Window cleaners polish up a fiver

Breaking news 8888 Week 33 scores
I haven't got a clue what Sodding window cleaners means but Simmo's boys scrubbed up pretty well in week 33. A twonking 90 points, the best we have seen for 10 weeks, and a climb into 9th for the window cleaners plus gave Mark his first winnings of the season.

Carl Dillaway's been pretty pants this season. But in week 33 Galacticos equalled their season best score of 88 points and moved up 4 to 22nd.

Mighty mouse Ian Kennett was next up with 84, which keeps He's no the messiah in the hunt. PK' blue lagooners had another fine week, 79 for Lee, one more than US Eagles, who move into the top 7.

The runaway leader Ping Pong Yo-Yo were big scorers again in week 33. 76 for Suzie, she is hitting an average score of 46 points for the season - championship form.

Also scoring 76 was White wine and water, Kinga's bottlers and I hate Gerrard. Steve must have been pleased at his stupidity on Sunday then.

It was a high scoring week all round with all but 10 teams scoring more than 40 points but it was Goonersmoan after a couple of excellent weeks that brought up the rear with 17 points. Hey Rutts, look after Ready and his bird in those Bangkok clubs won't you?

A look at the cream

Breaking news 8888 Week 33 scores
7 weeks to go - where has the season gone eh? The race for the title looks won. Will Suzie become our first ever lady winner? Although Brett Davey did win it one year mind!

Suzie is 89 points ahead of the field but some of the chasing teams have transfers banked and will one of them break from the 8-strong pack and give Suze a run for her money?

The most likely looks like fantasy veteran Chris Waterman. There is a small gap now between his Californication and PK's Rushden & Doggers in 3rd. Rob Munden, of course better known for wanking in front of the window cleaner, has had a series of good seasons culminating in last season's 7th place finish. Barry Paull, Ben Graves and Mark Simmons also all finished in last years top 7 and both have the fantasy ability to put serious points on the board - proven in week 33.

Godders slipped back last week but can never be underestimated and then we have Glenn Francis who in the last two years has completely flunked the run-in. This time however he has a host of transfers remaining. Watch out for Glenn in 8th now.

That leaves us the two outsiders, and they are only outsiders because they are a bit unknown in the N&R world. We do know that Catherine and Karen put together an excellent run last season to win the secondary Championship prize and a similiar run in the last 7-weeks will push them into the big prizes again.

And then we have our own Irish charm, Hilary Ryan. Whatever happens she has had a fantastic season and derserves to be in there challenging.

Beyond these characters there is another 6 teams I would say who could all barge into the top 10. Out of these I reckon previous champion Plummer has what it takes and so does last year's runner-up Wenners.

Sweaty, Dewberry, Kennett and Francey are all a bit inconsitent for me. We need more application. Sweaty's too busy decorating, Dewbs to busy clearing up Cryer's e&o's, Kennett too busy pretending to be busy and Francey too busy sorting his barnet out.

The N&R Play-Off Round 1 Clusters

The draw was made last night in the N&R FL headquarters. And I was on the phone at the time and completely naked! Suzie, calm yourself please.

Cluster 1
Tony Murray
Carl Dillaway
Rob Beere
Ben Graves

Cluster 2
Danny Matthews
John McGowan
Kirsty Baillie
Alex Byatt

Cluster 3
Dickie Norman
Simon Newport
Brian Rutter
Mark Wenman

Cluster 4
Danny Rose
Lee Baughan
Paul Kelleher
Keith Read

Cluster 5
Glenn Francis
Barry Plummer
Nigel Tatlock
Dominic Barrett

Cluster 6
Alan Oakley
Giles Crowley
Rob Munden
Steve Lee

Cluster 7
Tony Hepburn
Liz Keiller
Peter Doyle
Suzie Syrett

Cluster 8
Brian Dougal
Tim Feldbruegge
Mark Simmons
Peter Godfrey

Cluster 9
James Bird
Ian Kennett
Alex Boswell
Martin Singleton

Cluster 10
Chris Waterman
Ian Francey
Mark Dewberry
Hilary Ryan
Barry Paull

Cluster 11
Greg Harris
Catherine Barwick/Karen Higgs
Neil Cryer
Lee Day

Remember the top manager of clusters 1-11 and the best runner up out of clusters 10 & 11 only will qualify for round 2. Scores will only count from weeks 34 & 35.

One final note on the Play-Off competition. This will be the last time managers will be called by their proper names. Nicknames take over from now on. And the piss taking will become more inane. Thank-you for listening or reading, those that can.

