My kinda town

Have you ever seen the average American eat? Who teaches these people to eat their food? It's not that they eat with their mouths open, or it dribbles down their chin or that they eat a lot, that goes without saying. But it's the way they hold their knife and fork. I couldn't copy what they do if I tried.

I don't know about you, but my charm school in Catford only taught me one way - fork in the left hand held between thumb and middle finger with the forefinger exerting pressure, and the knife in the right hand the same way. Picture on the right.

Here in the US the knife doesn't actually gets used much at all as people sweep, stab or rip at their food with a fork but when they do use both implements it is incredible.

Firstly there seems no hard or fast rule about which hand you put each utensil in. Secondly they just seem to stab their food with the fork - you have to see it to believe it, words do not do it justice, and then they just saw at it with the knife. Please don't try this at home only the ambidextrous will manage it and it could cause accidents.

Next time you are in an American steak house, promise me you'll have a look.

Now, you all know how sad I am, but I just entered "how to hold a knife and fork" into Google and I found a site called Mind your manners and it tells of kids taking etiquette lessons in Salt Lake City, where of course polygamy is quite acceptable, so maybe this is not a good example!!

However, the picture on the left here is entitled: "Kara Komarnitsky of Draper works to cut her chicken using the proper technique."

Now, perhaps its me? But if I ate my chicken like that as a kid, I would have got a slap around the back of the head.

But this is what I look at when I peer around the table in a posh restaurant. Tongues out and everything, honest!

Shit, I've just realised, they must look at me, the token dainty bloke in the corner, holding my knife and fork like the Queen and think I'm a weirdo.