In the headlines - Charlton unveil new signing

Tottenham may have a King and Arsenal a Queen but Charlton had a Prince on trial at their training ground last week. After their win over Chelski in the Carling Cup, they were all trying to jump on the bandwagon including Prince William, the 2nd in line to the throne.

It was said that William just pitched up with his kit on and a new pair of boots and convinced Curbs that he should be given a trial. There was no truth in the rumour that he played up front on Saturday though.

My kinda town

I used to be a tea man. Morning, noon and night. I rarely drunk coffee, just maybe an espresso after a meal but now I am addicted to coffee. On the way to work, in the afternoon and I now have a cool espresso machine at home, so I drink it in the evening and at weekends too.

I haven't yet gone as far as to own one of those ridiculous beaker things that the Yanks walk around the street with but for someone who liked nothing better than a nice cuppa, it is a worrying development.

It wasn't helping that when I asked for a 'tall Americano' in Starbucks in the morning, they never understood me and used to think I said two and not tall, so, well obviously two cups was only fuelling my new found addiction!

But if you ever hear or see me stand at the milk counter in Starbucks and pour in 4 spoons of sugar, a slug of full fat milk, some nutmeg, a shot of vanilla, a whirl of whipped cream and a sprinkle of cinnamon then that is the day you need to tell me to get on the plane home.

Stick your blue flag up your a*se

We didn't lose the game."

"We lost on penalties. We were the best team on the pitch and their goal was a mistake. We had chances to win during the 90 minutes and in extra-time. They were lucky."

So Chelsea are still unbeaten at home under Mourinho's reign then, according to the man himself! Even their official website had the final score down as 1-1.

How much do you *ucking hate Chelsea now Pete? Anyway we have new rivals now. I remember when it used to be Crystal Palace!

Kettering appoint Gazza

Paul Gascoigne was appointed Kettering Town's manager today. Former Arsenal midfielder Paul Davis, named as a coach.

It feels good, I'm excited. I know it's Kettering Town and it isn't Premiership football," Gascoigne said. Lets hope the people of Kettering are not feeling like second class citizens!

Our Road to Wembley boys are currently fifth in the Conference North - two divisions below the Football League and in the 1st Round proper of the FA Cup. They have been drawing crowds of about 1,000 to league games this season, and Gascoigne said: "the aim was to become a league club."

Or maybe they can win the Cup, Gaz?

My kinda town

The city is buzzing with the excitement of baseball's 'World' Series title coming home to Chicago for the first time in 88 years.

Last night I was out with hundreds of thousands others in bars across the whole Southside of the city (the Northside is home to the Cubs) to witness the Chicago White Sox beat Houston Astros 1-0 and therefore historically sweep the final series 4-0. It was a marvellous achievement with outspoken manager Ozzie Guillan (above) the real hero.

For Cubs fans it will mean years of stick from their fellow Chicagoans but for the Sox it was a momentous occassion and is the first time the countries 3rd biggest city has won any major sporting event since the Michael Jordan inspired Chicago Bulls won the NBA Championship in 1998.

In the headlines - High scoring

The chief executive of a company called Savvis was caught with his trousers down recently when he signed his bill at the Scores 'dancing club' in New York.

He was entertaining his clients because I guess the golf club was shut that day and when he left he thought that he signed an Amex bill for "about $20,000" but when he got his monthly bill it said $241,000! Slighty different.

America's very own Matt Grimwade, Robert McCormick phoned Amex straight away to complain some of the charges were fraudulent.

"We firmly believe that Mr. McCormick was the victim of fraud," said Deena Williamson, Savvis' busty deputy general counsel. She declined to comment further because she had to get off to her night job and didn't want to be late.

Lonnie Hanover, a Scores spokesman said that it is usual for high rollers to spend thousands of dollars on single bottles of champagne and tip strippers as much as $10,000 for lap dances and for spending time with them.

"We got authorization for all of the charges," Hanover said of McCormick's visit. "We followed proper procedures and documentation, and we were paid."

Scores' strippers Angel and Misty were unavailable for comment as they were now living on a yacht in the Caribbean.