Money still owed blah, blah

A reminder was sent out to the people that still owed me money tonight. I am £250 light, or in my world almost $500. After 10 years, this was never meant to cost me money. It's supposed to be fun and I am pissed off keep banging on about it. These pages are meant to be a laugh and me taking to piss out of people not me being an old nag.

Thanks in advance
Nobs

N&R Play-Off competition

This is how it is going to work. Please follow closely as I will only say this once.

I have grouped together all 46 managers into 11 clusters, using relationships and connections where I can to create a bit of rivalry.

There will be 9 clusters of 4, and 2 clusters of 5. I will total week's 34 and 35 scores together to give us 12 qualifiers - the top team in the 4-team clusters (1-9) and the top team plus the best runner up in the 5-team clusters (10-11)

This will leave 12 managers for the next play-off round. Excited yet?

These 12 managers will go into 3 pots of 4 for the week 37 scores. The best 3 managers from each pot (we are pots now not clusters - please keep up!) will qualify for the play-off final to be held in week 38, which I think is the penultimate Premiership weekend of the season. We run 40 weeks because we include the Cup Final in our scores.

The winner take all prize is £50.

1st round clusters to be announced tomorrow.

Lamb chops down the competition

Breaking news 8888 Week 32 scores
A prize winning week from Glenn Francis' Lamb to the slaughter means the gap between 3rd and 7th to just 9 points after week 32. Glenn scored 55 points for his 2nd MoW win of the season.

Ready, who like Nobby is stuck down in midtable, hit 50. Hannoi Utd do climb above Chicago Addick in the table however.

Meg & Hannah's bears had a little burst of form recently which did subside but a 49 point week rekindled that, Alex remains in 23rd.

Lovejoy Luvvies don't often get a mention on these pages, but Alex had a good week scoring 46 and Football Academy kept themselves in the hunt for a prize by scoring 45. Glasgow kiss had another good 7 days smooching 42 points and rather surprisingly Nigel Tatlock, who did so well last season but has been absolutely pony this, scored a very good 41, his 2nd best score of the year.

The week's worst score was celebrated by Kinga's bottlers, who fall back to 30th. Martin scored 12.

Doggers lead the merry dance

Breaking news 8888 Week 32 scores
In the ever increasing jostle for the top places below Ping Pong Yo-Yo, Californication are back in 2nd. I *ucking hate Chelsea slip to 3rd. Just 17 points separate 2nd to MoW winner Lamb to the slaughter in 7th.

The big mover was Rushden & Doggers, up two places to 4th at the expense of Ken Bates' beard and London Irish.

Lower down the table but with sides that still have a sniff of the prize money Keep the faith and Football Academy improve their positions. The week's biggest climber was Loveday Luvvies.

The bottom 6 remain the same. Basically lets face it they are all fcuked.

In the headlines - Booty call

LONDON (Reuters) - Up to a third of telephone users in Britain make calls in the nude, with men more prone to do it without clothes than women, a survey revealed on Thursday.

Research commissioned by Britain's Post Office, which offers a fledgling home phone service, revealed that 40 percent of men admitted to nattering naked compared with 27 percent of women. The results were based on a survey of 1,500 telephone users.

Of course what this doesn't take into account is how many people talk on public phones in the nude. The great thing about these hands-free phones is that it does allow you to do other things whilst you are on the dog and bone. Such as making the tea, trimming your toe nails or the gardening. Why else would you want to be nude?

2006/07 N&R Prize announcement

After much debate and consternation, bascially involving me at my desk, a tuna wrap, a diet coke and 5 minutes I have worked out this season's prizes. They will be as follows:

N&R FL Champion – £200 and the prestigious winners trophy
Runner Up - £140
3rd place - £115
4th place - £100
5th place - £75
6th place - £50
7th place - £30
8th place - £10
9th place - £10
10th place - £10
N&R Play-Off winner - £50
23rd place - £25
Penultimate place (45th) - £25Rob Beere
Best weekly score - £25
Worst weekly score - £25
Team Challenge – N&R Team trophy
Managers of the Week – £5 for each winning week
The Bottom 6 - Being forced to buy Ready lunch during the summer, you never know Nobby might make it too?

And to flog an old horse, please send me any money owed. Thank you.

Tongue sandwich

Breaking news 8888 Week 31 scores
Kirsty kissed the ugly frog which is the N&R FL in week 31 and became the latest new owner of a MoW fiver. Glasgow kiss tongued 60 points in the week Arsenal beat Liverpool. She pipped Francey by a point, Keep the faith moving 3 places nearer to an outside hope of a top 10 place.

