My kinda town

This is something that has been concerning me since I got here two and a half years ago but I don't think I have ever mentioned this on the N&R forum before.

You probably take this for granted, that is when you need a 'sit down' with the newspaper or a policy wording, whatever is your fancy, there you are perched in solitude doing your business surrounded by three walls and a door.

Not in the USA you're not. For those of you that have ever done your thing in an American toilet the door is a throw back to native American times and cowboys and indians and saloon type lav doors, i.e. high enough to see your shoes and low enough the see anyone over 6' 2".

I have got used to it, just like I have a lot of things including the toilet bowls where you can watch last nights dinner go round and round before disappearing!

But what is still very disconcerting is that if you have a retentive memory for useless information like me then you recognise people's shoes. Therefore I know every person sitting on the bog and frankly I don't need to know people I work with's toiletry habits. Its just too much information.

End of season play-off's - Round 2

The draw has been made at N&R headquarters for Round 2 of the N&R play-off's. There are 3 pots of 4 managers. The highest scoring manager from each pot following week 37's scores (announced next week) will qualify for the play-off final to be held in week 38.

Here is the draw:

Pot 1
Lupo
Cheese-roll
Wenners
Lady Marmalade

Pot 2
Dewbs
Chicken eater
Big Plumms
Herr Oakster

Pot 3
Graveyard shift
Queen of Romford
Simmo
Half pint

Transfer reminder

With just 3 weeks left until the end of the season including the FA Cup Final it may be the best time to make a transfer.

Deadline day is Tuesday at 5pm GMT. I have attached the latest Premiership points for each player in the latest e-mail to help you out. A transfer could be the difference between no or some prize money.

Just send me a note if you don't know how many transfers you have left.

Nobs

The hand of Godd

Breaking news 8888 Week 36 scores
Godders strengthened his hold on a top 7 finish as he stormed to a superb 111 points in week 36. It was a busy week with FA Cup replays and Prem games, but Pete's I *ucking hate Chelsea moved up two places to 6th.

Meanwhile Rushden & Doggers are only 17 points behind Californication, who currently lie in 2nd, after a storming 109 point week. And in a complete turnaround from previous weeks, the top 4 best sides of week 36 were all teams in the top 6.

Suzie's Ping Pong Yo-Yo's pretty much secured their first ever title last week with her first 100+ weekly score. Sooz is now 93 points clear and only a miracle can stop the blonde beauty picking up the famous N&R FL trophy.

Irish beauty Hilary Ryan dropped to 5th despite scoring 106 points but London Irish, I *ucking hate Chelsea, US Eagles who notched 105 points and Sodding window cleaners are all in with a huge shout of 2nd.

2Infinity & beyond are chasing down the top 10. Barry hit his 2nd century of the season and is 46 points behind Christian Dailly football genius in 10th, who were another team to clear 100 points in week 36.

Mustn't forget to mention Ken Bates beard who are right in the mix after scoring 103. Glasgow kiss and Californication were the other managers who scored over a 100 points. A score than in previous season's would have been enough to win the best weekly score of the season!

Other mentionables in week 36 go out to So he got shot up the harse (99), Chicago Addick who scored a season-best 97, likewise Kinga's bottlers.

Davids v Goliath, Sodding window cleaners, Galacticos and I hate Gerrard who scored 96 points in what was one of the highest scoring week of the campaign.

Goonersmoan brought up the rear with 38 points - his 3rd best score since mid-February.

The season's best weekly score

Another week of 100+ scoring, the 2nd time this season which is a first after 10 years of N&R FL.

Here are the current best 25 scores after 36 weeks. Remember £25 for the winner.