Profile on Kettering Town

A inside job on the Poppies - our Road to Wembley boys:
- Were formed 130 years ago!
- They have a wonderful FA Cup history
- I saw them play Charlton in 1989 at the 4th Round stage (we sneaked through 2-1)
- They gave Blackburn a close run too a few years back when Daglish was manager
- Ron Atkinson was Kettering manager from 1971 - 1974
- Other previous managers include Colin Clarke, Don Masson, Alan Buckley, Gary Johnson & Carl Shutt
- Famous ex-Wolves player Derek Dougan was a high profile Chief Exec in the 70's
- Dougan is credited for the beginnings of shirt sponsorship in the UK
- In Jan 1976 Kettering ran on to the pitch with Kettering Tyres emblazoned on their tops
- Kettering were fined by the FA £1,000 (Derby were the first league club sponsored, by Saab)
- Kevin Wilson (ex Chelsea player) is the current manager but is expected to become director of football with Gazza taking over as manager
- Rumours persist that Gazza & his consortium would rather take over Port Vale though!
- Ex-Gooner Paul Davis is set to become coach
- Previous FA Cup 'stars' Junior MacDougald and Roy Essandoh both play for the Poppies
- They play at Rockingham Road
- Capacity 6,264
- They are currently 5th in the Conference North Division
- They play in red and black and all blue away.

Kettering's Rockingham Road.

Holy harse's

Breaking news 8888 Week 10 scores
Tony Hepburn is putting together quite a challenge at the top of the table. A MoW performance and into 3rd for the Lloyds man. So he got shot up the harse scored the league's best score for 7 weeks, 68 points.

Tony is chasing Wenners and his United side kept up the chase on leader I *ucking hate Chelsea by achieving the week's 2nd best effort of 62.

Godders meanwhile scored a not shabby 45. Rushden & Doggers (36) slip to 4th, Davids v Goliath (39) to 5th, Glasgow kiss (41) to 6th and Sodding window cleaners (39) to 7th.

On the up though is ex-champ Barry Plummer. 2Infinity & beyond swept to 8th after hitting their best score since week 3.

Into the top 10 is yours truly after snagging 45. Chicago Addick is dragging along colleague Dougs with him. Magic Roundabout have had a great start to the season and 48 points in week 9 takes them to 11th.

Nobs' fellow ex-pat Dickie Norman is also on a role. Dark 'n Stormy hurdled 11 places after whacking in a season-best 58 points. Top drawer for the ex-pats and Yanks with US Eagles up to 19th after scoring 36. But then we have our Tim....

Other climbers in the top half after week 10 were Galacticos, up 5 places after scoring 45 and Flighty Feet, into 19th after another good knock (42) on the back of two MoM awards.

Credits for fine weeks also to Danny's Geeza's (49) and Californication (48).

Finally a word on Giles Crowley. Probably depressed after the Eagles defeat to rivals Brighton in the week, We stand United did have a excellent FL week 10 hitting 54 points and moves 11 places up the table.

A load of Tat

Breaking news 8888 Week 10 scores
Fcuk me Tim didn't get the worse score last week! Nigel Tatlock & Dom Barrett came to the rescue as both knocked in a miniscule 8 points, wait for it 1 whole point more than Tim!

The bottom 3 stay unchanged but Woody's Warriors drop into the bottom 6 for the first time. RIP Viera and Goonersmoan also fall back into the re-election mire.

Roffey Rejects had a sterling week (36 points) to climb out of the drop zone as did Rapid Ginger (34) and Sweaty plays the banjo (24).

Sliding towards danger are PK Lagooners, who started the season so brightly, London Irish and Meg & Hannah's bears.

Road to Wembley - Kettering into 1st Rd proper

Gravesend & Northfleet a division higher than Kettering and with 5 Charlton connections in their side (ex-players Alan Kimble (now Fleet coach), Kim Grant, Charlie MacDonald and Jimmy Jackson + on loan youngster Onome Sodje), ex-Hammer Manny Omoyimni and Bobby Bowry of Millwall & Palace fame the Kent side looked to good for our Kettering on paper.

However with Paul Gascoigne waiting in the wings to take over as manager with ex-Gunners legend Paul Davis as coach, our boys steam rollered G&N 3-0.

The first half was pretty even with Sodje going close for the Fleet and Saunders for Town. The second-half kicked-off with both defences still in the ascendency as a diving header by Andy Hall couldn't quite find a way past the Fleet keeper.

On the hour mark a scything challenge by Scott Gooding saw the referee produce a second yellow, then red and Fleet were down to ten men. From the resulting free-kick Kettering took the lead when JAMES GOULD rammed home the charged-down rebound.

On 65 mins ANDY HALL charged through the static Fleet defence to make it 2-0 to Kettering. The visitors tried to hit back but Drury's shot went well wide for Fleet.

