Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Christmas story

This little Christmas thought courtesy of Mark Simmons:

An alleged true story from an Arsenal season-ticket holder.

His season-ticket last year was an absolute plum seat half way up the
Highbury main stand close to the half-way line. In other words, a TV camera style view. Anyway, after the first few games of the season it became apparent that despite all the home games being sell-outs, the two seats on his left were always empty. This continued until just after Christmas when all of a sudden a guy and his young son appeared there.

After a few weeks of sitting next to this guy and his son, he decided to ask if the guy knew why the seats had been empty for half the season. The response is legendary:

"Yeah don't even go there mate. The wife bought me and my son a season ticket but decided it would be a nice idea to give us them for Christmas. I was f***in' raging!"

Uphill gardening

Alex Boswell has joined the ranks of the winter gardeners. Alex recently left JLT and is moving to US broker Lockton, a broker I know well from here in Chicago. Good luck young man.

I also hear on the grapevine that John Littig is leaving the windy city and moving to Aon in Philadelphia. The things people will do to avoid paying me the entry money!

Monday, November 20, 2006

Richard II

Breaking News 88888 Manager of week 13
As Britney would say, oo-ah Dickie did it again. In week 13 Richard whacked 62 points, easily the best and went straight to the top of Serie B. It has been a marvellous first season for Richard, whose Cristiano's Allstars have not been out of the top 12 all season. Another new side Wizzi's Wonders have also acclimitised exeptionally well. Dave hit 57 last week as did Flighty Feet, who surge out into the lead of Serie A on their own after sharing it with Glasgow kiss last week.

Massive tackle scored their best weekly total since August and climb into the play-off places for the first time and Frank and Beans jump 5 places after a 47 point score. A big climber in Serie B was Paul Long and his son Christian. Brighton Blues hit 53, also their best score for 12 weeks and move into 7th. Strugglers In Tatters had a season best and move away from the bottom after scoring 52.

Other plaudits go to Roubles FC (49), Epping 'dog walking' club (46), Make that 3 chickens (44) and East Indian Summer (43).

The week's worst score? Step forward Jon and Nick, whose Glencoe Hammers are now stranded at the foot of Serie A.

All change

Breaking news 8888 Serie B week 13 scores
The pack in Serie A has been constantly changing during the past 5 weeks. NY Eagles were top, then Rose's Rovers, then Savchenko Spurs took over and now it is Cristiano's Allstars turn, after Richard's 2nd consecutive MoW prize.

In the last 5 weeks Wizzi's Wonders have hung there, so have London Irish. Brighton Blues are back in the mix but Jonny Forskins have rolled down!

Worse has happened to Ready's Hannoi Utd, Mark Simmons Sven and Janas - Bye and Munden's Thieving Chelsea Gits, who have fallen out of contention. Goonersmoan and Nut Meg mind you have both made great runs into play-off positions.

And with North of Crystal Palarse, Ping Pong Yo-Yo, Thank You 4 The Daze and even Nige's In Tatters all lying in wait, Serie B has a very exciting look to it.

Best feet forward

Breaking news 8888 Serie A week 13 scores
Barwick and Higgs pushed their chests out in week 13 and opened up a remarkable 24-point lead over Glasgow kiss. Kirstie has been on top since August but finally shot her bolt and slips to 2nd. The AIG girls have a big lead and I wonder if anyone can catch Flighty Feet with just 7 weeks left until the end of the play-off's.

3rd and 4th remain unchanged but Epping 'dog walking' club move above The Underwriting Cop into 5th. The main talking point last week though was James Down's Massive tackle (shucks, walked straight into that one!). James hit a fine 54 points and jumped 5 places.

Out of the top 12 go Incontentia B uttocks and the other big climber in the table was Frank & Beans, who move to 15th and are within 33 points of a play-off place, better news for Dennis and Tim there.

At the bottom, Le Guen's Revolution jump above Megan & Hannah's Bears while Vote Seagulls Party and Glencoe Hammers remain 25th and 26th.

Premiership playback

A latest look at the Premiership table, which is mysteriously upside down! Let me start with the bottom and my beloved Addicks. I hate to say this but we have that look, the look of Southampton and Leicester in previous years. When Martin O'Neill left Leicester they went into freefall and I fear we may go the same way.

The thing is Charlton have been in freefall for 2 years and Curbs left the new manager with very little to play with. Ok, he spent 11 million and I think the media have been harsh on his signings. Diawara, Faye, Reid and Carson (who is on loan) have been 4 of our best players this season and the sacking of the ex-Palarse man gets stranger and stranger you more you analyse it.

