My kinda town

I never know who to tip.

Well, I know that you always tip your waitress or waiter, even if they’ve spat in your food and it was cooked by Hannibal Lector, because not tipping in restaurants is just not done is it?

And you always tip the barman a dollar even though pulling a pint never looked particularly difficult and if the barman is a she with a rather lovely cleavage, then surely that is worth a bit extra, for, well the extra’s!

Of course I always tip a cab driver, even though 9 times out of 10, they disobey every single rule that you are reading on the taped list of rules on the back of the driver’s seat and you have to give them directions to the place you wish to go.

But otherwise I never know. There should be laws or rules on tipping etiquette.

Does the nice lady in Starbucks who always remembers my drink get a tip? Or the lady who fetches my coat of the hanger in the cloakroom, or what about the old bloke in the toilet at trendy bars, who offers you a mint or a squirt of Drakkor Noir?

Then there is the maitre d in restaurants who shows you to your table, even though you know where it is, or the young lad who brings up your bags to the hotel room an hour after you checked in? What about the geezer that hails you a cab outside of a hotel because it’s easier than you sticking your arm in the air?

The friendly Korean lady in the dry cleaners whose vocabulary only extends to “starch or no starch?” The students in the grocery store that put your vegetables in a bag or the mailman for masterfully delivering your mail to the right place. Then there is the doorman who opens the door because that is what it says in his job description?

Do you tip the women with a face like a slapped arse in the cinema who serves you popcorn and hates her job more than anything in the world, or the petrol attendant who whacks in the most expensive unleaded fuel there is before you have a chance to get out of the car?

You see after 3 years of living in this country I don’t have a ruddy clue, all I know is that no bastard tips me for doing my job!