Poppies pressed forward in numbers and NEIL MIDGLEY got the goal he deserved to put Kettering firmly in control, finding the net to put his side 3-0 up on 72 mins.

Four minutes of added-time only served to prolong the suffering for poor Fleet as another of their players was sent off. That is now 5 opponents in 2 Cup games!

Kettering were drawn at home to local rivals Stevenage Borough in the 1st Round Proper, drawn on Saturday night. The game is set to be played on November 5th.

Kettering: Osborn, Diuk, Nicell, Morley, McIlwain, Theobald, Hall, J.Gould, Paterson, Duffy, Midgley. Subs: DiFante, Attwood, Brown.
Attendance: 1,647
MoM: Midgley

My kinda town

I was in Dallas Wednesday night, well actually I was staying at a hotel within the Dallas Fort Worth airport, which is 40 minutes from downtown and quite frankly it was scary!

I was mooching around the hotel trying to find a place to get a beer and a sandwich, although of course you won't find a sandwich in Texas. Not unless you call 2 loaves of bread, half a cow and a bucket of french fries a sarnie.

Anyway, I came across this big room with music and people hanging about outside with cowboy hats on. Curiosity took me inside and, well I actually videoed it with my phone to make sure I wasn't dreaming, but there were around 300 people up on a dance floor with full cowboy paraphernalia on line-dancing!

And this was not as I discovered a fancy dress party or anything, this was Dallas on a Wednesday night!

Oh dear

Best Feet forward

Breaking news 8888 Week 8 scores
An enormous leap of 20 places for Flighty Feet in week 8 after they collected their 2nd MoW award of the season. 114 points in 2 weeks for Catherine & Karen, this after a couple of transfers - other struggling managers take note.

I don't actually remember a jump of 20 places up the table (the first couple of weeks aside) so well done girls.

Tony Murray who is currently in New York for a month hit the 2nd best weekly score of 53 (maybe we will add his scores to the Yanks & Ex-Pats while he is Stateside!). Football Academy leapt 11 places to 10th.

Equalling Tony's score was Dickie Norman. After a nervous start Dark 'n Stormy as settled into the N&R FL well and they move up 12 places to 27th.

Tony Hepburn, probably the best looking underwriter in Lloyds, had another excellent 7 days. 48 for So he got shot up the harse and into 7th place.

Its good to see Californication in the right half of the table. 46 for Chris in week 8. Lizzy's white wine and water stormed into the top 10 after a 45-point week and Kinga's bottlers hit 44 and moved up 6 places to 15th.

Miss Daisy sucks

Breaking news 8888 Week 8 scores
Rogering Daisy Wright is becoming hard work. Once again Tim slumped to the week's worst score. A solitary point means he now owns all of the 3 worst scores of this season so far. Quite clearly he needs to put Daisy down and zip up and concentrate on his FL team.

Tim is bottom with 98 points, 57 behind Tatters top tips and 106 points from safety. RIP Viera slumped 8 places after a season-worse 7 points. What happened to Rob? He scored 72 points in week 3? I hate Gerrard are going backwards too. 9 points for Steve Lee and a drop of 9 places.

Other teams that fell down the league table in week 8 were Woodys Warriors to 35th (10 pts), Danny's Geeza's to 37th (11 pts) and the biggest faller was that of Chicken eaters who had a dreadful week which saw them fall from 6th to 18th.

Back in the re-election zone is Rapid Ginger. Pete maybe proving that last season's Championship title was a fluke? Just 13 points for the ginger one.

Godders opens up big lead at summit

Breaking news 8888 Week 8 scores
Another fine week for Pete Godfrey in week 8 means that he has opened up a 68 point lead at the top of the table. I *ucking hate Chelsea are, as I have said before, just replicating the Blues Premiership form in our FL.

Twice winner but eons ago it would be fitting if one of the longest serving N&R FL managers won the prestigious title in it's 10th season. However there are 45 manager's who would disagree with me and with the sun out in both London and Chicago it reminds me that we have both the winter and the spring to go before we crown any champs.

PK's Rushden & Doggers are the closest rivals to Godders with Davids v Goliath in 3rd. Behind Mark it is very tight with Wenners United in 4th, Kirsty Baillie down to 5th. Sodding window cleaners remain in 6th a point ahead of So he got shot up the harse.

Germany 2006 countdown

No games in week 9 due to the final qualifying games for next summer's World Cup. Sven has had loads of stick, not helped by playing a lanky piece of piss. A little Nobby fact:

Peter Crouch, 9 games, 0 goals.
Darren Bent, 8 games, 8 goals.

