"The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on." The Two Ronnies."The search for the man who terrorises nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on. Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow." The Two Ronnies.
Ronnie Corbett (shop assistant): "There you are, four candles." Ronnie Barker: "No, fork 'andles! 'Andles for forks!" The Two Ronnies.
"What have I learned, Mr Mackay? Three things. One - bide your time. Two - keep your nose clean. And three - don't let the bastards grind you down." Porridge.
"Good morning Mrs fe fe fe fe Jackson." Open All Hours.
"This Jamaican ginger cake's not from Jamaica."
"So? We sell Mars bars, don't we?" Open All Hours.
Genius
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