Flighty Feet bounced back after a disappointing score last week to hit 51, a point more than I *ucking hate Chelsea. London Irish continued her wonderful consistency scoring 48, the same as another top tenner Rushden & Doggers. Californication, despite scoring 44, still slipped to 3rd.

Goonersmoan is on a roll, a curled up cheese one from The Lamb, but his was the 8th best score of the week (40), the same as Nobby. Chicago Addick having his best FL week for a while.

Meanwhile Sweaty plays the banjo's Danny Rose joined the class of 'the 1 weekly pointers' in week 31. But this was still 2 more than current incumbent of the £25 prize Oakers.

My kinda town

I've had a very hectic few months, which has meant I have not kept this up as much as I would have liked. However in the next few days I will bring this baby right up to date and announce the 2005/6 prize monies.

I am still owed some money, PLEASE send a cheque to my parents. The address is always on my emails. I will send out another reminder tomorrow to those that still owe. Lee Baughan & Ready will also accept payments.

The other thing I will be doing in the next few days is announcing a new end of season play-off competition. Keep an eye on www.nobbyandready.blogspot.com.

Also if you have 10 minutes please fill in the My Life & Times questionnaire. Copy will be attached to the weekly email.

Work has been busy here, the property market because of a few gusts of wind last summer in Florida - it's only full of crinkly old ladies anyway - has turned rather hard. Bit like Sweaty when he sees a new girlfriend's bathroom!

I did get promotion recently, which is nice, although brings even more work. But hey, more ex's and more excuses to be out of the office. Remember if you ever want to know what I'm upto in Chicago check www.chicagoaddick.blogspot.com.

Nobs

World Cup Countdown - American high five

I have had a bit of ribbing about the latest FIFA world rankings. As I tried to explain Charlton is the name of my team not England, but these 'soccer' fans need humoring (sic).

Recently FIFA announced their latest world rankings which puts Brazil at number 1 and American Samoa at 205th, with everyone else in between.

The USA are now at an all-time high of 5th, 4 places higher than England at 9th and the main reason for this is the convuluted points system that FIFA and their American sponsors Coca-Cola operate. There are various strength factors relating to competition, region and being home or away but what is lost on my American friends is that in the CONCACAF region that the US plays in, the opposition are far weaker than the European nations that England come up against. There are also far more World Cup qualifying games in the CONCACAF region than there are in the UEFA region, and although there is a points weighting in UEFA's favour it is negligible.

Simply put playing games against Italy (12), France (8) and Holland (3) is a lot harder than playing against St Kitts & Nevis (131) and Venezuela (70). Even the once considered easier European games against the likes of Norway (39), Cyprus (98) and Latvia (68) are no longer pushovers. The US national team actually play Latvia in a World Cup warm up game soon.

This reasoning would also explain why Mexico appear at number 7 in the rankings and Honduras are at 43, higher than World Cup qualifiers Australia (44), Togo (58), Angola (60) and Serbia & Montenegro (46).

Also England these days play a preposterous amount of friendlies that are worth squat in the rankings, perhaps a reason why the six-times finalists Germany, who have played two years of them, are ranked at 22.

Click here for the full rankings but below is the top 20 countries with their associated points.

1. Brazil 835
2. Czech Republic 789
3. Netherlands 788
4. Argentina 765
5. United States 764
6. Spain 763
7. Mexico 762
8. France 760
9. England 756
10. Portugal 755
11. Turkey 743
12= Nigeria 738
12= Italy 738
14. Denmark 736
15. Cameroon 726
16. Sweden 725
17. Egypt 714
18. Japan 712
19= Iran 705
19= Croatia 705

Road to Wembley, then Train to Cardiff

Of course I can't possibly support Middlesbrough in their quest of being N&R's Road to Wembley team. And anyway, it's now in Cardiff as Wembley's still resembles a building site, so whose stupid idea was this anyway?

Here is my report from the Boro game, taken from www.chicagoaddick.blogspot.com.

"We couldn't have asked for much more really, could we? Except the little issue of a goal of course. I thought we were positive enough, the team selection didn't surprise me, saving either one of Thomas or Romm for later in the game isn't a bad idea. We lacked a little quality but I thought Hughes and Holland did well in the middle and Thomas was very lively and was always looking to be involved.

HH, Perry and Powell were awesome, Young struggled a little with Downing but still played his part. For their part both Southgate and Ehiogu were outstanding, bandage and all after getting an accidental elbow from Bartlett, who I also thought played well.

It was an enjoyable game and on television the atmosphere sounded excellent. Lets hope we can get a fair few to make the journey up to the Riverside.