Nope, I don't understand it either but at the end of the day Sven has got us qualified for the last 3 championships and he makes time for some side shagging and he keeps that scary bird Nancy onside too!

Scotland, both Irelands and Wales will have to watch it on tele, but these are the countries that will be booking their flights to Germany:

Germany, Argentina, Japan, Iran, South Korea, Saudi Arabia, Ukraine, USA, Brazil, Mexico, Angola, Togo, Ghana, Ivory Coast, Holland, Poland, England, Croatia, Italy, Tunisia, Portugal, Ecuador, Paraguay, Costa Rica, France, Sweden, Serbia and Montenegro.

And these are the play-off games:

Spain v Slovakia
Switzerland v Turkey
Norway v Czech Rep
Trinidad and Tobago v Bahrain
Australia v Uruguay

More on the countdown to Germany 2006 as we move through the season.

Congratulations....

To Tim Feldbruegge who recently got engaged. I think so many of his pals have been getting married that he probably felt a bit left out. Everytime I talk to him he is off to a wedding.

I do understand that it is not the lovely Daisy Wright though who will become Mrs Feldbruegge but I do understand that she is sketched in for any potential baby-sitting jobs!

Road to Wembley - We say farewell to St Albans

St Albans were knocked out after a replay of the FA Cup 3rd Qualifying Round by Kettering Town.

After a 0-0 result in the first game at the Saints, the tie was replayed at Kettering's Rockingham Road.

It was to be Kettering's night as OLLIE BURGESS struck first on 20 mins to raise the noise level on the terrraces and put the Poppies 1-0 up. Shortly afterwards JAMIE GOULD Increased the home side's lead to 2-0.

The second-half kicked-off and Town applied more pressure paying dividends almost imediately as BURGESS scored again to put the Poppies into a commanding 3-0 lead. As the visitors tried in vain to make any headway into the match, BURGESS scored complete his hat-trick and put his side 4-0 up and send Kettering through into the 4th Qualifying Round of the FA Cup.

The night's drama wasn't finished however as THREE St Albans players were sent off in quick succession. Ojelabi on his debut, captain Cousins with an ugly 2-footed challenge and Ada following what was described on the Saints official site, a hideous 18-man melee brought shame on St Albans as they left the competition.

But Kettering will be great to follow on our Road to Wembley as rumours persist that Paul Gascoigne will take over as their new manager following a take-over of the club by a consortium headed by Imraan Ladak. (more)

They will play at home to Conference side Gravesend & Northfleet on 22nd October in the next Round. More on Kettering soon.

St Albans Team (1st game): Bostock, Cousins, Seeby, Castle, Ada, Roddis (Cracknell), Davis, Graham, Hann, Clarke, Martin (Hakim).
Attendance: 882
MoM: Cousins

St Albans Team (Replay): Bostock, Cousins, Seeby, Castle, Ada, Davis, Hann, Davis, Graham (Olejabi), Cracknell, Clarke (Hakim), Martin (Allman).
Attendance: 1220
MoM: No-one.

Welcome home Dan

Alright son, make mine a top. Cor, fack mine, can you adam and eve it, eh? Jeez it all went a bit Pete Tong, you know what I mean? I's come back to me bosom of me family. I told them to do one and I've come fuckin home, alright?

News is that Danny Matthews, after a little career break somewhere else (hope you hit them with a decent expense bill mate), has rejoined Aon. I know the London boys are happy but so am I and Dickie Norman. Welcome back geeza.

Ronnie Barker RIP

"The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on." The Two Ronnies.

"The search for the man who terrorises nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on. Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow." The Two Ronnies.

Ronnie Corbett (shop assistant): "There you are, four candles." Ronnie Barker: "No, fork 'andles! 'Andles for forks!" The Two Ronnies.

"What have I learned, Mr Mackay? Three things. One - bide your time. Two - keep your nose clean. And three - don't let the bastards grind you down." Porridge.

"Good morning Mrs fe fe fe fe Jackson." Open All Hours.

"This Jamaican ginger cake's not from Jamaica."
"So? We sell Mars bars, don't we?" Open All Hours.

Genius

In the headlines - new Guinness ad

This advert hit the UK television screens tonight and it's pretty good. It did cost a £1m to make though. Making me thirsty for a pint of the old Liffey water.

You can play it here. New Guinness ad.

