Here Rob rants a little, well a lot about the state of the British welfare system, the credit crunch and bread crumbs - and you thought this was a blog about football!
Rob also tells us that his wife is a very lucky lady (she sure was last time Ready and I were round there) and how a night with Cheryl Tweedy will drive you to suicide!
If You
Name: Rob Munden
Nickname: Bert to some (as in Ro-bert) – though one or two on the mailing list might have other names for me – most ending in tw at I’d imagine!
I Support: Leeds Utd
Birthplace: Royal Cheam, Surrey
1) If you weren’t in insurance, what would you do for a living?
A model I’d imagine
2) If you could be someone else for the day, who would you be?
My wife – she’s a very, very, lucky lady
3) If you could be a fly on the wall anywhere, where would it be?
Somewhere where the old disabled flies go so I could have a few quid on myself in the proverbial 2 flies crawling up a wall betting scenario and probably make a nice little earner
4) If you could have those x-ray eyes that could see through clothing, who would you look at first?
The bloke who sold me this ski-mask with no eye holes so I could get my money back
5) If you could be any footballer past or present, who would it be?
Ashley Cole – so I could commit suicide and do us all a favour – only after enjoying Cheryl’s company for a night or two of course!!!
6) If you could change the team you support, who would you change it to?
Manchester United or Chelsea. Only kidding – I may look like a tw*t but looks can be deceiving you know!! I have no desire to support any other side so can’t really comment – other than Sutton United of course – the local side (who are nearly as shi*te as Leeds!)
7) If you worked at airport security, who would you like to search knowing that you can be as obnoxious as you like?
See answer to question 5
8) If you were the Prime Minister or President, what would be the first thing you did?
It is not rocket science to me to say that if you are unemployed and claiming welfare benefits that if you turn down the opportunity to work you shouldn’t get any benefits. It is also not rocket science to say if you are unemployed and are getting welfare benefits that you should help out with some community work until you are back in employment. It is also not rocket science to stop people coming into our country solely to use our hospital facilities free of charge and then
Bugg ering off back home when they’re done. It is also not rocket science to not pay Polish workers child allowance when their children live in fuc king Warsaw. It is also not rocket science to stop sending our soldiers into battle with no equipment and vehicles made of balsa wood….I could go on!!!!!
Oh yeah one other thing – I’d stop the media exaggerating the credit crunch and actually creating it by telling us all that it’s happening when if it wasn’t for this we’d probably not notice anything and therefore almost by definition it wouldn’t actually be happening!!!! Get it??
9) If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing you bought?
Another Lottery ticket – it’s clearly my lucky week!
10) If you could invent anything, what would it be?
A machine that would stop crumbs falling on the floor of the kitchen when I’m cutting bread (to which incidentally I am addicted – especially with peanut butter and coleslaw – trust me it’s fantastic – try it!) and consequently would stop the missus going absolutely ballistic. It doesn’t matter how hard I try and how many plates, breadboards, dust sheets, tarpaulins or whatever that I use – there are always crumbs on the floor!!
11) If you could have starred in a movie, which one would it be?
I would have said Baywatch but I tend to burn within 20 minutes of being in the sun and consequently would be laughed at somewhat. So it would have to be one of the 2 greatest films of all time – namely Pulp Fiction (I’d be John Travolta’s character) or Love, Honour and Obey (with Ray Winston) – brilliant – watch it if you haven’t seen it
12) If you could have been at any football game, which one would it have been?
Now I’m guessing here most would say that the 1966 World Cup Final is top of the list but for me it is something different. When I was 10 in 1977 I was due to play in the inter house cup final at my junior school. However the day before I fell over in the playground ripping my trousers and unfortunately my knee. Alas – whilst not in the realms of an Eduardo injury (though by the screaming my mum made at the sight of the rip in the trousers you’d have thought it was!) I couldn’t make the final. The team won. The crowd (about 14 according to the gate receipts from Cheam park) went wild and gave much adulation. I, dejected and without aforementioned adulation trudged back to school. Trod in sh it on the way back to school. Terrible day. Didn’t play in the game of my life. Hole in the trousers. Bolloc king from mum. No adulation. Sh it on my shoes. How bad can it get. I was at the game – but in essence I wasn’t. I wish I had been.
13) If you could make one of your dreams real, which one would it be?
The one that resulted in world peace and the end to poverty everywhere. Nah, only kidding – the one where Leeds win the Premiership and then go on to Champions League glory. Far better!!
14) If you could live the life of any person in history, who would it be?
Shania Twain’s husband (yes I know her singing’s c rap but I don’t want her for her singing!!!!)
15) If you were born again, would you want to come back as the opposite sex?
As a Manchester United supporter? I don’t think so!! Seriously would I want to spend the rest of my life being unable to read a map or park a car – hmmm, let me think now....
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