If You - Ian Kennett

Ian on how he would love to play with his breasts all day, help Ready out in the pant area, his starring role in Star Wars and on the fact that he is not bitter about the Independent collapse at all.

If You
Name: Ian Kennett
Nickname: Conehead (my old school mates coined this and I am at a loss to explain)
I Support: My wife and, two children
Birthplace: A man of Kent I was born in St Helena Military Hospital, Shorncliffe (Folkestone)

1) If you weren’t in insurance, what would you do for a living?
An out of work actor

2) If you could be someone else for the day, who would you be?
If I could name the time and date as well it would have to be Martin Johnson on November 22nd 2003 (for the non egg chasers and Yanks out there that was the day England won the rugby world cup)

3) If you could be a fly on the wall anywhere, where would it be?
Porn film set or the Playboy mansion

4) If you could have those x-ray eyes that could see through clothing, who would you look at first?
Certainly not anyone in our office

5) If you could be any footballer past or present, who would it be?
Very easy ….George Best

6) If you could change the team you support, who would you change it to?
Not a chance – is this one of those crappy catch questions where you try and doubt the sincerity of someone’s support ? (Yes - Nobby)

7) If you worked at airport security, who would you like to search knowing that you can be as obnoxious as you like?
In no particular order:
Michael Bright
Phil Condon
Although I suspect they are not allowed to travel at present....
Arsene Wenger
The South African Rugby world cup winning side and all of their supporters
The Australian cricket team

8) If you were the Prime Minister or President, what would be the first thing you did?
Make St Georges Day a national holiday

9) If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing you bought?
Marsh (sorry wrong questionnaire)
A pint (and one for you) to celebrate

10) If you could invent anything, what would it be?
Rub in hair restorer that worked in an hour
Genuine penis enlarger (for Ready)
The never ending pint

11) If you could have starred in a movie, which one would it be?
Debbie does Dallas or Star Wars (R2D2? - Nobby)

12) If you could have been at any football game, which one would it have been?
European Cup Final 1968

13) If you could make one of your dreams real, which one would it be?
Please refer to question 10 or the one with me Angelina Jolie, Penelope Cruz , Mylene Klass and the industrial size barrel of baby oil and selection of root vegetables

14) If you could live the life of any person in history, who would it be?
I’d probably have to go back to George (Best) – not a long life but what a life!

15) If you were born again, would you want to come back as the opposite sex?
Tough one – whilst the opportunity to play with my own breasts all day might sound enticing I’d have to say no – after all I’d be a Lesbian and all men are bastards!