My kinda town

Banks are a place where you can keep your money as opposed to under the mattress like Godders. Now the same procedure applies in the USA. Invariably you choose one bank from a host of them that are forever sending you crap through the post offering all sorts of free banking.

Free banking? Thats a laugh. $25 to open an account, $25 to order some cheque books, $15 to transfer some money, $10 to set up a direct debit, $2 everytime you draw money out of a cash machine or atm, a public hanging if you go overdrawn, $1 to get a smile from the meeter and greeter, "hello sir, welcome to Bank of America. How are you today." "Fucking skint thats what I am because as soon as I'm earning it, you are nicking it, bastards,"

See in the land of the free, nothing is actually free. Yes, things are cheaper, some stuff cheaper than others but every bastard wants a bit of your money, whether its a tip, like $1 to a barman for pulling a pint, 20% in a restaurant or 10% to a cab driver who doesn't even know where he's going.

$149 a night for a hotel? Well that is what they call the rack rate. The real cost after you add state tax, federal tax, tourist tax, shower and shampoo tax will be nearer $200.

Cup of coffee in Starbucks $1.75 but don't forget the tax! $2.04 in total and more bloody change. Oh I wish they would include the tax, VAT basically up front, saves on worn out pockets.

And the last thing that really gets on my wick is internal airplane journeys. Admittedly fuel is getting expensive, well if you call £1.50 a gallon expensive but I recently flew 6,000 miles to Hawaii from Chicago. Took all day, and what did I get? A glass of water and if I wanted too I could have spent $5 on a snack box - a pack of raisins, bag of doritos and a kitkat. No thanks, you can stick that up your hula skirt.