I worry about Les Reed, not because of his footballing ability - he is one of the best coaches around, and technically probably one of the best in Europe but he's never been a manager before, and why is that? Don Howe, Stewart Houston, Brian Kidd, Glenn Roeder, Graham Rix and Tony Parkes were all great coaches but they were not club managers.

Les Reed will get all my backing but his gentlemanly and calm demeanour is unfortunately not what we want. We need some passion and some tea cups being thrown around because the players look demotivated and like they couldn't give a shit. But all time we are hanging in there and have players of the quality of Darren Bent, Rommedahl, Reid, Thomas, Diawara, Young, Hasselbaink and Carson I believe we have a chance.

Onto our relegation rivals - oh that sends a shiver down my spine. Sheffield United and Watford were described by Alan Hanson as boxers who refused to go down, but eventually they will run out of steam and despite both having managers with the qualities that I want to see at Charlton, I think the players are simply not good enough (I hope). More on the Addicks plight can be found at Chicago Addick by the way.

I also hope that Newcastle, who lets face it are crap, also hang around the bottom of the table. They have some real quality in Parker and Duff, but my they have some donkeys too. West Ham to me seem to good to go down. There's a lot going on down there and the Argies and the takeover are all problems, but if Pardew is given time then they should stay up. But remember they were 'too good to go down' before.

Blackburn and Middlesbrough will both get pulled into the fray, I rate Hughes as for Southgate, he hasn't even got the basic coaching badges - it's a farce, just like its a farce that Portsmouth are allowed to stay in the division when they have one of the worst 5 grounds in the top 2 divisions - Colchester, Southend, Luton and Cardiff are the others, although both Cardiff and Colchester have plans to move.

Tottenham have slipped again and even Man City are above them, which proves what a couple of wins can do.

At the top, it looks like a 2-horse race. Liverpool are 10th, 16 points behind the leaders. That's shit isn't? How much money have they spent? Arsenal meanwhile are rebuilding, and waiver between playing total football to football like tits, especially in their palatial new home.

Meanwhile Portsmouth are having a fantastic season, Redknapp needs to be given serious plaudits for what he has done in his time back there (and before his failed move to Southampton). Bolton are up there and so are the revitalised Aston Villa, who appointed a new manager, he bought 1 player, compared to Dowie's 10 but have lost 1 game. Martin O'Neill's reputation grows and grows doesn't it?

And a word about Wigan and Reading. Wigan had a slow start and I thought the warning signs were there but they have pushed on well with little real quality in their squad. Reading also have only 1 or 2 players that as a Charlton fan I would like. However the underlying message is that they both have excellent managers and a squad of players that will bust their balls, and give everything.

Charlton was once like that.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Market movers

There will be some changes to our Team Challenge line-ups in the next couple of weeks following recent annoucements.

Paul Kelleher has decided to leave Willis and move to Aon Re. Sod Elliot Richardson, this is the big one! I have known PK since he was Alan Waters bag boy and he's wit and enthusiasm has always rubbed off on me. In fact full credit goes to Ready, who taught Paul everything that Waters didn't, i.e. where the market was. PK will report to fellow fantasy manager Brian Rutter at Aon Re, and of course will improve their chances of taking home the N&R Team Challenge trophy.

One of the people I have known longest in this league is Ian Kennett. I first knew Ian at London & Edinburgh, he then was at AIG and after that worked for Enron, sorry Independent. After homing his computer poker skills and doing his MBA there, he moved to Lambert Fenchurch's M&A group around 3 years ago.

However he told me that he's moving on, coincidently to Willis (to work under another old pal of mine Alastair Lester) in their M&A Group, and therefore Kennett will replace Kelleher in the Willis fantasy team.

Good luck to them both when they start their new jobs in a month or so's time.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Dowie shocker!

My thoughts on Dowie's departure here.

I had to laugh at that idiot Simon Jordan, aka Tango Man. Is there a bigger wanker in football?

Quotes of the day:
"I don't wish anybody the sack. Gutless, faceless people take those decisions, don't they?"

And lets remember this when Palarse are relegated: "If Peter Taylor was producing the type of performances I know he is capable of, they wouldn't be saying anything like that. My focus is that I have a good manager in Peter. In the press tomorrow, you'll see I have strong support for Peter."

Road to Wembley - 9-man Magpies win replay

A late penalty save by Chico Ramos inspired 9-man Maidenhead to hold on for a replay on a day of drama which lived up to the legend of the FA Cup. On an afternoon that will go down in Magpie history, the men in their changed red and white produced a performance that was nothing short of heroic to hold their opponents, two divisions above, to a draw despite Stafford enjoying a numerical advantage for most of the match.

