My kinda town

Chicago taxi drivers are the worst in the world. Admittadly I have not been in a taxi in every country in the world but I have spent a few quid on taxi's in my time.

Now I know I have been used to London cabs and one of my best mates is a black cab driver so I am biased but you can hail a cab and ask them to go to the smallest shittiest lane in the middle of West London and the cab driver will say, " Ok guv, jump in" and they will take you there. Simple as that. Ok, you might get a life story as well but the fact is they know where they are going.

Chicago cabbies do not have a fuckin Scoobies. One, they don't speak English. Not even American! Two, they ask you how to get to where you want to go. Three, they spend the whole time talking on their cell phones in a language you have never heard off. Four, the cars are shit heaps. Five, they drive like lunatics and are constantly pressing their horn and shouting abuse at other cars. Six, they normally get lost and ask you if you know where it is you want to go, "No, let me explain Mr Cab driver. I am an Insurance broker, you are a cabbie. You fucking tell me!". And Seven, they then want and expect a bloody tip.

The other day I had a raging row with a cabbie because he clearly didn't know where he was going. He took me miles out of my way and then started moaning that the roads were new. Well if you call 1871 - when the grid system was put into place after the Great Chicago Fire - new then I suppose you're right you useless twat.