Road to Wembley - Saints march over Enfield

St Albans become our 4th team to follow in this season's FA Cup after they stuffed Enfield Town 3-0 in the 2nd Qualifying Round replay last week.

Despite a good turnout of vociferous Town support making the short trip to give plenty of encouragement, it was not enough to give Town the lift they needed. Both sides played out a fairly flat first half, compared to the entertainment witnessed at Goldsdown Road in the first game.

In the 2nd 45 minutes Town raised their pace and cause St Albans more problems but Green and Hammatt both missed chances.

St Albans were very much in the hunt and a corner gave them the break they needed. A ball into the middle found Seeby unmarked but Enfield's RUSSELL PENN beat him to it to head past his own goalkeeper Andy Hall from close range.

With Town now chasing the game, everything was thrown forward. Hammatt had another chance from wide but shot over the bar, before St Albans extended their lead from another corner. It came again from a header goalwards, this time being nodded past Andy Hall by SIMON MARTIN.

With 15 minutes to go St Albans were running down the clock as Town fought to get back in the game. Rudi Hall came close with a shot, before Matt Negus forced a great save from Bastock, who tipped the ball round the post.

Two minutes from time Graham almost sneaked in at the back, before being forced behind, but the warning signs were there. A Town shout for a penalty was denied after Ofori was brought down by Bastock and Seeby. Then as the game seemed over, St Albans got their third with the final touch of the game, DEAN CRACKNELL heading unmarked past Hall from close range.

Enfield Town: A Hall, Campbell, Baldwin (Ritchie 63), Gant, Allen, Negus, Penn(Velandia 78), R.Hall, Green (Ofori 63), Hammatt, Morgan.
Attendence: 436
MoM: Hammatt

Next Saturday St Albans City host Kettering Town in the 3rd Qualifying Round at 2pm. More on the St Albans later in the week.

Feet take huge step forward

Breaking news 8888 Week 7 scores
The Barwick / Higgs combo stormed to week 7's best score, which was a real tonic for the girls after a dreadful start. 55 points for Flighty Feet takes them up 4 places but they remain in the re-election area.

2nd placed Rushden & Doggers claimed the weeks 2nd best score with 51 and leader I *ucking hate Chelsea kept their noses well in front after scoring the 5th best, 47 points.

Another early struggler Dickie Norman bounced back last week scoring a season best 49. Dark 'n Stormy jump out of the bottom 6.

Other good week's were had by Magic Roundabout (48), Football academy (47) and Glasgow kiss, who continue their excellent start to the season with 46. Kirsty stays 3rd in the table.

Rogered and out

Breaking news 8888 Week 7 scores
For the 4th out of 6 scoring weeks Rogering Daisy Wright managed to achieve the week's worst score and in fact the season's. Just 1 point for Tim in week 7, and they are now marooned at the bottom of the table 34 points behind Tatters top tips.

Greg Harris' Roffey Rejects drop to 3rd from bottom after scoring 24 points. Rochdaletastic slip into danger after scoring 15 but Goonersmoan improve to 42nd after adding 25.

Hurtling towards the drop zone are Sweaty plays the banjo (18), Nzogbiapongolledezee (18) and Keep the faith (23).

Last season's Champion Rapid Ginger moves towards the right end of the table after scoring 35.

The seasons worst weekly scores:
1. Tim Feldbruegge, 1 point, week 7
2. Tim Feldbruegge, 6 points, week 5
3. Peter Doyle, 7 points, week 6
4=. Brian Dougal, 8 points, week 6
4=. Brian Rutter, 8 points, week 5

Master Bates

Breaking news 8888 Week 7 scores
In the formulative weeks of the season there is a lot of movement in the table and if you get the right momentum it could propel a team into a challenging position.

In week 7 we saw Ken Bates beard and Magic Roundabout take great strides up the table. Rob moved up 10 places to 10th and Dougs moved up 12 to land in 13th.

In midtable Tony Murray's Football academy jumped 1o spots to joint 21st and lower down Hannah & Megs bears climbed away from danger, leaping 6 places to 28th.

This little rule of thumb works both ways of course with nose dives for I hate Gerrard, down 6 to 16th, Kingas bottlers lost 7 places to join Murray coming the over way and the week's biggest loser (sorry did I say week?) was Ian Kennett. Ian fell a huge 13 places to 26 after He's not the messiah scored their lowest score of the campaign.

In the bottom half Dom Barrett who was 7th a few weeks back is now in 28th after Woody's Warriors scored just 13 and RIP Vieira slipped 8 places to 30th.