For a spell in the first half we played some very good attacking football. Schwarzer made a fabulous save from the Herminator (above) and maybe Bent should have done better but the slow motion of Rommedahl's 2nd half shot showed that the Dane was a whisker away from being our hero again.

So we're in tomorrow's draw and lets face it, we do like to do things the hard way. Boro' have a serious run of games including two legs of the UEFA Cup quarter-finals and a derby against Newcastle leading up to the replay on April 12th. We should be fresher because as far as we travel from now until then is E13.

For the first time today I was joined in the pub by a fellow Addick. I had my Chicago Addick supporters club form out for him to sign (for a small admin fee of course) until he told me he actually lived in Charlton and was here for work. Damn.

I go to bed tonight knowing we will live to fight another day. I will be home for the replay but already have plans to be with my son on the 12th. Oh well, it will all be part of his Charlton education."

Boro Team: Schwarzer, Parnaby, Ehiogu, Southgate, Queudrue, Cattermole, Boateng, Mendieta (Morrison 64), Downing, Hasselbaink, Yakubu (Viduka 68).
Subs Not Used: Jones, Rochemback, Pogatetz.
MoM: Gareth Southgate
Att: 24,187

The replay is on April 12th with the winner playing West Ham at Villa Park.

Team Challenge - After all these years AIG top table

After umpteen years of trying at long last the AIG team look likely Team Challenge champions.

With 3 managers in the top 10 and with every manager except one (Cryer, who will be buying the curries) already scoring over 1,000 points they are almost 50 points ahead of Miles Smith in 2nd place. With 6 individual managers in their line-up, history has shown that it needs every single manager to have a good season to win the N&R team award and teams with fewer managers normally succeed better in this competition.

In 3rd place is the Aon Property, just ahead of Aon Re, who also have a lot of individual players. Team captain Rutts is currently dragging the side down though.

In 5th are last year's champions Marsh and in 6th is RSA. Next up is the vastly improved Yanks and Ex-Pats, mainly thanks to Barry Paull (also AIG of course - good choice to join us dumb-arses Barry). Dougal and Feldbruegge are of course letting the side down.

New into the competition are Aspen Re, who are 8th with Rob Beere joining Alex and James at JLT in 9th. Way bottom with the wooden spoon, not for the first time is Zurich, wah, wah, wah....

The full table will be attached to the week 31 score email.

Out of the Rutt?

Breaking news 8888 Week 30 scores
Would you Adam and Eve it? Manager of the Week #30 was Brian Rutter. Reinsurance broker extraordinaire, but ordinary fantasy league manager hit a mighty 51 points and swept to a £5 award, which is roughly a pint and a bit of Fosters. Well done Rutts, can Goonersmoan make a run to safety? They remain in 45th despite the award winning week.

Christian Dailly Football Genius were next best with 48 and climb a place to 11th, 9 points off the pink zone. But then loh-and-behold Oakers was next in the paddock scoring 43. The bleedin' hell was going on back then (2nd week of March)? Dark Whorses stay in 40th but give themselves a bit of breathing room.

Reality kicked in next with Ping Pong Yo-Yo scoring 42 to increase her lead at the top of the table. Roffey Rejects slid in with 41 and Lamb to the slaughter 39 with Sweaty still improving after his Blue Lagooners scored 37, the same total as another managerial disaster Rob Beere. RIP Viera stay 41st.

Battle rages for 2nd

Breaking news 8888 Week 30 scores
Ping Pong Yo-Yo are now a huge 81 points clear at the top of the table. Our very own 'special one' is slightly more engaging that old Jose so I don't expect her to be counting her chickens just yet.

Behind her though manager's seem too busy battling with each other for the runner-up spot with no one showing any signs of breaking away to give Suzie chase. Chris Waterman is the latest in 2nd place, Californication lead Ken Bates beard by a solitary point, and are two ahead of I *ucking hate Chelsea.

London Irish remain in a challenging 5th, while Rushden & Doggers drop to 6th. Lamb to the slaughter after a good week 30 are up a place to 7th and US Eagles drop to 8th, Flighty Feet birds are 9th and the Sodding window cleaners are 10th.

At the bottom Goonersmoan, Dark Whorses and RIP Viera all scored superbly well in week 30 and this meant that Neils' Rochdaletastic slipped backwards to 43rd.

Happy St Patrick's Day

Happy St Patrick's Day to you all. Here in Chicago the Irish have been celebrating for about 2 weeks. When I say Irish, I of course mean 15 times removed. Gumbsy is more Irish than most of the people that will be lying in the gutters here today.

I will be attending a little afternoon party, wearing my St George cufflinks of course, but will raise a pint or two of the black stuff.