1. Mark Dewberry, 126 points, week 21
2= Suzie Syrett, 121 points, week 21
2= Paul Kelleher, 121 points, week 21
4= Lee Baughan, 117 points, week 21
4= Hilary Ryan, 117 points, week 21
6. Chris Waterman, 116 points, week 21
7. Ben Graves, 114 points, week 21
8. Peter Godfrey, 111 points, week 36
9= Rob Munden, 110 points, week 21
9= Glenn Francis, 110 points, week 21
11= Paul Kelleher, 109 points, week 36
11= Peter Godfrey, 109 points, week 21
13= Suzie Syrett, 107 points, week 36
13= Keith Read, 107 points, week 21
15. Hilary Ryan, 106 points, week 36
16= Barry Plummer, 105 points, week 36
16= Mark Simmons, 105 points, week 21
18. Barry Paull, 104 points, week 36
19= Rob Munden, 103 points, week 36
19= Ben Graves, 103 points, week 36
19= Barry Plummer, 103 points, week 21
22. Mark Wenman, 102 points, week 21
23. Kirsty Baillie, 101 points, week 36
24= Chris Waterman, 100 points, week 36
24. Lee Day, 100 points, week 21

Road to Cardiff - Boro Hammered

Congratulations to West Ham and all of you Hamsters in the N&R FL. The 3rd trip to Cardiff in 3 years. They will play Liverpool in Cardiff on May 13th and will have the support of the N&R FL Road the Cardiff team.

Middlesbrough were our previous team, our 9th of the season on our Road to Cardiff (it started with Romford and a Wembley target back in August) but after beating Charlton in a replay they couldn't beat the Hammers at Villa Park.

West Ham striker MARLON HAREWOOD's emphatic 78th minute winner following a Dean Ashton knock-down split the two teams in a dull game. Riggott, Hasselbaink and Rochemack all had chances but it was to be the Hammers day, securing a first final appearance in 26 years and ensuring the return of European football to Upton Park.

West Ham team: Hislop, Ferdinand, Gabbidon, Collins, Konchesky, Benayoun, Mullins, Reo-Coker, Etherington (Newton 89), Harewood, Ashton (Zamora 85).
Subs Not Used: Walker, Scaloni, Sheringham.
Attendance: 39,148
MoM: Anton Ferdinand

End of season play-off's - Round 1

The first round of the end of season competition has come and gone. We have 12 managers in the next round, which will take place over week 37.

Remember the scores from week's 34 & 35 were added together. The scores from week 36 were used if there was a tie. These are the final cluster standings using alias' made up by me.

Cluster 1
QGraveyard 95
Picca 77
Muzzle 68
Beere belly 57
Ben who is surging into the top 10 comfortably qualifed from this group after 2 excellent scoring weeks.

Cluster 2
QQueen of Romford 73
Lovejoy 70
McSmall 64
Stanley 55
That late night caller Kirsty just pipped colleague Lovejoy by 3 points to make it into Round 2.

Cluster 3
QWenners 80
Nobster 76
Dickster 56
Rutts 51
Just 4 points seperated Wenners from Nobby with Dickie and Rutter left in their wake.

Cluster 4
QLupo 74
Ready 69
The quiet one 67
Sweatmeister 60
Ready also goes out 1st Round, with the Blue Lagooners making it through.

Cluster 5
QBig Plumms 81*scored higher in week 36
Glenda 81
Albert 63
Squat 54
Plumms pipped Francis by edging him out in a replay.

Cluster 6
QOakers 87
Mundane 82
Steve 69
Farmers 64
Big surprise in this group as Oakers moved into the next round beating three managers all higher positioned in the league.

Cluster 7
QLady Marmalade 94
Heppers 81
Nice couple of ping pongs 79
Ginger Rabbit 51
Another massive shock as Lizzy beat of a challenge from runaway leader Sooz to take her seat in Round 2.

Cluster 8
QSimmo 91
Le God 74
Organic bedboy 56
Marilyn's toy boy 46
The in-form Simmons won this group of misfits.

Cluster 9
QHalf pint 92
Simpleton 90
Bozzy 86
Birdy 62
Just 6 points seperated Ian, Martin and Alex in the tightest cluster.

Cluster 10
QDewbs 91
QUS cheeseroll 89
Waterworks 84
Shaky 75
Hills 78
Great fortnight for Dewbs who qualifies, whilst Baz goes through as the best runner up.