Both O'Connor and Lee were sent off but United still found an equaliser in the 53rd minute when DWANE LEE headed in from a corner. Stafford in front of a bumper crowd had taken the lead in the 13th minute when their captain WAYNE DANIEL scored an excellent solo effort.

Then late on the referee dubiously gave Stafford a penalty when the merest hint of contact from Sterling was enough for Grayson to give up his chance of a shot and tumble to the ground. With the referee signalling a foul he had no option but to award a penalty and dismiss the United captain.

Grayson then jumped up to take the spot kick but Ramos read the kick correctly diving to his left to stop the ball which was swiftly cleared to safety.

With two men spare Stafford inevitably laid siege to the Maidenhead goal, but the nine remaining Magpies took a deep breath, pushed out their chests and dug deep to withstand the onslaught.

Time and time again the men in red proved to have stout hearts and stern resolve as they committed themselves to ensure that they prolong their FA Cup run. Even when the defence was beaten Ramos was on hand to save the day, pushing away a good shot from Kevin Street.

As injury time dragged into its fourth minute Stafford again pressed forward but this time the referee decided enough was enough and blew for time to cue delirious celebrations from the Maidenhead supporters who poured onto the pitch to congratulate their heroes.

The replay will be at York Road, Maidenhead on Tuesday 21st.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

My kinda town

Something that has always made me smirk in my time here is American’s attitude to ‘British food.’ Its crap apparently and this fleeting comment of course never comes from people that have visited the UK but from people that don’t actually own a passport!

It’s pretty rich from a nation that queues up for nothing other than popcorn and McDonalds. It’s kind of rich coming from the home of the microwavable 1 minute dinner. And it’s kind of rich from a nation that can’t even make a decent ruby.

I was in my local supermarket the other day and was seeing what I could have for dinner and I came across these – A sausage wrapped in a chocolate chip pancake! Are you sure?

Can you imagine that? What do you do with it? Recently on the daily spoof news show The Daily Show, hilarious presenter Jon Stewart said: “America continues to push the envelope of what can technically be defined as food,” and suggested that whilst you nibble of the sausage on a stick, you can hold a stick of butter with the other hand. Yum!

Birds like it on top

Breaking news 8888 Serie A week 12 scores
Kirstie, Karen and Catherine straddle the top of Serie A and are looking pretty hot as they look down their noses at the rabble behind them. 382 points, the best across the 2 divisions, is what both Glasgow kiss and Flighty Feet have, Catherine and Karen's week 12 score of 30 points means they break Kirstie's sole hold on the lead since week 1.

Alex's Lovejoy luvvies are just 2 points behind in 3rd, 13 points ahead of Living in Sin. The Underwriting Cop and I Still *ing Hate Chelsea stay in 5th and 6th but Rooney & Ronaldo Rockstars jump 3 places to 7th after a rocking week.

#1 Strugglers did a lot better than the Croat looked in the office this morning and gain another place and Incontentia B uttocks move back into the play-off zone, at the expense of Here we go again.

The bottom 7 are unchanged with Glencoe Hammers still bottom for the 3rd week. Make that 3 chickens halted their foul form and climb to 16th. Crown Jewells and Lamb to the slaughter both drop a couple of places.

Friday, November 10, 2006

3 becomes 1 as Ryan steps out in front

Breaking news 8888 Serie B week 12 scores
There was 3 in the bed and little Ryan said "move over." And move over NY Eagles and Rose's Rovers did as Savchenko Spurs sit atop of Serie B on their tod after another fine fantasy week. Ryan scored 37 points and opened up a 3 point lead from Cristiano's Allstars, who move up from 4th.

Barry and Dan stay stuck together in 3rd, whilst Roubles drop to 5th, despite a very good week. It's tight in those top 5 places. Jonny Forskins are upto 6th Goonersmoan move into 8th. Brighton Blues was another climber.

Thieving Chelsea gits slip out of play-off contention but behind him, both North of Crystal Palarse and 2Infinity & beyond gain ground.

The bottom 6 stay unchanged but Ball Hogs are gaining on Los Cusingos.

King Richard

Breaking News 88888 Manager of week 12
Richard Nathan won his first ever N&R FL cash in week 12 when Cristiano's Allstars strolled to the MoW award with 43 points. It wasn't quite a stroll as John Littig's Rooney & Ronaldo Rockstars were only a point shy of Richard. In fact Ronaldo is a popular player in the N&R FL, both as a selection and a team name, even though he get's booed wherever he plays in the Prem.