If you are having a beer today, have fun and cheers

Nobs

Eagle eyes top 4

Breaking news 8888 Week 29 scores
Barry Paull won his 2nd MoW in 3 weeks in week 29 after scoring 53 points. US Eagles are now in 7th, and closing the gap on the runaway top 4. Sweaty is also hoping to get in the mix. PK blue lagooners are in 13th after hitting a half-century. Ping Pong Yo-Yo again proved their superb consistency and they have the look of champions, even though there are still 11 weeks left.

Second last again look like being anything but after another good week scoring 47 and are now 10 places above the penultimate place.

Roffey rejects rattled in 46 points and jumped 3 places. Hilary Ryan’s London Irish is another female battling with the blokes in the top 8 - we have 4 birds challenging for the prizes, which is great news for equality in this league. My, we have Sweaty and Greg Harris, so why not women, eh?

I hate Gerrard down in the bottom half of the table scored 44 and Davids v Goliath kept up their challenge with 42. Then Kirsty, a top bird, if ever there were one, scored 41 and you never know, a few sexual favours could Glasgow kiss make a late challenge for the big prizes.

I, as always, am open to bribes, although Neil Cryer and Brian Rutter need not apply!

Is the title already won?

Breaking news 8888 Week 29 scores
Suzie is now 69…. sorry I lost my train of thought there, points ahead in the race for the 2005/06 N&R FL title. Is the race over I’m asking myself?

Fantasy stalwart’s Godders, Munden (currently sharing 2nd place), Waterman and Paull I’m sure would all disagree with those sentiments and the new female order of Hilary Ryan and Barwick & Higgs are very much in form. However while 69 points separates 1st from 2nd, only 37 separate 2nd from 8th.

And behind them all the way down to Kennett in 18th, could provide a team capable of finishing in the top 7.

Once again though the bottom half of the table had very few changes to it and unless someone can make some transfers or in Alan Waters case a few season's back sack themselves, I can’t see anyone from that motley crew making a run into a challenging position. Ok then, prove me wrong!

Yo Suzie!

Breaking news 8888 Week 28 scores
In week 28 Suzie opened up her legs and….. sorry lost my train of thought there, and legged it away from her fellow challengers. Ping Pong Yo-Yo are now 51 points clear of new in 2nd place, Ken Bates’ beard, Rob’s highest place of the season. In 3rd is Californication and I *ucking hate Chelsea is on the slide in 4th.

Flighty feet gain another place to 7th, Lamb to the slaughter are in 8th and US Eagles in 9th. Further back Wenners Utd gained 2 places to 14th.

The week's biggest climber was the on-form Repka is innocent, who since the turn of the year have improved greatly.

The bottom 6 remain unchanged but above them there is a bit of a dogfight going on between We Stand United, Sweaty plays the banjo, Rapid Ginger, Second last again and Magic Roundabout.

Dark Whorses are just 16 points ahead of the drop zone and it does look that the re-election teams will come form the current bottom 7 sides.

Flight of fancy

Breaking news 8888 Week 28 scores
Catherine Barwick and Karen Higgs’ Flighty Feet flew to the best score in week 28 by scoring 47 points in FA Cup week, which was the reason for the low scoring. Flighty feet also jumped a place nearer to the top and if they can finish as strong as they did last season, then who knows where they could end up.

Another excellent week for Alex Baxter’s Repka is innocent. That is a climb of 11 places in a couple of weeks for the Hammer. The ever-consistent Ping Pong Yo-Yo had another fine week, notching 41 to extend her lead at the pinnacle of the world’s greatest fantasy league.

However previous prizewinners US Eagles and Ken Bates’ beard have Suzie in their sights. Barry scored 41 and Rob 38.

Danny Rose has had a crappy season by his own standards, but 37 points Sweaty plays the banjo saw them a move a place away from re-election danger.

Other notable efforts in week 28 were by Wenners Utd (35), Meg & Hannah’s bears (31) and Sodding window cleaners (31) who bounced back after a poor couple of weeks.

The worse score was by me. I need to make some transfers. Chicago Addick score just 8, one less than Johnny Mc’s Nzogbiablahblahblah.

Big changes to top order in week 27

Breaking news 8888 Week 27 scores
It was a big week, week 27. Not only did Chelski get hammered at Middlesbro, Fulham also ran riot and home to West Brom and that moaning little piece of poop Danny Murphy made his Spurs debut at Sunderland giving the ball away each time he got it and then getting booked, apparently for putting in his first tackle of the season!

The N&R FL in week 27 was turned upside down, as we approach the last third of the season. Suzie’s Ping Pong Yo-Yo went back to the top of the table after a dazzling week, scoring 72. Californication took advantage of a terrible week for I *ucking hate Chelsea, and moved into 2nd, Godders lowest place of the season! Quite remarkable Brian.