Cluster 11
QChicken eater 74 *scored higher in week 36
Squire 74
Virgin prince 67
Feet fetish 61
Soup boy 61
Unfortunate for the Rochdale cowboy who lost out in overtime and also didn't make it through as the best runner up.

The draw for Round 2 will be announced shortly and will take place over the week 37 scores. Apologies for the nicknames, it wasn't one of my most imaginative days!

Bates' beard looking to make it a close shave

Breaking news 8888 Week 35 scores
Ken Bates' beard stepped up their challenge in week 35 and are now in 3rd place. Rushden & Doggers suffered after scoring a poor 24 points and slipped to 5th.

Sodding window cleaners gain a place to 7th, just 3 points behind US Eagles in the major prize list. Both I *ucking hate Chelsea and Lamb to the slaughter fall a spot.

Of course Ping Pong look pretty set at the top, 86 points clear of Californication, who themselves are 21 ahead of Rob in 3rd.

The form managers with the scent of prize money in their noses are He's not a messiah and MoW Davids v Goliath. Looking further down the table are Keep the faith, who will be keeping it in League One next season, Francey is now in 15th.

At the bottom Rochdaletastic made a run for safety after a fine week. Neil climbs two places and is now just 28 points behind Rapid Ginger in the safe house of 40th.

Dewberry jam

Breaking news 8888 Week 35 scores
Mark Dewberry was jamming (see what I did there?) in week 35 and is making a big push towards a prize finish.

Davids v Goliath hit 54 points in week 35 and clambered 4 places up the league to 11th. However strangely it was the mid-tablers who had the most success in week 35 again.

White wine & water are up to a nose-bleed inducing 30th after scoring 51, the same tally as So he got shot up the arse. Tone, sorry mate saw you in Lloyds the other week, you were with a sort and I was with some boring and very needy clients and I didn't get as much chance to call my Mum let alone you old boy, sorry. Next time I'm over I plan to have a night out on the lash, will let you & others know in due course.

Right, where was I? Oh, Heppers scored 51 and now is in 28th, a poor state affairs after having such a good 1st half of the season.

Galacticos scored 48 and are now in 22nd, a place above the mid-table prize, occupied by Meg & Hannah's bears.

Dark Whorses pushed away from the re-elction zone with 47 points, but title challenger's Californication closed the gap a little on Ping Pong after scoring 50.

Sodding window cleaners kept up their top 6 battle with 46 and both Christian Dailly Football Genius (43) and He's not the messiah (43) continued their good runs.

Goonersmoan had the week's worst score of 9, one more than last weeks 2nd best team Repka is innocent.

A great week for the no-hopers

Breaking news 8888 Week 34 scores
Dear old Ready pops earnt his first winnings of the season 34 weeks in by coming out top with 54 weekly points.

Like Nobby, Ready seems to be too far off the pace to make a challenge for the top 10, even without the obligatory 100 points that I normally reward us both at this time of the season! Joking!

Hannoi Utd and Chicago Addick swap places in the table and are just two points apart.

Repka is innocent are another bunch of no-hopers lying in 26th but unlike Charlton they are still playing until the end of the season. 52 points for Alex, the same score as Kingas bottlers, who are a place behind in 27th.

Megs and Hannah's bears are also stuck in midtable, of course 23rd spot will be rewarded with £25 so there is something to play for, and Boswell was also the proud owner of 52 points.

The only manager in the top 6 week 34 scores with something really worth fighting for was Ben Graves. Christian Dailly is a football genuis' 52 points took them into the top 10.

Real Madrid bound (I hate) Gerrard stay in 25th after scoring 50, while Rushden & Doggers have it all to play for in 3rd after also scoring a half century.

Other good scores in week 34 were by Sweaty plays the banjo (49), He's not the messiah (49) and London Irish (49).

The week's losers were London bound Dickie Norman's Dark 'n Stormy who scored 19 points.

The Road to Cardiff - Addicks out

My beloved but fucking annoying Addicks were knocked out by 'our' Road to Cardiff team Middlesbrough in the Quarter Final replay. Don't want to dwell on it too much but here were my thoughts at the time.

Chicago Addick

West Ham take on Boro at Villa Park Sunday.