped another place in their efforts to avoid re-election for the first time.
Rutts old time pal Muddy also scored well in week 35. Happy Hammers like Goonersmoan are battling to get their way out of re-election and Muddy's 33 points helped them to 19th, 7 points from safety.
Lets all beat the Gooners also did themselves no harm scoring 35 points and moving to their highest point in 5 weeks.
If James Bird thought week 34's 2 points were bad then week 35 was twice as bad as Only one 'f' in Forest mustered just 1 point - the season's 4th worst (3 managers have scored 0 points - Nobby, Godders & Crowley). Amazingly after scoring 3 points in 2 weeks Birdy remains in 22nd place in the Championship.
All gone tits for Tat!
Breaking News 8888 Week 35 - The Premiership
Ginger (not so) Athletic pulled further away from West Ham 4 West Germany 2 in the title race. Doyley's lead is now 18 points with 6 weeks to play.
The next 3 sides remain unchanged but Lets all beat the Gooners race into 6th with Jonny on my shoulder dropping one to 7th. You got more toes slip out the prize money into 8th.
Futher down the table Luadjembamaccorone make a big effort in week 35 to get back into the top 10 with 28 points and move upto 12th whereas Tatters top tips slide further away from making any money in his first season. Nige is now in 14th, his lowest place for quite sometime.
Ginger (not so) Athletic pulled further away from West Ham 4 West Germany 2 in the title race. Doyley's lead is now 18 points with 6 weeks to play.
The next 3 sides remain unchanged but Lets all beat the Gooners race into 6th with Jonny on my shoulder dropping one to 7th. You got more toes slip out the prize money into 8th.
Futher down the table Luadjembamaccorone make a big effort in week 35 to get back into the top 10 with 28 points and move upto 12th whereas Tatters top tips slide further away from making any money in his first season. Nige is now in 14th, his lowest place for quite sometime.
Lee making top 2 sweat
Breaking News 8888 - Week 35 - The Championship
Another fine week from Rose was ruined by a ladyboy meant that they now share 3rd place with Meg & Hannah's Bears and Danny's Geeza's just 2 points short of She fell over. Lee scored well for the 3rd consecutive week and gets into the top 4 for the first time since the league split 5 weeks back.
In what is an exciting race for the Championship title only 60 points seperate top from 9th with the luscious Flighty Feet still sat on top of the table.
At the bottom Super Eagles drop deeper into the re-election abyss after a week 34 score of just 14. Brian Dougal's Idiots guide to soccer remain firmly in the penultimate prize place.
Another fine week from Rose was ruined by a ladyboy meant that they now share 3rd place with Meg & Hannah's Bears and Danny's Geeza's just 2 points short of She fell over. Lee scored well for the 3rd consecutive week and gets into the top 4 for the first time since the league split 5 weeks back.
In what is an exciting race for the Championship title only 60 points seperate top from 9th with the luscious Flighty Feet still sat on top of the table.
At the bottom Super Eagles drop deeper into the re-election abyss after a week 34 score of just 14. Brian Dougal's Idiots guide to soccer remain firmly in the penultimate prize place.
Jenks banks fiver
Breaking News 8888 Week 36 scores 8888 Breaking News
Simon Jenkins normally banks a few quid during the N&R season and this one has been a poor one by his standards but that all changed in week 36 when Jenks picked up his 2nd MoW but more importantly edged towards a top 4 finish in the Championship as Can I get a waistcoat (and I still have no clue what the name means) climbed 3 places to 6th.
In the big time charlie Premiership table the top 6 dominance was broken for the first time in 5 weeks as Jonny on my shoulder penetrated (albeit undercover) it with a cocky 36 points in week 36. Rob is now in 5th and 2Infinity & beyond drop to 6th with Lets all beat the Gooners in the final big prize place of 7th.
Outside of the top 10 two managers improved their chances of money winning. Suzie's Ping Pong Yo-Yo leapt 2 places to 13th after slipping in 30 and Tatters top tips bounced back from a poor week 35 to knock in 31. Nige is now back into 12th.
In the Championhip re-election race Rutts' Goonersmoan once again showed that he can escape from the drop by scoring 32 and John Tiernan's Super Eagles scored 30.
