My kinda town rewind

Apr 27 2004
Two recent things that have come to my attention about American’s and America this week:

1. They drink out of straws. This may not seem very remarkable, but I think it is right to say and correct me if I am wrong, but us Brits normally get out of the habit of using straws when we are kids and the parents amongst you will agree that this is something you teach your kids somewhere in between, using a knife and fork and asking to leave the table. But grown up Yanks drink out of straws a lot and in fact all of the time without exception, well maybe except for beer, wine and coffee!

2. There is no such thing as a Gin & Tonic or Vodka & Lemonade or Rum & Coke in this country. It has never ceased to amaze me watching American’s order a drink at a bar or a meal or even a sandwich. Here are some examples:

“Get me a Stolichnaya Citron with Indian Tonic, dash of lime, served on the rocks with two slices of fresh orange and a blue cheese stuffed olive.”

“I will have hickory smoked ham, vine tomatoes, Boston lettuce, a little swiss cheese, red onion, capers, garlic mayo, no butter, ground pepper and a little salt on toasted Rye bread cut into quarters please, oh and easy on the mayo, I’m on a diet.”

“I will take the Caesar chicken salad, without the lettuce and chicken, no croutons and no anchovies on mine, just steak, lard, potatoes, fries, more lard and a burger on the side. Oh aren’t I healthy?”

Fat fcuks!

I took a few of the boys and girls out for a sausage, mash & beans on Friday followed by a few pints of Boddington’s (no spotted dick, that was later!) to celebrate St Georges Day. They seemed to like it. I think they are getting used to me, I have been here 6 months at the end of this week – very scary.

May 13 2004
A couple of recent observations walking the streets of the Chicago:

1. Correct me if I’m wrong. Do we Brits wear vests? I know Francey does, but does anyone under 65 wear a vest at home? Suzie might, gotta keep those puppies warm, I appreciate that. But all the Yanks do and I have picked them up on it and they tell me its to stop them sweating. Get some fcuking Right Guard dude!

Now this is an obvious one, but it’s starting to really nark me. Everything is either the best, the biggest, the longest, or the oldest in the world. Not in the town, or in the city, or in America or even North America, the world. How do they know that? Now, I am a reasonably well travelled bloke and I know that Chuck Slowinski’s electrical store is not the biggest in the world, or that Bernie’s pizza’s are definitely not the best in the world. It is just that according to American’s – America is the world! And don’t even get me started on the poxy World Series.