Its simply not cricket

I miss a bit of cricket, baseball is a fair alternative and there are more birds watching but you know, the quintessential english summer, cucumber sandwiches, warm beer, the sound of leather hitting willow, the rain....

I am trying to come to terms with the season being over so am attempting to follow the cricket, but TV doesn't carry it here and watching on the internet can be a tad tedious. However I did read some classic sledging quotes the other day, which made me all sentimental about not being down at Maidstone this year (they were the days). Here they are:

Merv Hughes
Javed Miandad to Merv: "You are a fat bus conductor." Hughes to Javed after dismissing him: "Ding ding! Tickets please."

Rod Marsh
"So hows your wife and my kids?" to Ian Botham as he approaches the crease.

Robin Smith
"You can't fucking bat, mate," chirps Merv Hughes as Smith played and missed one back in 1989. Smith dispatches the next one to the boundary with the words: " Hey, Merv, we make a good pair. I can't fucking bat, and you can't fucking bowl."

Viv Richards
Glamorgan's Greg Thomas beat the great man twice during a county game and offered the advice: "Its red, its round and it weighs about five ounces." Next ball, Richards hit Thomas out of the ground before walking up to him and saying: "You know what it looks like, you find it."

Ian Healy
"You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat cnut." Aussie Ian Healy's blunt reaction to Sri Lanka's Arjuna Ranatunga's request for a runner.

Merv Hughes
Australia were playing a South African provincial team on tour and Hanse Cronje was hitting Huges for fours and sixes at will. As another disappeared out of the ground, Hughes walked down the wicket and delivered a tremendous fart in Cronje's direction, along with the instruction: "Try and hit that for six...."

Ian Chappell
Arrving at the crease for his first Test innings, a slightly apprehensive Graham Goosch wished Chappell a polite "Good morning, Ian." The Aussie's response: "What's so fucking good about it?" Gooch got a pair.

Eddo Brandes
Glenn McGrath welcomes Zimbabwean chicken farmer Brandes to the wicket with the inquiry: "Oi, Brandes, why are you so fat?" To which he replies: "Because every time I fuck your wife, she gives me a biscuit."