There was a little gap to the next string of managers in week 12. Roubles FC and Savchenko Spurs both hit 37 whilst Lovejoy Luvvies scored 35. Frank & Beans deserve a special mention after a strong week.

Los Cusingos were the week's woosies, scoring 16.

Road to Wembley - The Magpies big day arrives

It’s crunch time for our team Maidenhead United as they make the long trip to Nationwide Conference side Stafford Rangers for their first FA Cup first round tie in 35 years.

The Magpies are in superb form going into tomorrow’s game, winning their last seven league and cup matches, including a 1-0 defeat of Merthyr Tydfil in the last round courtesy of a Dominic Sterling goal. Here is some inside knowledge on them:

Formed: 1870
Nicknames: Magpies
Stadium: York Road, which is in the middle of Maidenhead's town centre.
Capacity: 4,500
Colours: Black & White stripes, but they will be wearing their away 'Arsenal' kit Saturday.
Little known fact 1: Ex-Hammer Alan Devonshire was manager for 7 years until 2003.
Little known fact 2: They were FA Cup quarter finalists in 1875!
Little known fact 3: They have a women chairman, Una Loughrey.

The best of the action will be shown on Match of the Day and a report will appear later on here next week.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Nuts and Plums both have balls

Breaking News 88888 Manager of week 11
There were joint winners in week 11 of the Manager of the Week award. Megan and Plums can somehow split a fiver into dollars and pounds, but more importantly to them both is that it has sprung them back into contention for promotion. 2Infinity & beyond were languishing near the bottom after a good start but are on the rise again, whilst Nut Meg have hurtled into 8th. It was both managers best weekly score of the season and with only 31 points separating 1st from 16th Serie B is becoming a hugely exciting competition.

Back in Serie A #1 Strugglers hit 49 a point more than leaders Glasgow kiss, who are answering anyone who said that she couldn't keep up her early season form. Flighty Feet are still showing amazing consistency and The Underwriting cop, Massive Tackle, Rooney & Ronaldo Rockstars who deserve mentions for very good weeks. As does Cristiano's Allstars, with Richard continuing to hang in there at the top of Serie B.

Finally Dewbs' East Indian Summer and my very own North of Crystal Palarse both had fine weeks scoring 42 points each.

Threesome

Breaking news 8888 Serie B week 11 scores
An exciting three-way tie has developed at the top of Serie B, with last week's leader Rose's Rovers being joined by previous long-term leader NY Eagles and Savchenko Spurs, who are continuing their wonderful start to the season. All three teams are on 337 points, 9 ahead of both Roubles FC and Cristiano's Allstars with London Irish just a point behind them. It's incredibly close with Wizzi's Wonders and Nut Meg, who climbed a fantastic 7 places all close behind.

Jonny Forskins, Hannoi Utd and Goonersmoan all slip back but remain in the top 12. Back in the play-off zone though is Brighton Blues after they hit their best score since week 2.

Ball Hogs remain bottom, Michael is travelling in Europe on holiday and will hopefully come back with his batteries re-charged because he's now 22 points adrift of Los Cusingo's and almost 1oo away from making it into The Superleague.

Feet up to 2nd but watch the Croat

Breaking news 8888 Serie A week 11 scores
Glasgow kiss remain top and in fact increased their lead to 3 points but it is Flighty Feet who now head the charge to displace them. So we have three ladies heading the table followed by Lovejoy luvvies and Living in Sin, with The Underwriting cop now up to 5th.

A bit further down in the play-off zone is Davor, whose #1 Strugglers jump into 11th following their best weekly score since August and their highest position since early September. Some recent transfers should see the Croat push on.

Davor's gain is Incontentia B uttocks loss at Ian drops to 13th, 6 points shy of the promotion zone.

The bottom 7 remain unchanged with those Glencoe Hammers boys Knouse and Davies still bottom.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Money Owed.... still

I am still owed money - tiring isn't it? Please if you live in the UK, pass the money to Ready or send to my parents at:

8 Paddock Gardens
Wannock
Polegate
E Sussex BN26 5PW

Or even better stick it in my bank account. Details here:

Simon J Newport
NatWest
Sort Code 56 00 18
A/C no. 08164193


If you are here in the US and owe me money, please just send it to me or give me the cash ($47) next time I see you. Thanks.

How the Play-Offs work

Just a reminder what will happen after week 20.

The top 12 teams in Serie A and B will qualify for the N&R Superleague. They will each take with them their existing points total into the new league and these 24 teams will battle it out until the end of the season resulting in a N&R Superleague Champion.