Neil Cryer's Dale Allstars summed up their inconsistent season by earning the week's worst score of 2 points.
Simon Jenkins normally banks a few quid during the N&R season and this one has been a poor one by his standards but that all changed in week 36 when Jenks picked up his 2nd MoW but more importantly edged towards a top 4 finish in the Championship as Can I get a waistcoat (and I still have no clue what the name means) climbed 3 places to 6th.
In the big time charlie Premiership table the top 6 dominance was broken for the first time in 5 weeks as Jonny on my shoulder penetrated (albeit undercover) it with a cocky 36 points in week 36. Rob is now in 5th and 2Infinity & beyond drop to 6th with Lets all beat the Gooners in the final big prize place of 7th.
Outside of the top 10 two managers improved their chances of money winning. Suzie's Ping Pong Yo-Yo leapt 2 places to 13th after slipping in 30 and Tatters top tips bounced back from a poor week 35 to knock in 31. Nige is now back into 12th.
In the Championhip re-election race Rutts' Goonersmoan once again showed that he can escape from the drop by scoring 32 and John Tiernan's Super Eagles scored 30.
Neil Cryer's Dale Allstars summed up their inconsistent season by earning the week's worst score of 2 points.
Ben in grave danger
Breaking News 8888 Week 36 - The Premiership
Ben Graves will be kicking himself after a terrible score in week 36. His fantasy inexperience showed as he went into the last month of the season scoring his worst ever score of just 3 points!
Pete Doyle will be elated as Ginger (not so) Athletic increased their lead over West Ham 4 West Germany 2 at the top to 34 points after they scored a steady if not fantastic 19.
Meanwhile Ben's disastrous week gives Wenners Wannabes renewed hope after they scored 22 and close the gap on 2nd to just 31.
Back home stay in 4th for the 16th consecutive week while Jonny on my shoulder take up residence in 5th.
Keep the faith and Lamb to the slaughter swap places in the pink zone whilst in the chase for prize money Tatters top tips and Ping Pong Yo-Yo all make ground. The biggest faller of the week was Blessed are the cheesemakers who are going backwards in the table after notching 3, Ian's worst score of the season.
Ben Graves will be kicking himself after a terrible score in week 36. His fantasy inexperience showed as he went into the last month of the season scoring his worst ever score of just 3 points!
Pete Doyle will be elated as Ginger (not so) Athletic increased their lead over West Ham 4 West Germany 2 at the top to 34 points after they scored a steady if not fantastic 19.
Meanwhile Ben's disastrous week gives Wenners Wannabes renewed hope after they scored 22 and close the gap on 2nd to just 31.
Back home stay in 4th for the 16th consecutive week while Jonny on my shoulder take up residence in 5th.
Keep the faith and Lamb to the slaughter swap places in the pink zone whilst in the chase for prize money Tatters top tips and Ping Pong Yo-Yo all make ground. The biggest faller of the week was Blessed are the cheesemakers who are going backwards in the table after notching 3, Ian's worst score of the season.
Dan dares to test Flighty Feet's resolve
Breaking News 8888 - Week 36 - The Championship
After a number of weeks where the teams chasing Flighty Feet were having their own little battle we may have at last found a true challenger for the title.
Flighty Feet have been happily ensconced at the summit of the Championship since mid-March whilst others have been having their own battles. 2nd place has changed hands 5 times since the league split but maybe after 3 impressive weeks including one MoW Danny's Geeza's are ready to challenge the ladies from AIG.
Danny scored 28 in week 36, 13 more than Catherine and Karen and their lead has been cut to 9. She fell over, Rose was ruined by a ladyboy and Meg & Hannah's Bears slip back in the race but Can I get a waistcoat and Beer Monsters join it.
It seems to me that one or two teams will come out of the pack to challenge for the first ever N&R Championship title but the question is who will it be?
One big surprise to me is the disappearance of Pete Godfrey. Pull your finger out molly was the first week leader of the Championship and I like other fantasy old timers thought that was that but no. Godders has fallen 9 places since that first week and looks completely out of shakes.
If they can put a run together and find some lady luck then Californication, Better than 2nd and even moi, Make it a supersize (never underestimate the value of cheating) can finish in the top 4.
But, it is still Flighty Feet who lead the table but I think someone like Jenks or Rob Beere could be their biggest threat.