In the meantime Ken Bates beard and Rushden & Doggers are hot on the tails of the top 3, and lower down the pink zone we welcomed US Eagles and Flighty Feet for their first appearances in the top 10 this season. A bit further down the table and we see Ian Kennett’s He’s not the messiah and Francey’s Keep the faith all on the charge. Is this the new order?

Slipping down the table is Sodding window cleaners, Davids v Goliath, 2Infinity & beyond, Wenners Utd, and Football academy, who just can’t seem to prevent their slide.

Despite a host of movement in the top half of the table, the bottom 16 places remained unchanged. Weird. Well I think its strange anyway!

Premiership +

"You can stick the blue flag up your arse," are many people's sentiments but aren't the best clubs up there to be shot at? Man U and old hairdryer were when they ruled the roost for years. Boring, boring Arsenal were when they were champs, it was even said that Blackburn bought the title when they won it under Kenny Daglish.

So now we have Chelski and their self-obsessed manager. When he first turned up at Stamford Marshes and declared he was the "chosen one" people laughed but he earnt begrudging respect by building a team that Claudio Ranieri couldn't. He was honest and different in front of the TV camera's. We needed someone else. We were bored of the hairdryer's hatred of anything anti United. We were bored of Arsene "I didn't see it" Wegner and us non-Chelsea fans took to Mourinho. That was until recently.

Frankly I personally am bored now of Jose. It seems his shit don't smell and as Sir Bobby Robson said recently: "His talent is not so special that he's never going to lose a football match fairly and squarely." He needs to calm down a bit, shut up once in a while and respect us not so special ones!

Winning the Premiership after spending a gazillion pounds is not that clever, particularly with main rivals Arsenal, United and Liverpool all in rebuilding mode. For all the money in Russia, Chelski have still not done anything in Europe and are gleaning a reputation of ruining young players careers by having them lounge in the well, players lounge. Parker, Johnson, Bridge, Wright-Phillips should all have been England world cup certs this summer. Robert Huth too is another who would benefit from playing more regularly and not just collecting the dirty lucre.

The delusional Spurs fans have quite rightly been inspired by Martin Jol. He too has spent a fair few pennies but has been sensible in his approach. Apart form buying that cry baby Danny Murphy mind.

Huddlestone, Dawson, Lennon and Mido have all been great signings and what has he done with Robbie Keane? Judas Defoe of course can be left to rot. It would be a shame if Spurs didn't make the Champions League, but I expect Arsenal to clinch it and even Blackburn to be in with a shout. They have the best run in of all the top 7.

Bolton, West Ham, Man City and I think Everton could all still have a say in the UEFA Cup race, although I wonder if it is really worth it? Bolton & Middlesbro have had terrific runs this season but their European night attendances have been appalling and they, particularly Boro' deserve better.

At the bottom, I think it is fair to say that Sunderland are down! I like Mick McCarthy but I think like Dave Bassett, Peter Taylor and Joe Royle, League One is their managerial level. Big Mick did sign some pony though didn't he? Tommy Miller, Nyron Noseworthy, Danny Collins, Andy Gray, Anthony Le Tallec and Jon Stead, who has yet to score in 24 games! These players have proved that there is a big step up in class needed at Prem level.

Pompey will follow the Black Cats and how will this effect 'Arry's stock? Laughing stock more like with 2 relegations in 2 seasons.

Then the last place is between West Brom and Birmingham. Two well considered English managers. Birmingham have spent a ton of money too but its a dismal place at the present. Their game in hand is vital but West Brom scrapped to safety last season and that will give them the advantage.

The Eagle has landed....

Breaking news 8888 Week 27 scores
…. In the top 10. Barry’s US Eagles have knocked around mid-table for all of the 27 weeks of the season, but his first MoW award in week 27 scoring 82, propelled his team into 8th place, a climb of 7. Flighty Feet are also in the top 10 for the first time this season. After a dreadful start Karen and Catherine have got their high heels on and stepping up the table, 74 points for the girls and into 9th place.

Ping Pong Yo-Yo bounced.... sorry lost my train of thought there! Oh yes, Suzie bounced back to the top of the table after losing her spot last week, by scoring the weeks 3rd best score of 72. Repka is innocent was a surprise 4th with 69 and Keep the faith scored 64.

Other notable weeks were achieved by He’s not the messiah (58), Ken Bates’ beard (56) and Rushden & Doggers (50).

