Character reference

I have a mate here (a previous N&R FL manager) who I asked to give me a character reference for my immigration stuff for Bermuda. Fortunately I checked it first before I forwarded it straight on to HR! This is what it said:

"To whom it may concern

I don’t really know Simon, but I know of him through his notoriously violent drug fuelled rampages and all too frequent appearances on local television news.
In his defense I understand that he has brought his pyromania somewhat under control, and has not started a fire in a government building for some six weeks.
His syphilis is no longer contagious, and there is no conclusive DNA evidence linking him to a series of armed robberies in the Chicago area last year.
I would be happy to provide you with the number of his local Police department should you need any further information, and would recommend you do not attempt to approach him.

Yours faithfully,
Nicholas Davies"