After a number of weeks where the teams chasing Flighty Feet were having their own little battle we may have at last found a true challenger for the title.
Flighty Feet have been happily ensconced at the summit of the Championship since mid-March whilst others have been having their own battles. 2nd place has changed hands 5 times since the league split but maybe after 3 impressive weeks including one MoW Danny's Geeza's are ready to challenge the ladies from AIG.
Danny scored 28 in week 36, 13 more than Catherine and Karen and their lead has been cut to 9. She fell over, Rose was ruined by a ladyboy and Meg & Hannah's Bears slip back in the race but Can I get a waistcoat and Beer Monsters join it.
It seems to me that one or two teams will come out of the pack to challenge for the first ever N&R Championship title but the question is who will it be?
One big surprise to me is the disappearance of Pete Godfrey. Pull your finger out molly was the first week leader of the Championship and I like other fantasy old timers thought that was that but no. Godders has fallen 9 places since that first week and looks completely out of shakes.
If they can put a run together and find some lady luck then Californication, Better than 2nd and even moi, Make it a supersize (never underestimate the value of cheating) can finish in the top 4.
But, it is still Flighty Feet who lead the table but I think someone like Jenks or Rob Beere could be their biggest threat.
Life in Brian yet
Breaking News 8888 - Week 36 - The Re-election race
They thought it was all over but no, old Rutts is still breathing and battling for his fantasy life. 139 points in 4 weeks including a MoW has propelled Goonersmoan to the edge of safety. After looking dead and buried they are now just 2 points behind Defoe's golden XI with still 5 weeks to play.
When I saw Rutts last week he was bemoaning an injury plagued season but some of those have cleared up and at long last he is showing last season's form.
Two other managers still going are Muddy Waters and John Tiernan. Both Happy Hammers and Super Eagles are in with a good shout of staving off re-election.
Only one 'f' in Forest, Idiots guide to soccer and Woody's Warriors are gone and contesting the Penultimate place award which surely Dougs should win but the other 3 positions could be between as many as 8 sides with even Roffey Rejects not yet safe in 14th place.
They thought it was all over but no, old Rutts is still breathing and battling for his fantasy life. 139 points in 4 weeks including a MoW has propelled Goonersmoan to the edge of safety. After looking dead and buried they are now just 2 points behind Defoe's golden XI with still 5 weeks to play.
When I saw Rutts last week he was bemoaning an injury plagued season but some of those have cleared up and at long last he is showing last season's form.
Two other managers still going are Muddy Waters and John Tiernan. Both Happy Hammers and Super Eagles are in with a good shout of staving off re-election.
Only one 'f' in Forest, Idiots guide to soccer and Woody's Warriors are gone and contesting the Penultimate place award which surely Dougs should win but the other 3 positions could be between as many as 8 sides with even Roffey Rejects not yet safe in 14th place.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Road to Cardiff - Geordies well beaten by United
Newcastle passed the N&R FL Road the Cardiff baton onto Man Utd without much of a fight at The Millennium Stadium. United who beat our 'supported team' Millwall in last season's final will play Arsenal in what hopefully will be the best and most action packed season finale we have seen for many a year.
Newcastle were lucklustre to say the least and never showed any of the passion that saw of Chelsea in an earlier round.
RUUD VAN NISTELROY's flicked finish put Sir Alex Ferguson's side ahead. A near-post PAUL SCHOLES header doubled the lead just before half-time and VAN NISTELROY's sidefoot shot confirmed the Red Devils' dominance.
SHOLA AMOEBI steered in an effort for Newcastle but ace diver CRISTIANO RONALDO's shot ended their faint hopes of a comeback.
The defeat ended a bad week for the Geordies who were knocked out of the UEFA Cup by Sporting Lisbon a few days before. A disappointed but honest Alan Shearer said: "It's been a tough week and it hasn't ended on a good note, It's fair to say the best team went through."
Team: Given, Carr, Boumsong, Taylor, Babayaro (Andrew O'Brien 45), Milner (Kluivert 63), Faye (N'Zogbia 45), Butt, Robert, Ameobi, Shearer
Subs Not Used: Harper, Ambrose.
Attendence: 69,280 (at Millennium Stadium)
MoM: Shay Given
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