Three teams managed the weekly worst of 13 points – Dark Whorses, Rochdaletastic and Goonermoan, each of whom are embroiled in a re-election struggle.

The Fizzy Pop League

What a wonderful season Reading have had. 15 points clear and within touching distance of the Premiership and with their own wealthy benefactor their fans will be hoping they follow in Wigan's footsteps.

Sheffield United mind you are struggling. A month or so back they were shoulder to shoulder with Reading but they have won once in 7 games and Leeds and Watford are closing the gap. Watford and their young manager Adrian Boothroyd have also had a fantastic campaign, spending little, nurtering youngsters like Matthew Spring and getting the best out of old pros like Paul Devlin. Boothroyd was previously at Leeds and those in the know give him most of the credit for bringing through youth players like Lennon and Milner.

Palarse have also slipped recently but should make the play-offs and the last place is wide open with Wolves in the driving seat but in form Preston and Cardiff close behind.

Crewe and sadly Brighton look down. Brighton recently had to delay their new stadium again, and Crewe have surpassed themselves with 3 years in the Champiosnhip. They were promoted with Wigan in 2003 from the countries 3rd tier. Benefactors are a wonderful thing aren't they?

Millwall are hanging in there. Hull and managerless Derby look like they have too much about them but Sheffield Wednesday are nervously looking over their shoulder.

In League One, its great to see Southend do so well. They are 6 points clear at the top of the table and they look like heading to the 2nd tier of English football for the first time since the early 90's. Freddy Eastwood's 18 goals combined with Bermuda's very own Shaun Goater, who has scored 10, have led the way for Steve Tilson's side. Mad Dog Martin Allen's Brentford have not been pretty to watch but they are in 2nd place with the so-called 'bigger' clubs of Huddersfield, Swansea and Barnsley all giving chase. Colchester and Oldham are also in with a shout.

At the bottom MK Dons seem to be heading for the basement, this despite Izale McLeod's 14 goals. Knockers of MK Dons will do well to notice some of the recent home attendances though. 6,800 on Saturday against Bristol City and crowds regulary in the 5-6,000 range. All positive as they look forward to moving into their new stadium.

Walsall and Swindon after coming close to promotion in recent years both face the dreaded drop as do cash-strapped Rotherham. Only 8 points separate the bottom 4 and Tranmere in 11th place. This relegation fight looks like it will go to the wire.

What a success story Carlisle are. Michael Knighton screwed the club royally, but under Paul Simpson they lead the way at the top of League Two. Wycombe are there too with my mate Robert Lee in their midfield. Manager John Gorman is now back at the helm following the sad death of his wife to cancer. Grimsby and Orient have been hard to beat and remain in the play-off spots as do pre-season favourites Northampton.

Any two teams from eight could drop out of the league. Stockport under Jim Gannon have had a fantastic revival after looking dead certs for the drop at Christmas. It was strange to see Stockport struggle like they were, they are easily the best supported club down at the bottom. Chester, Bury and Barnet struggle to pull in 2,000 each.

Rushden & Diamonds would not be the first ex-conference team to go back to whence they came but I worry for Oxford. There seems a lot of internal doings going on at the Kassam Stadium and they recently lost one of their best players Craig Davies to Verona in what was one of the strangest January transfers.

In the Conference good old Accrington Stanley are running away with the title, helped by two young Charlton goalkeepers who have taken it turn to be on loan at the Interlink Express Stadium. Rob Elliot and Darren Randolph have helped Stanley to 24 wins in 33 games this season.

Those as old as me will remember the National Dairy Council's advert in 1988 when a young lad sipping on a glass of milk turns to his friend and says: "Ian Rush said if I don't drink milk I will only be good enough to play for Accrington Stanley."

His mate replies: "Accrington Stanley - who are they?" to which the young lad replies "Exactly." All done in the deepest Scouse accent.

Recently it was revealed that Tottenham Hotspur was the team name to be used in the advert but that was rejected and the Milk Council picked a more obscure team instead.

Road to Wembley - Bring on the Boro

Middlesbrough disposed of Martin Singleton's Preston in the last round of the cup. He was supposed to do a report but is probably still sulking. So this is all you're going to get:

YAKUBU scored twice as Middlesbrough ended Preston's 25-match unbeaten run to reach the last eight of the FA Cup. The striker put Boro ahead with a ferocious left-foot strike early in the second half and then headed his second after Claude Davis failed to clear.

Preston dominated much of the match, with David Nugent and Patrick Agyemang both going close several times.

Preston's manager Billy Davies after the game: "I am disappointed but very proud of the performance. We will learn one or two things from the game and move on."

