My kinda town

When I first landed in the US, walking into a mobile phone shop was like entering a time warp. The phones were incredibly expensive and bloody huge. Batteries came with their very own backpack!

In almost 2 years mobiles have got smaller and cheaper, although the cost of calls, despite the onset of some serious M&A activity amongst the service providers, are still expensive.

It still fucks me off that I have to pay for an incoming call, and on the basis I reckon I get at least one idiot a week ringing me after dialling the wrong number, it is money I’d rather spend on happily listening to Kirsty Baillie given me drunken booty calls late at night on her way home from Romford!

Now all this is just padding for what I really want to whine about. Why do our American cousins insist on attaching their cell phones to their belts? What’s with that? What if they don’t wear a belt? Do they buy trousers two sizes too big, just so they can wear a belt so they can clip their phones to it?

You also get to see a whole array of items attached to the belt – mobile, Blackberry, keys, office building pass, cheeseburger. Going to the loo must take some planning.

Now, if that was bad enough already, there is a new craze sweeping the US, Wireless. This means for 24 hours a day, even in bed, Yanks attach a ‘Star Trek’ type contraction to one of their ears.

Earpiece, microphone, flashing light, it looks as if they are bringing in the space shuttle to land rather than waiting for their other halves to ring to see what they want for dinner.

I’m not sure what’s worse? Whatever it is, it’s an easy way to spot an American. Lets face it the fat guy in the cowboy hat eating a fuck-off big cheeseburger could be from anywhere.