The remaining managers who don't make the cut will compete in the N&R Plate. They will also keeps their points tally and there will still be plenty of prize money up for grabs in this league too, although not as much as there will be in the Superleague.

The prizes will be announced at that point, including a mid-season prize for the winners of both Serie A and B.

What are the chances - Serie B

Now onto Serie B.

The Yankee Palarse fan Barry Paull has led the table from the off but his lead has been eroded gradually and now he's in a rather exciting 3-way tie. Barry is one of the best fantasy performers there is and will be among the favourites for this years title. Ryan Saveall has had a fantastic start to his first season, even though he thinks Savchenko plays for Spurs. A couple of early transfers have helped and a play-off place beckons. The third manager currently sharing top spot in the table is Danny Rose. Dan was bottom after week 1 but kept faith with his team and didn't make any panic buys. Bottom to top in 10 weeks, his side relies heavily on Arsenal excelling.

Chelsea boy John McGowan is a surprise challenger. Top 12 all season his team has a nice spread of talent. New boy and old mate Richard Nathan is doing very well. Frankly I thought working with John Tiernan he would nothing about football, but his early form has been a surprise. A solid starting XI, if only one of his forwards can score more goals, then he will be even higher up the table. Hilary Ryan, 4th last season, had a disastrous start (her words) but changed things quickly and has been in fine form of late.

David Wisdom is another blast from my past. Wizzo has put together a very strong rear-guard and is reaping the benefits and has yet to drop out of the play-off places. Megan McLeod has had a topsy-turvy season but bounced back into contention in week 11. All this without making a transfer. Another new boy Shay Reddy is in play-off contention - half of the top 12 in Serie B are new managers to the competition. His 3 strikers will all get him goals, which should help him through to the Superleague.

Ready, slowly but steady in 10th. Knows every fantasy trick in the book but may worry about his current strike force. This league has had far more changes in positions than Serie A and Brian Rutter is another manager, who started terribly but has made his way into the top 12 without changing a player. Heavily reliant on the Arse.

Paul Long, Mutley to his pals, has made more transfers than anyone of the 51 managers. Paul who with his son Christian have moved many players in and out to find the right blend are still only 1 point within the play-off zone and future transfers opportunities are limited.

Rob Munden, the joker in the pack, has been top 12 all season but unlike some of those around him, still has all 12 transfers in tact. 3rd last year I would expect Rob to qualify for the next stage. The current champ Soozie Syrett has struggled after her wonderful fantasy year. Bottom in week 4, but since then some transfers have seen an improvement. Another previous winner and I would have thought a sound bet for the top 12, Barry Plummer has been misfiring (probably blanks) all season. Needs to find that 'Big Plums' spark if he's not to get cut.

Wenners has faltered recently but is more than capable of making play-offs. Serious fantasy player, who is good in the transfer market. An interesting choice for goalkeeper and the only manager who has in his team one of the Premierships best young strikers!

Mark Simmons has also fallen back these last 2 weeks. However transfers are lodged and he is another bloke that I would expect to make the top 12. Herr Oakley. Al is actually doing alright.... for Al that is. A perennial struggler, only 23 points adrift of the play-off's, almost worth having a beer to celebrate? What's that? Oh, you've been drinking all day. Oh.

Nobby needs to do something this year. A few top 10 finishes in 11 years just doesn't cut the Colemans and I had a crap start too. Nevertheless I've made some transfers, have a young looking team and have already improved my position. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Huw Thomas needs a bit more coaching from Ready, well more so Ryan. A lot of Scousers in his team, Huw needs to start looking upwards and not down. Nigel Tatlock had a bad season last and can't seem to shake the hangover. 5 transfers don't seem to be helping yet either. Chris Waterman is proving to us that last season's 6th place finish was a fluke. Changes need to be made or it will be a long season for him.

Colin Panzetta openly admitted that he entered the league because of my fine wit not because he knew anything about football. Lets see, 10 weeks gone. I'm witty - yes. Panzo's crap at fantasy league - also yes. I love it when a plan comes together!

Its a surprise to see old fantasy pro Martin Singleton near the bottom, I really did think that more of the new managers would struggle but there is only 3 in the bottom 13. Martin has made some transfers but it does look like The Plate for the Preston lad. And then there is Michael Stout, Burnley bred, Swiss milked and Chicago winded. That doesn't make any sense at all I know, but hey-ho. Michael needs to make some changes, simple as that to avoid a season of struggle but that fact that Danny and Rutts and Soozie have previously found the escape route should give him some encouragement.