Preston team: Nash, Mears, Mawene, Davis, Hill, Sedgwick (Lewis Neal 67), McKenna, O'Neil (Dichio 68), Davidson, Agyemang (Lucketti 82), Nugent.
Subs Not Used: Hibbert, Ward.
Attendance: 19,877
MoM: Patrick Agyemang

So we now follow the Boro' and who are they playing next? Charlton, oh fuck.

Oh my Godd

Breaking news 8888 Week 26 scores
Godders went back to the top of the N&R FL table in week 26 after a scoring a mighty 74 points, 21 more than rival Suzie Syrett.

I *ucking hate Chelsea were last top in early January and manager Pete Godfrey is seeking his first title since 1998. Ping Pong Yo-Yo are only 3 points ahead of 3rd place Californication, but then there is a little gap back to 4th and Rushden & Doggers, who climbed 3 places above Ken Bates' beard, Lamb to the slaughter and Sodding window cleaners.

London Irish move into 6th after scoring 83. 2Infinity & beyond and Davids v Goliath both improved their positions to 9th and 10th respectively.

Week 26's biggest climbers were PK's blue lagooners and Kingas bottlers who both improved 4 spots in the table.

Doggie Style

Breaking news 8888 Week 26 scores
Doggie stylee indeedy. I don't know if Paul Kelleher owns a dog but from what I hear he walks a few, but in week 26 he stormed into 4th in the table after smacking an impressive 87 points, Rushden & Doggers 2nd best of the season.

London Irish are having a barmy old time as we approach St Paddy's day. Hilary notching 83, one more than our own little pitbull himself Ready, whose Hannoi Utd scored 82. Chicken Eaters (there is clearly an animal theme this week) were next up scoring 80. Lee is still down in 32nd though, so tough titty, after starting so well.

PK blue lagooners had a top week, and moved into 14th after scoring 77, one more than Lovejoys luvvies. I *ucking hate Chelsea followed with their league topping 74 the same as yours truly Chicago Addicks, who on the basis of me doing the points, still has a more than excellent chance of winning a prize.

Worst score? Well it was no shame this week as Glasgow kiss and Sodding window cleaners both scored a very respectable 39, which is the season's best worst weekly score, if that makes any sense at all?

My kinda town

Have you ever seen the average American eat? Who teaches these people to eat their food? It's not that they eat with their mouths open, or it dribbles down their chin or that they eat a lot, that goes without saying. But it's the way they hold their knife and fork. I couldn't copy what they do if I tried.

I don't know about you, but my charm school in Catford only taught me one way - fork in the left hand held between thumb and middle finger with the forefinger exerting pressure, and the knife in the right hand the same way. Picture on the right.

Here in the US the knife doesn't actually gets used much at all as people sweep, stab or rip at their food with a fork but when they do use both implements it is incredible.

Firstly there seems no hard or fast rule about which hand you put each utensil in. Secondly they just seem to stab their food with the fork - you have to see it to believe it, words do not do it justice, and then they just saw at it with the knife. Please don't try this at home only the ambidextrous will manage it and it could cause accidents.

Next time you are in an American steak house, promise me you'll have a look.

Now, you all know how sad I am, but I just entered "how to hold a knife and fork" into Google and I found a site called Mind your manners and it tells of kids taking etiquette lessons in Salt Lake City, where of course polygamy is quite acceptable, so maybe this is not a good example!!

However, the picture on the left here is entitled: "Kara Komarnitsky of Draper works to cut her chicken using the proper technique."

Now, perhaps its me? But if I ate my chicken like that as a kid, I would have got a slap around the back of the head.

But this is what I look at when I peer around the table in a posh restaurant. Tongues out and everything, honest!

Shit, I've just realised, they must look at me, the token dainty bloke in the corner, holding my knife and fork like the Queen and think I'm a weirdo.

Back up and running....

Ok, lets get this thing rock and rolling. Apologies for the recent winter break. A combination of work, travelling, computer problems & drinking have held this thing up. I'm on a mission to get the finest FL this side of Mars up to date.

Expect some interesting articles on the latest football gossip, irrelevent crap on anything else I can think off, an update on the FA Cup, the Team Challenge, a look at the upcoming world cup in Germany, some startling news on the prizes, a new end of season competition and of course all the scores and tables with a dash of piss-taking too.

Too start with, this might get you in the mood. Not all of you I know, but just those of you with dicks.

http://boards.footymad.net/mboard/fmb.php?tno=683&fid=281&sty=2&act=1&mid=2137951981

Normal service to resume shortly

I have been having computer problems and work problems, i.e I have been having to do some!

Normal service will resume shortly and I will bring the league completely up to date.

Nobs