I spend a lot of time at airports. Not because I have become a plane spotter you understand just because I get a lot of planes. In fact I have just come back from O'Hare airport today because I have been in St Louis and I felt compelled to ask this question: "Why do people dress for plane journeys like they surely would never dress anywhere else?"
Men, women, kids, they all dress terribly. Shorts, cut-downs, flip-flops, big stupid hats, t-shirts with far-flung holiday destinations on them (normally Hawaii), tracksuits, oversized basketball tops, flowery shirts, big fuck off trainers, ridiculous sunglasses.... I saw them all today and the weather in Chicago is -2F.
People used to dress up for airplane journeys didn't they? Now they look like they are taking the rubbish down to the tip or they preparing for Halloween or something.
And this is not just an American thing, oh no. At Heathrow the other week I'd never seen so many fat arses tucked into tracksuit bottoms (not since I was being shown Gumbsy's holiday snaps anyway).
What are these people thinking when they open their wardrobes in the morning? "Right, I have a flight to catch, so let me wear this old faded Hard Rock, Jamaica t-shirt I bought in 1982! That will look the part."
No more, I am going to recommend that the immigration authorities make a new rule. In the future anyone dressing up like Timmy Mallet will not be allowed on an airplane.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
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